I've been angry
I've been lying
I've been crying
For no reason
But again
I'm lying
The reason is

96
And camping
The reason is
It's raining and it's only  8 o'clock
The reason is your high pitched laugh
Making my brother annoyed
Letting me stay at your house
Holly and your dog
Making jokes
On all my posts
The reason is
You're nothing but a ghost
And that ****** me off
You're gone
When you belonged
Right here
With my mother
As her little brother

Griefs a *****
Life is a ***** too
For taking you
So young
You belonged here

My blood boils
It runs through me
Like fire
My heart is on the highway
Driving at full speed
Driving away from the sirens
The chaos
Yet it follows me
My veins pop out
They put on a show
They dance
And throw knives at the crowd
Everything is too loud

All my life
I've felt this way
All my life i ran and hid away
I always listened to the **** you would say
Be brave
Follow the rules
Be perfect
Be quiet

I stuck to your diet
For life
Perfect little girl
In a not so perfect little world
I was modest and meek
I took every beating
Every week

I was betrayed
Mocked
Ridiculed
Violated
Abandoned
Forgotten
And disrespected
Yet i stayed
Quiet
Yet i apologized
And never
Misbehaved

Every little infraction
Noticed by you
Yet you said it was god who cared
God who has shamed me
For being different
For dying my hair
For standing up for myself
But he doesn't shame you
For being a terrible parent
Or person
Or liar

My therapist says I'm too angry
But who wouldn't be?
If you were me?
Wouldn't you want the world on fire
If you were me?
Dealing with ****
Abandonment
Everyone crawling all over you
Seeping into your bones
Doing whatever they want
While i cry alone
While i waste my life away
And sacrifice myself to
Your hypocritical throne

Will my anger ever cease?
Will i ever find peace?
Will anyone ever stop disrespecting me?
Will anyone ever show they care?
Will god ever prove he's really there?
Will my loved ones stop dying young?
Will the world stop killing with such deep evil passion?
Can i ever make up for the missed life i lost?
Will i learn to be my own boss ?
To never apologize for my existence
To feel like i belong
To know I'm not wrong
To stand up for me
To become what i want to be
To know i deserve better
To burn every violent letter

Will i ever find peace?
Ever let my blood calm?
Ever feel the truth from psalms?
Only if the words in this poem
Become
My truth
My religion
If everything I asked for
If everything i can be
Happens
Maybe
Just maybe
I won't burn you all down

Maybe

Happy fathers day
I swish and i sway
I'm in an ocean
I start to decay

Drowning in emotion
You taught me to be brave
Always a commotion
You wouldn't have it any other way

I had to be brave
From the things you would say
You left us in the ocean
Floating in decay

You're tortured with demons
And left us at bay
Screaming and crying
You yelled at us to behave
As we all simply float away
While you hide in your cave

Happy fathers day
I'm not sure what to say
Maybe I love you
It's true I do
But maybe
I also want to say
I hate you
For everything you put us through

Empathy in this world
Is what we need
Empathy is what we should breathe
I sit here at night
And i cry
I ask god why!?
Why?
People are fighting
For their rights,
yet they're being called
Evil and spies
Watching their families
Screaming goodbye
Yet the people watching the news
Screaming they're the bad few
They're the evil of the world..
Empathy needs to be cured.

It breaks my heart
And it should break yours
The state of this world
The state of the people
So much suffering
So much pain
But they only care about
All of their gain,
Billionaires
And fame

It's getting darker
more cruel
It's hard to ignore
But what can i do?
I'm one of the weak few
The disabled
The poor
A women
Crying at your door

What can i do?
What can any of us do?
Stand and scream
Have an epiphany
Fight for what's right
Burn the senate down
Take away his crown

But in reality
Will standing and screaming work?
Or will we all just go berserk?
Fighting for what's right,
While being told we're wrong
Til we're all gone..

But we belong!
We aren't doing wrong
We are the weak but also
The strong
We will stand
We will give a helping hand
It's all we can do,
To keep empathy around