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JasFow Aug 2020
There's something 'bout Halloween
That lights a part of my heart
Usually feeling dormant and chilled
Warms a few degrees above
The falling temperature outside
An Autumn fog comes and fills my mind
Early in the morning when I wake
Its the only time of the year
That I remember being happier
Throughout my childhood
Somehow we always had enough to dress up
Wear socks with holes
With poking toes in too small shoes
Running as fast as my faltering lungs could take me
Door by door on the least scary night
At least for me
For my greatest fears, I faced everyday
In my own home where I feared closing my eyes
I go back, "Trick or Treat", I'd repeat
Knowing anything I'm handed is a treat in itself
Never wanting to go back to the darkest house
Even once all light posts turned off
It's still my favorite
Halloween will always be important to me.
JasFow Aug 2020
The juice falling from a sweet nectarine as lips work hard to catch the drips
Licking up time, enjoying the sweet sweet taste
Something about lips to lips makes it taste all the better
Holding onto everything, not shying away
A dream of pure ecstasy
Finding love and happiness
JasFow Aug 2020
Some Angels are Blue they say
Flying higher and faster than any others
Sky rocketing towards a sun they cant see past
I sat on the roof of my childhood house
Watching, mesmerized, focused on the #12
That number zooms farther and faster than the rest
Always my favorite number
Years later I met that pilot
Just too hear he died the next week
I didn't know when I was just watching
Imagining myself in the **** with that person
Someone so brave and brilliant
While I was scared I'd fall from the 9 foot fall
Terrified, I held on to small lips of the shingles
Shaking each time a plane got close
Being just a few miles away, the house shook each time
I cried a lot that day
Sobbing silently as my emotions overthrew me
I sat petrified, but determined to be in the sky
The smell of sweet smoke filled the air from a small grill
It distracted me as tears fell
Focused on the light in my eyes,
I didn't have to worry about if my mother would switch
She was doing good
Sober for a few weeks strong, it could change at any moment
The ladder ledged against the house rumbled
Frequent with each stretch of the sky rockets passing
This was one of the best days I hold in my memory
I can see my little sister sitting beside me
Telling me not to be scared as she holds my hand
I wish to never forget
While I miss it, I would never go back
JasFow Aug 2020
I've been considering crying for a few hours \

I haven't, but I'm trying to hold it in the best I can.
JasFow Aug 2020
Pockets of Summer rain
Drift me away from all this pain
Clouding my eyes then I can't see right
Please take my hearing and sight
Everything that's thrown at me
Causes me more tears
I used to fear being alone
That went away this year
Comfortable in discomfort
I tore my own skin
Sewed myself together again
This time I won't let it scar
I'm going to heal my heart
I'm ready to keep this pain to help me grow again.
JasFow Aug 2020
The laugh catches me, low and high
Lips that aren't meant to be mine, carrying me away
Eyes tunneling through me, while I try to see past the surface  
Pupils dilating, heart picking up speed
A laugh brings me a smile
Her scent sends me to a place I didn't know existed
I feel a warmth cross my cheeks as I pull her closer
Her hand brushes the side of my face
She knows I blush when she does this to me
One more touch of the lips on my forehead
I melt completely in her arms
Just an inch taller, I lean into her
She laughs again, this time softly
Finding the center of my back
A light back and forth eases me
I no longer fear what I'm feeling
I've dreamt of this longer than I was aware
I hope I find her one day
JasFow Aug 2020
Blocking out so many memories
Is the only thing that keeps me moving
It’s too hard to know what’s real
Memories seem fake or forced
But I know they were real
No one wants to think back to their past
And only feel fear and sorrow
The feeling that the lone thoughts of joy
Are fabricated
Dreams I created to make it seem better
To make it as if it wasn’t that bad
Like the pain my sister and I endured
Wasn’t all just make believe
Nightmares that curated my reality of the past
System fails as I try to catch my breath
Heat racing a beat faster each tick
Pitch black walls with curtains on top
I wish sometimes it was all a bad dream
Maybe then when I woke in a sweat
I wouldn't have to suppress the screams
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