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Kris Fireheart Aug 2023
There was a guy
Who always felt like
He could just slide through
All of the days,

Riding a high, feeling
Like he could just
Shuffle the haze,
They thought him crazed;

They called him Teddy,
And this guy was ready
To help you let everything out!

A piece and a quarter,
It's all you let over,
And he would just rise up
And shout!

Said "I'm Teddy xans, so
Give me your hands,
And let me show you
What it's 'bout!"

I told him, pass me
A couple of bars,
Let me raise up
To the level you're on,

Pass me the liquor,
Let's crash us some cars,
End up with flex,
So what's coming next?

He was perplexed,
Said 'what does that
Make us?'

I said "relax, dude
We're just from Texas;"

He said "go on,  we've got
Time to spend,",  I said
"I'm halfway dead,
Old friend,"

He said "no worries,
We're not in a hurry,
Just rack em' and
Stack em' , and let em'
Be buried,

Your wants,  your needs,
Your life in the streets."

I asked him,  

"So what does that
Make me?"
No notes, this is a requiem for my friend Teddy Xans. Wanna guess who he is? Yeah this is my own funeral rite. This one's for me. My game hasn't ended yet. But may I respawn and play again... without this crutch.
Klvshp0et Feb 2016
****** and bass
****** and bass.
All she want in her face
is ****** and bass.

All she wanna do
is **** ******
kiss *******
and listen to Future.
**** that's why
I won't pursue her.
Love and the essence of life
don't get through to her.
She is an addict.
Running from life
and abusing ****
to get away from it.
So much beauty and potential
but he she wanna be a dumb *****.
She wanna be that *****
or some *****
that gotta man that's rich
and follow the crowd.
Blowin loud.
Poopin xans
and sippin lean.
She ain't never seen
a trap but
She listens to Future
and shes stumblin.
Choppin it the **** up
and mumblin.
Lickin her lips and giggling
because my sub in the trunk
is tickling her pearl tongue
and both lungs.
We are both young
but that's no reason
to act so dumb
and walk around all numb.
When I kick her some philosophy
she doesn't care
all she can think about
is her on top of me.
All in her soul.
All in her face.

****** and bass.
****** and bass.
All she want in her face
is ****** and bass.

All she wanna do
is **** ******
kiss *******
and listen to Future.
The Promethazine King.
The codeine connoisseur.
You can't be a loser
if you wanna get
through to her.  
She needs your dollar signs
and expensive ****
before you even see the ****
or a *** or an *** cheek.
She's fine as hell but
If you ask me
she ain't no Ashley
from Fresh Prince.
She's nasty.  
Freaky and far from innocent.
She wants it blasted
in her face
until she can't see straight.
She wants the force from the back
till she feel it
in her stomach and her back.
She listens to Future
but I'm no codeine cowboy.
She's mistaken me for him
because I'm
as fresh as an altoid
and my eyes are as low as
the unemployment rate.
I set the bait
and there is the prey.
Now she is
all in my face.

****** and bass.
****** and bass.
All she want in her face
is ****** and bass.
Andrew T Aug 2016
You constructed a towering cathedral out of popsicle sticks
and blue Lego pieces, searching for deeper meaning
through building a foundation from discarded dreams
and stuttered melodies. I listened as you played folk and bluegrass covers on your acoustic guitar, wondering if we would ever cross our arms into a figure-eight on a rainy morning,
in the middle of a fire-fight between the Vietcong
and Francis Coppola.

Remember when we watched “Lost in Translation” and you asked did I feel isolated and anxious around large groups of white people? I wanted to nod, but instead
I smoked green out of an apple and ate the core,
as smoke lingered under my chin. You tapped my shoulder,
stared me down, and forced a grin, as though you knew
my answer would be nothing but manufactured nouns and verbs, gibberish, and Pig-Latin with no room for form, or design.

The sun belted heat rays down on our tired faces, stopping only
when a Mac Demarco song crooned from the boom-box on the
patio table and as we heard the beat and the lyrics,
we took shots of fireball and had a discussion on EDM festivals
and the rise of smartphones capturing moments of racism
and hatred with each video, each picture.

I wanted to read “Kafka on The Shore” to a six tennis players
from my country club, but they were too busy
staging a protest for an increase in minimum wage jobs
and besides Murakami spoke with a thick Japanese accent,
which turned off white people who revered his prose.
A shame you didn’t draw a faux Calvin and Hobbes
comic strip about Susi Derkins finding nirvana
in watching “Game of Thrones” while sleep-deprived
and eating half a bar of Xans. We drank the entire bottle
of Captain Morgan’s and still Drake’s Uncharted story mode
didn’t seem any less fascinating.

Your cousin Bonnie crashed
a white Ford Mustang into the back of U-Street Music Hall
and I cringed as I rode shotgun, the airbag releasing and smacking into my ruddy face, all the life I’d lived gleaming
beneath the shadowy figure I bought last weekend
at the thrift shop on West Broad Street.

You could have come over last Thursday to listen to
me play jazz on the piano for Epicure’s open mic night,
but you were too busy playing saxophone on the veranda
in Georgetown’s Waterfront and anyhow,
you wanted a relationship forged on trust and great ***,
and I could barely get out of my townhouse without
writing a diary entry etched in bone marrow and angel dust,
plus you told me, “I love your imaginary brother.”
And all I have is a teddy bear named Franklin.
You could have come over last Thursday to listen to
me play jazz on the piano for Epicure’s open mic night,
but you were too busy playing saxophone on the veranda
in Georgetown’s Waterfront and anyhow,
you wanted a relationship forged on trust and great ***,
and I could barely get out of my townhouse without
writing a diary entry etched in bone marrow and angel dust,
plus you told me, “I love your imaginary brother.”
And all I have is a teddy bear named Franklin.
You could have come over last Thursday to listen to
me play jazz on the piano for Epicure’s open mic night,
but you were too busy playing saxophone on the veranda
in Georgetown’s Waterfront and anyhow,
you wanted a relationship forged on trust and great ***,
and I could barely get out of my townhouse without
writing a diary entry etched in bone marrow and angel dust,
plus you told me, “I love your imaginary brother.”
And all I have is a teddy bear named Franklin.
Dedicated to my homeys
imehsahdehahs Oct 2020
Rabbit Looked at his

golden pocket watch    

Time Stopped at 11:11

Hundred upon hundreds

knight of xans Drowned

in the bitter Sea of *****

My eyes lost there Shine

The Day that Sky Went Black
  


C.N.S is Down

C.N.S is Down

C.N.S is Down



No HEAVEN or HELL

Just Infinite Darkness


C.N.S Is Down


C.N.S is Down


C.N.S Is Down


No Black or White Coma

I just Died that Day


C.N.S Is Down


C.N.S is Down


C.N.S Is Down
  

No HEAVEN or HELL

Just Infinite Darkness


C.N.S Is Down


C.N.S is Down


C.N.S Is Down
  


No Black or White Coma

I just Died that Day

  

C.N.S Is Down


C.N.S is Down


C.N.S Is Down
  

C.N.S Is Down


C.N.S is Down


C.N.S Is Down


C.N.S Is Down


C.N.S is Down


C.N.S Is Down


"I finally Knew Who I was

When I Died That Morning"
19 years old Xanax & ***** Suicide
came back from the death on the third day
killjoy Dec 2017
almost is a sad word
you almost changed the game
you almost changed the world
you almost had true fame

self-medication was all you knew
and you knew that your time was soon
it broke through as your passion grew
cracks in your voice, singing out of tune

a star shopping hellboy, praying to the sky
you were slowly breaking, not even knowing why
popping pills kept you numb
but you never let it make you dumb

lil peep, you were misunderstood
you helped as many as you could
you never in your life glorified drugs
the media portrayed you as a ****

you were caring, you were smart
a tattooed face means nothing
what matters is the heart
and you were always loving

you knew you should’ve reached out
you knew you had friends all around
they loved you for more than just clout
but they can’t help you six feet underground

you are not a lesson to be taught
you are not another druggie
you were a soul that was distraught
not a horror story for junkies

it doesn’t feel like you’re gone yet
it hasn’t settled in
but taking xans was like russian roulette
it was bound to happen

peep, we hope you’re somewhere better
we hope you’re free of pain
you always were so clever
it’s sad you lost the game
you were a good guy and i wish i had known you more when you were alive
gothicc Sep 2015
I'm bout to pop these xans
it sounds like a plan
you ain't slick just cuz you got a pistol in your hand
we all know you not stuntin'
cuz ***** you be frontin'
you ain't got no lettuce but ***** I got luncheons
and I'm munchin' on these bunches of drugses from my plugses
oxy
hydro
perks
vico
anything to get my brain high
when my heart low
Tyler Roberts Jun 2018
I look at my brother
I look at my sister
She looks so much like you
And he looks like her
I wonder what you see in me
Do I have her nose
She says I have your hands

I’m sorry it’s been ten years
And I still ***** dance
With this ***** sprite
When I take these xans

Some times I think you ran
Because you looked at the
Drugs in my hands
That she says look just like yours
And couldn’t face the pain

Knowing we share the same veins
I just hope you don’t think you
Failed
And I hope to God
That you don’t look at me
And feel
That all your efforts
Were to no avail

Yeah, as you can tell
I still blame myself

But
I look at my brother
I look at my sister
And I couldn’t picture
Leaving their mother’s side
Then still trying to attempt
To call them mine

I know I sound selfish
But you married another
And called her child your son
All the while

I wonder what it was I did
Or didn’t do enough
To no longer remain the glue
That kept you at her side
After all this time

What hurts the most
Is you were able
To call my mom your wife
For twenty years of my life
Yet only nine for my brother

He didn’t deserve to feel alone
**** what I feel
You left my little brother alone

I remember the nights
You never came home
And found a reason
To tell yourself
You couldn’t answer the phone

Those were the mornings
I watched Adventure Time
With my brother
In our living room
When it should have been you

Those were the days
I prayed
He would never have to grow up
Without his father at his side
Even though you tell yourself
It’s enough that
You’re “only one hour away”

I know
You both were young
And I don’t believe
That either of you
Every truly found love
Within the arms
Of each other

I know
You only stayed together
So long
Because I was the first
Child you had
And so for her

You wanted me to be happy
And I still hope one day
You discover what that word means

I remember it
I still see it in my dreams
I think I saw it on your face
That day you tried to teach me
How to throw a baseball
Back when we both were young

I never could quite catch
Time and make it last
Like a butterfly
The effect caused me to crash

But I know
You tried your best
To be happy
To smile when you didn’t want to
And I thank you
Dad

But I look at my mother
And my eyes swell up with hate
Only because you couldn’t see
What I do in her
Any longer

I know
I was your first born child
And my first smile
Was the first time
You saw hers in a while
In something other than
Your memories

I hope you never forget that moment
But you broke
My family into two

Two Thanksgivings
Two Christmas’s
Two birthday gifts at a time
When we only ever needed one
Ammar Mar 2019
Popped two xans
Nicotine coursing through
my veins
kerosene flooding
my mind
yet if they knew
I'll be labeled as an addict
but in truth
who isn't addicted to
even a glimpse
of happiness
even if it's temporal

At times
these substances
gives sobriety;
a realistic picture
compared
to everything else
I'll be fine
Kriti Gupta Jun 2019
There’s a barrier in my mind
While I try to cry over what you said last night
I know that it’s more than fine
So why the hell does it keep me up till light

The xans do little to pass the time
Hands shake ‘baby come back to mine’
My soul leaves your body, its time to fly
Disassociating our very lives
It would be so quick
If I just lost it
And popped it
Just count one two three
And I be free
But it would be messy
Ok let’s see
How bout if I take xans and oxy
Then I would leave peacefully
Only the supply is high
How bout a tree and a rope
Like the country white folk
I’m sure to pass then
But if the tree breaks I have start over again
Why isn’t life thinking this much
I would be happy if it gave me a crutch
Hey...
When did I start bleeding like a lake
My wrist open like a door for a date
Did I actually seal my fate
Probably not let me just wait
Nexus Jan 2021
I smoked a lot of grams,
Took a couple Xans, now balling.
I try to lift my hands,
I really gotta dance but I’m falling.

Don’t believe that they understand you,
That’s self preservation and manipulation.
They don’t respect nor do they value,
That’s self medication and isolation.

Do we have a connection? Whether genetic or objective?
Would you stand by your ugliest demons and face them?
Is being lonely really the reason you’re upset?
Or is it the fact you’ll never be quite like them?
Are you filled with envy? As it builds in contempt.
You’ll always be nobody. Get that through your head.
For3ver Apr 2020
Nothin I do but sit here and stare
Contemplatin all of my fears
I miss my grandpa in unimaginable ways
Fearin how he would respond to my ways
I sit here and stare at your gaze
I wish I knew how many days
We’re left so I knew my fate
And I wouldn’t be late
I’m sorry for all the apologizing
Ima hypocrite but I won’t admit it
I hate people who lie to themselves
But still can’t find myself
For all the times my moms been hit
And I didn’t do nothin
Wishin one of these days I’d get my wish
I think the lamps is broken
I’m a ******* and I know it
But I’m not gonna change
And as long as I say I’m not a hypocrite
Then I’m not right?
Wrong
**** this song
**** all the things Thas wrong
My life ain worse but it’s never been good
I guess that’s why I’m misunderstood
The stars the only ones that help
To bad the future covers them up
It’s been a long time since I seen her smile
And I bet she better off without
I drove her away what a surprise
To many things keep me up at night
I wonder when my brother will pop his last
Yesterday it was ketmanine
Today it’s sum xans
The bloods mixed with the alcohol
I wonder if it’ll be my downfall
Only time I feel sane and escape
Is when my lighter shows it’s flame
And I purchase a one way ticket
Across the nation
For 10 dollars I have my cheap vacation
Nothin lasts as long as you want
Hopefully in two years this gon stop
Hopefully this poem will end
And I won’t relive it to the end
I don’t wish for my own death
Just to go to sleep and not wake up
Cause maybe some peace will come
I drove her to drugs and I know it
I left her but I couldn’t help it
She was to blame
I was to blame
We both know it
Moms moved on
Sobriety seems to be helpin
But she always relapses over somethin
The coke stains still on the mirror
“Do as I say not as I do”
“Do as I say not as I do”
“Do as I say not as I do”
How many times till I’ll move on
I wish I could write songs
And be like all those that help me
But I’m not that lucky
I’m not that lucky
I’m not that lucky
Hopefully I’ll live to be happy
Hopefully I’ll have a family
So I don’t ruin it
And have somethin to live for
To all those that worry
I’m not contemplating
If I was it’d be to late already
I wanna drink so I’ll tell myself the truth
It is what it is
My thoughts carried in soot
Carried till I kick the boot
I wish I was a doctor so I coulda save ya
No shame in the ones that’s broken
I miss my bestfriend but she’s better off
My girl don’t know half of my problems
I called god hopin he’d pick up
I’ve sent him the messeges
Maybe there stuck
In transit I sit in traffic
My mind sifts the past tense
What memory will haunt me today
The interrupted last phone call
The one where my sister was off k
How bout one from the other day
I popped it only cause I wanted
“Sigh” i don’t know
Settlement?
What do you do when everybody’s trippin
Stay sober and wait for them to finish
No, get high and forget your problems
Don’t ever admit them
Just forget it
member them times I told you I loved you
Just forget it
Where he at, did he forget it?
A call every two weeks don’t do it
A call every two weeks don’t do it
A call every two weeks don’t do it
Don’t ask how I’m doin
If you cared you would remember
These memory’s stick forever
You were lucky to be drunk
I can’t forget it
I can’t forget it
I won’t forget it.
Jake Feb 2019
neck hurts lying supine in living room/ an island dividing young from old/ yet popping xanax (xannies, xans) like mad oedipal adolescence looking for an erasure of memory/ and forgets my age/ 18 years ago remembered me crying babbling/ helplessness/ where’s grandpa?/ and asked about assisted suicide to a doctor who only cared about low-sodium almond milk and hysterectomies/ mrs. marlowe, ask again in oregon/ and she still manages to fall asleep at 10 pm.
Lenora Apr 2022
Fear of everything
Fear of nothing
To say I’m on the fence I’d be bluffing
Maybe I should let it go entirely in its fullness
And not have a type to rule with
I wanna break down and cry
If I tried to express it to someone they’d look at me in confusion and wonder why
People see my emotions
Cause I wear them on a sleeve
And one gaze of my eyes makes the notion simple to receive
I hate my self sabotage
No matter how I go about it with my old tactics I try to dodge
It’s so hard to let anyone in
To let anyone know
And the reason I am the way I am now
Cause I never open up which leaves no room to grow
I scared to take next steps but I don’t know how to say
I’m scared to show affection besides just saying I care only to end up feeling a way
I’m terrified to let someone love me let alone like me
I’ll always find a way to **** yo the situation
And then end up with feelings of invalidation
Praying no one walks in to catch me with my head down
And my eyes low which to others is worst than I frown
I wish I brought my sidekick the ones who never let me down
The perks the Xans the oxys the drift me to a place of no sound
No frown
No fervor on the ground
If you could hear a heart break
How loud would you have ached
How SHOOKEn would the surrounding party be out of their state
How would I soothe knowing it’s too late
I’m sick
but you know you knew
The things you think are only in your head
Do become true
As if you could ever be that important
A untypical mess is your assortment
You never give anyone the space you see you any more than difficult
Love to you the creature is mythical

What are you sorry for
Why do you apologize
It’s not like you’ll see me cry
Just the disconnected look in my eyes
Open for all to get it off your chest
In which you’ll never understand my distress
It takes so long to let go what I feel for a person
The more I see you or the more I go without it tends to worsen
Of how I see you and cherish the moment
And think of the moment as if I could own it
Of me being open to you
Of me being vulnerable instead of blue
Of all the time I wish we could spend
But it’s my fault this is in the state it’s in

Here we go again
A cycle that at this point has to be a type of emotional sin
As my sub conscious can’t seem to let go
This the part right here we hate the most
As we say different person same reaction
It hits the most when in the stage of retraction
Myself to blame can’t I control my actions

Self sabotage
In each situation no matter how I dodge
With the invalidation of my feelings
And no one knowing truly how I’m dealing
Because I can’t articulate my words
And speak them in ways that can be simply heard
All I can do is harbor on them
And bring them to the brim
Of what it’s intended to mean
It’s not what it seems
On the fence off the fence
Sometimes in between
I want you but certain things turn me away
Certain things that bring my past at bay
It’s impossible for you to look at me separate from body
And to be in my chest everyone looks at me oddly
But no one understands
And I want you to understand
No one just wants me learn me a person
And the more I try to explain the more the words worsen
Because I know that not the case
Always think of the things you say
The good the bad and how I over think them anyway
Mr Xelle Jan 3
I want the diamonds to sit on my wrist
If they do not care then why would they sit
Look in his eyes I'm not him
..

I don't need you to be what I'll be .

I just got off xAns not **** me
I just prayed to God when I'm thirsty
I don't need fake love tried to hurt me
Hold on ! Hold on
Yea I already know that flock together flip the bird please

— The End —