Can I build a castle
from remains of shattered glass?

I went back in
hiding
escaping
cried myself to sleep

I wanted to be alone
but couldn't resist
the fireworks

Once a year
I lift up these weights
and carry them with me

Unlike others
who carry them everyday
I can only lift them on this day

And yet,
Even in my normal life
I can still see them there, in the corner

These weighs
remind me of war
and the pain that comes with it

She may not be
the one for me
but she doesnn't need to be
to make me happy

I am sorry Margo
but I cAn't let go
Even though I tried
I can't leave it aLl behind

every time I Ran away
I found that my waY
is on A track
leaDing me back

in my Home I
always fouNd my
Father waiting for
me aT the door

He would say:
'Son Please don't go away
I love you'
I love you too

I fell in love with you
amazing paper girl

I want to know you better
amazing paper girl

you only want to be an
amazing paper girl

I must stop loving you
amazing paper girl

Because if I don't
amazing paper girl

I will tear you
amazing paper girl

In my search of
The real amazing girl

I think realized why
realized why I cry
when you complimenet
me

you are pulling out
the blades
stuck in my heart
and it hurts

this sweet pain
it hurts
the best way
it could hurt

Did you knew that
when a heart
is damaged
it will never grow back
how it used to be?

A scared tissue
Won't solve the issue
it tries to
keep you
alive

Don't be afraid to hurt me
Your knife will not find a space
to stab my tortured heart
between all the blades
jabbed in it before

If you find a place
a non scared face
of my ill-treated heart

You may stick your knife in it
see what you can hit
that hasn't been before

I can not save me
I can not change my mind
I've been held down
And left you half-alive
I'm stuck in this nightmere
I'm closing down my mind
I can't go on, I'll close my eyes
I can't save my life,
I will die to save you.

If I decide
to give you
a part of my heart
to stab into
please do

My heart
is that
of a deadman

it's not beating
has no feeling
Knows no pain

How many times
can you stab a heart
before it tears apart?

I hold the razor in my right hand
shaking, like I always do
I drench the metal in my flesh
feel the pain I am so used to

The shaking stops
my mind is clear
I drop the blade
escape with fear

What have I done?

I try to hide but I am bare
the evidense are there:
My right hand smell of steel
my left hand taste of it

I want to hurt
I want to be hurt
I want to feel pain
again

I gave you my heart
that integral part
now all I can do
is care for you

Although this love
is nothing but great
I want to feel
hate

don't think you understand,

I don't want to believe I am this horrible human being.
I've done things, I've hurt people in ways you wouldn't believe I could. I broke people, some of them may never be repaired. The worst part? I enjoyed it; Seeing their hate, their despise, watching their mental walls crumble filled me with wonder and joy.

I don't want to believe I am broken, but the past haunts me, and I can't even remember it, but I know it's there - the horrible truth. When I try I can almost remember - but it hurts too much.
People have hurt me, broke my heart, broke my trust, crushed my faith in humanity and left me scared for life. If only I could remember why.
I don't want to love you, you deserve better, someone beautiful and whole like you, but I do. I love you.

I do

If I ever hurt myself
it is to
not hurt
you

You killed a part of me
it only hurts less
because time
has spread it
through
my body

I am I
am I?

I will never hurt you
yet

My right hand smell of steel
my left hand taste of it

I saw you
I talked to you
I ate with you
I hugged you
but still
I can't believe you are real

You are my hero
you came to save me
from myself

A scarecrow is standing
lonely in the field
scaring away
all of the birds

A scarecrow is somber
because he knows
the birds will never like him
he will always be alone

In summer he stands
his timber body
cracking in the heat
as the farmer harvests his grain
not batting an eye
at his old fiend

In autumn he stands
he is left alone
neglected
he can only watch over
as the new plants
grow on the land

In winter he soaks
as the land take in
all of the rain
as he stand in the goo
he simply wants someone
to take him in too

In spring, the season of love
all he can hear are the voices above
the crows and the sparrow
screaming at him
he is frozen
able only to grim

As he know only spite
he spots something bright
shining with happy and glee
between the flowers flies free
a beautiful, colorful butterfly

He then understands
that he is the one
that keeps the butterfly safe

all the heat,
all the cold,
all the drought,
all the rain,
all the loneliness,
all the pain,
are fine
as long as the butterfly
can shine

So I told her
That I love her

And she told me
that she doesn't know
how she feels about it
but she does enjoy

our conversations
our talks late into the night
our small openings into
each others minds

and that was enough for me
to keep me
happy(?)

I gave you something
that most did not see
I gave you a piece
of myself to keep

but you threw it away
and laughed at me
as it broke

you ****** up

For years I did not dream
it was not uncommon
for me to wake up
and know I dreamed of nothing in the night

For years I only dreamed of gloom
It was not uncommon
for me to wake up in the middle of the night
and feel a shadow
hunting me
forbidding me to sleep

But now it's different
You are a light
against my shadows
I dream of you
and wake up happy

I want write you a poem
to explain how I feel
I want to translate my thoughts into words
Because this is so surreal
but all I can do
is write this
to you

I am fire
a burning flame

You pushed me away
prevented me from scorching your skin
stopped me from causing you pain

Distanced me from your life
prevent me from living a mark
stopped me from hurting you

I never meant to burn you
all I wanted was
to let you feel my heat

This distance only makes me burn stronger
until my flames can
touch you again.

So many things
I should be doing
but instead
I am
writing

Every single one
is a bottle of glass
some are big, some are small
some are short, some are tall
some are thin, some are fat
some are rough, some are flat
but they all
contain a scroll

When going trough their life
word are written in the scroll
the story of their life
the way they walk the earth
the secrets that they keep
what they feel deep
inside

the bottle is often scratched
some are even cracked
reminisce of when they were attacked
some didn't come out right
and some
have fell apart

I am just a pile of broken glass
protecting a scroll
please don't try to pick it up
you'll get cut

I am giving all my love outside
while keeping all the pain inside
I try to not let it show
but deep within it starts to grow

Like poison ivy which feeds on pain
drinking drops of blood, not of rain
around my heart it wrapped
and slit it all apart

As my heart is shred to thin
I know that I have died within
I need a fire to burn it whole
For a chance to save my soul.

This seed I planted deep with hate
I can not incinerate
For I can not ignite the flame
to burn down what I have became

They say the light at the end of the tunnel
is just a guy smoking a camel
but I don't care at all
because in his hand he holds the key
to burn this vile inside of me

Will you be this guy?
Will you use the key?
Will you burn this plant?

I can't.

I understand that this is not the right way
I undertstand that I should come and talk to your face
But you must understand that I can't
I couldn't stand you telling me to leave you alone
to go away

You must understand
there is only one way you could hurt me more
then if you let me inside
if you don't

I know you would rather I live you alone
I know you don't want my help
you didn't ask for my help
you would rather I will be gone
and leave you alone
but

You must understant that
It hurt's me to see you lie
It hurt's me to see you fake a smile
It hurt's me every time you put on a mask
It hurt's me every time you pretend everything's fine
It hurt's me when I can't ask what isn't right
It hurt's me when you shut me outside
It hurt's me
more than anything else

You must understand that I can't
Just sit and watch you in pain
And pretend like everything is alright

you must understand
that I care
more than anything else
I care
for you

You must understand
I don't know what else I can do.

Physical pain
is a restrain
on the human mind

Try and take a hit
see if you like it
But beware of what you find

When running from the black
escaping from the dark
Look out of what lies ahead

Is it really comfortin'
cutting your own skin
Or is just a shade of red?

What is so scary in the blue
when looking on the lines you drew
That you finally seem calm?

Does the pain allow you not feel yellow
just like an old fellow
Because of this power in your palm?

Or does it ease your mind
off the life you left behind
And is the solution you could find?

Writing is awesome
writing is nice
unless you have to do it
like
twice.

Righ now I would tear down my mind
if it would help me to let you inside

I always had a cell
somewhere I would dwell
A place where I could hide
what I feel inside

I was so alone
as if you had known

One day you arrived
and left the past behind
You opened up the door
like no one done before

Pandora of reality
a mirror of insanity

As the bats all fled away
you decided you will stay
with the only dove
my love

I wish that I could give
a fraction of what I recieve

You must understand
you are more than just a friend
you are so much more to me
because you
                                                               set me
                                                                                                                  free

My mental defects
are like cracks on the wall
I look through them
Into whole different worlds

One shows me a world
where pain isn't real
and I am free to slay
who ever I wish to ****

One other crack reveals
a realm of black rain
where I see nothing,
nothing but pain

One glance through another
shows me a world
where no one loves me
and everything's cold

Once I glanced into a world
as hot as the sun
and I was the one
who burnt it all down

One world is showcasing me
as I'm stabbing my heart
uselessly trying
to tear it apart

One of them earths
reveals me as a wreck
while I am swinging
hanged from the neck

One of the cracks
shows nothing at all
that is the one
I fear will break down the wall

I'm so lost
I can't even write
I tried to force myself
but this is all that came out
I wonder why
I have these feelings
I have no idea
how I should be dealing
with them, after all
my life is great
but all I want
is to suffocate.

How do you tell someone you love
that you love them so much
thats you can't even tell them
how much you love them?

When I can't find a meaning in my life
she is always there
When nothing makes sense
she is always there
When I think I can't go on
she is always there
When I think I have gone mad
she is always there
When I thing of giving up
she is always there
When I want to die
she is always there

She will always be with me
my bitter, lonely
misery

This is not a poem
I am not a poet
And I am not
Writing it