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516 · Mar 7
nighttime
Andrew Mar 7
9:32
something feels off
not wrong
but tonight will be rough

9:47
my chest hurts
so much
i feel trapped in this shell of myself

10:04
dizzy, shaking, afraid
laying on the bathroom floor
nobody can see me

10:12
ive started to cry
too dizzy to stand
cant open my eyes
my body is wrong

10:19
it will never be over
drying the tears
time go back
be who they want me to be
dysphoria
313 · Jan 5
My Safe Place
Andrew Jan 5
A long day
Bruised sides
Ribs visibly shifted
Chest swollen
Stabbing heart pain
But it's all worth it
Because someone saw me
As I am.
A man.
My binder hurts me really bad but it's worth it
271 · Dec 2018
i'm sorry, my Love
Andrew Dec 2018
Last night
You saved me
You saved my life

I know I will wish that you never stopped me
Nonetheless, I am grateful

I'm sorry I made you cry
I'm sorry I brought the image of death
To your mind

Please don't cry
I never meant to make you cry
189 · Dec 2018
Our Life
Andrew Dec 2018
When I look at you
I see the future

Kids were never part of my plan
But you'd make a great mom

A little house in the suburbs
Our perfect little life

One dog and one cat
Because you're a dog person

The future is bright
You are my shining light
Tinny
172 · Jan 1
another drink?
Andrew Jan 1
Can you stop?

Or has it gone too far
Too long
Too much

There is no end

You are ruining yourself
Your wife
Your kids

Do you remember us?

One thing, though, is true.
Your kids will never be like you...
123 · Dec 2018
Stuck
Andrew Dec 2018
Hiding behind a wall of secrets
Kicking
Trying to get out

From time to time someone finds
The way around
They see behind all of the lies

A small boy
Curled up, afraid
Trying to get a glimpse of the other side

And when he finally sees the light
Words like she and her
Push him back

He finds that it is best
To rebuild the wall
Return to hiding

And go back to pretending
That he is happy
How people see him

And those who saw
Behind the lies
Forget that she is really he

It seems nothing will ever change
Until the day the wall comes down
And none of it remains
I wrote this a long time ago, right when I realized I was transgender. Middle school.
100 · Dec 2018
Distressed
Andrew Dec 2018
I eat
Once a day
But I still eat

Probably too much
The scale sure thinks so

I'm so tired
People are noticing

There's so much lying
So much hiding

I'm done
Nothing is working
I don't want to be here anymore
80 · Jan 16
My Whole World
Andrew Jan 16
Everything has changed
You are my every thought
My reason
My Whole World.

I didn't realize
How close we would be
But you are
My Whole World.

You are the most beautiful
The smartest
The most kind
My Whole World.
I love you
78 · Jan 3
relapse
Andrew Jan 3
I was weight restored
But then
Something happened
I don't know what

I'm back to a low weight
Not my lowest
But low nonetheless
And nobody believes me

I'm asking for help
Begging for help
But even those closest to me
Don't know how bad I'm getting

It feels like
There is no escape
I'm too weak to recover
I'm too weak to survive
#ed
64 · Dec 2018
C r e a t i v i t y ?
Andrew Dec 2018
I desperately want to be creative
But that makes me exactly like everyone else
. . . . .

— The End —