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 Feb 25 Andrew
Joliver
Okay
 Feb 25 Andrew
Joliver
If there was one word
One word, isolated by itself
That I cannot stand above all others
It would have to be "Okay"
I despise "Okay"
"Okay"
Is how your millionth day at work went
"Okay"
Is off-brand raisin bran
"Okay"
Is how you say school is going
When you don't want to admit you spend
Every second of it
Wanting to die

"Okay"
Is packed to the brim with
Hidden implications
Like a treasure chest
Filled with bottles
With little subliminal hatreds
Written on tiny slips of paper
Passively aggressively pushed inside
To discover later
As I pull out a treasure map
And try to decipher
Where I went wrong

"Okay"
Is a one word dismissal
That feels like an essay a thousand pages long
"Okay"
Is a poison dripping with disinterest
When I dared to share with you
Something I thought might make you smile
"Okay"
Is like trying to talk to a wall
While watching the paint on it dry
"Okay"
Takes two seconds to write
Yet I waited days
For that dreaded word
To grace my notifications
"Okay"
Should be used sparingly
As if each time you send it
You **** the receiver just a little bit
"Okay"
Should not be said so often that
I know what you're about to say
Like I saw it in a crystal ball
"Okay"
Is not looking up from your phone
When I tell you about my day
"Okay"
Is not the proper response
To "I love you"

They say that the opposite of love isn't hatred
It's indifference
And I can't think of a response
More indifferent to pouring out
My heart into your hands
Than "Okay"
At least the last thing you said to me
Before we parted ways
Showed that you cared
At least a little bit
"I hate you"
Stung less
Than the thousands of times
Over our countless conversations
You responded
"Okay"
Okay?
 Feb 25 Andrew
Jon York
A true
relationship
is two
imperfect
people
refusing
to  give
up on
each other.
                                                                ­                             Jon York   2019
 Feb 25 Andrew
Warren
Suicide
 Feb 25 Andrew
Warren
To finish your own life by hand,
May seem like the right thing to do.
But to free yourself from this land,
Is to imprison those that love you.
 Feb 18 Andrew
ThatBrokenOne
It hurts to know
It hurts to see

That you have replaced me
That you have past me

I am happy for you, that you moved on
I am happy for you, that you have found someone new

I told my brother
I told my sister in law

That I am not well
That I am suicidal at times

It was a relieve to tell
It was painful to see

Silence fell when I told
His eyes turned into water when I told

A river of tears was streaming down
But it didn't weight him down

To tell me, to let me know, he is there for me
He loves me, he will be here with me

I am grateful that he is here
He wants me to be here

Time is all I needed I said
Time is the hardest thing to let pass by

I told myself I can do this
I told them I can do this

So I will do this, I will see it through
So I can do this, just because I said so
 Feb 15 Andrew
Anya
Fats
 Feb 15 Andrew
Anya
One may be straight
like a saturated fat

One maybe bent
like an unsaturated fat

Or, one could be bent,
disguised as straight
Like a trans fat
Another weird but true science analogy poem. If you don't understand look up the difference between saturated, unsaturated, and trans fats. If this offends you feel free to message me.
 Feb 15 Andrew
Leo R
Fatal
 Feb 15 Andrew
Leo R
Hello little boy, grass-stained knees.
You'll grow up to be a queen,
Called only by the highest gendered words.

Hello little girl, boas and tea parties.
You'll grow up to be a ranger,
Warned not to act like a female.

Are you there, little boy?
Is it still you under the sorrow
Of looking back and seeing a stranger?

Are you there, little girl?
Can you still hear me
Under your cries for help?

Please don't despair.

No, I can't promise that
One day, you'll be you again.

Please don't go.

No, I can't tell you how
Many years you have left like this.

Goodbye little boy, cut up arms.

Goodbye little girl, scissors and band-aids.

You grew up to be a someone,
But you didn't know who.

Growing up is fatal.
 Jan 18 Andrew
Leo R
Dysphoria
 Jan 18 Andrew
Leo R
"You'll be fine,
It'll be okay,
It will get better,
birthname"

They say

If only they knew that sometimes a name is a shackle, holding us to what we've never been and keeping us there until we can admit to ourselves that we've never been fine, nothing's okay and it first gets worse

"Why are you so mad,
Nothing seems to be wrong,
Why aren't you happy,
girl"

They say

If only they knew that sometimes feelings are subtle masks, painted onto our faces with the blood we drew yesterday to hide what we need to say to escape the viscous cycle of hate and tears and figurative death, and emotions are betrayals of what we need to be

"Everything would be fine,
They'd all be cool with it,
Why can't you just come out"

They say
(skipping
my name as the smallest act of a
hand in the darkness)

If only they knew that coming out is something that never goes fine, a delicate balance of worse and worst that makes our hearts beat so fast that cool is no longer a phrase but a temperature we need to reach in order to play our everlasting game of pretend

and

a name is a shackle, holding us to what we've never been and keeping us there until we can admit to ourselves that we've never been fine, nothing's okay and it first gets worse and even when it's not said we can hear it in the air, lingering on their lips like the slurs that we always expect to hear but haven't yet because to slur they need a target, an out, and coming out is something that never goes fine, a delicate balance of worse and worst that makes our hearts beat so fast that cool is no longer a phrase but a temperature we need to reach while the world spins faster and hotter and turning on the fan at night just keeps us up, dreading the dawn where we must once again play our game of pretend like everyone's born how they'll be for the rest of their lives and no one is different from the norm while still being okay

and

we go to Society everyday with a smile on our faces to say

"You'll be fine,
It'll be okay,
It will get better,
birthname;
Why are you so mad,
Nothing seems to be wrong,
Why aren't you happy,
birthsex"

because emotions are like coming out delicate scales of worst and worser and when we can't feel them we get enough cool relief to realize That This
Dysphoria
Is
Crushing
And
We
Can't
Get
Okay
Save me
 Jan 18 Andrew
Leo R
Proud
 Jan 18 Andrew
Leo R
They tell me to be proud,
but little do they know that Pride is a deadly sin and even deadlier if I walk through the wrong alleyway.

They tell me to be confident,
but little to they know that hands-in-my-pockets-hunched-over has hid me my whole life.

They tell me to be loud,
but little do they know that disappearing quietly has kept me alive all these years.

They tell me to speak up,
But little do they know that masking who I am has allowed me to move in this world
As If I Am Free.

They tell me to be proud but pride is confidence and confidence is being loud and being loud is speaking up and speaking up

is

Dangerous? Dangerous.

They tell me it's okay,
they'll be fine,
But how could they know? They haven't
faced the fear of knowing the unlimited know -

- Secrets spilled as blood over middle school halls -

They tell me to be proud.

They tell me to be proud, as if
confirming the masses can fix all that I've broken -

-Silent shards over ***** linoleum -

They tell me to be proud.

They tell me to be proud and I nod,
breaking glass and spilling blood and
maybe one day I will.

Maybe one day I'll speak up
loud and confident,
the terror of facing them left behind, my
shining clean face proud.

But until then,
They tell me to be proud.
They say and tell and demand me to be proud.
They tell me to be proud.

Dangerous? Dangerous.
Deadly? Deadly.
Shards.
Sins.

Pride.
Shoutout to Those People Who Make Me Write This Poem. You know who you are.
 Jan 13 Andrew
Ray Ross
The first time taking off my binder,
I breathed a heavy breath,
And tried not to cry.
I had an item in my hold
That could make me happy for a day.
I had found my key.
Now I have trouble taking it off,
Because at the end of the day,
I still want to be happy
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