Just one moment,
I plead for you.
To kiss me,
Hold me,
And care for me too?
Please tell me tales,
Of wonder and play.
Love me through words,
I need you to say.

'I love you, child',
'It'll be okay'.

But all is a dream,
You get quite annoyed.
For the child
Facing you,

Is the one you avoid.

These twisted tales,
Carved in my mind.
Turned bitter and blind
From frantic fright.
Numbed from nettles
That poke me at night.
Accept the strangles
That choke me so tight.
Feeling only the dark
And hiding from light.

These walls
Have spoken a thousand tales.
Yet still,
They pound,
Like thunder and hail.

Oh,
No.
I must dismiss,
And forget.
But my mind is low,
And my grave is set.
Eyes they water,
And hands they sweat.
Sounds of laughter
To thoughts of threat.
Please.
Leave me be to just reset.
Let the cycle be free,

And just let me rest.

I am cold ,
Like ice.
My soul sunk
Like the sun at night.
And though I tried
To leave you behind,
The thoughts of you
Did not subside.
They wandered
About,
Inside my mind,
Climbed great heights
Like clouds of sky.
But clouds,
They rain,
As did my eyes.
For now,
My heart,
Has left to die.

Look at us,
Buried in dust.
This little love
Has died with us.

We had our fun,
Oh yes we did.
But your heart is heavy,
Too broken to fix.

For mine is steady,
But my soul,
Amiss.
As I turn away
From your quiet kiss.

We sit in silence,
Near the door we wait.
For one to open,

And the other to stay.

I lost my mind ,
Or so it seems.
Doused in fear
Of uncertainty.
The mind is small
Yet we think so big.
And here I lay
In the grave I dig.
As one small nudge
And I’m ready to blow.
Losing myself ,

Now out of control.

'Come,
Take my hand'.
Said the boy
That I,
Created in my head.
To live a little lie,
And go here instead.
Escaping my pain,
Away from such dread.
When I open my eyes,
I see nothing but red.
But I cave inside,
And here,
I fled.

Again,
And again.
A mind empty ,
Now full of dread.
Thoughts of confusion,
Moments in illusion.
Following an order
From strange intrusions.
My mind is chaotic
With harsh infusions.

Feelings they urge me,
With wrong solutions.

'Hold it together';
Says the voice in my head.
But my brain is burning
And rotting in dread.

'Stay steady, and grounded';
They tell me once more.
But I'm frozen in worry
Of thoughts that scorn.

'Concentrate now';
They shout quite loud.
As I walk back and forth
Inside this house.

My lungs have no air,
Yet I'm breathing just fine.
'This won't last long';

And neither will I.

My love,
I wish you could visit.
Your smile,
Your laugh,
Is truly exquisite.
And I knew,
From the very start,
That you and I
Can never depart.

As not a million miles,
Can break us apart.

Dear lord,
Please help me know.
That these feelings I feel
Will come to go.
Guide me through paths
That frost in snow.
Cover me in sun
To dim the unknown.
And lord,
Please know,
Before I go,

I feel ill at mind,
But hope in my soul.

I have blossomed,
I have sewn.
From a girl of youth,
To a woman of grown.
My body
Is different.
To me it's unknown.
Though I feel
Such hatred,
For my newer mould.
But that is okay,
We all must grow.

And learn to love our beauty of old.

To hear your cries,
Broke me inside.
Wheezing for breath,
As I sit by your side.
My mind,
Hurt me,
But at least we tried.
So weary in fret,
Though we seemed just fine.
But I live in regret,
It should pass in time.
Though I'll never forget,

The you and I.

Hatred,
It runs through my veins.
Cascading through
My body of pain.
Attacking my system,
It alters my brain.
Leaving bitter notes
And thoughts that stain.
And I,
The victim,
Of my own demise.
Unable to love
My own little mind.

From little dollies,
To sitting in trollies.
Sitting beneath trees,
In the summer breeze.
Not a care I felt,
Nor a worry to feel.
Just me and my friends,
Imaginary or real.
The delight of innocence,
In the simpler days,

As I ponder back to the simpler ways.

My company ,
Is home.
Though others fill
My battery ,
True company,
Is alone.
Taking pleasure
In silence ,

Cosy in my dome.

My mind is dying,
And I with it too.
Thinking is tiring,
I'm empty of fuel.
From working in jobs,
To studies in school.
From speaking with others,
Then losing my cool.

My body is weary,
My brain on fire.
But alas,
I give in.

For I am just too tired.

Your company ,
Is wanted,
Yet mine is not.
My words mean nothing
As they tie in a knot.
I slow walk behind
As you hold their hands.
And I know,
That I am the one you can’t stand.
Yet you make yourself known,
Like the lead of a pack.
But your acting ,
So greatly ,
As I hang in the back.

Someone tell me,
How the mind can stall?
From thinking too much
To nothing at all.
As I sit,
Still,
Staring at the wall.
Emotions
They numb,
As my thoughts
Do brawl.
And now,
Worn out,

I am ready to fall.

Darling,
What has changed?
Your eyes once glistened,
Now lock in flames.
Your heart once mellow,
Now lives in pain.
Your mind once yellow,
Now blue and grey.

And your soul,
Is cold,
And has flown away.

My heart,
Does not beat with yours.
Our rhythms
Irregular,
And I don't know the cause.
Time has flown,
Yet we haven't grown.
We're open stitches
That can't be sewn.
And now,
We continue our paths alone.

Can I confess?
That it wasn't my dress,
That led you to see
Me in my vest.
Dress to impress,
I do indeed.
But not to be stripped
And dipped in your sheets.
So you see,
Your desires,
Are your OWN to keep.

And do NOT blame a woman
Who you made unclean.

From one night,
To daylight,
My mind in a haze.
My body in a daze,
My soul full of shame.
As not one moment,
Can I live in present.

For past,
Is where I stay.

Your words,
They sting.
They float like bees
In the middle of spring.
Around they go,
From head to toe.
Yet I try
To swat them away.
But they stay.

And leave a stain to this very day.

Sinking in silence,
My breath is shallow.
Mind is rapid
Yet still so hollow.
'Let it pass'
They say,
Thoughts will subside.
But mine continue
To haunt me inside.
My body is tired,
Brain on fire.
As pressures of life
Raise much higher.

I wrote a letter,
For you.
A darling for me,
Caught in the blue.
Unknown,
Silent,
A mystery to life.
Though I
Saw through,
And found your light.

I feel,
Tense.
Nothing is wrong,
But nothing makes sense.
Things are,
Intense.
Overwhelmed
By fear
Locked in my head.
Silly little scares,
Born and bred.
To fears of unknown,
I can't comprehend.

Dare I say,
Take me back to sweeter days.
No worries
To fight,
Nor sorrows
To woe.
Just waiting
For sun
And the fall of snow.
These little joys
Replenished my soul.
And now,
I yearn,
For thoughts of old.

'You will be okay'.
Four words that seem so fake.

To hear it,
Is common.
But to feel it,
Is rare.

Yet the ones that tell you,
Are the ones that care.

For the hope they hold will always be there.

Sit with me,
Just for a while.
I am no creature,
Nor am I vile.
I ponder and wander,
Sitting alone.
Perhaps your company
Would feel like home?
It is too silent,
But I cannot say.
My body stays quiet,
Through night and day.
As all I crave,
Is a word to share.
To someone who stays,

And someone who cares.

My beauty,
Through and through.
What I would do,
Just for you.
I would walk the mountains,
To save your life.
Sacrifice mine,
To keep you alive.
I would stop the pain
You feel each day.
Take the bullet,
To keep you safe.
As my love for you,
Darling,
Shall never stray.

I cannot breathe,
My lungs are weak.
Tears sink
Softly down my cheek.
This isn't me,
My speech is bleak.
Shaking so badly
On my seat.
Oh doctor,
Please doctor,
What could this be?
He mutters a word
Too familiar to me.

Anxiety.

Here I sit,
Restless.
These echoes,
Relentless.
Shame
Crawling through my veins.
Leaving a mark
On my withered brain.
Too spiteful to care
For my weakened frame.

For I
Shall choose myself to blame.

I am weary,
Though not for sleep.
This yawn
Means something more deep.
And I fear,
In my rest.
Body tosses
Through unmade sheets.
Yet I wake,
Instead.

As the cycle repeats.

Here I stand.
And though I land
With a thump and thud,
Little whispers
Fill me with love.

And these little voices,
Replicate mine.
As love of others
Was difficult to find.

Yet I do not mind,
No not at all.
For love of oneself,

Is better
Then none at all.

I envision a dream,
Created by me.
Of a boat floating
Along a gentle sea.
No waves to see,
Nor fish I seize.
Just one with myself,

And finally at ease.

In my world,
There is black and white.
Lots of fights,
Continuous cries.

But that's okay.

I get my paints,
And color the greys.
Turn white to yellow,

And finally create.

One idea,
To a thousand thoughts.
Some prove true,
Others are false.
Cruel or kind?
Nobody can tell.
Not even I,
The creator of this shell.
For my own,
Are unknown,
They choose,
They decide.
Leaving a complexity
In our evergrowing mind.

Dear lord,
Lead me away.
Hurt still greets me
In the hours of day.
My loss of love
Was extraordinary pain.
And all that’s left is
Your ghostly remains.

My body,
Is here.
Yet my mind,
Is lost.
My soul,
Frozen,
Covered in frost.
And though joy exists,
I simply do not.
My brain
In a mist,
As my heart does rot.

A flatter,
To tamper.
Bruises on my skin.
You loath in power
From a delicate flower,
Seduced by ruthless sin.
Frills and thrills,
Shrieks that shrill,

This was your proudest win.

The fire,
Burns me,
Cutting deep inside.
Sparks do fly
As I speak my mind.
Trying to hide
This relapse of rage.
But it controls me,
Slowly,  
Like a puppet on stage.

Our love
Runs cold.
Memories of us
Now stale and old.
No word we utter
When coming home.
Just you and I,
In an empty lie,
Turning to stone.

Darling,
If only you knew.
My love for you,
Is through and through.
Unconditional,
And exciting too.
No other soul
Could fill your shoes.
And that
Shall always,
Be our truth.

To feel everything,
But nothing at all.

To hear everyone,
But no one to call.

To sleep and weep
In the hours of day.

I slip into darkness,
And fall astray.

My lungs,
Created as two.
Yet both drown
In the sorrow of truth.
My mind,
So busy.
My head,
So dizzy.
But i’m alive.
Though barely breathing.

My pain,
Makes you smile.
Nothing better
Then hurting a child.

Your scolded,
Yet you resume.
Torturous
Each day at school.

And you continue ,
Until shame greets you.
But you pretend ,
And offend,

Until you find someone new.

My vision,
Is blurry.
I’m locked in a cage.
My tears,
They hurry down my face.
My mind,
In fury,
It has me insane.
For I wish to finally breathe again.

My thoughts.
So dark
They can’t be sought.

Little whispers
Cloud my head.
Triggers straight to my head.

Encrypting
Their teachings
Into my mind.

And I,
Now fallen,

Subjected to lies.

Am I incapable,
Of love?
No experience
From a world so tough.
No feeling
Through a heart so numb.
Yet I succumb,
Accept,
And move on.