Have you ever been so close to love that you could feel it radiating around you?

So sweet that you could almost taste it?

I am within and without

Surrounded by love, radiating off of those around me,
But yet, I am without it.

I cannot grasp its meaning.
My longing to understand it is one of the strongest desires of my heart.

But I'm afraid.

Afraid that as close as I have come to accepting love, to carrying it inside of me,
I fear that close to love, will be the closest I'll ever get.

You see, love is a tricky little thing.
It could be your greatest accomplishment,
And in the same breath,
Your greatest downfall.

Is it worth the risk?
*I fear I'll never know.

I once wished I could feel.
Not just feel, but really feel.
I wished I could feel more than most.
That things would affect me on a different level than everyone else.

What a fool

I do feel.
I feel on a level that is ten times heavier than the normal person.
I feel pain on a level people can't even reach.

I feel sadness, so heavy, resting on my chest.
But what I failed to think of at the time, is that to have more of something, something else has to be less.
And what I received was less happiness.

People feel happiness in everyday life and I feel the emptiness that lies underneath.
All I feel is the sadness and the pain.

To see beauty in the world, we must feel.
But pain comes with feeling.
And for people like me, that's a sacrifice heavier than we can bear.

Pain overwhelms me with so much sorrow, there is no longer room for joy.


*Is beauty worth the pain?

A beautiful soul was laid bare before all.
Leaving every desire, every mistake, every flaw,
Exposed.

It only took one person to leave that soul broken and destroyed.
Never again will that soul fall.
Instead, it will build up walls.

Walls that will protect that once beautiful soul from hurt, from disappointment, from pain.
But the walls kept away the ones who could mend, care for, and protect the, now bitter, soul from the rain.

Burying its heart deep within, emotions became constricted.
It was in that moment, that the empty soul was convicted.

If there was any lesson it had learned that had proven to be true, it's this:
When you refuse to feel, you dismiss any chance you have to heal.

Turning around, the soul watched as the walls crumbled to the ground.
And what happened next, in my opinion, was even more profound.

The ones who had the desire to change that soul's fate had been waiting there all along.
To make that soul feel loved, accepted, giving it a place to belong.

And coming to that realization, was when the beautiful soul finally began working again to make itself whole.

No one has ever cared for me like you do.

*And I apologize for how many I let try..

Oh, what I'd give to be the one to take your pain away.

Different is like being stranded on an island where no one looks or sounds anything like you.

They stop.
They stare.
They talk.
But never understand.

Time passes,
You learn their language.
You learn their culture.
You learn how to fit in.

But on the inside, you know that you'll never be one of them.
They will never feel the disconnect that is life for you each day.

And deep down, you know that, in reality, they will never really see you as one of them, anyway.

Some days,
I feel like everything will be okay.

But with days like today,
That's more than I will ever be able to say.

Is there a normal for people like me?

Isn't there more to life than this?

Patience, they tell me.
Patience is key.
But I've gathered all the strength in me and the only thing I cannot seem to be, is patient.

So I will go on.
Hoping that I'll see brighter days because hoping is all I have left.

Life gave me a second chance so there has to be better things in store.

I'll hope.
I'll wait.
Hoping I won't always be waiting for More.

They always say, "Life goes on."

But for me,
I want to live.

To see the world as a place where people like me, thrive.
Not just a place,
we have to survive.

You know that saying,
"Misery loves company."?

Well, I disagree.
I think misery loves to isolate.
It loves to tell you that you're only meant to be alone.

Because when your misery is made known,
That is when others' love for you is shone.

And misery cannot dwell in a place that love now owns.
Because love mends the brokenness that misery had once sewn.

Humans,

All skin and bones.

All frail hearts and quiet souls.

All thirsty for love, longing for life.

All hoping that happiness will outweigh the strife.

All hungry for pain and suffering to cease,


But only in death, will
All find peace.

In my mind,
There lives two wolves.
Two distinct voices.
Each telling me to make different choices.
How am I supposed to know which one to pick?
Quite honestly, the stress of it all is making me sick.
Is the right answer instilled in us?
In our heart and in our brain?
Or maybe two voices is all it will take to drive someone like me insane.

Where was love,
When everything went up in flames?
Where was love,
When I needed him most?
Where was love,
When I asked him to show?
Where is love?
I can't see anything but smoke.

I turned my back for a minute,
And love drifted away with the wind..
And in that summer breeze,
I felt a chill, ever so faintly, brush across my skin.
A chill that struck me straight down to the core.
Where are you, love?
Where did you go?
I think I've forgotten,
It was your heart I broke.
I'm sorry, love, but my selfish desires grew louder than the words you spoke.

So I'll ask you one more time,
Then I'll leave you to your own.
Where are you, love?
Because all I am now is broken and alone.

No matter where she goes,
Her thoughts always follow.

His eyes.
I look into them and see every longing, every passion.
The depth of them, I have yet to comprehend.
I can't describe the way he looks at me.
It's as if his eyes see right through me,
Penetrating every wall,
Exposing my every flaw.
Yet, when our eyes lock,
All I feel is safe.
It's as if he knows every part of me,
And loves everything he knows.
His eyes yearn to search deeper,
To know every inch of my soul.
Am I a fool to let him in?
Getting my hopes up, only to be left broken and destroyed again?
I won't regret, this time,
Never giving myself the chance to fall.
I will either fall straight into his arms,
Or straight to my destruction.


But fall I will,
And fall she did.

I wish you could see how much I care. Can't you tell through the way I stare?
Or has life given you too much of its **** for you to see beyond its suffocating air.

I feel you there but when I look into your eyes, your soul is miles away.
Wishing it were somewhere between what you want and what it can never be.

Oh, what I'd give to help you see that everything you need is right here. What I'd give to be the reason your soul could stay, to nurture it, to bring out its beauty, and always hold it dear.

But it's useless. My desires are merely swept away in the hurricane of pain and toil that comes with allowing your soul to live amongst its soil.

I could never dare to have the audacity to ask your soul to lay with mine. For our thoughts to intertwine and our hearts to beautifully combine.
No, I will never be worthy of that much happiness, the idea of you loving me is just plain madness.

I'm not one for wishful thinking. To believe that your soul would consider leaving the comfort of its simple solitude. The guilt of you facing the hopeless desolation of reality, is something too heavy for me to carry.

But my selfish lust for your soul has led me to this moment.
The words I've been holding back gracefully dance across my tongue and wait patiently on my lips for me to give my consent.

Then, I'm interrupted by your smile. I see that you are finally content with where your world has kept you.
Pain touches every part of my inmost being. I know I'll never be the one that brings you the life you could never find here.  

But even with tears in my eyes, still, all I could do, was smile too. Because in the end, all I ever wanted was for you to be happy.

The world's empty promises never amounted to the, once hopeful, expectations of my heart.
I pretend I am living when in reality, I am just a sad, hollow soul desperately waiting to be put out of life's hopeless misery.



We are all dying.
We only call it living for the ones who are unable to bear the truth.

In an effort to be all that I cannot,
I have welcomed my own destruction.

The more we have,
The more we have to be miserable about.

The more we discover,
The more we have to doubt.

Why do we hold ourselves to such high standards?

Why do we expect so much of ourselves?

Do we not realize that the mere idea of our expectations is the very thing that will destroy us?

We be all that we can.
And we find someone who looks past it,
And loves us because they want.

And the realization of that fact, releases the burden of our will to obtain perfection and frees us to once and for all, conquer our fear of rejection.

Have you ever noticed how the stars disappear when you're surrounded by city lights?

Stars, millions of light years away, so vibrant and illuminating that we can still see them, even though they're far away.

But when man-made light, so weak and dull when compared to the light of the stars, is cast where you are standing, the faint light seems to blot out the majestic stars.

Why is that?

People are like that too. Some with this inner light, so captivatingly beautiful, it's as if you can see their light from miles away.

But most of the time, people will dark hearts and dull light when placed beside the wonderful inner light, seem to outshine those that should be taking everyone's breath away.

Yet, even the light of the stars isn't enough.

I once saw a lonely little soul,
No one to comfort him,
He had no home.
Looking around,
He felt the emptiness inside him.
Is this all there is?
Will I forever be alone?
To his dismay,
There came no reply.
He closed his eyes,
Let out a sigh,
And let go of everything he had left
Inside.

His eyes were filled with sadness and loneliness, yet all I could see was perfection.

You are different.
The Best of its kind.
Your simplicity,
I needed to find.
Your charisma,
Your charming eyes,
My logic,
It quickly defies.
Your humor,
Unravels me.
Your words,
They comfort me.
Your eyes,
Entrance me.
Your heart,
It beckons me.
Your mind,
Amazes me.
Your body...
It surrounds me.
Your warmth,
Invites me.
Your hands,
They touch me.
But your lips,
They destroy me.

The pain reminds me that I feel,
The scars, that I will heal.

You dissolve me into a beautiful nothingness.




And that terrifies me.

Her mind was like the ocean, in that, there was so much more they had yet to discover.

•Reflections•

Comfortably numb, he floated amongst the sky. The darkness reflected in his soul and the stars reflected in his eyes.


But there was an overwhelming peace that was found in the darkness. An emptiness inside him that finally felt whole. There, he found his nightmares suppressed and his suffocating emotions put to rest.


And in the loneliness, he somehow found company. The stars accepted his melancholy madness and his heart was inspired by their glimmering confidence.


He watched and danced in amazement as they eagerly caught the wishes and dreams that were sung from the world below. Full of hope and desperation from those tired hearts that beat slow.


His lungs embraced the open calmness that covered everything that slept above and he was enveloped by something majestic, he could only describe it as love.


The brokenness inside him mending with every breath that he breathed. His body was weightless, beauty encased in everything he could see.


And he realized in that moment, he had finally found the place he was longing for, the place where he could infinitely be free.

•Soulmates•

Looking at him, She thought he was everything she needed in life but in the end, he was what truly drained the life from her eyes.


Overcome by the shame of her ignorance, she flooded the pages with her tears. This is why she never loves. This is why she only fears. This is why she never opens up and why when he opens his mouth, lies are the only things she seems to hear.


**** soulmates. The only real gift love brings is suffering. The ones we would give anything to have, cause us the most pain. It's a foolish cycle that never seems to break. And no matter how many times we fail, it's always from this same mistake.


By now, you'd think we would have learned. And from this stupidity, you'd assume we would have turned. Sadly, there's no hope for the things we can't change.

It's ironic, yet strange, if I'm being quite honest, though, because, you see, the more knowledge we try to gain, the more we actually seem to go insane.