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3.1k · Jan 2015
schizophrenia
Almost Lover Jan 2015
Sitting in the floor
Pulling my hair
Surrounded by thousands of people
That are not really there.

I feel the bugs on my skin
The thoughts tell me to hang myself
I ask "When"?

Loud noises from the hollow
All in my head
Throwing up the pills I did not swallow.

Oh God, where are you now
I'm going crazy
I'm going to **** myself... Somehow

Wrote a note to my mom
I'm so sorry I said
Eight years ago
I'm still not dead.

* YOU CAN OVERCOME THIS
2.4k · Jan 2015
Fifty Shades
Almost Lover Jan 2015
We don't have a love like the rest
I compare it to Anastasia and Christian
You are so cold and dark inside
You can't provide love in my life
You can't save me from the demons in my mind
But I love the way you feel inside.

It's hard pretending I do not care
I wouldn't have it any other way
The way your thrusting inside me
Pulling my hair, and I scream.

Down on my knees looking up at you
This is what we have to offer
A secret life of ***, and I can't be your lover
But the way you grab me, pulls me away
You can take all you want
Just stay,  my fifty shades.
1.9k · Jan 2015
Like Glass
Almost Lover Jan 2015
She looked at me, and said
"Inside I am so lonely, and dead"
Her blue eyes, the same as mine
Both of our lips, desperate for a smile
Hands are shaking, we both know
Our hands, are the lonely one's not meant to hold.

We stared at each other
Longing to connect
We both know, there is no meeting in the middle
"Last year really done me in" she said
"Now there are more days I wish I were dead".

"Oh dear soul, I've really lost my place"
Her hand, my hand touching
Cold like glass
We both pull back, alone again.

"We are not friends"! She screamed
This is not what it seems
It would be wrong of me to stay
We break the mirror, and walk away.
1.8k · Jan 2015
The devil and me
Almost Lover Jan 2015
The devil tore off my angel wings
Crushed my larynx, so I couldn't sing
Dragged me from heaven, straight to hell.

By the fiery pits of hell
I grew cold and alone
A once beating heart, turned to stone.

He ****** his claws, deep in my chest
Pulling out what was left of the rest
He left me there to die
I became Satan's broken angel, I realized.
1.7k · Jan 2015
Blame
Almost Lover Jan 2015
Blame it on the shame
Blame it on the judgmental tunes, that come from their soul
Blame it on the weather, who knows?


Eyes to the feet
Feet the floor
Blame on anyone
You don't want to be here anymore...

Open the gift to life
Close it fast
Blame it on God
This is going to last.

They take out the innocent
Leave the rude
Blame it on yourself
That you're still you.
1.5k · Jan 2015
Darkness
Almost Lover Jan 2015
Darkness crossed the road
Held out his arms for me to hold
I jumped in and cried "You're my only friend"
When will this end?

We saw the light
Fled astray
"We can't go there" the darkness said
Stay away.

I can't see where I am going
I'm not positive of where I have been
Everything I have ever done, has been labeled as one word
Sin.

I can find a friend in you
Just show me the way
Even in the darkness
I will not pray.

"Where is everyone you need them"? I asked
"They were never really there"
Darkness told me the truth
I don't need you.
1.4k · Jan 2015
In this moment
Almost Lover Jan 2015
I am scared
And alone
I miss the way you held me while we slept
Even though a love was never known.

Did it take alcohol to make you want me
Did it take a blurred reality for you to see
I want to replay those nights
But darling it's fight or flight.

I knew it was going to end
I even told you that on my knees
I just never knew I'd miss you so much
I never knew I'd be missing me.

I miss the way I could laugh with you
And everything was just fine
I miss the way we watched a movie with the no sound
All the little things.

I'm so sorry I fell for you
I told myself not to
I swear I did
I swear it's true
I knew one day I'd be in this moment
Missing everything about you.
1.4k · Jan 2015
A girl without a father
Almost Lover Jan 2015
I know you have ***** blonde hair, and blue/green eyes just like mine.
I know you had these big ol' ears, just like mine
I don't know what you sound like, or what  your laugh brings to a place
I don't know the love you hold for me, because you have died.

If I ever got to hold your hand, I don't recall
If I ever got to hug you,
I don't know I just look at these picture that do nothing at all
Just a constant reminder, you somehow existed, but I don't recall.

From what I hear you loved me From what I hear you needed me From what I hear I was your whole world but you never were  mine. Pictures just show me , somehow this was all true
but I never heard you laugh not ever, not once Maybe I did,
and I just don't know Maybe we laughed together, I don't recall.

Everyone tells me the stories about you,
and they are hard to believe It is hard to believe you were real, something in my life actually perfect Something perfect,
but I never got to see, but you going away is the easiest thing to believe.

When I make a mistake I stand alone I take a look around,
but I know you have already been gone for so long
Sometimes I secretly cry, because I need you to tell me what to do
and maybe I carry a grudge against God, for taking you
for leaving me here to fight all alone
For never having a place to really call home.

No opening Christmas gifts in front of the fire place
No letting you watch me blow out my birthday candles
No teaching me how to ride a bike
No, nothing at all, maybe you were just a figment of their imagination a reason to make me keep wondering what could of been
To keep a girl living in the past, to make a girl sin.

I guess I will never know, because all these wishes,
and all these prayers they have never showed me
if you were ever really there
and I get tired of the stories, and tired of the pictures,
tired of the father fairytale
Because I never became a princess, and you were never even there.

— The End —