I saw my ex today
after planning out a day to get away to see him. After he told me he'd be in state for the weekend.
And I refuse to say I missed him.

I saw my ex today
after six years of rebuilding myself. After we couldn't make it work when we were so young.
And I refuse to say I still care.

I saw my ex today.
after already being in a new relationship for two years. After my current boyfriend finally told me he feels comfortable with me. And I refuse to say I did the wrong thing.

I saw my ex today.
after writing poem after poem referring to the love we used to have. After I found new life and new love in a new man.
And I refuse to let myself go back down that road.

I saw my ex today.
And after all this time he missed me more than I missed him.
And I refuse to be that little and naive girl again.

My Heart is a never ending Fire.
My tears ash
My blood fuel
And I will keep Burning
     And Burning
          And Burning
Just try and put me out

Remember the Rush?
I do.
Remember the Feel?
I do.

Remember the time you felt alive and all was still?
The day you got that
That medal of yours

You thirsted for them
Had to have more
And you achieved another
Another achieved again

But that last accident threw you for a spin
And you’re on bedrest
You’ve lost some shine
Like those medals

These medals of mine...

I’m upset.

But the type of upset that has no words;
The type of upset that doesn’t feel like anything;
The type of upset that I should have known would come back.

I’m lost.

But the type of lost where I know where I am physically but not mentally;
The type of lost where I’m doing what I’m doing but I don’t know how I’m doing it;
The type of lost that keeps me from forgetting what I still know.

I’m angry.

But the type of angry that keeps me calm;
The type that leaves me speechless;
The type that helps me reign in my rampage.

I’m here-
And there-
And lost and scared.
Upset-
Can’t breathe-
It’s just me.

It’s just me.

I miss the late night drives,
With you by my side-
I miss the late night skies,
With glowing stars like glowing eyes-
I miss the late night highs,
With the bonfire for light.

Oh and how I am now-
With none of the above.
Oh and how I am now-
With Nothing I love.

I just miss the you and the smile,
The rush of love gone wild-
I just miss the hands in the cold,
The warmth of something to hold-
I just miss us naive;
not wise and old.

I don’t have the time though,
To think of these now.
I don’t have the time though,
To wonder about how.

It’ll just be me—
Upset again forever.
It’ll just be me—
Learning to love another.
It’ll just be me—
In the end loving myself.

But then again
          I’m still left
                    With Nothing
                                I love

We were always crazy kids with crazy dreams.
And we never changed.
Crazy kids.
With their crazy ideas.
Ideas of world peace and of no hunger.
These crazy kids they say.
But I’m one of them.
A crazy kid with her own crazy ideas.
Crazy dreams.
Dreams full of nothing but the future.
Crazy girl. With your crazy thoughts.
Stop for a second.
They’ll say give up.
Don’t do it crazy kid.
Don’t ever look back.
Or down. Or away.
Crazy kid with your crazy thoughts.
What will you think of next?

I'm in class
doodling-
instead of paying attention-
doodling instead of listening.

I'm just hearing
the mumbling
of the professor...
professor-ing.

he's talk talk talking about...
something.
Doing something
because of something.

But I’m just doodling.
Again not listening.
Again not hearing
Such important details

Of something
Happening somewhere
Because of...
Something

Something bad is happening
Again
Sounds like something that’s happened
Before

I continue to doodle
adding tornados to the scribbles.
Causing mayhem between
Simple blue lines on bleached paper

Just like somewhere
Where something happened
Because of...
Something

Concentrate-
Harder like the pressure of the pen
I doodle with
It’s too late

Lecture over.