We're supposed to look ahead
Cast our eyes towards the future
Look towards what we want to reach
But plans don't work
We run around
Driving ourselves crazy
Planning for things
When we might not even wake up to see tomorrow
We bash our heads against walls
Thinking about how we failed when
Life goes sour and time runs out
And everything you care about falls away
Pieces of us go into everything we do
And we point out the little man afraid to cast his legacy in the hearts of millions
Or possibly just a few
But is he so wrong?
Life does not make schedules
We can't put tragedy on hold
Some plans work
A lot of them don't
Everyday is just a guessing game
A shot in the dark with a unknown target
And for what?
To be left or forgotten
I praise the outcast
Refusing to be forgotten
Going against the mold
Keeping dreams of the past
Close to their heart
Because thoughts that haven't been thought
Love that hasn't blossomed
Smiles not smiled
Plans unmade
Those are the things that work

I swear he acts like drugs
Filling my system
I get one whiff of his scent and i'm hooked
I feel his fingertips brush against my skin and just like that i'm high
He takes the very dark parts of me and lights them up
A mix of uppers and downers because
I love him to death but
Some days I could choke the life out of him
I think that
In his presence i'm blessed
I would do anything to get another hit of
Whatever he has in his eyes
In his smile
Something so intoxicating
So vibrant and wild
I feel like a ****** when I can't hear his voice
Searching for that one little piece of me that gets me 10 times higher than all drugs mixed together
If he was a bad habit
I wouldn't kick it
If he was poison
I'd probably still drink it
Happily
Just to get a taste
Just to be strung out

Can you feel that?
That thing in my chest.
Just started beating.
What feeling is that?
When you look at me I feel something in me click.
I feel so stupid
I know i'll regret this.
It pounds against my chest.
I think i'm gonna get sick.
I feel things inside.
I just dont say it.
I swear there's a spell on me.
What magic is this?
The way I adore you.
It's so pathetic.
I think you cross my mind every minute
No longer brain dead.
I break my neck to glance at you.
No spinal cord was given to me.
That's why I act like puddy when I have your body near to me.
I like this thing you do.
But boy what's your toxicity?
This feels a little like heaven.
But is it slowly killing me?
I bet you didn't know you ignite the very thrill in me.
The smile you show.
You put the very chills in me.
The ecstasy.
I don't know what you're doing.
Got me drooling all the time.
You summon the very kid in me.
Wait,
Can you feel that?
No?
Me neither.

Every minute of every day I cry.
I know my eyes seem so dry.
But beyond this surface there's pain and lies.
There's a hole right in my head.
Filling with everything that I hear or that's been said.
I didn't expect so many to place the gun there and pull.
Tears fill my mind and lungs.
Deeper and more clear than any pool.
There's a leak to fix.
But where's my tools?
I'm saying i'm fine.
And you think it's true.
This is the most stupid thing you could do.
But I cry in the shower so who's the fool?
Off I go.
Reaching for hope and proof.
Empty hands and broken truths.
Need tissues.
But hiding it will do.
Don't know if i'm sad.
Or my hearts beating thinner.
Fighting to be like your an angel.
End up treated like a sinner.
No quiet.
Just noise and fillers.
While I cry on the inside.
My smile gets bigger.

You are brutal
Intoxicatingly beautiful
Filling each part of me like i'm some kind of void
We come together
An explosion of hate and toxicity
I hate how perfect you are
I hate how much you make me love you
We fight like cats and dogs
and then
We love one another so much
We squeeze every ounce of pain away in our embrace
But you are brutal
Words so hurtful and vile don't feel like kisses
Thoughts so black and twisted don't allow things to grow
We are living proof
When a volcano meets a tornado
I would end it all and leave
I would tell you about yourself
I would hate you
I would let you see how much you've hurt me
How much you captivate me
If you weren't so brutal
If you weren't so beautifully hurtful
I love you

I am a still body of water.
Motionless and patient.
Determined to disappear into the bigger picture.
Slipping through the cracks of thoughts.
Always unnoticed.
I can be nothing.
I am.
That is
Until there is a rock.
Tossed into me.
Into my very depths.
Making every part of me move with life.
Everything awakens.
I feel like some part of me is different.
No longer calm and still.
But alive and well.
And just like that
A few ripples are created.

I've never felt my heart skip a beat.
Not until he took it and pushed it.
Out of rhythm.
No longer on beat.
There is something in that smile.
Something in the scent that can slow or speed up my thumps.
I don't understand how you do this to me.
Help me understand.