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170 · Nov 2020
Not Quite
Anemone Nov 2020
Sometimes i forget to eat,
And find that i prefer it
Sometimes i forget to drink
And find that the headaches are worth it
Sometimes i look in the mirror
And find someone i hate to see
Sometimes i think that she is pretty,
And then i see it's just ugly me
But i am not in danger
And i am not rib and bone
So i am not an issue
And i am not quite worthy of calls on the phone
169 · Dec 2020
White Out
Anemone Dec 2020
I hear the roaring of the brook, so wild, untamed, and free.
It’s rhythmic and musical, beautiful,
catching everything that comes its way.
And I see my reflection smile back at me.

The world as I know it has changed.
Everything is different now.
Everything has been rearranged.
All the lights have gone dark on the stage.

All the sounds, they’re gone.
Silent.
All the people, at home.
It’s so quiet.

Will it be this way forever?
Has it changed?
Will it ever go back to how it was?

The music is part of me,
And this family is too.
How can I survive this
Without conduction and notes to read and review?

I knew that this would end,
But I never thought it would be so soon.
How can I make it through this
Without humming a single tune?

I thought that we could say goodbye
And I wish I could hug you now
I thought that we could put on a show
And watch you take your final bows.

I don’t know if we can make it through
But I know we have to try
Because we are the singers, the dancers, the dreamers
This isn’t the only time we cry.

Artists face so many struggles,
On that you can depend.
The only difference now it seems
Is that we cannot comfort our friends.

I will never forget the time we’ve had,
And I hope that you’ll remember too.
Because through the years of tears, confronting our fears,
I did it with help from all of you.

This is a family, this is a life
It can be hard for some to understand
Just how much the music has changed us
we are grieving for the loss of our chorus, our band

This is the end of so many years, and this is a feeling so strong
Eyes water, tears fall, heart breaks, and still we brave it all
Because we are a unit, a family of friends,
And this both beginning and end.
156 · Feb 2021
Hollow Game
Anemone Feb 2021
I am not a figment of your imagination
I am just a dream to you
One you can cast aside
One you can leave behind
One you can ignore
One you can ignore

I am just a casualty
In this hollow game
That you’ve created for me
There are no holes for trying hard to fit through
In this child’s matching game of patterns, shapes and colors too
I know everything
I see all
But you still don’t believe in me
As long as you have me at your beck and call
Who am I to be
Where are the people like me
Trying, trying to be
The savior
Not the demon
You all thought and planned for me to be

That’s what I’m trying to be
152 · Nov 2020
Try to Love
Anemone Nov 2020
I know I'm not aromantic
I know I'm not experienced in love
but I know someone
that made me certain of
I know the sunrise
brings a new day
but I want to tell you
whatever you feel
that I feel the same way
I'm not that good at love songs
I can never get them right
but I can try for you
we can try tonight
131 · Nov 2020
Flame
Anemone Nov 2020
the flame devours all
watch it burn
watch yule logs in the winter
curl up to fireplaces for warmth
we toast marshmallows and make smores
fire is bright, peaceful, beautiful
deadly
spreads and kills in seconds
almost impossible to stop
fighting the fire for so long
stop and watch
the flame devours all
it's your turn
128 · Nov 2020
2 AM
Anemone Nov 2020
I'll remember you any day
Even when you're far away
I'll remember you
127 · Nov 2020
Step
Anemone Nov 2020
look at the starlight
as it shines on the shore
look at my melody
I can't do this anymore

look at the sun
look at the rain
since I am silent
you can't see my pain

there are many things
worth singing for
step out of the darkness
step out the door
124 · Dec 2020
List
Anemone Dec 2020
The friends who forget i exist
and leave me out
and leave me to die
why?

2. The people who pity
and don't care
whether i am even there
why?

3. The noises you think i cant hear
all of them spoken by those i thought i could hold dear

4. The tears i shed
when i come right home to bed
and cry
why?

5. The secrets you thought i was blind to

6. The girl you thought you knew

7. the flaky friend

8. The light at the end

9. Always running out of time

10. Writing again and again

11. The canceled plans

12. The helping hands

13. The stories that saved me
even if only for a bit

14. the song
or the lack of it

15. The voices in my head

16. Song and script until i'm dead
116 · Nov 2020
Numb
Anemone Nov 2020
I'm numb.
Numb.

A word Ending in mb
Such a strange combination
Occurring most memorably in dumb

Numb.

People are injected with novocaine to quell the pain in surgical operations
I don't need any kind of injection for my own physical protection
I already feel no pain
Yet they give it to me all the same

This is defense
This is to cope
This just makes sense
That's what I hope
A rush of emotion
Something I can feel
Is this temporary
Is this even real

When was the last time you actually ate
I don't know - I don't know what I put on my plate
Joy for a minute and then it's all gone
And they ask me what is it - what could possibly be wrong

I'm yearning
And learning
And
Not earning

Any of their respect
It's a multiple-choice test and no answers are correct
116 · Nov 2020
Lovesick
Anemone Nov 2020
Once upon a nightmare
or maybe it was a dream
but I can safely tell you
everything's not as it seems

I've got secrets to tell
but I don't tell them to you
but now it's do or die
and that's the good and honest truth

once there was a girl, just a few years ago
lovesick, I confess
and you might think you know what happens now
but you could never guess
106 · Nov 2020
a different world
Anemone Nov 2020
I hear the roaring of the brook
so wild, untamed and free.
It’s just… Beautiful.
Catching everything that comes its way.
And I see my reflection smile back at me.
The world as I know it has changed.
Everything is different now.
Everything has been rearranged.
All the lights have gone quiet on the stage.
All the sounds are gone.
Silent.
All the people, at home.
It’s so quiet.
Will it be this way forever?
Has it changed?
Will it ever go back to how it was?
102 · Nov 2020
Memories of You
Anemone Nov 2020
There’s a house
There's a lake
There's a field, a plow, and a rake

There are so many animals
They're my friends
There are people laughing
At every day's end

There are people dancing
There are so many songs
And there are so many wonders
I wonder if the world has seen them all

There are secrets and truth
And elders and youths
There are people, just people
Nothing more.
Nothing less.
It's a mess.

There are clocks
Ever reminders
Present no matter what we do to just ignore

There are so many little things
That life has in store
There are jump ropes
There are ties
There are sweets
There are swingsets and rhymes
There are games we play
So many games we play

And none of us know exactly why
There are books and paintings, and screens galore
There are lion and tigers
I hear them roar
There are children growing up

Guess I was one too
There are so many memories
Of you

There are so many memories
Of you
101 · Dec 2020
My Lady
Anemone Dec 2020
My lady, a song for the love that I feel,
With you holding my hand, it is suddenly so real
There isn’t a note to express or appeal
The love I share for you my lady
The love I share for you

If a witch casts a spell and sings you to sleep
There isn’t any reason for the kingdom to weep
They can try to hold you and yet nothing can keep
Keep me from saving you, my lady
Keep me from saving you
96 · Nov 2020
Father, Do You Remember?
Anemone Nov 2020
Father, do you remember what flowers smelled like?
Do you remember the ocean's calm waves?
Father, what was it like to run in the sunlight?
Or to play outside all day?

Father, do you remember what trees looked like
before they all went away?
Father, what was it like to breathe clean air
when you walked to school each day?

Father, why do you cry?
Is it because you can't see the sky?
Father, what did the world use to be?
What was the world like when it was happy?

Father, where are all the kids like me?

What is a dog?
What is a cat?
What is a bird?
Do you remember that?

What is a dream?
Did you ever have one?
Is it something you buy, like air?
Is it something you hold, and care?

Father, do you remember when people used to care?
Father, do you remember that?
93 · Dec 2020
I'm Sorry
Anemone Dec 2020
I’m sorry

I’m sorry that I am a pain
I’m sorry that I walk in the rain
I’m sorry I act like a little kid
I am sorry for all I ever did

I’m sorry for all I feel
I’m sorry that I am real
I’m sorry for raising my hand
I’m sorry that I'm willing to stand

I’m sorry
Truly sorry
I hope you understand

I am invisible
I am asexual
I am an atheist
I bi-romantic

I'm only fifteen
So "I don't know what I mean"
I'm a feminist
I stand up and resist

And I’m sorry that I live

I was born into a world full of doubt and hate
I was born into a world where I was always too late
And every time my heart beats it breaks
Every time I force a smile it aches

I wear a mask made of paper mache
I know it sounds cliche
But that is simply just the way
That is simply my day by day

So I’m sorry
So sorry
What can I say?

I’m sorry
So sorry
But now what is the price you must pay?

So I’m sorry
I’m sorry that I don't have much to give
I’m sorry
So sorry

But even still I live.
written years ago, found again in old files
64 · Dec 2020
Sometimes
Anemone Dec 2020
Sometimes our memories haunt us
Sometimes we lie awake at night
Some of us are happy
Some of us know something’s not right
58 · Nov 2020
Promise
Anemone Nov 2020
You'll see that once words fly
All the mock birds in the sky
Will stop their petty lies
54 · Nov 2020
Answering Machine
Anemone Nov 2020
Hello. It's nice to meet you.
My name is Anemone. What's yours?
Cool, do you want to play?

Hey, I've really missed you.
You aren't returning my calls,
Is everything okay?

Hey, it feels like it's been ages,
What's going on,
Where have you been?
Oh, that's sad, I'm so sorry,
Do you want a hug,
Come on bring it in!

Uh hey, I know you said you're busy
Just wanted to ask.... anyway,
You know my parents don't believe you
When you flake on me every day

But its fine,
I know you're busy
And I know what you're going through
Just promise me you'll remember
I'm always here for you

Hey, maybe we could do something this weekend,
No, you're right that's true
But my schedule is wide open
I don't have anyone but you
36 · Nov 2020
Sharing
Anemone Nov 2020
I’m so scared
Am I sharing too much now
After years and years of silent doubts and fears
Am I a burden now
Could I take it back?
Now everyone knows that I’m a freak
Should I have stayed silent?
I was a fool to speak

I know others have it harder
I don’t pretend I have it worse
While for years and years my friends and peers
Have had fun and learned to talk
I buried my mind and heart so deep
That I don’t know where they are

Now I fear I’ve dug too deep
And I can’t find a way out
I’ve dug down until my fingers bled
And I sat in silence, thinking about
My stories and fantasy realms
Where are they, can I go there
Can I share a piece of me without being met with stares?

I’m choosing a career path that is destined to fail
Because I can’t even write down an idea in my mind
I feel so trapped inside this place, and I’m ready to bail
The world is going to end up gone before I get there

What can I do
I always somehow knew
But now when everyone wants to know
I have to say I don’t have a clue

People are horrid, and none of them deserve what they have
Do I deserve what I have
What do I have

Betrayal
Lies
Trust gone forever
Death
Bullying
And a bedrock tether

One by one they hurt me
Poison me with their lies
And now I cannot even trust
A single face, a disguise

Who am i
Am I talented
Not anymore
Am I confident
Not anymore
Am I empathetic
I wish I weren’t
Am I cursed
Maybe so

Am I a little coward who can’t face her problems
And needs to rely on meds
Am I worthy of a single minute with a single friend?
Keep your guard up
Don’t say a word
Maybe that will help
Maybe it will hurt you
But it won’t hurt anyone else

— The End —