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 Jun 2014 Jesska
ME
I don't wanna be in vain
I don't wannabe

Shield yourself
from the arrows
That aim for your heart

Stay true to the cause
Your here now
And time is running out

Don't wanna be in vain
Don't wannabe

All emotion evades me
Can't find the reason
Can't find that love
To believe is treason
Of my heart

Holding on to the
Darkness that roams
Fear of the light
Keeps me searching the night

Facing my fears
Gone towards the light
Holdin' my tears
Your hands on my ears
My hands in the fire
Tears burn
And the liar's right

No one's in sight
On a train to the end
Thats right
Gone with the wind
Alright
Never comprehend
The fear that tied your life
And now your gone

Descend the darkness
That you keep inside
Cloud your vengeance
In a ray of light
Demons shelter the sickness
That grows and won't take flight

Vicious and cunning
You twist my words into something
I never said

Made up assumptions
Stories and conjunctions
The truth is fiction to you
And the lies move on
And the lies stand strong
 Jun 2014 Jesska
bakedjones
a list
 Jun 2014 Jesska
bakedjones
it is the beautiful subtleties of persons to which i turn when my heart is most troubled and dripping down my organs like wax:

1. the young man with the leather jacket
and big headphones
when he did me a tiny half-smile
and promptly looked at the sidewalk cracks
(eye contact makes me nervous too)

2. "Larry, you **** close to running into a lady, scoot"
(because a little girl in a backpack
matters to a big farmer in overalls)

3. when the lady with the cats and crooked teeth gave me her first strawberry

4. courtesy laughs for Professor John

5. the old lady at the park (every morning at 9:00) who lets her dog
really
stop and smell the flowers

6. the hug from the smelly, long haired boy
whose car i backed up into
"it's no big deal," he said
(and a girl who didn't like being embraced, loved being embraced)

when the world sinks its teeth into my neck
beautiful unnamed faces flash into my mind
and my atmosphere is clean
and i am brimming with gratitude
dissipated and disillusioned worms eating through the last splinters of the rotting universal wood.

the last transmission of regret sent electronically, spluttered,
into a tissue; in a moment of self indulgent *******.

live showings of vicious execution, transmitted directly from the electromagnetic waves into the alpha waves of the young and naive. Desensitization, the last drops of humanity into complete disengagement.

endlessly recycled bohemian ideologies whispered into the ear of the eager idealist. spreading like fire, before burning out into the uncatchable reverie up with the stars, with all the other reveries, shining bright, intangible.

Instant dismissal from the old man, as the big curtain draws. Cynicism and fragmented past, falling on apathetic eyes, a proud man treat with a padded hand. faux sympathetic tones, blushing cheeks on old bones.

Begging with your body crumbling to dust with the disinterested doc, looking at the clock counting the milliseconds to the paycheck. Decomposing until you can be swept under the perpetual rug with the rest, Vacuum.
 Jun 2014 Jesska
i
explosion (10w)
 Jun 2014 Jesska
i
i feel like exploding,
destroying this world
with my force.
I

The Taste of Kiss is Love
Remember the moment
When your Mother
First kissed you

II

Kiss!
It's my Coat of Arms
Imprinted upon you
Saying that
You are the Statement of my Life
Copy righted. Right from my PhD thesis
 Jun 2014 Jesska
i
feel,
 Jun 2014 Jesska
i
you make me feel like
a person, like an angel
and not an evil demon
who makes people
damaged for the rest
of their lives,
you make me feel alive
and not like a lifeless
body lying on the
cold ground,
you make me feel happy,
and not sad and miserable
because of my pathetic
way of living,
but most of all,
you make me feel loved,
and not hated by the cruel
world filled with awful people.
 Jun 2014 Jesska
ZL
I have missed
out on the thrills
of being a soft place
between a rock
and a hard place
which is a bad boy

I was afraid
of becoming a toy
a welcome mat,
stepped on repeatedly
covered in dirt
and worthlessness

because of fear
I found myself
held hostage to boring love
with good guys
who in the end
only proved
to be ugly lies

which led
to my beautiful cries
in the end,
I should have taken my chances
with the handsome devils
who were at least good at dancing!
Never would have believed good guys could break hearts. Guess they were never good from the very start.
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