I live a life of privilege;
It’s always been my norm.
A most comfortable existence I have lived,
From the day that I was born.

Had everything I’d ever need,
And all the things I’d want.
One might confuse it for greed,
I never asked; it’s how I was brought up.

All the food, shows, and gaming,
The world had, yet I was bored.
I had infinite satisfaction,
But from this, complacency formed.

So long I knew no else,
Then my views were changed.
Dad drove me through the city
And expanded my viewpoint’s range.

I get lost in my work.
Hungry again, I note.
The cycle restarts.
Better this time, I hope.

I find some good food,
Making sure to choose carefully,
And snag my water,
An essential, soon, you’ll see.

I avert my gaze—
I fear they’re all eyeing me—
And sit myself down
For a ritual eternity.

Many meals are Hell;
My body a warzone.
What you’ve learned to nurture so
Still hates you to the bone.

I accept this task I must master;
‘Twas not a choice I made.
It’ll stick with me for life;
‘Cause it’s one my genes gave.

The first taste is bliss,
But most bites bring pain quickly.
Size portions correctly;
So tired of feeling sickly.

Pain sears my throat,
So, I chew with vigor.
The swelling is fast;
I pray my water’s quicker.

The drink spells relief,
But every bite’s anxious,
Every swallow torment;
Each pause between captious.

Another meal unfinished; bitter defeat,
The peace remains unreachable.
I craved it so badly, and I was so close,
Now it looks repulsive; uneatable.

I check the scale once more,
So, skinny I remain;
Been mocked and critiqued
For weight, unable to gain.

I am Sisyphus ‘til sated,
The table is my hill,
Sustenance my stone,
And my mind is my will.

I get lost in my work.
Hungry again, I note.
The cycle restarts.
Better this time, I hope.

Goodbye to a part of you;
Not all, as we remain entwined.
Decided to stay friends one day,
Which cut off a choking vine.

This vine, we called it romance,
And intimate contact.
We loved parts of one another, but not enough,
And that’s okay, in fact.

I’m proud, friend, that you told me;
I thank you for your trust.
It means we can find someone who we can fully love,
And still hold each other up.

Goodbye to the part of you
That lies open just for me.
Goodbye to a future life and house;
I’ve thrown away my key.

We’ve put away our photos,
Yet treasure the memories.
What we had is over, but not gone;
We honor history, you and me.

You told me if we must ever part,
To first say goodbye.
I will, but will work to never have to,
Because you’re pretty cool, my guy.

On days like this, I am reminded of a feeling once foreign to me
A concept I’d only caught from books and from movies.
One that crushes yet contains no mass
That cripples heart and brain alike yet bears no blade.

It is the bitter, biting brutality of winter with no fire nearby to curl up to
Nipping at the heart and leaving it crisp with melancholy.
It is a plague which I seem to have regretfully caught
Despite having recently become so very aware of how to use its cure.

The girl across the hall opens her door and produces a weary, sigh with her exit
Perhaps a plea for an ear to listen or another to exist with.
She passes by my open doorway silently, contradicting herself
Our pleas for a social volley cast together into the blizzard.

I imagine she feels that same apprehension; hesitation
Or perhaps she had something to do.
The simple smile of another among the thousands here
Would be an ember of joy sufficient to set my hearth alight for days.

I crave that warmth like few things I have craved before
So close by, yet more scarce than it’s ever been.
Chatter was once my sun, and I basking endlessly below
How I yearn for summer in this raging storm.

Are we free anymore? I’ve asked myself lately,
Sure, it seems so, but a few things are shady,
Well, more than a few; in fact most of our lives
Are controlled and well-governed like dogs kept on lines.

Last week my own neighbor was caught and arrested
For owning plants curing her cancer, depression,
Science speaks truth but the Law doesn’t mind
Their care is your sentence, not the healing inside.

We’re ruled by fear, I’ve come to conclude
It’s limiting consciousness, limiting mood
Forced to pay off all those bills in the mail
Or they’ll haul you away to community jail.

It’s not always this way—look at it like this,
We do have a large sum of freedom as kids,
We can eat, speak, dress, and play how we please
Before the real world arrives, subjugating this ease.

“Get good grades in school, be quiet, and listen,
Better cut the tomfoolery or end up in prison,
Repent all your sins or you can’t go to Heaven”
...Are drilled in our heads by the time we reach seven.

Yes, it is fear; now much clearer to me,
Yet sadly too subtle for the masses to see,
Some of us hope that things will get better,
So we dogs may finally stray from our tether.

May a warm summer wind soon blow your way,
wishing you good, luck fortune, and good day.
You now a part of the Kingdom of Heaven;
what a wonderful place to go on and live in.

For there will be all of your wildest dreams;
nothing you thought you would ever believe.
And now, with that, you will finally receive
the wonderful Kingdom of Heaven.

May a warm summer wind soon blow your way,
Wishing you good, luck fortune, and good day,
You now a part of the kingdom of heaven,
What a wonderful place to go and live in.

For there will be all your wildest dreams,
Nothing you thought you would ever believe.
And now that you will finally receive,
The Wonderful Kingdom of Heaven.