Wake me up when corona ends.

I don't like it when poems are long
When poems are long and keep going
on and on

I don't like it when poems are long
because my brain begins to think of a song
and then a hippopotamus twirling and whirling around

When poems keep going on and on
my mind cannot stand another stanza
and then the lion pops into my head

The lion that tells me this is gonna be long
that this poem is as vast as the sea
and nor you or I will be able to flee

I don't like it when poems are long
unless of course they are written into a song
will hippopotamuses dancing

Unless that poem is intriguing
with life and color and passion
with feeling and being and desire

excuse me?
But I do not like it when poems are long
unless they are good and they are strong

I sit there
Teacher talking
The people around me talking
But me I am not joining and I am still not listening to the teacher;
Like I should!

Instead of listening to the teacher I listen to the girls on my left
They are talking about a crush that one on of them have.
To my left boys talking about some girl they say in the hallway
Apparently, she is their friend’s girlfriend and she is cheating on him
The couple in front of me to awkward to actually talk
Randomly say random every now and then.
The girl sitting behind me tapping her pencil.
The mower outside the window. The kids in the hall running around making a scene.
I think about what I wanna do when I get home.
I think about so many things I lose myself.
I think about everything except what I should be doing.
I constantly move cause I can't sit still. I tap my pencil
everyone give me looks because of all of it

I want to focus I really do. That all I want to do.
I don't want to be distracted by everything around me that when that bell rings
I won't have a clue what the homework is or what we learned.
I don't want to go home and call up my friend
that has the same teacher two class periods before me and ask what we learned.

Everyone just says take medicine,
Just try harder.
But I don't want to take that medicine.
I don't want to alter my mind because I am to weak to control my own thoughts,
How do you think that makes me feel.

What causes me to do all this?
It isn't because I am dumb or stupid, or unable to learn.
It's because of my ADHD.

keep me enthralled
oh look a wall

Can’t fall asleep
Awake exhausted with only a few hours of sleep
Mind clouded with thoughts of death
Go down stairs mom gets upset you should have left by now
Put on my makeup , maybe it can  hide my insecurities
Swallow the pill that suppresses my personality
Go to school to feel humiliated
Feel the glares as they stare
Late again ? don’t you have any friends? So try to pretend  
I don’t eat yet I still taste defeat
I have a billion thoughts but can’t find the words to speak
No one can help me if I’m trapped in my own thoughts

sometimes
                                                       ­                         my
                                     ­ brain
                       doesn’t
                                                       ­     work

right
                                                ­                               and

                             my

                                              thoughts

     ­                                         scatter

               ­                                                    like
                               beads

                                     spilled
                               on
                                                              ­                 tile

floor

I can’t listen.
My mind is a prison.
Tears fall down my cheek.

My confidence weak.
No appetite to eat.
Thoughts race and prevent me from sleep.

Bags under my eyes.
Whats that in the sky?
They tell me its just a phase.

ADD isn’t real.
Why is this such a big deal?
Little do they know it ruins my days.

Can’t focus in class.
Teachers think its a load of crap.
No one understands that this isn’t okay.

I try so hard.
I studied all night!
But I always seem to fail.

Look at my medication.
Look up the facts.
When will they realize ADHD is real.

Reality and daydreams.
Which one is real?
Which is more important;
The lesson in class, or the color of my nails?

My confidence; frail
My complexion; pale
My mind?
A jail.

But I put on a smile.
Make life seem worthwhile.
Because once in a while I can finish a task.

But pretending i’m fine.
Missing homework deadlines.
It’s like i’m hiding myself with a mask.

Don’t get me wrong.
Some people have it worse.
At least I have a roof over my head.

Although i’ve cried.
I’ve never considered suicide.
But others wish to be dead.

So treat me with respect.
Break the stigma.
And educate yourself.

ADHD is real.
It’s an unfair deal.
So you can choose to understand mental health.

I don’t have enough focus to listen.
And thats what your missing.
This is not a choice, this is something I dread.

So next time you judge me.
Next time you label me.
Remember, some with ADHD wish to be dead.

"I lost her to mental illness."
It just doesn't produce
Quite the same sympathy as
"I lost her to cancer." Or
"I lost her to a car accident."

People look at you strangely
As if you don't understand
What it means to be alive,
That you don't know a person
Is alive and well if they're breathing
And talking and living.
They try to correct you and say
That you're just not in contact
With her anymore,
Not that you've actually lost her.

People think mental illness:
"Can't be that bad, right?"
"At least she's still alive."
"You could still talk to her,
If you wanted."
They think being sad about it,
Being broken hearted over it,
Being depressed because of it,
Is just exaggerated hysterics.

But I lost her to mental illness.
I lost her to mental illness!

It IS that bad!
It means she is gone from me
As much as if she physically died!
I CAN'T talk to her
Even though I do want to!

There is no going back
To the way it used to be.
Every day of the rest of my life
Will be missing a key person
Whom I can never get back.

She abandoned me,
Chose to walk out of my life.

But it was the mental illness
That stole any hope I had
Of seeing her walk back in.
It was the mental illness
That orphaned me.
It was the mental illness
That "killed" my mom.

So please don't trivialize my loss.
Don't depreciate my pain.
It's just as valid and just as real.

I lost her to mental illness.