what am I waiting for
what keeps me here
what keeps me addicted to the heavy feeling in my chest
or the tears rolling down my face

it is hope
that is one I have not lost yet
though at times
I wish I had

the love that plays with me like a kitten
tangles me up in yarn
and presses its wet nose against mine

how tempting it can be
when surrounded by foggy windows and melting hearts
you receive an invitation
to a place
you think
love can live without bounds
and blossom without worry

i can watch you sleep for hours
feel the silent love
the love i know you can only give without knowing
how to give
i blossom into something more understanding
more patient
i am creative and i can see between the lines
but i cant decide if this is real
or fantasy

my mind is the messiest plate of food
matching my chaotic home
i have it together i have it together i have it together

i learn a lot about myself
through you
i don't like to be a spectacle
but for you
i want to be every word bouncing across the page
each spec of light that makes its way into your big-ones
maybe even
a time or a two
the one who makes your heart race
or eyes water
i lay cocooned
waiting for something
waiting for you to notice me
but
you're lying right beside me

throw me away like a carton of bad eggs
and rip me off like the hanging thread on your sweater
I've melted too many times under the heat of your being
scrape me off the plate like i'm nothing
(except for maybe the really nice bits)
and toss me like yesterdays paper
eat me in the morning
and spit me back out at night
it doesn't matter
because like the girl at the bus stop on Tuesdays
like the man in search of the answers to todays puzzle
I will always be waiting