Some people
Belong in this world
But perhaps there are those
Who simply don't
and simply can't fit

And I'm scared

That I might be one of them.





I don't feel okay.

The ink on my pen comes straight from my veins
And is refilled from my thoughts, not my heart
Cause when I write, only one thought remains:
The frightful truth that I’m falling apart

When the demons come, my heart seems to stop
My whole body shakes and no air comes in
My words fail me, but I can form teardrops
As I relive every one of my sins

Where my pain lies, white roses seem to grow
And seem to make my demons look pleasing
When I share them, the readers always show
Enjoyment from all my disguised bruisings

It was that moment my demons would be
Beautiful tragedies for all to see.

Hello there
Miss Stranger
I'd like to know your name
If it’s all the same
Of course, this might seem rather strange
I'm afraid all we've had were passing smiles
And slight conversation
Friendly waves and sideways glances
Of our own creation
All of this happened
From two seats away
Please forgive me for staring
I’ve been itching to talk for days
A shy girl taking classes out of her league
And passing them like it’s nothing
A girl who rarely says a word
But her eye’s always reciting something
I knew I just had to know more
So I waved for the first time
And when you smiled and waved in return
I thought this would be alright

Hi there!
Miss Stranger!
All across the way
I enjoy the smiles we pass every day!
In class
The hallway rush
I wonder why I enjoy it so much!
We've rarely spoken small talk
Much less what we believe in
So why does a smile from you give me such a happy feeling?
This isn't love
I've made that mistake before
Maybe you seem nice and I wish to know more
Oh dear, this may seem a bit much
I assure you I'm not after affection or lust
Just a smile
And your name
If it's all the same!

Hey there
Miss Stranger
It was such a lovely day
I finally got the nerve to say
That I'd like to be friends
After days of finding the words
For days on end
I finally approached
Defying every insecurity and doubt
For talking to strangers can be rather difficult
And it makes my nerves want to shout
And even if you said no
I would be proud of myself for talking to you
To my pleasant surprise
You were delighted to!
It's always exciting to gain a new friend
For adventures and memories beckon as soon as they are created
It was a shame I was to blind to see
The end of us that awaited

Hello there
Miss Stranger
Do you remember the words we shared?
It’s a pity that you didn’t seem to care
What happened then?
Was reasons did you find
To let our friendship end?
Was it my daily messages?
Or my eagerness to know you?
Was it something I said
That may have caused you to rue?
We slowly faded back
Into the strange stage of strangers
And we left every possibility
Behind on the back hanger
Oh, well
I suppose I should've seen it coming
History repeats itself
And it always leaves me numb.

Take care
Miss Stranger
And thank you anyway.
I'll always be here to smile
When we pass every day.

She was only 17 and smelled of cigarettes and sorrow
Standing under an old streetlight on the corner of
42nd and Harlow Avenue in the latest the hour can be

Why was she there, on the corner of 42nd and Harlow Avenue?
Nobody knew
Not even she did
Or how she got there
But that part wasn't entirely important
She still had her phone, her purse, her dignity
And most of her clothing?
Maybe just her phone and purse.

Her intoxication had taken over
Her vision is slightly blurry
And her head feels as though it weren't even there
Her senses are tricking her
For she hears a familiar rhythm from behind
Getting louder and louder in 4/4 time
She only realizes what it is when it stops right next to her

"How Much?" The man asks her
His eyes are full of greed
And his breath's filled with Whiskey
Hers probably smelled the same
Along with the result of an empty Camels pack

"Well?" He asks again, his eyes fixed on every curve her dress made
"How Much?"

She looks at him
Dead in the eye

"Life has no price when one wishes to end it."

He stares at her for a few seconds more
Then walks off into the shadows to find satisfaction

She watches him go
And keeps looking long after he's gone
She opens a new pack
And blows through half of it
Toying with the idea of taking three steps into Harlow Avenue

Seemed a fitting ending

My life is a cassette tape
that is playing in a tape deck
in the middle of nothingness
under a single light bulb that keeps on flickering
threatening to go out any second

The songs are the stages of my life
the beginning of the mix
full of soft melodies and light harmonies
peaceful and careless
with a hint of minor chords
as all songs should have

I have progressed through Side A
containing a mix of songs that have been
progressively getting slower
softer
sadder
each song more so than the last
And as I approach the end of the side
I become scared
for if the songs go down this current path
I might not ever reach Side B

I have hopes for what the next side contains
Songs with hopeful notes
and delightful rhythms
but if I fast forward
I might miss where I want to be
and if I rewind
I would eventually wear out the tape
and every now and then
with the current songs
I'm tempted to stop and eject the tape

But my favorite song is coming up
and eventually
if I keep listening
and be patient
I'll make it
this song in particular  has a hint of hope
in the form of a new light
that I can hook up
over the tape deck

Maybe this mix won't end as bad as I think it will
maybe if I hit play
I'll be okay
I just hope
that this light will be there until the end of Side B.

My last cigarette
Doesn't have the same affect as the first one.
The nicotine doesn't take the pain away anymore,
Doesn't fix that emptiness in my chest.
That's still there.
Just filled with smoke for only an instant.
Oh well.
At least the red glow adds a little colour to my life
When everything else around me
Is dull,
Boring,
Uninteresting,
Lifeless.

There used to be another colour besides the red of the embers:
Green,
In the Iris of her eyes.
Waking up to them in our own little place in a broken city,
To them staring at me
With a slight glistening
And a pretty, grey smile
That made the rising sun seem irrelevant.
It was a beautiful sight,
One a Polaroid couldn't quite capture ,
Or paintings quite express.
How could something so wonderful exist in a world so colourless?
I wish I knew,
But I'd never know,
And I'd never be ready to lose it.
Even after you left.

Nothing has given me quite the same feeling
Of happiness and curiosity,
Because no matter how hard I look
In any direction,
I see the same shades of nothing everyday,
And walk through these streets full of people, full of activity,
But it feels so dead.
I'm so tired of it.
I miss the green that lit up the world in the most miraculous of ways, that made it prettier.
It's a stunning sight.
And I'm still in a daze countless packs later.

I used to think it would always stay that way, us together,
Taking on the blackness of reality.
I should've known better.
I was a fool.
I'm sorry.
Now you're gone,
And cigarettes can't replace you.

Since then,
and every night on,
I light a cigarette,
My new lover,
And count all the ash I've let fall.
I've lost count ages ago.

But I'll light another one, anyway.
So here's to you, sweetheart.
Here's to our memory,
Our lost possibilities,
and those pretty emerald eyes of yours.

~

Hello there
Miss Stranger
I'd like to know your name
Of course, this might seem rather strange
I'm afraid all we've had were passing smiles
And slight conversation
Friendly waves
and sideways glances-
from two seats away
Please forgive me for staring
You just caught my interest
A shy girl taking classes out of her league
And passing them as if it was simple elementary
I just had to know more
So I waved for the first time
And you waved in return
And thus, we were acquaintances

Hi there
Miss Stranger
All across the way
I enjoy the smiles we pass everyday
In class
The hallway rush
I wonder why I enjoy it so much
We've rarely spoken small talk
Much less what we believe in
So why does a smile from you give me such a happy feeling?
This isn't love
I've made that mistake before
Maybe you seem nice and I wish to know more
Oh dear, this may seem a bit much
I assure you I'm not after affection or lust
Just a smile
And your name
If it's all the same.

Hey there
Miss Stranger
Wasn't it such a lovely day?
It was the day
I finally got the nerve to say
That I'd like to be friends with you
After days of finding the words
and the courage
I finally approached
Defying every insecurity and doubt
For talking to strangers can be rather difficult
And even if you said no
I would be proud of myself for trying
To my pleasant surprise
You were delighted to!
It's always exciting to gain a new friend
For adventures and memories beckon as soon as they are created
It was a pity it was such short lived
For not even days after
We returned to our routine
Of smiles and waves
On an endless repeat
How did this happen?
Was it something I said?
Without warning
We slowly faded back
Into the strange stage of strangers
I guess I shouldn't complain
Could've been a lot worse
Though every possibility our "friendship" had
Faded away right along with your desire to know me
So it seemed

Oh, well
I suppose I should've seen it coming

Take care
Miss Stranger
And thank you anyway
I'll always be here to smile
When we pass everyday