Submit your work, meet writers and drop the ads. Become a member
 
Jordan Jun 2015
She told me, based on her past, this probably wouldn't last,
So when she told me to run, I didn't want to believe it,
To that small ounce of hope, I held fast.

How can I still be hung up on someone when we only had one date?
Honestly, I still want and miss her, when my heart's in a vulnerable state.

I'd never been that way about anyone else, like no matter what happened between us, nothing could have changed how strongly I felt.

She will always be at the back of mind and it's out of my control,
and if you look close enough, you'll probably find a part of her in my soul.

I know it sounds cliché, but for me, she was the one that got away.
And I will always be left wondering if there was something I could have said or done differently that would have made her want to stay.
Jordan Nov 2014
You were the calm before the storm.

In its most innocent form.

But it's raining now and it's not going to end.

My world has turned into a hurricane and you drifted away with the wind.

My mind is flooding with emotions and my heart is drowning from missing you.

You were the calm before the storm, you were a warning sign.
If only I knew....
Jordan Nov 2014
I believed.
I was deceived.
I cared.
It was not shared.
I fell.
You could tell.
To you, I was drawn.
You led me on.
I said I love you.
You lied and said you did too.
Then I said Don't leave me
You said We'll see
I should have walked away.
Made you ask me to stay.
But now I'm left alone.
Parts of me, left in your soul.
My heart aches beneath these bones.
But without me,
*You feel whole.
Jordan Nov 2014
No one has ever cared for me like you do.

*And I apologize for how many I let try..
Jordan Nov 2014
Fog hangs above in the sky.


Yet, I know not how you managed to let it cloud your heart.
Jordan Nov 2014
I took my bones.
Burying them deep within the dark corners of your subconscious.

When you sleep, I will awaken.
Awaken inside of you, desperation.

You will try and leave the nightmare,
But you can't escape this prison.

For in your mind, my bones have made an incision.

An incision that cuts deep within your core. I have entangled myself in the memories you have stored.

Yet, I will be nowhere in sight. For in you, I have turned out all of the lights.

How did You get in here?* I hear your thoughts inquire. It's called by mere desire.

I snuck right past the entrance.

*Maybe next time, you will think twice before you ask a demon to dance.
There's a dark side within us all.
Jordan Dec 2014
It was easy counting all the days I've ever felt happiness.

All I had to do was count the days I spent with you.
Jordan Apr 2015
Two ears*,

Still, in silence,

I cannot seem to

Hear my own voice.
Jordan Jul 2015
You have a fragile heart,
But I have a steady hand.
I promise I'll delicately hold every part,
Your wish is my command.
Jordan Nov 2014
In an effort to be all that I cannot,
I have welcomed my own destruction.
Jordan Nov 2014
Different is like being stranded on an island where no one looks or sounds anything like you.

They stop.
They stare.
They talk.
But never understand.

Time passes,
You learn their language.
You learn their culture.
You learn how to fit in.

But on the inside, you know that you'll never be one of them.
They will never feel the disconnect that is life for you each day.

And deep down, you know that, in reality, they will never really see you as one of them, anyway.
Jordan Nov 2014
The more we have,
The more we have to be miserable about.

The more we discover,
The more we have to doubt.
Jordan Nov 2014
You're the sea I've been swimming in.

And I'm drowning.

The oxygen I've been breathing is too heavy,

And I'm sinking.

I see you struggling to swim beside me, "Help me!"

And I'm screaming.

But instead you chose to push me away.

*And I'm dying.
Jordan Nov 2014
Her thoughts echoed the sound of his name.

Even after he was gone.

Everything she felt, it was all just the same.

Even after he had moved on.
Jordan Nov 2014
I once saw a lonely little soul,
No one to comfort him,
He had no home.
Looking around,
He felt the emptiness inside him.
Is this all there is?
Will I forever be alone?
To his dismay,
There came no reply.
He closed his eyes,
Let out a sigh,
And let go of everything he had left
Inside.
Jordan Nov 2014
Laying in the graveyard of our memories,

I watch as brown leaves slowly break away and fall to the ground.

Like our memories, I watch as they are carried off in the wind.

Every beginning has an end.
But endings bring beginnings.

I know that even though everything is dying around me, there will be new life...

I just don't know if I can hold on for that long. How much longer my heart can endure the strife.
Jordan Nov 2014
Why do we hold ourselves to such high standards?

Why do we expect so much of ourselves?

Do we not realize that the mere idea of our expectations is the very thing that will destroy us?

We be all that we can.
And we find someone who looks past it,
And loves us because they want.

And the realization of that fact, releases the burden of our will to obtain perfection and frees us to once and for all, conquer our fear of rejection.
Jordan Nov 2014
His eyes were filled with sadness and loneliness, yet all I could see was perfection.
Jordan Nov 2014
Mindless.
Everything we've had, to you,
It was mindless.
It meant nothing.
But you didn't bother to even mention how you felt,
I guess because you didn't feel anything at all.

Effortless.
Everything I felt and said, to you,
It was effortless.
I gave you everything until I was left with nothing.
I was too scared to mention how I felt, because I was afraid,
Afraid you wouldn't feel the same way at all.

Flawless.
Everything I saw in you,
It was flawless.
I fell in love with the way the corners of your eyes crinkled up when you smiled.
In love with the way you saw life, your humor,
The way you drove me wild.

Obvious.
All the warnings and red flags,
They were obvious.
But I was too stubborn to let you go until we were left with nothing.
Now, I find myself here, telling you how I feel, always a moment too late.


Happiness.
I am thankful for every moment spent with you,
It was pure happiness.
You taught me to be free and to find positivity in everything I could see.
I could never regret all that you gave to me.

Images.
All that's left now of us,
They are images.
But these memories, call me crazy, I wouldn't trade them for anything.
If they are all that I have left of you, at least I am left with something.
Even though truly what you left behind, in the end, amounted to nothing.



But oh well, I guess it was probably for the best.
Jordan Nov 2014
We were both gamblers,
And darling, we were all in.

Knowing there was a possibility
Of holes left in our hearts
being unable to mend.

I know life always has a way of leaving us broken, but darling, for tonight, let's pretend.

Risking the chance we could be left with nothing, we put in all we had.

But in the end, even though we lost everything, life didn't seem so bad.

We knew what we were getting ourselves into.

All or nothing

It just so happens that this time,
Life chose nothing.

But we still somehow believed that we had gained from something.

We had discovered sides of ourselves that the other brought to light,

And they were worth knowing, even though now, we are simply a lost dream in the night.
From every experience that fails, find something that has made you stronger because of it.
Jordan Nov 2014
Guilt surrounds us with darkness and at the same time, expects us to carry the weight of the world.
Her
Jordan May 2015
Her
As I layed there soaking up the smell of her skin,
I knew I'd found everything I was looking for.
I'm sorry, I know some of you believe it's a sin,
But everything is so right, I've never been so sure.

My body encased in the warmth that radiated from hers,
I've never felt happiness like this,
My soul is so content,
Like we had been connected long ago, two souls that became distant.

But now we are together,
And I've finally found my home,
No plans to ever separate,
Every part of me, she owns.

She's like the sun after days of rain, beaming down, making everything shine.
Everything about her entrances me,
Oh god, how my heart longs to call her mine.
My world will never be the same,
I can't believe how different it is this time.

She is what they talk about when they say you just know,
How everything falls into place,
Nothing else matters,
So happy I can't even sleep,
she's made me so,
Every expectation, I held, she shattered.

I've never felt safer in anyone's arms,
Her lips, as sweet as honey,
Her smile, every part of me warms.
Did I mention she's really funny?

Sorry, the best is taken now,
I've said all I can say,
Forever my mind will wonder how,
She's so perfect in every way.
Jordan Dec 2021
Can’t stop stressing about the mess you made,
You look in the mirror to find nothing’s changed
Why do you feel stuck and push people away?
Why can’t you let go? Keep these feelings at bay?

Breathe in, breathe out.
Be here right now.

Life’s not easy, as it should be.
It ebbs and it flows
Round and round it goes
Everything happens in divine timing
Peace in the knowing,
It’s all meant for growing.

People freely flow into your life
For a season, for a reason.
You don’t know how long they’ll stay
So you hold on so tight that they run away
Let them go, let it flow in and out that’s what it’s all about.

Breathe in, breathe out.
Love who’s in your life right now.

Life’s not easy, as it should be.
It ebbs and it flows
Round and round it goes
Everything happens in divine timing
Peace in the knowing,
It’s all meant for growing.

You open up, and get knocked down.
The walls come up, waves come crashin down.
You take a step back and then take a look in,
Realize the pain’s meant for healing.
The scars aren’t forgotten they make us who we are,
Only take a look back to remember you’ve come so far.

And breathe in, breathe out.
You’re healing right now

Who you are becoming is who you’re meant to be.
Let love in as it comes, let it flow freely.
Trust your intuition, listen to the signs.
You don’t have to have it all figured out, everything will turn out fine.

Just breathe in, breathe out.
Accept where you are right now.

Life’s not easy, as it should be.
It ebbs and it flows
Round and round it goes
Everything happens in divine timing
Peace in the knowing,
It’s all meant for growing

You are beautiful, special, perfect in design
You are magical, spiritual, uniquely divine.

Breathe in, breathe out.
You’re a miracle right now.

11/28/21
Jordan Apr 2019
Here, take my hand.

Follow me into the unknown.
We run through the dense, wet greenery,
We explore to find undiscovered land.

Here, take my arm.

We dance quietly side by side.
Hidden under the tall canopy of trees,
We are careful of the delicates creatures we could alarm.

Here, take my mind.

We sit together for hours,
Peel back the layers that for so long we tried to hide.
“Know me as no one has known me,”
Eager for the darkest corners we might find.

Here, take my spirit.

Our energy cuts through the atmosphere. Smoke from our flames.
We feel an intensity that at times makes us uneasy.
We yearn for it, although sometimes we may fear it.

Here, take my eyes.

We stare intentionally, we study and absorb the beauty that encapsulates us. We hold onto this moment.
Hating that time flies and in that next moment we have to say goodbye.

Here, take my heart.

We carry the thought of each other with us.
Enveloping ourselves in memories and fantasies.
We are reminded that though we aren’t here, we are here and no matter how far, no far is too far to ever keep us apart.
Jordan Nov 2014
Humans,

All skin and bones.

All frail hearts and quiet souls.

All thirsty for love, longing for life.

All hoping that happiness will outweigh the strife.

All hungry for pain and suffering to cease,


But only in death, will
All find peace.
Jordan Jun 2018
Infinite moments up until now,
Infinite moments ahead,
But right now in this moment, time is frozen.
Your kisses make me dizzy in the head.

I don’t know what I did to deserve you,
Or what you’ve done to deserve me,
But together we are two parts that make up a whole,
Together we are free.

The universe connects us to each person in each moment,
For reasons we will never understand.
So on the night of June 7th, when I connected with you,
It was not something for which I had planned.

You’ve turned my entire world upside down,
Your words spin me round.
Your love takes me places so high,
I am afraid my feet will never touch the ground.

Once in a lifetime you find your person,
So when you do hold on so tight.
It’s like no matter what you do or where you go,
Every moment feels so right.

For there are infinite moments up until now,
And infinite moments ahead,
Each infinite moment I promise to love you,
Each moment until I am dead.
For my Jacob. Thank you for helping me rediscover my love for writing.
Jordan Nov 2014
In my mind,
There lives two wolves.
Two distinct voices.
Each telling me to make different choices.
How am I supposed to know which one to pick?
Quite honestly, the stress of it all is making me sick.
Is the right answer instilled in us?
In our heart and in our brain?
Or maybe two voices is all it will take to drive someone like me insane.
Jordan Dec 2021
Afraid every moment with you is my last
I soak up the essence of you as the minutes pass
We dive deeper as we walk under the sky that’s overcast
Challenging, observing, admiring every thought your mind has

Please don’t go, just hold me close
We drew in for a kiss and time froze
All my dreams manifesting in front of me
In this moment, I’m confident it’s meant to be

Where do we go from here?
How long will our future remain unclear?
When will I shake this fear?
You say I won’t lose you but my doubts are all I hear

I imagine the feeling of your soft embrace
I vividly remember the way you taste
The way it felt on my neck as your fingers laced
Around and around in my head, thoughts of you race.

Will it ever be our time?
Will the stars ever align?
Will I ever be able to love you and it not feel like a crime?
Will the universe send us a sign?

Where do we go from here?
How long will our future remain unclear?
When will I shake this fear?
You say I won’t lose you but my doubts are all I hear

I’m reaching out to you, can you feel me?
Can you hear me? I’m calling.
It’s almost like you’re here, when I’m still,
I can feel you. I can hold you.

But the space and the silence is deafening
The fiery passion inside me’s consuming
You take me so high it’s alarming
The fear of the fall is paralyzing

I’m reaching out to you, can you feel me?
Can you hear me? I’m calling.
It’s almost like you’re here, when I’m still,
I can feel you. I can hold you.

But the space and the silence is deafening
The fiery passion inside me’s consuming
You take me so high it’s alarming
The fear of the fall is paralyzing

Will we be ready when it’s our time?
Will the stars stay aligned?
Will I be able to love you for a lifetime?
Will we recognize when the universe sends us a sign?

Or will the moment pass us by, will we have to say goodbye?
Has the moment passed us by? Is this goodbye?

12/10/21
B
Jordan Nov 2014
Have you ever considered trees to be as people? Not one the same. Each and every frame, different.

Their roots running so deep, but not often do they allow one to see past the surface.

Oh, if we were only as grounded as they are. So set within themselves. Strong, confident.

Shedding their past away, letting go, so new can grow. Even if, for a while, they seem lifeless and empty.

We could learn how to be free. To see every season in our lives exactly how they should be. Never knowing, but Constantly growing.

Cut in half, we are able to taste the layers, the depth of who they are. The flavor of all of their scars.

To some, they taste bitter. But when the right one finds their way in, the flavor is sweet. Different from anything they have tasted before. Like everything they were hoping for, yet somehow more.

We should admire their selflessness. They take but only so they can give more. Giving someone a home. A place to feel safe. Every leaf blossoming from their selfless core.

Maybe that is why they are so vibrant. Their inner beauty cannot be hidden. Never put to shame. Different, yet all the same.

We are all unique, we have our own quirks and flaws. But in a way, we aren't all that different.

We all grow, we all carry the layers from our past. But with that, comes an inner strength. A power within that will forever last.

We find someone who will bring out our beauty. A beauty so vast, so pure.
The burden of life, the hard times, we endure.

Search for beauty in others. When you take, take only to give more. Stay true to yourself. Be free. Let go. But most of all, see every opportunity as a chance to grow.
Inspired by Matt
Jordan Dec 2014
Of course, I loved you.

*It's the only way I could have let you go.
Inspired by Panic! At the Disco - "This is Gospel"
Jordan Nov 2014
He doesn't want me in his life,

*But I can't imagine life without him.
Jordan May 2015
Have you ever noticed how birds seem to fly to a melody unsung?
That the eyes seem to speak a stronger language than any that we've known?
How the stars keep their shine no matter the time,
And no matter how much time passes, our souls stay young?

Maybe you've never noticed the story your face tells in between the seconds it takes for me to say, "I love you"
And maybe you've never noticed the way I look at you like there's no concept of time,
The moments you cross my mind when there's no reason or rhyme,
Yes, maybe this isn't the place or time but how much time are we really guaranteed?
No, you'll never understand how much of me you've possessed,
How little time it took for me to become obsessed,
You'll never understand how much beauty I see when I see you fast asleep,
No words to describe how much you already mean to me.
But the truth is, no matter how much time I have with you, no time will ever be enough,
Because time brings limitations,
And its endings are too abrupt,
We are bound to it, enslaved by the mere idea,
No, it doesn't matter how much time passes or how old we get,
*There will never be enough words or time for you to understand a love which has no limits.
Jordan May 2015
When your arms were wrapped around me, I felt more beautiful,
With every kiss upon my lips, I slowly became whole.
You completed me, and I didn't even know,
Until one day you weren't there and the flowers within my soul ceased to bloom,
And suddenly, the emptiness was all I felt when I stepped inside a room,
When fall came around, how everything began to change,
But somehow, I seemed to remain the same,
Then winter brought a chill so cold, I longed for the shelter which came from your embrace,
And your eyes that brought warmth and made my heart race,
Spring's hopeful promise to make things new, yet the newness was still tainted with memories of missing you,
Summer snuck up on me,
The sun wiped the tears from my cheeks,
Dehydrating my body, reminding me of your love for which I am so thirsty for,
The salty water greeted my toes as I stood upon the shore,
Reminding me that no tide can ever wash away the pain that rested beneath my core,
Here's to wishful thinking, but I hope that one day you'll look back and regret leaving,
And realize that I was, in fact, everything you wanted and more.
Jordan Aug 2015
My heart is a broken compass, the way is unknown,
So I found it very difficult when my soul longed for home.

For some time, I followed the wind but there was never a destination, although it did take me so many places, a never ending vacation.

I eagerly followed the twinkling stars at night, falsely believing I would be guided by their light,
But all they had to offer was confusion.

Wondering if home was merely a delusion, I remembered the birds, always having such a determined route,
So I followed them, even though my mind was filled with doubt,

Always moving, I started to wonder if they had a home,
Yet, in each other's company, they seemed to find contentment.
They were always flying, but there was not one set place to which they went,

So maybe home is not a place, it's somewhere that makes you feel secure, someone who, when you feel out of place, they remind you that in yourself you can be sure. When everything goes wrong, home is the first place you run to,



*And suddenly, my heart somehow found its way to you.
Jordan Nov 2014
Oh, what I'd give to be the one to take your pain away.
Jordan Dec 2014
My body, composed of tiny grains of sand,

was swept away into your ocean,

and never found again.
Jordan Dec 2014
As I stare into the flames, my thoughts consume me.

Memories of you, racing through me.

Some beautiful, some repulsive, but they are altogether too much for me to bear.

Why is this what I get in return for my care?

We'd rather have stone cold hearts.
That way, there are no broken parts.

There's no pain that comes with not feeling, in not being vulnerable.

In fact, they are the ones sought after,  no attachment needed, comfortable.

But that's not how we are meant to be, dependent, fragile, broken.

And to have someone treasure our hearts, with unconditional devotion.

What happens is, the true meaning of love gets lost in translation. We lose all hope.

Hope is what keeps us sane. Gives us purpose. Helps us focus. Without it, everything is just pointless.

Without it, we are unable to cope.

*To put it simply, we are just no match for love, when we have not hope.
Jordan Sep 2015
I used to have a love for the ocean,
But now it's surely gone.
I laid delicately on the beach one night,
But I disappeared by dawn.
Even though they warned me the water was dangerous,
I built my castle on its sand,
I believed no one could destroy my sanctuary,
But you weren't something for which I planned.
When I saw your waves approaching,
I knew it was far too late,
For my walls were very strong,
But I was naive and left open the gate.
You threw me into your vicious hurricane,
Swallowing me whole,
You stole the heart I kept inside,
And all that's left was hollow.
You knew I had no defenses,
So you swept me away in your tide,
Even though you hid the smirk from your face,
You couldn't mask your pride.
I allowed you to be my ocean,
And you selfishly consumed every part of me.
It's just really sad knowing it was only one mistake,
*And I'd forever lost my love for the sea.
Jordan Nov 2016
I called for her and she came to me,
In my lucid state.
She looked so different, so beautiful,
So radiant, and free.
"Visit me," I begged, finding that she was getting harder and harder to see.
"Not yet, you aren't ready. I only come to those who need me."
I began to understand, tears streaming down my face at a fast rate.
There was nothing I could do, she was gone as quickly as she came.
So until the day I need her, I must patiently wait.
I just hope you know that without you here, nothing is the same.
I love you to the moon and back, Michelle. And I will be waiting for the day I get to see your face once more.
Jordan Nov 2014
You know that saying,
"Misery loves company."?

Well, I disagree.
I think misery loves to isolate.
It loves to tell you that you're only meant to be alone.

Because when your misery is made known,
That is when others' love for you is shone.

And misery cannot dwell in a place that love now owns.
Because love mends the brokenness that misery had once sewn.
Misery loves company
Jordan Nov 2014
Some days,
I feel like everything will be okay.

But with days like today,
That's more than I will ever be able to say.

Is there a normal for people like me?

Isn't there more to life than this?

Patience, they tell me.
Patience is key.
But I've gathered all the strength in me and the only thing I cannot seem to be, is patient.

So I will go on.
Hoping that I'll see brighter days because hoping is all I have left.

Life gave me a second chance so there has to be better things in store.

I'll hope.
I'll wait.
Hoping I won't always be waiting for More.
Jordan Sep 2018
Your empty promises filled the room with an ear piercing silence
So quiet, you could almost hear my shattered hopes hit the floor.

“When I held you and your son, I felt like I was holding my family....”
Words you knew would draw me in even more.

Why, then, was it so easy to just give up?
I let you in completely, gave you everything.
I had nothing left from my heart to pour.

“Drums and making money” speaking of your priorities.
Words that solidified that I didn’t make the cut,
Words that shook me to my core.

Maybe I gave you too much, made it too easy.
Not enough conflict,
I guess to you, I was a bore.

I let you in and you let me go,
The lessons from this I will never forget but you know what they say,
“All is fair in love and war.”

And all is well with my broken heart.
All you have proven is that there is better out there for me,
So much for my life left in store.

So just like all the others before,
I will pick myself up and move on.
“I would love to still be friends..”
Except you don’t deserve me,
And I hope it hits you hard one day,
  Knowing you walked out my door.
Jordan Nov 2014
His eyes.
I look into them and see every longing, every passion.
The depth of them, I have yet to comprehend.
I can't describe the way he looks at me.
It's as if his eyes see right through me,
Penetrating every wall,
Exposing my every flaw.
Yet, when our eyes lock,
All I feel is safe.
It's as if he knows every part of me,
And loves everything he knows.
His eyes yearn to search deeper,
To know every inch of my soul.
Am I a fool to let him in?
Getting my hopes up, only to be left broken and destroyed again?
I won't regret, this time,
Never giving myself the chance to fall.
I will either fall straight into his arms,
Or straight to my destruction.


But fall I will,
And fall she did.
Jordan Nov 2014
Her mind was like the ocean, in that, there was so much more they had yet to discover.
Jordan Nov 2014
I don't let anyone destroy me.

But for you, I'm afraid, I've made an exception.
Jordan Nov 2014
Have you ever noticed how the stars disappear when you're surrounded by city lights?

Stars, millions of light years away, so vibrant and illuminating that we can still see them, even though they're far away.

But when man-made light, so weak and dull when compared to the light of the stars, is cast where you are standing, the faint light seems to blot out the majestic stars.

Why is that?

People are like that too. Some with this inner light, so captivatingly beautiful, it's as if you can see their light from miles away.

But most of the time, people will dark hearts and dull light when placed beside the wonderful inner light, seem to outshine those that should be taking everyone's breath away.

Yet, even the light of the stars isn't enough.
Jordan Mar 2015
In your mind, you walk into the same trap, you never seem to escape from.

Chasing the things you wish for yourself, and they never seem to come.

You turn around and settle for mediocre things that do,

All the while, letting resentment and bitterness grow inside of you.

You envy those that seem to live without pain or care,

And you watch them as they stick their noses up at the sight of your stare.

You walk through life believing that for you, there's not a purpose,

Never listening to the people who say it's not true.

But you're so ignorant, in believing that all your worth is on the surface,

Even though, what's on the inside is what holds all your value.

After years of discontentment, you finally look within, and in your mind set free,

Realizing that acceptance of self was, in fact, the key to becoming the person you always wished to be.
Jordan Feb 2023
I’m grieving for who I used to be, the person I thought I’d become, the person I am, and the person who I will be all at once. Past, present, future.
I remember riding in the backseat, looking up at the sky and imagining the white picket fence that would be my life one day. The husband or wife, the children, the job, I’d have everything I’d ever want and I’d be happy. It was destined for me. Just like I always saw on the tv.
The teenage years passed by like a blurry photograph. Laughter, adrenaline, excitement, experimentation, freedom, newness, heartache, secrets, lies, rebellion, abandon, isolation, loneliness, depression, guilt, anger, hopelessness.  I tried to end my life before I even became an adult and I do sometimes think a part of me died in that bed while the other part managed to cry for help.
I believed for a long time I couldn’t commit to anything and I was determined to prove myself wrong and I did. I have been committed to my beautiful son for going on 6 years now, I completed my nursing degree, and have now established a career but somehow right now in this moment I am the saddest I’ve ever been. Not because I haven’t gone through harder things but because I have so many beautiful things to be happy about and I still feel the overwhelming waves of sadness wash over me most days. I don’t want to die anymore but sometimes I wish I didn’t exist. Or that I could just go to sleep and wake up when I finally have that white picket fence. But I’m learning to accept that those things may never come. I may never be the person i thought I would be, and I won’t ever be who I used to be again. But somehow, I am all of them, all of the time, all at once. Past, present, and future.
Sometimes I sit with her. And I watch her. The little girl that looked out the window, the teenager who spent days alone in her room thinking about how dying was the only way, the girl that spends most of her days in tears and overwhelm, the girl who’s doing her best to heal and be the best mom and the best friend and the best me. The woman who I will become, the wise woman, the compassionate woman, my guide, my comfort, my rock. I sit with her and I hold her and she holds me and we cry and we sit in silence and we talk about the past, the present, the future. And somehow, in doing this, eventually, the grieving creates understanding, compassion,  acceptance, and forgiveness. Reminding ourselves that no matter which direction we move, we are carrying each other’s experience, love, support, and we will always be together. No matter what. We will always be all of us, all of the time, all at once. Past, present, future.
Jordan Nov 2014
They always say, "Life goes on."

But for me,
I want to live.

To see the world as a place where people like me, thrive.
Not just a place,
we have to survive.
Jordan Nov 2014
The world's empty promises never amounted to the, once hopeful, expectations of my heart.
I pretend I am living when in reality, I am just a sad, hollow soul desperately waiting to be put out of life's hopeless misery.



We are all dying.
We only call it living for the ones who are unable to bear the truth.
Next page