stand in the kitchen
with your arms on my waist
whilst pouring my thoughts
into your capable mind,
with no need of worrying
about who will clean
up the spilled soul
that remains on the tiles.

Puddles in black asphalt make for perfect lagoons
murky waters stirring, kissed with light bent from the sun
air conditioners brace the ledge, ready to jump
marlboro in the air, sunday morning is a holy sight
unanswered questions on bus stop benches,
basketball court with boys who have sprouted like weeds,
too fly for high, or too high for fly,
all background music to the thumping of ball on concrete,
Elders on rocking chair thrones atop of stoops,
witness to all that plays out,
from corner store ballets and 3 a.m. shootouts,
The beauty of it all, an orchestra of bodies,
awakening from slumber for yet another day

a crack in her voice
a tremble in her words
a shiver from her body
a tremor from her words
her anger gave her palpitations
her anger brought tears to her eyes
she clenched her jaw
and ****** her fingers

the wall next to her
no longer seems like a wall
it was a punching bag
the blood trickles down her fist
but she doesn't feel the pain
not more than the anger
red hot burning anger

It all started,
It will end.
Ink will run out,
But the message will always send.

Broken heart,
Words will mend.
Stopping bad habits,
Good ones will come.
It's only begun,
You are never done.

Your on your 16th chapter,
Why stop now?
Stand up and scream,
Don't take that final bow.

You still have the chance to change things,
Everyone does.
Some won't be so lucky,
They just need their rest.

It's not for the worst,
Everything is for the best.

Lies in a bath tub,
filled to the brink.
He has tried to go under,
He has tried to sink.

He maneuvers his fingers slowly,
To the edge of the blade.
His goal is to only,
Make the memories fade.

But not much will change,
The more he will suffer.
Lets try again?
One cut after another.

Warm blooded,
The water turns red.
He is still alive,
He is not dead.

His hope is religion,
His strength he must trust.
Take all the bad memories,
Turn then to dust...

And to this day
Not much has changed
I've grown a lot
But I'm still the same

From first breath
And first sight
I have these battles
I've had to fight

16 lifetimes
One more day
Bring back good memories
Bad to fade away

Once a year
On that same night
I will drown in fear
But strive with might

Your name belongs to others
but they don't have the same taste
or the way I felt my heart drop
every time I saw your face

Still I hold no contempt
nor see it as a waste
We were just out of place
running at too quick a pace

All the secrets I still keep
vividly invade my dreams
like all the times I watched you sleep
opening your eyes to me

Wishing it was meant to be,
did you even see?

We didn't fool each other
we only fooled ourselves
the risks became a bother
but still they paid off well

The stories we could tell
of both our carried hells
The images we bore
hiding the sides we feared to tell

Its still worth all the hurt
to keep the memories
no one else in this universe
will share the same as these

So thanks again
everything ends
We would be caught too tightly
within the web we spin

So Thanks again
everything ends
even with the same conclusion
I'd do it lose or win.

Thanks again.

All it took was one gentle swift against the wind & I would be plummeting to a world where I would never get to swiftly take my feet off the ground & call it a night ever again.
It was scary thinking about the idea that life is just a code word for death & almost everything I have ever physically or emotionally touched has more significance than my touch ever will.
Life reminds me of all the ingredients a smile is made of & why it takes so long to perfect it.
My existential past, present, & future are all calling out for me now, but my vulnerable mind is nowhere to be found.
I have never trembled so drastically before.
I want to continue my stay to further my research on all of the reasons why humans have never picked me first in gym class, or why love has never reached out to give me a helping hand, or why my name was always at the beginning of the sentence that always ended with smiles turning into bruises & bruises turning into unwelcome memories.
Life is a joke, yet it has the only punch line that has ever terrified me.
The feeling of drowning has always made me think of what the true defintion of home really is.
I'm so scared, but these tears won't be around much longer & that's really the only happy thought i've had in the past few years.
A young boy once asked me what the meaning of life was, & my answer has haunted me ever since there was life before death & the only look I gave him was a look that even lightning would turn its back to; the only look in my life that has ever made someone other than myself fear the unknown; this is my apology to that young, innocent boy's eyes; this is my apology.

Writing this has made me realize 5 things:
1.) You can't run from air, no matter how bad you want to stop breathing.
2.) There is no such thing as being "fully gone", even after you think that you have found your escape route out.
3.) Writing your feelings down onto pieces of paper doesn't necessarily mean that people will all of a sudden come running to your rescue, apologizing for being themselves, & beg for your forgiveness out of pure love & regret.
4.) Not everyone can be the hero; but you must soon realize that just because you are not the hero doesn't mean that you are the villain.
5.) I'm not afraid anymore.