I looked down today,
down past the cracks
in the sidewalk,
into a clear sheet of water
unmarked by time
and I saw you.
It sounds so poetic,
but it's true;
the chance to speak your name
and give life to the past-
it felt natural, and
comfortable
in a way that scared me,
settled there among the new snow
and the crowded room of strangers.
Your smile, just the idea
that I should defend you,
every imperfection
within which fault could be found
was laid down before me
and trust me, I know
how to look past each twisted corner
and make the edges fit
and see you there before me
as if you'd never folded yourself
in the first place.
Unbend, I want to say,
unfold your wings and fly
into today.

Deadlines besiege me, as stress pennoned limbs
ache for action, yet, procrastination consumes me.
I know relief will come, when: task complete
I can truly unbend, sit back and relax.

Yet, brain benumbed, I irradiate in a background
of autogenous anxiety. I stare through the TV,
study the grain on the page I'm not reading,
attempt to study the air.

Until, deadlines eve, when stress breaks free
staining my mouth, and eyes and senses, bitter
body, shocked, resuscitated
and frantic activity commences.

Celestial scholars
deliver influencing scripts
days brisk with drumbeats
evenings spilled from riverbanks -
drifts of violet, ripe moons.

A life for living
make creativity your song
let all sorrow go
our tomorrows fade too fast
every moment so precious

Your choices to own
claim to have truly lived
be free like a bird
soar to the highest mountain
feel the breeze beneath your wings

All will surely die
your body is not a chore
the energy life
is eternal, infinite
and clothed in velvet breathing

Life's ageing busy pace
relax -  observe and still time
neither thoughts nor none
hum a song about the stars
or astronomy lessons

Dwell in loving peace
share spiritual sustenance
imperfect mirage—
unbend, barefoot in its shade
languid afternoons, blessings.

Hearing poetry's grace
Echoes that laugh-lust-cry-love
relentlessly true.
Souls rapture joined - bestowed
kiss softly devastating.

A world awakes
in spaces of wonderment.
Slows worries until -
our eyes open: Surprise Splendors
Treating earth like a lover

Refining senses -
resilient beauty touched.
???
???
???

Submit your *2 line 5/7  challenging verses then your *3 line 5/7/7 answering verses in a 'reaction' please

.

When I dream that you love me, you’ll surely forgive;
  Extend not your anger to sleep;
For in visions alone your affection can live,—
  I rise, and it leaves me to weep.

Then, Morpheus! envelop my faculties fast,
  Shed o’er me your languor benign;
Should the dream of to-night but resemble the last,
  What rapture celestial is mine!

They tell us that slumber, the sister of death,
  Mortality’s emblem is given;
To fate how I long to resign my frail breath,
  If this be a foretaste of Heaven!

Ah! frown not, sweet Lady, unbend your soft brow,
  Nor deem me too happy in this;
If I sin in my dream, I atone for it now,
  Thus doom’d, but to gaze upon bliss.

Though in visions, sweet Lady, perhaps you may smile,
  Oh! think not my penance deficient!
When dreams of your presence my slumbers beguile,
  To awake, will be torture sufficient.

Once again,
once again,
I fly away to Neverland
but this time I'm not the only one pretending to be Peter Pan.
Once again
as I ascend
I see a soul that hates a life seemingly driven to just unbend.

Songs behind bars are worth more than songs behind altars
and feet stumbling forward will not learn unless they falter.
A tripping to the dirt will teach us all to fly away.
You deserve to fly as much as anyone
and if you close your eyes and sing the song that made you free
I promise the sky will truly be the limit.

I am a ghost who loves the stumbling and you are a soul who braces for rumbling
but if I gave you a flower at midnight will you promise to stop the crumbling...?
At least for a moment...

If I could be the reflection in your mirror
for a minute or two,
I'd make you see the loveliness in you.

Unfortunately I am just a boy so I guess I'll just throw paper airplane compliments in the hope you catch them before it starts to rain.

Don't let your chin point toward the ground,
don't let the tears cause you to drown...
Just turn a grimace upside down
and let that smile become a crown,

because it fits your head perfectly...

Once again,
once again.
I am watching the twinkling in Neverland
with my toes digging softly into the sand.
Once again,
but with a friend,
I'm sailing the waves beyond this land,
and perhaps for a night we both can pretend to be
Peter Pan..

I never really knew you
You were just another friend
But when I got to know you,
I let my heart unbend.
I couldn't help past memories
that would only make me cry
I had to forget my first love
and give love another try
So I've fallen in love with you
and I'll never let you go
I love you more than anyone
I just had to let you know
And if you ever wonder why
I don't know what I'll say
But I'll never stop loving you
each and every day
My feelings for you will never change
Just know my feelings are true
Just remember one thing
I Love You!

You shelter me through tempest storms – indeed, you are my friend.

You never try to change my ways, instead you interblend;
I’m free with you and you with me, and neither will offend.

In spite of fashion's etiquette, your care does not depend
on ways I dress (or part my hair) - I’m not a passing trend,
and in my need you comfort me till twists and turns unbend.

We needn’t don thin masks of clay or otherwise pretend,
and when I sometimes act the fool you never condescend
but try instead to steep my views in eyes that comprehend.

At times I dwell within the depths, you smile and I ascend
to levels of tranquility which others can’t transcend.

You never ask, demand or take, you give and understand,
and when I’m lost, a frantic child, you lead me by the hand
through castle gates in mirrored walls throughout a fairyland
where fears and worries linger less than tracks in drifting sand.

With you my words are ever free, they trickle out unplanned,
and fearful feelings I possess you seize as contraband.

Your laughter flows upon my woes like waves on troubled strand
which leave behind within their wake a calm and peaceful land.

Not everyone is pleased, I’m told, that you and I are friends.
The world outside... they envy us... that you and I are friends.
We dare defy the green-eyed storm... for you and I are friends.

Pardon me in my own symphony of madness
A tool of my own sadness, oh boy what a feeling that is
It’s not poor nor is it ****, so I suggest you sit right back and enjoy
For humorous attempts are only to take joy, creating pure fun
So here I got the run of the bun, Yeah it surely is nice to live
Lessons of the positive, dropping on the mind like intellect
I hear ye, dearly elect….Without any rhyme or reason
The one who may create the least treason…Holding onto your seats
Cashing in on all your receipts, Tickets of winning numbers
No longer living by the warm timbers, Refreshing to say the least
Some may call it very beast…Of me to rummage through moods
Many have given their perfect attitudes, Learn then let live…Breathe
A jewel encrusted knife kept within its sheathe, I promise you’ll never go cold
The tale can be told, in many ways
Spread out over many days, although why tend to boredom
Leading us not into whoredom, deliver us our daily bread
Thy concrete kingdom come along with street cred, as heaven’s mouth is open
At last it becomes very Zen, Living to learn
Rights under a government mule are hard to earn, no sense taking them for granted
Always being doubted, keeping a watchful eye
The lurker leans toward using the skills of a spy
Soon our story will be drawn to an end
Appending my wrongs as my rights come to a bend
Rendering my sins under microscopes as they unbend
Entering the light, being dunked in pools as I ascend

Crying for help
Crying.
for help.
Watching myself bend in half.
turning palms to see static.
Screaming whisper, tied tongue, aphtha secret, soot heart;
Godless, but hellish,
summoning dark forces
from within my own temple.
Giving away the life I never asked for.
Writing whoever's will.
Sorrowful hands, crossing t's,
dotting i's, smudging ink,
elongating g's, drawing down
my putrid whatever;
Giving up;
Surrendering;
Getting knocked down,
blow after blow after blow after blow after blow after
punch after kick after bruise after lost teeth after clot;
Losing conscience.
Like falling asleep in silence, no one knows.
Bones to dust,
dust to ashes;
Skin to scales,
scales into thin paper:
and I'm still writing it down,
though my hands are ancient and sore and
i don't want to anymore.
I never wanted it.
Help me out, let these hands retire.
Roll them up in holy water-soaked bandage, bring on the thorny crown, cross my chest and heart, lower my eyelids and lay me to rest.
To Rest;
to embalm this chipped spine, to fill my lungs with salt water,
to unclench my thighs,
unbend my knees, and to kiss my bottom lip goodbye.

You may not want to hear this from me, I understand.
But I'm going to allow the words to escape.
Fair-warning.

I'm sorry things aren't going smoothly in California. A lot has changed, I'm sure everyone just needs time to adjust.
They care, I'm sure they just don't know how to help.
I'm sorry you're trying to find ways to fill the emptiness and it's leaving you bored. Boredom can be dangerous.
I bet you feel like Milo, stuck inside on a rainy day.
I hope you wake up one morning and without realizing it, you are filled with peace, joy, and curiosity as you discover your new surroundings.
I really do.
And I assure you, you've not been forgotten.
Not by me, not by anyone here.
I'm not sure of their reasoning, but I've kept my distance so you could walk the streets of San Diego without feeling the weight of the people missing you back home.
Also, because I can't shake the thought of not meaning **** to you anymore-- why would you care to hear from me?
It's shrug-worthy, but you are thought of every single day.

I read your poem and it resonated with me until the lines about emotional abuse in regards to our relationship past.
I am sorry you feel as though you were emotionally abused while we were together.
Your feelings are valid, your thoughts are valid, but from the bottom of my heart, I can't agree.
I am adding vinegar to this story caked in mold.
Forgive the smell.

During our relationship, I would end things because I thought I was doing what was best for the both of us.
Though my intentions were pure, it was undeniably impulsive of me
and I am truly sorry for being so **** fickle.
I left because of the red flags I saw-- a defense mechanism used by trauma survivors of abuse-- I left to protect myself from someone who I loved deeply but was indifferent, manipulative, and passive aggressive at times.
I went back because of how much good I know that I know there was and still is in you.
Your faults do not define you.
I loved you at your worst. At your best. Especially on the days you couldn't describe how you were feeling.
You didn't need to tell me because I understood.

I left to protect my heart and so you could find someone who would make your eyes light up just from walking into the room, because I knew I couldn't.
Seeing you smile at everyone and seeing my smile met with your bored eyes, I'll admit it kept me up at night. I'll admit it kept me silently crying from room to room.
The rejection I'd feel from someone who would make it clear he wanted me only when he would **** me.
Lights out, keep my distance, repeat again tomorrow.
It seemed there wasn't an end to the lonely nights spent by your side.

It was my choice to stay in such an environment for the time that I did, and I don't regret it.
I stayed for the days we were in-sync. The days we would look across the room at each other with a knowing glance. The days we would walk for miles and laugh along the way. The nights we would drink and get so dizzy as the room spun
with nothing to keep us grounded but our lips pressed against one another. The nights we would undress and lie in bed, talking, sharing stories, kissing one another's skin.

****, now I'm remembering too much.

The point is
I put you first.
Forget my own mental health, yours mattered more to me then.
You didn't ask me to, I wanted to. I wanted you. I wanted to be your friend.
If that is emotional abuse on my end, please enlighten me as to how.
Because I'm still feeling the neglect yet still hold you lightly in my head.

I left to pursue someone who I thought deserved a second chance.
I was convinced you were bored and didn't really care who I ended up with, that you were with me out of convenience.
I felt unwanted.
Later on, after we got back together, you said if I ever went back to him, that would be it.
I understood.
After we broke up, I hooked up with him.
The same night you slept with someone else.
I didn't hold it over your head; we weren't together. But you held it over mine.
To be honest, I think it's ****.
I think it's unfair.
For me to forgive you for going even further than I did and for you to not reciprocate.
Your drunkenness is not an excuse, my dear.

You slept with someone else and I forgave you.

I don't need your forgiveness, in truth, I did you no wrong-- we weren't together when we ventured out to different people-- but it would be nice to move forward without this ink splotch mucking up the clarity of things.

Once I'm convinced of something, it's hard to unwind the coils, unbend the metal, and begin again, you may be similar, only you'd know.
But I think you'd learn a lot from this if you took a step back and slipped into my shoes for a moment. Really reviewed our time together with a fine-toothed comb.

My error was in not taking care of myself, trying to take care of someone else, and doing a **** job at both.
This year was one of the most exhausting 12 months of my life. My physical and mental health took quite a beating.
I wasn't in a place to tend to the issues I kept ignoring that I'm digging up now for my own sanity.
I feel better now,
and I hope once things settle down and this depression fades, you will too.

I want to humbly and sincerely apologize from the depths of my being for ever hurting you.
I am sorry for the times I woke up in a bad mood from not sleeping well the night before.
I am so sorry for not just walking away when I was irritable so you wouldn't have to remember it.
It is over and done with and I am pouring water over the embers of what we used to be,
but still, I am sorry.
I forgive you-- even if you aren't sorry.

I thought about listing the things you've done, the ways you've hurt me, but pressed backspace instead.
It doesn't matter anymore.
It's forgiven.
It is now forgotten.

I respect that our views of the events that transpired between us clash, I respect that things might not ever be the same again.
But I'll be ****** if I didn't wish that we were given one more chance by the Universe to get it right.

You are still someone I love deeply, someone I would take several bullets for, someone who will be spoken of as a lesson for my future children.
I will tell them of a young man I once knew who revealed to me what it meant to selflessly love someone,
and when to walk away.
I will tell them of the story that you are.
A breathing legend.
My old best friend.

Once a lovers heart has
taken a few knocks
endured those
deep cardiac shocks
demurred
at chance advances
all in the wake of
the greatest heartbreak

it becomes and unbecomes
it depends on the unbend
the waver set in place
and we lose more
precious drops of time
rather than lose face
with it our grace
it's how goes I know

after your greatest love
is gone leaving all fallow
the idea or very thought
of love burning to nought
too much to bear once more
so we shut tight the door
consequence ourself
into situation is this...

now possibly on the shelf
for the long haul
expiry date unknown
seeking but not keeping
looking but not leaping
forsaking for fear of breaking
apart again that pain of all pain
deeply gnawed in our soul
took too much of a toll
to entertain in your heart again.

I get it I get it... But...
how then to reset it?
I want to feel brand new
un-know what I did do
un-feel the pain of you
believe in not one but two
I get it... I get it...
but cannot just forget

the devastation my heart met
when true love slipped the net
turned this heart to dust
eroded trust to rust
so now I know I must I must
be sure before I entrust
and go soft go gentle steady
only once this heart is ready.



J.C. 29/03/2019

How you become a part of the earth, and away from it.
Grab your furs and your moss. Pull them closer.

I have tried to walk near the entangled forest.
Its belly is swollen and impregnable.

Its warm tongue flicked at me. “It’s just a fever.”
Though you flail your arms dismissively
as though to ward off danger.

There is a malice in everything that whispers.

“It’s just a drop of blood,” you say.
Though it draws you out in anger.

It doesn’t mean something.
Though your eyes are prophetic, crowing for the dead.
Still.

Everything in unity.

This white morning may destroy me.
How I bend and unbend without my acquiescence.

By nightfall my eyes will be moons.
I will open for a moment
and blink out.
Swift as dust.

We bend the rules and use them like we're using tools
sitting on our conscience comfortably like we sit on stools
we've ignored the stairs because we all wish for elevators disappointed many friends and turned them
to aggrieved foes because there's pride in having haters
nothing matters, nothing ever did as long as we got the paper
life is a gamble we claim but we've mastered all the tosses
living a life of camouflage taking cover cause we're someone's debtor we've given up the schools of thought, now profits can be losses
we're lost in the wilderness, enslaved by temptations and darkness
because we've been convinced that as slaves we're the bosses
we're reducing our lifespan with the tattoos
and skin mutilations of reckless living we call uniqueness
we're free in chains of our addictions,like caterpillars do cocoons
we're giving with strings attached and foolishly term that philanthropy
penning discombobulations and terming that philosophy
politics is about the money statesmanship is as scarce as honey
the foolish took on roles of imparting wisdom into future generations
we can't remember our roots, history's on tattered
pages of time and rhyme in unclear narrations
We weld our own chains yet shackled we start freedom fighting
We give in what we can get, forgive and not forget
Courage has walked out on our race, perhaps she was never here
so much so that we'll scream "go to Hell" to the dare devils
instead of playing the game of life up to their level
our lives are ships we steer into stormy waters we can not sail
then whimper (at every slap of monster waves) out of fear
we've ignored the caution, dance in the rain,not storms with the hail
hence we're stuck in a darkness we cannot counter
living on the fast lane, supersonic places without room to saunter
memories are left in the pictures for we remember only nothing
present when nature died,in pain she screamed for our help in vain,
for while she bled her life away blindly we were watching
now that her monsters have come to warm the treacherous Earth
with nightmares of heat, typhoons,hurricanes we realise her worth
we are architects of our own doom, of the towers of gloom
congesting the skyline with scrappers of bad choices
and denying the rays of righteousness a path to our visage
we've altered the world into dark sweltering global room
we're preachers and philosophers who need to listen to our own message
we're the ***** that needs shaving, the righteous who need saving
a wide path which needs paving,we're the change we're craving
for it's utter madness and strange to say the world needs change
when we, we are the world, we are the ***** in politics
players of the game,the authors of the lyrics
and with good interred to our bones can be the saints to the relics
we're a lost generation and the campus we need to be found
we're the liberty we seek for we are the shackles to which we're bound
reality is twitter for most times we control the trends
we can unbend the bended rules and change how this story ends

I never really knew you
you were just another friend
But when I got to know you
I let my heart unbend

I couldn't help past memories
That would only make me cry
I had to forget my first love
And give another try

So I've fallen in love with you
And I'll never let you go
I love you more than anyone
I just had to let you know

My feelings for you will never change
Just know my feelings are true
Just remember this one thing
I will always love you

Restless i may feel,
to your unbend able arms.
My beating heart,
is not loud enough.
Can't you hear me screaming,
this is when i need you the most.
The feeling just intensified it self,
now I'm screaming inside.
Dying to run away,
wearing black.
My eyes have dropped to my throat,
i can't breath.
Each breath needs living.
My breaths are in a cold winter,
Your laughs are in a warm spring.
My touch is so delicate,
trying to reach your skin.

Once a lovers heart has
taken a few knocks
endured those
deep cardiac shocks
demurred
at chance advances
all in the wake of
the greatest heartbreak

it becomes and unbecomes
it depends on the unbend
the waver set in place
and we lose more
precious drops of time
rather than lose face
with it our grace
it's how goes I know

after your greatest love
is gone leaving all fallow
the idea or very thought
of love burning to nought
too much to bear once more
so we shut tight the door
consequence ourself
into situation is this...

now possibly on the shelf
for the long haul
expiry date unknown
seeking but not keeping
looking but not leaping
forsaking for fear of breaking
apart again that pain of all pain
deeply gnawed in our soul
took too much of a toll
to entertain in your heart again.

I get it I get it... But...
how then to reset it?
I want to feel brand new
un-know what I did do
un-feel the pain of you
believe in not one but two
I get it... I get it...
but cannot just forget

the devastation my heart met
when true love slipped the net
turned this heart to dust
eroded trust to rust
so now I know I must I must
be sure before I entrust
and go soft go gentle steady
only once this heart is ready.

© J.C.

Goodbye, its easy to say.
Leaving, its easy to walk away.
Yet you return.
Too late and the same.
Unbend-able and unchanged.
With the same phrase.
Approach that does not vary.
Makes me grow so wary.
Our love will never carry.
Forward into a future.
With a foundation full of fissures.
And too many problems to consider.
When you should not be.
They way you are.
Letting me be the one to carve.
Your love into the walls.
That surround my heart.

She is the raconteur.
Her presence is boisterous,
Words lack to depict her beauty,
Or does it relish the redundancy.
She is the replica of rapture.
The eternity that is encapsulated in her eyes.
Her benevolence is bolstering,
Her gestures are sporadically jesting,
Her looks are lavish,
Her voice is tranquilizing,
Her touch is tingling,
Her walks are wallowing,
when she strolls in the street,
entangled eyes ogle at her.
(her dimpled face,her cramped dress)
................................
.........................­.......
This persuasion is to her as
She leans herself in his arms,
With her neck unbend on his shoulder,
and strand of hair leaping on his lips,
as she then aligns herself  poking him passionately,
admist gazes with her enlarged engulfing eyes,
by which he is transfixed and couldn't answer her no more
when she questions him "How do I look",
With the wry suggestive smile on her visage....

I am front and center
Everyone is looking at me
I feel my heart pounding
I see my hands shaking
They expect so much
When I have so little
The silence
Has never been so loud
They tell me to begin
Thats when I forget
Everything I am supposed to remember
Why do they expect so much?

The judge looks at me
Waiting  for me to begin
I look around the crowded room
And I begin
Lucky to have the script in my hand
Everything flows back
I am no longer me
I am the person in my poems
They don't want me
They want her
That is how I win
To be anything
and everything
But myself

As I finish
I leave mouths open
I leave tears running down faces
I look around one more time
With the pained expression still evident
I bow and as I unbend
There is a small smile
Across my face
The rupture of applause
Is nothing compared to
The blood pounding In my ears

As I sit down
I get high-fives
And approving nods
They smile at me
Because they think I was just acting
But behind every act
There is truth

Pull the wool over the centre of my scorn
like an air born storm seeking a stark relief
Vanity bleeds with a ***** of my thorn
My milk drips like rain from my well worn teats

My poplin was weaved from the cotton of a slave
My bread baked like a monks last rosary bead
My spark is lost in the sins of my ash
The past is reborn in the bud of a funeral wreath

Unsheathe your knife while I let down my hair
I am born towards the air and your sweat deep beneath
Belief is a question best left in the glittering rain
The moon is encircled in the suns shadow and pain

What appears in the mirror is not necessarily true
My lamb bleats as boy blue plays his horn
Jealously writhes like a snake shedding her skin
I die in your moment until mine is reborn

Kiss my forehead with the scars of past remains
settle into me without fences or names
The wildest horse is this mare with an inky blank mane
Dripping ink and dreams al over the place

Who says I had a choice then or now
To follow my heart or to fetch fallow stars
It matters not if perspective says you're at the top or bottom stair
The wand weaves its magic in spirals mid air

The dairy maid lifts her apron towards the sky
Sighs at another day of being on her knees
No matter how hard she scrubs the stains won't go away
She won't wake up pretty but she still believes

The wolf  is a friend to the girl in the red hood
who goes to bed with a ***** and a howl
Pacing back and forth she rocks the censer of your earth
unwringing the  sponge      while throwing in the towel

My sash was sliced with the thinnest line of red
Berries crushed virginity seeps like an endless blush
My wish was to be chosen like a dark angel at the foot of your bed
Tightening with each plunk of your fruits echoing in my pail

Unfold me like the beauty beneath a forgery
so well done though by anothers hand
Unbend me like a willow branch from the holes in your fence
then dig me deep across the acres of free land

Let the tapestry gather motes of silver dust
The spiders trust is an eighth of eternity
The king swallows the pearls on his sceptre while the queen slides through the eye of the needle- a sugar cube is melting in a porcelain cup

Wink your eye then blink back the tears of infinity
The wheels spin as the story unfolds
The castle has but chambers where the fools below in relief
The court jester juggles like a dwarf on speed
Vashti Puls

i hate being Needy.
sometimes I feel like my Bones themselves
ache for Attention,
that's why they Curve and Twist
in ways they shouldn't.

my bones are hoping your
butterfly kisses will
lift my spirits
and unBend the cartilage in my rib cage,
hoping that you'll
straighten my back by running your
fingers Up and Down enough times.
they crave and creak
until they've gotten their fix,
just like the boy i first loved needed.

read me out loud, not to be proud, away from a crowd,
find the quiet and soft solitude of a sunrise of a sunset
with flashlight, candlelight in the moonlit starlight

on a clear morn, may ideas be born, in you
Abba I belong to you,
on a clear morn, play freely with day dreams,

as the day ends, the sun settles, may you settle too,
Abba I belong to you,
as the day ends, unwind and unbend, made it through

To Relief
To Grief
To Peace
To Sorrow

Abba I belong to you, even Tomorrow

To feel as though I may fall
   Upon painful memories from so
      Far ago

The battery of feeling unloved
    Which whence it was born from

To fall to my knees
     Is where it takes me

There's no hiding
     No plight quite ever allows
  
Just cradle myself for there is
     Never one to understand

How it crumples me into
      So many folds

That I can no longer unbend
      And try still to remold

It lingers in the stillness
      Of my lonely home

Never do I want to feel as though
      I may fall

A slip on the ice can ruin your life
An injured hand
Fingers don't bend
Let's not pretend
This is a life in descend
Looking for a godsend
To unbend a hand and
A fragile life to contend

Challenge him not
The winningest opponent
He who dares unbend to his will
When time comes, shall succumb
Awfully and be distraught

Though our nature is to avoid,
Many believe otherwise
Do not break stare, spit on his face
This is proposal for duel
Adversary: Death Himself!

Is it fearless spirit that govern
The souls who dared to dare?
Or do they fear having not done so?
When man meets hell and live to tell
Glory is thirst insatiable

Saddle up daredevil
Ride your bike ablaze
Across inferno of steel and stones
Never mind your blood and bones
Death taunts you once more.

We began as a muttering that giggled
Through restaurants and you wriggled
Into my arms when you were scared by the darkened
And I laughed that you were so easily frightened.
You told me oaths were a thing of fear
And vows were a virtue.

We drank and lapped from bottles.
We whined and divined
And found in vino veritas,
Walking the streets that sound
With a muttering command to pass.

Then as the tears rolled
She peeled me layer from layer.
She made a vow, vulnerabilities will be safe.
She told me she made incisions and bled.
I told her where my skin was thinnest.

Then for three weeks I collapsed
Into thoughts and dreams.
Into fair nightmares
That procrastinated throughout the day
With only soft mentions of her from friends
And then by night brought me away
And pulled me towards joint ends.

I waited three weeks before a word.
Then breaking I told her of my feelings,
And she told me she was taken.
So, in glades of shade,  
Where the luminous touch dares not draw near,
She decayed me from sleep then
Shattered my ribs to sharpen them.

I wish we had just hated each other. Instead
She leapt into my arms with a smile on her face
When we were together at a drinking affair,
And after a while, she slept on my shoulder.
I rested my head on her raven hair.
We and a friend left the others
Away into that house of hers.

Our friend and you
And that boy who loved you
All curled into one bed.
A branch rapt on the window pane.
Hence we left it open,
So the night could cuddle up with us.
I wish we had hated each other instead.
But I dreamed we'd be again,
If friendship was continuous.
Not that we ever were really.
I like to dream, in our defense,
We were under the influence.

Your leg lay on my covers,
Braun begged to creep over
And unbend my elbow.
You asked why men love movies of romance.
I didn't dare the disturbance,
Saying 'I don't know.'

You received a call, you left laughing.
The boy knew who you were talking to
And hearing you laugh to the man you loved
Tore his insides to shreds.
I slept at five, your friend woke me at six.
I wish we had just hated each other instead.
I caught the train to school.
I remembered,
'Most of the time I dream of the dark hue
But last night I dreamt of you.'

I spoke Spanish to flirt with a bottle of iced coffee.
I wasn’t going to waste years of my life on lessons and not be ****.
The clocked rotated to two.

I did it again,
I did it again with the same woman.
She didn’t say it this time,
But I always get the plan she could be mine.
After I knew I loved and hated her,
But knew more than that, that that
Made no difference with a woman so fair and far beyond me
I collapsed against the floor, again.
I ran out of the house,
To spare me my paralysis.
Because this time I knew what to do.
I couldn’t woo, I wouldn’t ask the impossible questions anymore
And more, I could not breathe.
The clock rotated to four.

I told a friend I was scared,
It’s not what I always try,
Or perhaps this continuous
Superfluous display, is but a lie
That has broken my mind.

I did it again,
I did it again with another woman.
She didn’t say it this time.

Friends and I met and made regrets.
Jack, James and Daniel
Hid beneath my draws for hide and seek played with parents.
The glass danced well
By the sight of light.
We went out for a night.
I sang drunken sailor.
I entered the stage,
White weft through my hair.
I sang at your window,
From the ground where I fell.
You peered past the afterglow.
Your lover cursed with 'Hell.'
Eventually I stood and left,
Once my legs relearnt their pace.

Your man made a lie.
That I returned and am of the kind
That perches upon your shadow
And not to be seen, leaves.
From you the lesson learnt was that
Love lives between the eyes hollow knowing
And the darkness it weaves.
Whilst loathing and fear flows by the ear
And festers through the whispers of rumour and word.

So she draped herself in shawls of shade
And the swirling words slither by her neck
And by the break of day
She still persisted in her own pooling conversation
That was kissed to life by the lips and tongue
That run to persuade her dress and tresses of shadow
To an overwhelming deception.

I heard her echo through a friend
With words 'pathetic' and 'vulnerable'
And beyond that
We never spoke again.
I watched you on blurring lines
Pass as a muttering
Across the street, from time to time.  
I watched you veil your face
And drape the shawl across your visage
And take the shape of splashes diving into water.
I heard it said I lost nothing but a weakness,
But I could hardly see your pixelated picture
And be painless.  

A season or two and a few novels later.
The grass wept with the midnight dew
And electric lights went through
And shimmered greyly to my eyes.
So insignificant in each individual piece
That one grey blur stretched the entire lawn.
I sat in that park and thought of a girl
The only who peeled me and pulled me.
Who taught and touched me
And felt winter upon the precipice of my eyes.
As though trenches through the Rhine
I felt the wrinkles and dementia
Rolling down my face,
And the inertia of your grace
Was too strong to hold away.
Were it said simply, if anything can be.
I missed the woman and the face of she.

The day came.
It began with messages and images
Pouring from the screen in bubbles,
Your name sprinkled their talk.
Then I saw a link,
And the light shone from my screen.

I have seen these places before.
I have seen the faces and the decor
And I have now seen the door
That women take into it.
I have one last hope,
That she has not done this with regret.
At least it pays well
And she may do it well
With her lover.

Each disappear like dates in improper filing.
Every slither. Every scrap.
Every silver lining.
I will do it again.
I will do it again with another woman
And she won’t say it this time.
I seem to have fallen for a dream
And simply keep changing her face and the voice
That breaks me.