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Feb 16 · 19
Untitled
Andrew Harris Feb 16
What is is to live alone?
What is it to lose?
Why does my mind fight?
How deep it is to feel unknown...

To lose the depth of relating
To find the depths of self-relating
To look up from the floor below
I sink further still

I am striving to know my grass is green
just where I am and try to glean
To see that I am whole without
The thing I made my life about

Easier said than done
Nov 2019 · 24
Honestly
Andrew Harris Nov 2019
Why does it seem that
Honesty is known when we
Are not  in known crowds
Honesty is easiest  when those you are being honest to will never meet you
Nov 2019 · 53
Run
Andrew Harris Nov 2019
Run
Thoughts run
Aimless, goaless, chaos incarnate
Thoughts run
My mind into the wall
Thoughts run
And run
And run

Like a pipe burst
Like a faucet
They just run
Aimless, goaless. Chaos incarnate

Can I map them?
Define them?
Bring them to resolution?
Present myself the solution?

Can I?
A late night the other night
Jun 2019 · 103
the Phoenix experience
Andrew Harris Jun 2019
Not too long ago I knew
Things, people, family, future plans
Not too long ago
They grew...

Then, over the course of 4 years
Everything fell apart
Everything came unglued, undone,
Nothing fit together so smart(ly)

It took six month of pain, regret and confusion to...
Breathe
See colors once known
Look out
It’s time to get into my own zone

And now I am alive
I feel like I might thrive
I feel more me now, then I ever was
Before. Before all the fuzz

Distortion
Destruction
They actually gave birth

Every day isn’t easy
Far from everything perfect
But I feel things are flowing
I feel that my soul is growing
My choices flowing
My expectation growing
sometimes beauty does come from ashes, and though i am still covered in ash,  the light is shining through
May 2019 · 90
Moment of Clarity
Andrew Harris May 2019
If Chaos is the Great Mother
Then admits my madness
There is something new coming
Something is borne in the turbulence

So I can take a breath because
This won’t be comfortable
This won’t be easy
Sometimes not palatable
But my goal, remain malleable

Because in this hurricane I lose sight
Of the sun or stars to guide my way
But Belief, built from scratch, made to last
That will guide my way

To the birth of something new
In stories and lore from centuries past, chaos was respresented as the Great mother. A (would-be)hero would leave what they knew and travel to unknown and emerge something new

Also, the belief line was stolen from a Gavin DeGraw song, I do not own the rights to that line(hope that’s ok$
May 2019 · 258
A mirror
Andrew Harris May 2019
Desperation it’s
A mirror I never wanted
To see myself in
Self reflection
Apr 2019 · 158
(DRAFT)
Andrew Harris Apr 2019
Breathe.
Real life.
She can be trying
She can be all the shades of strife

Breathe.
Real truth.
He can be trying.
Sometimes he’a best with a chaser. Gin and Vermouth

Breathe.
just Breathe.
Life can be crazy
It can make things hazy
It’s so easy to get lost in the crazy
It’s hard to find a compass when things get hazy

Breathe.
Just breathe.
Follow it down into the depths of your soul
Feel it corse through like a smoldering coal
It’s a flame
And it’s life
The breath we breathe

Breathe.
Just Breathe.
Sometimes the breath we breathe is the best thing there is...
Apr 2019 · 176
Pendulum
Andrew Harris Apr 2019
Fleeting thoughts of possibilities
Sometimes are the worst company
Fleeting thoughts of possibilities
Sometimes are all that I need

Why does life feel so fluid
I cannot seem to put my finger on
What is right and what is wrong
But I’m just another soul rewriting the song

What can give life can ****
Hell, dehydration and drowning
It’s absolutely insane the way the pendulum swings
All this time while knowing

My compass could point north
But is that my bearing?
Is that the way I am Steering?
With my neck careening...
And my ears without hearing...

I press on,
I move forward,
I don’t stop
I am tenacity
I am raw unfiltered determination
Unsure where to go, but without defecation

I press on
I will figure it out
I always figure it out
Yup, no doubt(...well, maybe a little)
It’s amazing, and terrifying how much things that are beyond your control can impact you... sometimes I feel at the mercy of another... sometimes... I am hurricane
Apr 2019 · 429
Untitled
Andrew Harris Apr 2019
Breathe.
Real life.
She can be trying
She can be all the shades of strife

Breathe.
Real truth.
He can be trying.
Sometimes he’a best with a chaser. Gin and Vermouth

Breathe.
just Breathe.
Life can be crazy
It can make things hazy
It’s so easy to get lost in the crazy
It’s hard to find a compass when things get hazy

Breathe.
Just breathe.
Follow it down into the depths of your soul
Feel it corse through like a smoldering coal
It’s a flame
And it’s life
The breath we breathe

Breathe.
Just Breathe.
Sometimes the breath we breathe is the best thing there is...
Apr 2019 · 71
Rebirth. Or death.
Andrew Harris Apr 2019
So which is it
You decide what it will be
Happen to life
Time to decide or flee

We can either die with our trials
Or. We can embrace them
Turn them on their heads
Turn them into a stem

A budding plant
An opportunity.
A Possibility.
Who knows it might be our greatest Probability

Maybe the odds are ever in our
Favor
Maybe life’s challenges are an occasion to
Savor

But it’s our choice
Death. Or rebirth.

It’s our choice to live
It’s our choice to die
It’s our choice to love(ourselves)
It’s our choice to lie(to ourselves)
Our choice and I am learning to choose
Apr 2019 · 52
The hardest answer
Andrew Harris Apr 2019
Sometimes the hardest answer to give
Is the answer it seems no pastor, guru, or spiritual leader can give, or won’t give.

Sometimes, when the light is gone
Sometimes, when the hope is gone
Sometimes, when everything is gone

Except pain,

Oh pain, the reckoning
Pain the defiler, pain the suffering

Sometimes.
The hardest
The truest
The most honest thing to say Is

I Don’t Know Why it Happened
But I will stay with you and see that you are not alone
Apr 2019 · 90
Solace.
Andrew Harris Apr 2019
Is there a sweeter sound
In all the universes
I know of no other thing
That will calm the masses

Of my pain, pain the shifted
Destroyed and left me for dead
There is nothing else that will satisfy
All the madness within. It can mistify

It can
intoxicate
Validate

Give life to a dying soul

Oh Solace, be mine tonight
Hold me as a lover
Whisper in mine ear
Be my lucky clover
Solace is perhaps the sweetest of things in this life
Apr 2019 · 344
Crutches
Andrew Harris Apr 2019
At least people who
Smoke. Wear there crutches on sleeves.
Where do you hide yours?
We all have crutches, stress relieves, and bad habits

The darker ones are hidden below the surface
Apr 2019 · 186
The Compass-less Captain
Andrew Harris Apr 2019
Another day
Another dollar
Another ray
Of sun dripping from the sky

Today I feel like I could almost
Catch it
Reach it
Distill it and
Drink it

But I’m not sure I am ready
Can’t tell if my heart is steady
Or wants to be steady,
I don’t know who’s driving
This mind of mine

It’s a compass-less captain
And a water-less field
A 3 foot mountain
a harvest with no yield

But I will be ok
I know I will
Be ok
I always am, I always will
It’s just taking more time for my heart to heal
Aimless words to try and make sense of a hard situation...
Apr 2019 · 74
thoughts
Andrew Harris Apr 2019
Sometimes I wonder how we do sleep
Serving the dodgy companies we keep
All kicking and scrounging for the very first place
Dictionary definition of a rat race
Pay off those losers we elect to lead
Stealing from the mouths that we're meant to feed
Enslaving the very clothes upon my back
I feel the sting but I hear no crack, no crack

-John Butler
Lyric excerpt from Revolution by John Butler trio
I believe that far to often we do strive for first place at expense of others
Apr 2019 · 267
Happy
Andrew Harris Apr 2019
Today. I still don’t
Want to be happy at all
Still another day
Another day, trying to distract myself, I don’t know if I am succeeding...
Apr 2019 · 83
Good friends
Andrew Harris Apr 2019
Caffeine. Nicotine.
Alcohol. Good friends to keep.
When life just gets hard
Getting through hard times, alcohol is drank at home though! Stay safe my friends
Apr 2019 · 179
Broken
Andrew Harris Apr 2019
I am broken,
I fail
People are broken
People fail

This is the human condition as best I can see
It’s not just you, it isn’t just me

The thing that upsets me
The thing that maddens
It’s the people who emit
If you want to see perfect look at me

I am flawless and others are low
I have attained perfection
And where are you
What a ridiculous deception

It. Makes. Me. Sick.
Just a vent out to rhyme.
Apr 2019 · 42
Today
Andrew Harris Apr 2019
Today I feel wrong
Beaten down and stepped on
There are plenty of reasons to feel this
****, today feels long.

Life took a nasty turn
It caught me off guard(as it likes to do)
It will be good later
But today is miseries turn

It feels like sinking in sand
It feels like I am buried bu another’s hand
It feels heavy, sluggish and slow
it feels like my mind will never again glow

And As I write, i know it’s just a phase
But today it feels like haze

Lingering. Thickening. Choking.
Today is a hard day, but writing... writing might help
Apr 2019 · 136
The Evening
Andrew Harris Apr 2019
The water sparkles
Now the cigar is smoking
My Evening Solace
Simple Solace Finds me
Apr 2019 · 199
Fear in Repose
Andrew Harris Apr 2019
You. Follow Your Fears
When met by them in your minds Eye
You. You are Greatness
Fear can be a dear friend
Andrew Harris Apr 2019
My heart break with every
Swipe
The depths of truth that none would
Gripe

I hear my quiet heart in
Text. Written.
My groan has grown
Next. Risen.

Unfettered hearts,
Open hearts,

We all bleed

Unfettered hearts
Feelings after spending some time reading through what most of us would not say to others.
Apr 2019 · 195
The Tobacco and Me...
Andrew Harris Apr 2019
My wound is fresh
My words weak
But light my pipe
And words begin to steep

It’s a slow burn
Betwicks the tobacco and me
the nightshade can’t last
My thoughts they burn

The smoke is a manafestation
It’s shows how things burn inside
So much for the fascination
Of a future I prized as mine...

— The End —