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1d · 28
Friday night
Arpitha 1d
Everyone is busy
making plans for a party
Here I am
convincing myself to go to therapy.
4d · 285
Burden
Arpitha 4d
What does it feel like?
To wake up and be happy about it
To not want to be one with the bed
To not feel like a burden, to everyone and everything.
5d · 60
Suffer
Arpitha 5d
It hurts so bad
Want to peel off my skin
Tear everything apart
And shred it to bits
But still won’t be enough
For embers will cry for relief
There exists no respite
Destined for suffering.
7d · 367
Crash
Arpitha 7d
What do you do
When the pain in your head
becomes too much?
Threatens to explode
and harm everyone around
Can’t contain it anymore
Losing grip
Going out of control
One misstep and
It will come crashing down.
7d · 14
Dreams
Arpitha 7d
What does it feel like
to have dreams
to be hopeful
to want to have a future?
All I can think about
is how to get through today.
Aug 16 · 183
Lending ear
Arpitha Aug 16
So desperate for a lending ear
That I’m willing to
cut off mine
and listen to myself vent!
Aug 16 · 23
Pep talks
Arpitha Aug 16
If pep talks are meant for difficult tasks
Why do I have to give myself one
just to get up from the bed everyday?
Aug 16
Scar
Arpitha Aug 16
Hold it against the skin
Let it burn
Scar the outside
to match the inside
Aug 16 · 6
Side effects
Arpitha Aug 16
How ****** up is it-
the side effects
of a medicine
Is the disease itself?
My anxiety meds are making me depressed lol
Aug 16 · 16
SH
Arpitha Aug 16
SH
War inside my head
Should I or should I not?
Hand inches towards it
My brain eggs on
I somehow stop myself this time
But will be I able to next time?
Aug 15 · 26
Horcrux
Arpitha Aug 15
Heart so broken,
it feels like a horcrux.
One whose soul
resides in different traumas.
Aug 15
Superficial
Arpitha Aug 15
Customary greetings
Mechanical responses
No affection
No obligation
When did human interactions
become this superficial?
Aug 12 · 19
Mind games
Arpitha Aug 12
My brain, it plays games
Makes me hate everyone
Most of all myself
Tells me people are out to hurt you
So why don’t you just hurt yourself
Has me feel it won’t get better
just don't bother trying

gets me to believe I’m always in danger
but from who?
Others or you?

If I don't feel
safe with myself
How will I ever feel safe
with anyone else?
Wish i could just shut my brain!
Aug 12 · 69
Tired
Arpitha Aug 12
I’m tired to the bone
Exhausted
Fatigued
Weary
Even the small tasks
feel like a burden
No!!
I don’t want to get up
Don’t want to pretend
that I am okay
All I want is
a dreamless sleep;
to wake up
as a new person
who no longer feels like this.
Aug 11 · 22
Happiness
Arpitha Aug 11
Fleeting moments
between bouts of sadness
Leaving you yearning
for it, forever.
Aug 11 · 166
I am fine
Arpitha Aug 11
Why do people bother to ask
How are you
When all they want to hear is
I am fine
Aug 4 · 66
Hope
Arpitha Aug 4
Better to not have hope
than to let
life destroy you
Piece by piece
Aug 3 · 35
Dear brother
Arpitha Aug 3
I miss those days
when you loved me
Unconditionally
When you stood
against the world
made sure I was safe
Loved and protected

Now you’re busy
No longer have time for me
So foolish of me
to think that
Love carves a path
through schedules
Just because mine did
I hate that my brother and I have drifted apart as we’ve grown older.
Aug 3 · 188
Feel
Arpitha Aug 3
Some days it’s a blessing
Some days it’s  a curse
To be able to feel so deeply
To not know where I end
And someone else begins
Aug 3 · 73
Sad
Arpitha Aug 3
Sad
I like being sad
For it is the only emotion I feel
It engulfs me in its arms
Making me feel safe and protected

Sadness means not having to be scared
About things going bad
Because I know they will
And knowing makes me feel brave

Sadness helps me churn out poems
Inspires me to make some art
It’s what I take comfort in
For it never really leaves me alone
Aug 3 · 109
Heart
Arpitha Aug 3
My heart, it bled
in unknown colors
Always did overflow
for both friend and foe

I no longer wear it on my sleeve
It is hidden where it can’t be seen
Buried so deep
I no longer feel its presence
Except for when tears stream down my face
Jul 30 · 41
Tired
Arpitha Jul 30
Foggy and drowsy
I live like a zombie
How do I choose
between the devil and the deep sea?
To be burnt out due to no sleep
or to be weary from too much??
Taking medication for insomnia and I am not really sure which is better, taking or not taking.
Jul 27 · 95
Self love
Arpitha Jul 27
They say the first step to healing
Is loving yourself
I guess I’ve lost the battle
Before it could even begin
Jul 27 · 17
Nightmares
Arpitha Jul 27
It’s the middle of the night
I wake up from fear, yet again
The monsters now live in my head
No longer hiding under the bed
Jul 27 · 300
Buried
Arpitha Jul 27
Thoughts keep running in my head
Never getting tired
Obsessive and  despairing
Scarring and impairing
Just when I think I can’t go any lower
I get buried one more foot under
Jul 18 · 67
Invisible
Arpitha Jul 18
I’d much rather believe
That you don’t see me
Than worry that
You do and choose not to
Jul 18 · 105
Silent
Arpitha Jul 18
I remain silent
So I can hear the voice in my head
Telling me to remain silent
Jul 15 · 67
Sleep
Arpitha Jul 15
It’s 12 am
The struggle is just beginning
I toss and turn
If I can locate the right spot
Maybe I’ll finally fall asleep

It’s 1 am
Music pours into my ears
I try to get swept away
If I can find the right lullaby
Maybe I’ll finally fall asleep

It’s 2 am
Thoughts race in my head
Going over every mistake
If I can think of the perfect scenario
Maybe I’ll finally fall asleep

It’s 3 am
A sitcom plays in the background
I listen to the fake laughter
If I come across something comforting
Maybe I’ll finally fall asleep

It’s 8 am
I don’t know know what time I slept
But I know it is the time
To get up and go to work
And pretend everything’s okay.
Jul 15 · 28
Solo day out
Arpitha Jul 15
I wander through the mall alone
Listening to pink floyd on my phone
I go to a café to have some beer
Seeing me alone they all sneer
I take a selfie in a pretty mirror
Such a sad life, I hear them whisper
I try on some clothes unaware
That I never usually go anywhere
But there’s something about today
For the first time I don’t feel dismay
I don’t have anxiety about being out
No, not even a tiny amount!!
I’m happy and I don’t feel lonely
Even though it’s just for a day only.
I went to the mall last weekend alone and I just had a good time!
Jul 15 · 68
Relate
Arpitha Jul 15
Relate (v) :To make connection
I don’t relate anymore
My oldest girl friends
Are Having kids and building family
But All I really want to do
Is just get through the day
I joined a discord server
A safe space for women to talk
But I can’t get myself
To tell them how not okay I am
Everyone in this world
Seem to be on a different frequency
Try hard as I might
I just can’t get it right
It sometimes felt like I almost did
But then they went and changed it instead.
I feel so out of place among people.
Jul 10 · 104
Thoughts
Arpitha Jul 10
My thoughts weaved a web
And ensnared me step by step
They have become me
Or have I become them?
Jul 10 · 79
Flow
Arpitha Jul 10
Let the pen flow
breaking the skin
Ink and blood mix
Stopping the pounding
of my head and heart
Oh, sweet sense of relief!
Jul 9 · 66
Home
Arpitha Jul 9
Where do I go
When I want to go home
While I am at home
Where is home?
Jul 8 · 105
The way I am
Arpitha Jul 8
I know I told I didn’t want to go out
But the truth is I could not
I want to scream at the top of my voice
The knot in my throat doesn’t give me that choice
My heart beats a million miles a minute
It’s almost funny that I worry it will suddenly not
They say all I need to do is ******* breathe
I’m already doing that, more than I should
It is said that it’s always good to be prepared
Trust me, there’s not a single what if I’ve missed
The sound of a raised voice leaves me spiralling
Unfortunately that voice is always in my head
I have completely withdrawn from the world
Everyday in my bed I lay curled
It seems to have made a home in me
This thing, that no one can see
It continues to tear me apart bit my bit
And I just let it, without even putting up a fight
Just give me the magic pill
To make it go away
Before I get too comfortable
Being this way
Jul 7 · 182
Art
Arpitha Jul 7
Art
Medley of patterns
Flow onto the paper
Sorting through the mess
That is my head

Colors dance on the sheet
Never skipping a beat
Both Performing for me
And speaking for me

Feelings reborn in hues
Color and colourless
Let them flow
Together let’s grow
I love drawing mandalas
Jul 6 · 183
Life of an artist
Arpitha Jul 6
Nature, art and poetry
My only three needs
Bringing colours to life
Meaning to words
To be understood
only after long gone
Jul 4 · 134
No one cares anyway
Arpitha Jul 4
I never posted any of my poems
thought people would worry
I went ahead and posted one today
Turns out no one cared anyway
I posted one of my poems on my instagram story and no one asked if I was okay.
Jul 2 · 276
Silence
Arpitha Jul 2
If you think noise is loud
You haven’t been around silence enough
Jun 30 · 206
Happy Vs sad
Arpitha Jun 30
I listen to pink floyd when I’m happy
Trust me, you don’t want to know what I listen to when I’m sad

I talk to all my friends when I’m happy
But it’s only my demons that keep me company when I’m sad

I take pictures of my life when I’m happy
And I delete them all when I’m sad

My heart skips a beat when I’m happy
But It makes sure to catch up when I’m sad

My mind bursts with dreams when I’m happy
Replacing them all with nightmares when I’m sad

I feel all the love in the world when I’m happy
Oh why can’t I see it when I’m sad

You see, I write poems only when I’m sad
Because I’m way too busy dancing when I’m not
Jun 26 · 130
Sad
Arpitha Jun 26
Sad
Someday, maybe just someday
I will no longer be sad
I hope it will be in this life
And not in my next
Jun 25 · 214
Insomnia
Arpitha Jun 25
I wonder what it’s like
To have a peaceful night’s sleep
To not be scared of the silence
To not be terrified of the clock ticking
My eyes burn with no respite
As I write poems at night
Maybe if I empty my mind
I will finally be able to unwind
My demons laugh at me
They will not let me be
I’m losing my will to continue living
As I lie on my bed writhing.
Jun 24 · 140
Soul
Arpitha Jun 24
Black and withered
Condemned to hell
Nothing to care for
Nobody to live for

Lost beyond redemption
Charred beyond recognition
Pile of broken bones
Leaving behind a trail of discarded hopes

Soulless spirit
Wandering the earth
Darkness the only friend
Death the only end
Jun 23 · 101
Club
Arpitha Jun 23
My mom worried about me
She wanted me to join a club
Make some friends
Relax and have some fun

Look ma, I finally joined one
It convenes at 3 AM
Every single day

All my friends are here-
Anxiety depression and trauma
Having a party in my head
Jun 21 · 67
Depressed
Arpitha Jun 21
I don’t remember anymore
How it feels to not be this way
Maybe this is how I’ve always been
Maybe this is how I’ll always be.
Jun 21 · 185
Anxiety
Arpitha Jun 21
Heart racing
Limbs shaking
Ears throbbing
Stomach revolting
How do I just calm down
And stop thinking of it
When all I can think is what if

I can’t breathe
I can’t stay at ease
I can’t just let things go
Because anxiety won’t let go of me

I stop talking to everyone
I stop going out
Maybe it’ll make me feel better
But anxiety is getting the better of me

I’m losing control
Why can’t you see it
Maybe it’s just in my head
But why does that make it unreal

I am but just a slave to my anxiety
And I just can’t get free.
Jun 20 · 179
Black and white
Arpitha Jun 20
White canvas
Black lines
No space for color

White is too bright
Black is not dark enough
Oscillate between the two
Less towards the light
And more towards the dark.
Jun 19 · 180
Clouds
Arpitha Jun 19
Clouds roll in
Dark and scary
Threaten to push me under
Ask them to come join me

— The End —