Emmanc: Poems

Emmanc May 2018

I feel so worthless.
All the good inside me
Was drained in my sleep –
Only aches left behind.
     Paint me dull,
     Paint me wild,
     Does it matter?
     I’m just a child.
Turn up the sound.
Let it blast, flow.
Watch it punch on
Through this dark fog –
     It anchors my soul.
So don’t you frown
Don’t think to glare
That my ears
Are plugged:
     It’s the only thing
     Keeping me here.

#music #depression #sleep

Deconstructed Poem

Emmanc Feb 2018

Deconstructed Poem

You
and
Me
(:

(I tried to write a happy poem:
To show how you made me feel
And who you are.
"a" turned into "3"
Which would have birthed many.
So I broke them all down,
And that is how they sound.)

#cheesy #lovely

Denial or truth?

Emmanc Feb 2018

Denial or truth?

What I don't need:

A hand to hold or
arms when I'm cold.
Yeah, that's right.

Don't be offended
when I turn you down.
and wring you out.
It just won't work,
so ditch that frown.

I don't enjoy the music
or your clever words
or when you hang around.
Don't get so uptight.

Not saying life ain't bright
or sweet or fair
when you're there,
alright?

But I'm alone.
Funny cuz what used to be
my fear
is now my strength.

Alone is pain,
yes;
but alone is safe.
(yes?)

So stop trying.
I don't like you
I don't need you
I don't want you
I don't.

Don't I?

(I wonder how this will all
turn out in the end.)

#denial

Hate>Like (Hate<Like?)

Emmanc Dec 2017

Hate>Like (Hate<Like?)

I hate the way
your eyes reveal,
The way they sparkle and talk.

I hate the curve,
The laugh of your smile
As it tries not to grin.

I hate them.
I like them.
I hate that I like them.
I hate that i like you,

And I don't know why.
Perhaps
Because we don't have a chance?
Because I found you too late.
It's not you that I hate,
It's the false hope
given by time
Time that I don't have.
I don't expect we'll meet again.

#like #crush #rush #sweet #innocent #crushed

Is this the way?

Emmanc Dec 2017

Is this the way?

Always giving
Never getting
Always talking
Never taking

One day will I run out
Of things to give, of things to say?
Always helping, never helped.
Is this the way?

I'd shout, but You won't hear;
I'd Sing, but could You care?
You: my loves, my people, my hearts.
For You is all that I do.
Here's to hoping I won't fall apart.

#giving #fall #apart #drain #empty

(Lack of) Actions Speak Louder Than Words

Emmanc Feb 2018

(Lack of) Actions Speak Louder Than Words

There is a space by my side.
Do you see it?
Once it laughed,
when all was right.

But with the changing tide
I was gone and it left:
life swept aside.

A rip where once was
full, now all is null.

But now I find it's lack
a fine companion.
I laugh and the silence
eats it
I speak and the words
fall flat
I cry and the lonlieness
engulfs.

There is a space by my side.
Do you see it?
Do you see it?
Do you see me?

The silence is all the response I need.

"We feel lonely when we don't feel known
and valued for who we truly are."

For each question you ask,
answer.
It might painful, but
so is exercise.
It'll be good, I promise.
It will be.

#alone

PAINting Face

Emmanc Dec 2017

PAINting Face

"Hello!" "Goodbye!" "Oh, what a fine day!"
Shaking hands, hugging wounds, soothing fears.

"My ears? Yes, you may take them."
"My time? Take that too."
"Use my words, put me to work — I promise, I won't shirk."

But my heart you cannot take.
It won't help you heal.
You see, I left it somewhere
That's far from here.

So now pain is all I feel.

If you get too close, you'll see.
So please, just accept my other gifts
And stay far from me.

Keeping people away with kindness,
Telling them what they want to hear.
Because the more I let them in
The more it hurts, the more the tears.
I have nothing to give that is full and real.
Or maybe I do, but first I need to heal.

#moving #empty #alone #capable #incapable #fear #heal #real #leaving #leave

Similarities Deep and Shallow

Emmanc Dec 2017

Similarities Deep and Shallow

Could a song touch me?
Run its fingers
the length of my soul?

In truth it makes me wary
Of the power it holds:
To morph my mind is to
Morph my soul.

People, they touch me.
People are souls.
Souls cry out with life,
You might say they sing.

A song, a person, a soul?
Same thing.

Everything is a person
Because people create.
We are everyone we've known,
Heard,
Held,
And hurt.
"The secret of life is that people change people."

#are #who #we #you #me #song #music #sing #soul #person

The Point of Almost Loving

Emmanc Dec 2017

The Point of Almost Loving

We hung out once,
we hung out twice.
I must say it was quite nice.

So out we went
To try our luck
Romance was on our side,
And we laughed a lot.

But time grows thinner,
And elsewhere I must be.
As the days go I see
"The winner"
Is something I'll never be.

Love needs our time
Love needs our hope
Makes us vulnerable
Makes us cope

I gave my hope
Searching for a way to cope
Tried to be vulnerable
But did it work? Nope.
Why? Time, my time, my lack of time.

And so now you see,
Why I cry.
I had you
And I lost you
Before I ever had you.
We call this: "The point of almost loving".
And it's unholy beau:
"leaving".

Mourning for a life that never was.
A life that could be.
Except that it can't — not for me.

#love #lost #lovelost #almost #leaving #pain

— The End —