I look at my brother
I look at my sister
She looks so much like you
And he looks like her
I wonder what you see in me
Do I have her nose
She says I have your hands

I’m sorry it’s been ten years
And I still ***** dance
With this ***** sprite
When I take these xans

Some times I think you ran
Because you looked at the
Drugs in my hands
That she says look just like yours
And couldn’t face the pain

Knowing we share the same veins
I just hope you don’t think you
Failed
And I hope to God
That you don’t look at me
And feel
That all your efforts
Were to no avail

Yeah, as you can tell
I still blame myself

But
I look at my brother
I look at my sister
And I couldn’t picture
Leaving their mother’s side
Then still trying to attempt
To call them mine

I know I sound selfish
But you married another
And called her child your son
All the while

I wonder what it was I did
Or didn’t do enough
To no longer remain the glue
That kept you at her side
After all this time

What hurts the most
Is you were able
To call my mom your wife
For twenty years of my life
Yet only nine for my brother

He didn’t deserve to feel alone
**** what I feel
You left my little brother alone

I remember the nights
You never came home
And found a reason
To tell yourself
You couldn’t answer the phone

Those were the mornings
I watched Adventure Time
With my brother
In our living room
When it should have been you

Those were the days
I prayed
He would never have to grow up
Without his father at his side
Even though you tell yourself
It’s enough that
You’re “only one hour away”

I know
You both were young
And I don’t believe
That either of you
Every truly found love
Within the arms
Of each other

I know
You only stayed together
So long
Because I was the first
Child you had
And so for her

You wanted me to be happy
And I still hope one day
You discover what that word means

I remember it
I still see it in my dreams
I think I saw it on your face
That day you tried to teach me
How to throw a baseball
Back when we both were young

I never could quite catch
Time and make it last
Like a butterfly
The effect caused me to crash

But I know
You tried your best
To be happy
To smile when you didn’t want to
And I thank you
Dad

But I look at my mother
And my eyes swell up with hate
Only because you couldn’t see
What I do in her
Any longer

I know
I was your first born child
And my first smile
Was the first time
You saw hers in a while
In something other than
Your memories

I hope you never forget that moment
But you broke
My family into two

Two Thanksgivings
Two Christmas’s
Two birthday gifts at a time
When we only ever needed one