Love is fleeting
Or so they say
But no matter what I do
I can't get over you

I beg and I plead
to the higher powers above
For months and months
To get over you

But try as I may
The love is still there
Causing heartache
Causing pain

You say lots of things
But never the one thing I need
For you to tell me it will be okay
And that we will get through this together

My love for you has grown eternal
And I fear it will be forever so
Because everytime I see you
It grows a little more

All you say is I love you
And that you want to be with me
But all I see is
You eyeing all these girls

I'm sorry I'm not a big chested girls
I'm sorry I was born the wrong gender
I'm sorry I'm not what you want

But I can't change that
Without changing who I am
And honestly
I can't even remember who I am

I feel like both
But that might just be my head
Playing tricks on me
While I fight these illnesses

The Depression and Borderline
Are getting worse and worse
But do you even care about that
I highly doubt that

I silently cry to sleep
Wondering if I am the one
To make you smile or laugh
But then I realize
I'm neither

I pushed away
The one person you wanted
Just because you cheated
And refuse to admit it

I know more than you think
I know all of what you do
And I don't have to read messages
Or hear gossip to see it

It's written all over you
The guilt is eating you alive
The guilt that you aren't with her
And are stuck with me

You go around trying to find bed buddies
While I'm locked up in a mental ward
Saying that I'm psychotic
When anyone would be

After what I went through
After our multiple breakups
After pleading with you multiple times
And the final straw was the anniversary

I don't know how much more I can bend
How much more I can break
How much more heartache I can go through
Before you see that all I love is you

I have stopped eating
And I keep losing weight
I try to be perfect
But I'm never enough

You say I don't need to cross dress
You say that my gender isn't why
But all I can see
is your lust for girls

You aren't Pan
You aren't even Bi
You aren't Demi
You are Straight and in denial

Maybe the only way
For you to truly love me
Is for me to just go with what I thought
And get that surgery

I've thought about it for a while
And I know you say I don't have to change
But I feel I must
In order to stay by our side

In other words
I love you
With all my heart
And I'm willing to die for it

The pain is always temporary
It will always fade in time
That is what I believe
But you must give it time

Never open old wounds
Because when you do
They begin to fester
And the rot sets in

Once the rot takes hold
It clings fast
And rarely lets go
Until it all collapses

So keep the wound shut
Keep it from getting infected
With more pain and anguish
Though this may be hard

It can be done
And it will be a test
One of great will
And sacrifice

My love for you is eternal
My heart aches for you
As I stare into your eyes
I see the vacant gaze of my reflection

I hear the pain In my heart
When you say that you love me
But do you really care
Or are you just faking

Is your love really true
Or are you just pulling
Pulling on my fragile
Tender heart strings

Can you sync
Can you feel the beat Can you hear my song
My hear string song

Just open your heart
Let the rhythm flow
Feel it in your soul
And watch glow

Rise up, Rise up
Hear the voices
Of our hearts
As they sing in harmony

Feel the passion in your chest
Let the love flow free
Take my hand
Let me guide you

To the hallowed Grounds
Where our souls reside
Feel the warmth
And let the love fly

Feel it in your soul
We are finally home
Our songs harmonizing
In eternal peace

You stand there accusingly
Saying rude things
Spouting nonsense
About breaking necks

About ****
Childhood and pain
Yet you don't know
About their past

You don't know
The pain they endured
The suffering they bare
Or the sorrow in their heart

Learn to open yourself up
Before you speak ill
Because what if they
Were ***** as a child

What if their mother
Curb stomped them
What if the only sense
Of peace is death

What if life is meaningless
What if everytime
They see a van
They freak out hysterically

What if a pitbull comes charging
Do you think they run
Or do you think freeze
Right in their tracks

What if they scream at night
From the dreams they get
Or cry themselves to sleep
Because they don't know what love is

What if their pain
Is so great
That the only way
They can express it

Is to hold it in
And never let it show
For fear that
It shows great weakness

You have no idea
What other's stories are
So before you judge or laugh
Take the time to know theirs

You sit there
With your crocodile tears
Hoping to get
A response from me

I sit here emotionless
As you look at me
I see no pain
I see no sorrow

I see no hurt
No love lost
You look normal
With no care for us

I get tired of
Seeing those fake tears
I walk away
And you follow

I turn back
Wondering why
But before you answer
I storm off in a rush

I toil with the idea
That maybe you actually care
But these past few months
You have shown the opposite

I sit and ponder
That maybe I'm just paranoid
But then I remember
Back to the stuff that happened

Stuff that you keep saying is nothing
Stuff that actually does matter
Yet you refuse to see
That it eats at me from the inside

Stuff that caused me
To melt down and collapse
My emotions couldn't handle
The crushing sorrow

So I stopped
I have set boundaries
Some that you might not like
But here's the thing

I'm tired of being toyed with
I'm tired of the heartache
I'm tired of being lied to
And I'm tired of being a Marionette

I'm tired of it all
And the worst part
Is that I allowed it
For far too long

So I made up my mind
I will be free
I will live my way
No matter how much you beg

Because I have always known
It was always a choice
That wouldn't end up
With me being first.

I have a few more days
In this prison cell
That they call
A hospital ward

Too long has it been
Since I have tasted freedom
I now feel like
I'm on a bed of roses

Feeling my skin
Getting ripped apart
Bit by little bit
It bleeds over the thorns

Soaking into the petals
Staining the white buds red
Dripping down to the floor
And making a pool of crimson

Waiting with anxiety
And anguish
Hoping to be free
To roam around once again

To walk amongst the living
To cast out my shadow
And inhale the fresh air
With my toes in the sand

But that seems like hopeful wishing
And maybe it is
But that is my wish
For a perfect vacation