I should feel the sting of betrayal
Maybe later, I will.
But for now,
All I wonder is
How did I let myself believe it?
A strong friendship, so fast
Can never last.
Not for me,
Anyway.

I thought you just had
Ups and lows.
When you could make me smile
And laugh
And feel wanted.
And when you could make me question
Why I was even here.
Holding back tears
Id never let fall.

I wanted to understand you
In a way no one ever could for me.
I thought we were strong,
That we would last.
But I barely held on for 8 months.
And you?
I dont even know when you let go,
Because I never saw the ties between us fall
In the first place.

Ive given up on you now.
At least,
Im trying to.
Its hard
When someone makes you feel
Like youre on the verge of okay.
Even though you arent.
But they can also push you off the ledge
And watch you dangle.

I thought you had love for me.
And you might.
But what is love,
If it is not shown.
I cant just be loved.
I need to feel it.

My faith in you,
Has not all been drained.
If only I could tell you all this.
And make you understand.
But I cant risk
Your icy, yet burning heart,
Leaving a deeper hole in mine.

I wish you would know,
That it still leaves a small crack in me.
That I couldnt see you,
All of you.
I wanted to
I really did.
But even though,
The things that hurt me were small,
They mattered.
They really did.

Youre in good hands.
I hope if Im right about you
Being misunderstood,
Like me,
You find someone.
If you havent already.

Unlike me,
This wont end with pain for you.
At least,
I dont think so.
I was not significant in your heart,
Like you were in mine.

I dont feel the sting of betrayal yet.
Later, I will.
But for now,
All I wonder is
Why did I open up heart again and
Believe?
A strong friendship, so fast
Can never last.
It never did for me,
Anyway.

Its nothing,
I know.
But its too much,
Though I wont show.
Inside,
Im butterflies swirling in a storm.
Outside,
Only visible are the fake smiles my lips form.
Help me,
But I dont know how.
Leave me,
Its nothing new now.

You know the girl who always says shes fine,
Even though no one really asks.
Whos at your side, after you have left hers.
The one who wont, cant, even gently step on your heart,
When you are shattering hers.
Shes not okay.
She hasnt been, for a long, long time.

It’s like the only time I can see outside of this hole
Is when I’m trying to make sure others don’t see
That I’m digging it deeper
And
Deeper
And
Deeper
And falling
Further
And
Further
And
Further
Until I can’t get out

At least these drops of water are falling all around me,
Instead of from me.

How do you find yourself,
When every part of you thats lost,
Might have never even been there to begin with?

A reminder,
that even those of us who soar above the rest,
can sometimes fall to the ground,
in a drop of full of pain.