I think I'm torn between who I was and who I want to be.
Trapped in purgatory just behind the exit.
I'm stuck in a room with no windows, only doors, none of which I have the keys too.
Somedays I'm so close to getting through one of them. Maybe the key is hidden under a door mat in someone else's subconscious or maybe just beneath my feet.

Let's pretend my tears are warm and my frown is a smile,
let's pretend you never left me, even for a while.
Let's close our eyes at the radiance of vacant dreams,
let's say our lids have not opened but waited for a moment.
Let me pretend I've never been hurt, that lies are but a
shade of white;
we are but history hung from another era in a velvet world
where the victor tells the tale.
Let's pretend this song has not being sung and
that the rhythm of my melody hasn't been plagiarized by
the impostor with a pen and paper.
Let's pretend we are one, under the billow of a mind,
that the sky is the blanket of our sleep and doesn't harbor
but our bodies in the shores of the night tide.

From birth to death we are constantly evolving constantly growing and weaving our selves into the lives of other people like an entanglement of stars in the night sky. But life isn't like a star or the ocean or anything else we compare it too. Life and all it's complexities cannot be compared to a single entity but rather a mosaic of the fragmented stain glass that is the human experience.

We always leave before the sun leaks through the faded curtains
Throwing clothes over our raw skin so the sky doesn't see us.
And you mostly pretend to sleep soundly on the bed, inching towards to crease where I fall asleep.
Because you're okay with leaving.
And because I've done it enough to prefer it.
Dances like ours aren't meant for the light of the day or the twinkle of the stars
But for the pitch black, utter, endless darkness of a windless night.
You are a cold breeze on my otherwise warm afternoon, giving me goosebumps and making me shiver.
Something I haven't decided if I like or not.

your warm, smooth touch lingered on my skin,
words dripping effortlessly from your lips
coursing slowly through my veins.
the sincerity you showed is still stuck in my mind,
crystallized
like sickeningly sweet amber.

but your touch turned gritty and bitter,
your words no longer flowing
but harsh and rasping, making sure
to cut me as i try to stomach them.
your tacky exterior enticed
the insects that bite and sting relentlessly and eventually
you replaced me.

you were like honey,
but now you’re just the faint memory
of sweetness on my tongue.

i'd rather you tell me
those sickly sweet three words
as an april fools joke
than never hear them at all
and i think
that makes me pathetic and weak
but god,
i've never loved anyone
as much as i love you

Remember that day when we were sitting in the stairs?
the day we kissed for long hours
I decided I wanted to stop time there.
Everything was just amazingly perfect.
But then it was over,
I went one way, you went another.
My perfect moment was dead, gone.
And now as I remember you kissing me
when you gave me a kiss in every single part
claiming it yours before anybody else
how you kissed my eyelids, my nose.
I don´t know if you remember.
I do.
And it hurts.
Every single thing you touched in me burns
it consumes my every happiness.
my will to move on.
How did you do?
How did you forget?
I guess you are lucky.
Or maybe you just don't care.
But please, I beg you
Help me forget.