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“I’d rather be a novelist than a filmmaker.”
“The novel’s dead.”
“Well then I’d rather be dead.” The man said.
“Do you mean that?” asked the woman.
“Yes.”
The woman stared blankly. She didn’t want to, but she cringed a bit, and then the man’s face softened up a bit.
“Well, but I suppose I can’t be dead right now, so I’ll just have to be a filmmaker, right?”
The woman smiled.
“Right.” And then she served herself another drink. As she sat back onto the couch, she turned her body so that it faced the man again, and brought her legs up so they rested comfortably beside her waistline. “So tell me, Mr. Famous Director, what’s your next movie going to be about?”
The man finished his whiskey. A dead novelist, he thought. “I don’t know yet.” He said out loud.
In the morning, the man woke up, and the woman was already awake, cooking them both eggs for breakfast. She was also doing work, and had her instrument strapped to her back. The man stood up and walked over.
“Don’t make mine scrambled.” He said. “I hate scrambled eggs.”
The woman turned.
“I’ll make another batch.” She offered.
“Never mind, scrambled will do.”
The woman stopped and thought for a second, and then she swung her guitar back to the front of her body and played a few chords on it. She hummed a tune, and the man ate his eggs, and when she was done humming, she ran to her room and scribbled something onto a small notebook.
“Watch the stove for me.” She warned the man, and he stood up and moved the pan a bit. He turned the gas down and opened the fridge, and took a swig from a carton of orange juice he saw, but there wasn’t much juice left in it, so he finished the carton and threw it out. That night, he would want something to drink besides water, and he would regret that decision, but at the moment, as he saw it, it was the right decision to make.
“When is your next show?” The man asked.
“Thursday.”
“That’s the night of the premiere.”
The woman stopped her playing and scribbling, and she came over and sat down.
“Oh my god. I forgot.”
“Never mind, I don’t have to go.”
The woman giggled, and got up again.
“That’s silly, of course you’ll go. And I’ll go with you. Besides, I’ll just be at a little coffee shop, and you’ll be at a world premiere! I’ve never been to a world premiere for a film before.”
“You’ve been for something else?”
“No. But I’ve always wanted to go to a premiere.” The woman stopped. The man looked at her, and then picked up the paper, which was on the table, and turned to the sports section. The Knicks had lost again, but the Yankees were on a roll.
“I’ll call to cancel my show now.” The paper came down.
“Don’t do that yet.”
“Why not?”
“Trust me.” The man said. “I might rather go see you.”
The woman smiled because she thought that meant he loved her.

In the afternoon the man went to the bookstore, and he bought himself two novels, a book of poems, and some coffee. After, he walked around Union Square for a while, and looked at all the people on their way to and from work. There was a musician by the statue of George Washington that played guitar and sang like Jimi Hendrix, and he sat down and listened to him for a while. He’d seen him before, and he liked how he played, but since he was shy, he never spoke to the musician, who he called Moonman in his mind (because of a big pair of boots the musician wore, and also because of the way his eyes were – one always facing the earth, and one always facing the sky). The man dropped some money in Moonman’s guitar case, and he walked back to his home on the lower West side of Manhattan. He took the scenic route, because it took longer, and he took his time, because he wanted to.

“It’s going to be big!” raved Ned, the man’s friend and producer. “Real big, man, probably the biggest premiere that we’ve had yet, if you’ll buy it!”
“I buy it. Why not.” The man responded.
“Do you realize what you are doing here?”
“What’s that?”
“You’re blowing up, man!” Ned was ecstatic. “We’ll be rich! Maybe win awards! Who knows man, aren’t you excited?”
The man looked around at the room he was in. He was excited, it was true, but this excitement was buried under a blanket of other emotions. He was morose, he was nervous, and he was overwhelmed, most of all, with a feeling of nothingness. So he had finished a movie, so it was premiering on Thursday, so it was getting good reviews, so he might make some extra money—so what? He thought. Time to move on now, isn’t it?
“Sure.” The man responded. “I’m excited.”
“Well of course you are!” Ned answered. “So are you bringing that chick to the premiere? The brunette, the one that sings?”
“Maybe. She has a show to play that day.”
“Well, so what, tell her to come anyway. She can postpone, can’t she?”
“She could.”
“Good. Unless you’d rather bring somebody else?”
The man stared.
“No, I like her.”
“Good, then!”
“Good. Yes.”

The woman came to visit again, around noon the next day. She brought her instrument, like she always did, and brought some food in a bag also.
“I knew you wouldn’t have eaten.” She said, and she proceeded to take all of the food out, and she was right, thought the man, so he got plates out and had lunch with her. They watched TV and he explained all of the shows to her, because she didn’t have a set herself, and so she didn’t know the plotlines, and after some few hours of watching, the woman played some of her new songs for him. They were beautiful, but more importantly, the man could tell she cared about them. The woman stopped after one song, and she turned the page in her booklet.
“What’s wrong?” The man asked.
“Nothing.” She said. “I just feel weird.”
“Weird about what?”
“Nothing. I don’t know.”
“Is it a song?” asked the man.
“Yeah. Sort of.”
“Well can I hear it?”
“Sure, why not.”
The woman played for the man then, and she played beautifully, and though she never said it, and he never asked, the man was taken by a feeling that the song was really about him. He turned red when he heard it, but he was quiet and never took his gaze off of the woman. She sang timidly, and the man wanted to hug her, but she was protective with her voice, so he sat and listened only. When she was done, she turned away, so that her hair kept him from looking at her eyes, but he reached out, and he brushed it away, and then he kissed her, and didn’t say anything. They went into his room, and they made love, and they came out, and when the man sat down and turned the TV back on, the woman was not offended, but instead sat next to him, and dug her head into the soft patch that stretched between his shoulder and the middle of his rib cage.
“You should play that song at the premiere.” The man suggested.
“I have my show.” The woman retorted. Then, “You told me not to cancel it.”
“I did.”
“Yes.”
“Well then.” The man lit a cigarette. “I guess it’s too late now.”
“Do you want me to try?”
“No. It’s okay.”
“Lend me a cigarette?”
The man lent a cigarette to the woman, and lit it for her, and they stopped speaking for a while, until it was time for the man to explain the TV shows again, and he did, even when the woman fell asleep and wasn’t listening anymore.

On the morning of the premiere, the man realized that he had to go, and that he didn’t want to go unless the woman came with him. So he called her up and asked her to cancel her show, and when she told him that she couldn’t, he asked to go over to her place. He found her sitting on her bed, playing guitar and eating carrots. He begged her to go with him, but in the way that people who know each other well beg, which doesn’t look like begging at all, but more like reaffirming things that both parties already know to be true, as if their truth can change and become a new truth through this process.
“So it’s too late, huh? You can’t come with me?”
“I asked you so many times! Now it’s the morning of!”
“You’re right. It’s too late, then, I guess.”
The man was good.
“Don’t do this.”
“What?” the man asked. “I’m sorry, I don’t mean to be selfish.”
“But you are, and you know that it’s working.”
“Never mind. I’m sorry. If it’s too late then it’s too late.”
The woman laughed now, and she dropped her head, so that he hair covered her face up and made a tent, where she was safe from him. She brushed a strand back and looked through the space this created, and then she let the strand of hair fall back and seal her up once more. The man lay down.
“I really can’t.” said the woman.
“I’m sorry.” Sighed the man. She kissed him, and he let her, but then he pulled back and closed his eyes. “I don’t really want to go.” He said.
The woman leaned over the man, and this time decided to include him in her tent. She pressed her forehead against his, and when he tried to move, she held him.
“Why are you like this?” She asked him, but he had no answer.
“What do you mean?”
“Why do you hate yourself so much?”
The man pushed the woman’s shoulders back, and released himself from her tent. He wanted to respond, and bite back, but instead he laughed. He started laughing hard, so that he could barely control himself, and after a while, the woman began laughing too. She didn’t know what was going on, but she laughed freely, and when he started to kiss her, she let him, and when he moved to take her clothes off, she only stopped him in the beginning, to make him feel like he had to try. He kissed her all over her body and he looked at her with a look that was mostly grateful, as if she had given him some compliment, but while they made love, and he held her ****, they never spoke even a single word. Afterwards, the man held her, and they both fell asleep on top of the covers.
When he awoke, the man was sweating. It was six o’clock, and he knew he had forgotten to call Ned, but instead of calling, he lay there a bit longer, staring at the ceiling and pretending to still be asleep. The woman woke up too, and she reminded him of the things he had allowed himself to forget, and as she got ready for her show, he put his pants on and made some phone calls.
He called Ned, and set up how he would get to the premiere, and he called his mother to make sure that she and dad had their tickets. He called his sister across the country, and he chatted freely about everything with her, and then he called his best friend Matt to brag about the things that he was doing. Finally, the man got dressed, and left the woman’s place, and when he did, he called Francesca, a girl he’d met a few weeks earlier, and a girl that he was hoping would be able to go to the premiere with him.
Of course, Francesca was, and though she had “nothing to wear”, the man picked her up at nine, and she looked stunning in her dress, though the man barely let her know it. They drove to the premiere, and when they got there, the man was very distant.
“Lighten up, you look miserable.” Commented Ned off to the side. Then, “Where’s the other girl, I thought you liked her.”
“She couldn’t come.” Replied the man.
As the night progressed, the man started to look progressively more miserable. He went from talking only rarely to hardly communicating with anyone at all, and at the end of the screening he got up and left before all the applause had ended. At the after party, he was worse, and though Francesca tried to coax him out to the dance floor for a tune with her, he glumly sat alone at his reserved seat, and drank more.
It didn’t take long for the man to get drunk that way. After his fifth scotch and soda he began to realize how he was acting, but by that time it was too late, and even when he tried to cheer up, it didn’t work. Francesca sat on his lap and made him kiss her and he did, and when she suggested that the two of them go back to the car, he complied; but even then he felt that sting in his stomach that he had been feeling all night. The man said his goodbyes and he went back to the car, and for Francesca’s sake he kissed her, and when they were done, he said he wanted to go home. She offered to come home with him, but he told her that he would rather sleep alone that night. Francesca was upset, but she said she understood.
When the man dropped her off at her house that night, Francesca tried to kiss him one more time. She wanted him to come inside with her, but though he kissed her back for a moment, he pulled away quickly, and asked her to leave. How strange, Francesca thought as she walked back to her house, but for some reason, she was attracted to this peculiarity, and before she went to bed that night she thought how much she would like to figure out that man.

The coffee shop was closed when the man showed up, and though he had the woman’s number, he decided not to call it, and instead go have another drink. He stepped into a bar by Union Square, but decided not to drink there because it was too bright and he could see all of the furniture’s imperfections far too clearly. Instead, he decided, he would buy a bottle by his apartment, and drink at home, where nobody could bother him.
The man asked the car to go back to the premiere, and to drop him off where he was, because he wanted to walk. He stopped at a grocery store to buy some cigarettes, and he smoked his Luckies one after the other, and when he was halfway to the Village, he decided to take a subway the rest of the way, even if it would be only two stops.
In the subway station, the man put out his cigarette, and as he sat down he realized that there was a man playing music next to him. It was Moonman, and he was happy to see him, and when he put some money in Moonman’s guitar case, the man was greeted by a “Thank you.” Which he took as an obvious conversational invitation.
“Are you happy?” The man asked, to Moonman’s surprise.
“How do you mean that?”
“You know. Are you happy?” he asked again.
The Moonman put his guitar down and sat next to it. His eyes still floated independently of each other, but the man could feel that they were looking at him.
“No, but how do you mean that?” asked Moonman once more. “Happy is relative, and it’s judged differently by different people.”
“I want to know how you judge it.” Replied the man.
“Well then, I guess so.” Moonman shot back. Then, “Why do you ask, man? Why do you care if I’m happy?”
The man thought about it for a second.
“I want to know how you do it.”
Moonman stared at him, as if he were waiting for him to say more, as if this answer had not been enough for him, and then he sighed.
“Man, you must be crazy.” He laughed. “What are you asking me for?”
The man was silent.
“Look at me man, I’m playing music in the subway. I’m wearing boots I don’t know who wore before me, and I’ve got an eye problem. What would a guy like you possibly want to know from a guy like me? Ain’t you happy on your own?”
The man shook his head.
“Well there’s the problem then. What do you do man?”
“I’m a filmmaker.”
“And you’re not happy?”
“No.”
Moonman grabbed his guitar and started playing.
“Well, then I guess you better do something else.” He said and smiled. The man turned to look at him. “Hey man, listen. I got my problems just like you do. But I’ve got something here most people don’t have. I do what I want, and what I do is make people happy. It works for me. May not work for you, but it works for me.”
“I wish I could do that.”
“What’s stopping you?”
“Me. That’s the problem.”
The two were silent for a bit. The Moonman laughed. The man looked at him, but then he started laughing too. They laughed until the man’s face hurt, and until his eyes started to tear. Moonman was crying when the subway came, and when the man got up so did he, still crying. The man stood as the train rushed to a stop, and he looked over at Moonman and stuck his hand out to be shaken.
“Man, you do you, ok? You’ll be alright.” Moonman said loudly, and both men shook hands and the man got on the train and he left for his apartment.

When he got home, the man realized that he’d forgotten to buy himself that bottle, so he stopped by Barrow’s Pub to have another drink before he slept. When he walked in, the bar was empty, and there was music from the jukebox playing some country western ballad. He sat down at the bar and ordered a beer, and he asked for a napkin that he could write on while he drank. On the napkin he wrote his thoughts, and was surprised to find how very few of them there were. He only knew that he had them, but he had great trouble articulating them, even on paper, which had always been his specialty.
An original short story by Andoni Elias Nava 2010
B E Cults Nov 2018
On a scale of 1 to Lord of All,
how important is your
opinion of what others create?

I see you, through these sigils,
pretending every breath you took
is a doctorate.

Did you know you dont have to choose between being the brush or the brush stroke?
You could build boats,
hunt ghosts with broken radios,
climb mountains to commune with the dead,
stare at the stars and make
your own constellations,
or play ukulele alone with a head full of acid.

All I am saying is
there are far better plotlines
than playing sovereign king of the
swamp that swallows you
and believing it be noble.
Ethan Chua Oct 2015
I remember behind the bookshelf,
by the young adults’ section,
how she picks off a paperback spine,
rests her finger on a half-forgotten name,
holds the edge against her skin and feels out a page.

we read the backs of books that day. run through twenty different blurbs,
let plotlines curl up into the air and swirl into the scent of musty paper reams,
wander past secondhand copies of Murakami novels and pick up pseudoscience theories,
flick through encyclopedias and chemistry theses while our voices entangle into
first-person points of view.

in the afternoon, we wonder at syntax. fix misplaced alphabets and authors left out of order.
on the eighth aisle she spots the old sci-fi series I read back when I was twelve,
and we laugh at the blurbs, at words like warp drive and plutonium capacitor which
would’ve thrilled our younger selves
until tired, we lie down on carpets and pretend to stargaze,
with old paperbacks as pillows -
ink rushes through our breaths.

There,
underneath the bookstore’s cheap fluorescent lights,
her hand reaches for a half-opened book
at the same time as mine;
a soft brush of fingertips on fingertips.

I look up and find words on her lips,
lifted from my synonyms and grafted onto her skin,
think - poetry.
think - all the punctuation running in disarray skipping syntax in the spaces of my synapses relapses and sonnet turns pentameter heartbeats run in free verse feel my chest grow too light and too heavy like all the voices that they kept measured in their stanzas were let loose into her smile,

until the hours grow long into closing time.
Toothache Jan 2020
Passing around a fatal flaw like a joint in a hot box,
Refreshing baths of Coca~Cola and regretful indulgence
We are wasting away in a paradise of my creation

Poems tinted grey through abstinent romanticism,
and an inexplicable undertone inherent to my prose.
As everything starts to return to a drumming constant.
It all sounds the same.

We've been sunbathing in porcelain skies and empty daydreams.
Drab and dreary and acid washed.
Interrupted like a beach by the sea,
By the little pieces of drug soaked warmth that act as comforting distractions.
A smile or a shoulder or a sunny day to drink from.
Summer and solitude, the likeness of warm bodies in a cold pool.
So.
Compose me an opera of Soda Cans and of choral song. Synthesise two bass lines and slow drip coffee and pollen and folk.
Make it for me so I can watch you as you work.
Let me listen and bask in its ludacris vanity, and clean shallow waters.
How I would relish the time spent muddying the current. Destroying the tide I desired out of boredom.
And black hot frustration.

Flowers painted in acid and acrid accounts of repetative revalations in the context of rude rosy cheeked romance.
Blonde haired ignorance and one dimensional delusions.
Blue eyed terrorists armed with air and arrogance.

Give me seatwarmers and handholding
Or corvettes and convertables.
Give me arrowheads and heart attacks
Humble my bones with a cardiac

!F.R.I.E.N.D.S.!
SITCOMS
ADJASENT PLOTLINES
mumble rap
AND ***** TALK HOTLINES
four letter words with little context or meaning and selfless expression that's often demeaning

Its September in January and it rains for a day
And despite all our efforts
The days waste away
what if there is no backdrop
i mean it could all be the central story, right?
i've called weaker plotlines boring and stronger ones interesting
and now when i see the story stretched out
not only over the course of my life
but through the tapered and weaving lives
of circles and slopes
of color and dreary bland borders

i see

i am compelled

it fills me

i was an artist
you were perfect
now I'm a worker
and you're confused
and the mess is better than any straight line ever drawn

we write and dance,
we share so selfishly,
like everything is ours to give
Amanda Kay Burke Oct 2018
Night whispers your name in the dark
My soul bleeds sin, leaking grey pools,
The sharp blade of guilt pressed against me too tight
Carve me atom by atom, chipping away my molecules.

The missing pieces hurt most
You should know, you've taken them all
My hands tried to heal these gashes
The moment before I do I fall.

Not strong enough to stand without stumbling
Through skin I can see outlines of each bone
Breathing polluted air, lungs poisoned by your absence
Exhaling any positive thoughts I still own.

When I smile it is for the people I love
They hate seeing me dismayed
Day after day continue this routine
Attempt to keep up this charade.

Those around me don't seem to notice
I must have a great poker face
Hurt can only be read in my eyes
No trace of suffering observable in any other place.

Want a dramatic reaction?
Stop waiting for me to cave and show
Not sure what expression you were expecting
Each passing moment I'm suppressing tears that yearn to flow.

It was you who played games with our feelings
I loved you, but you loved the dope
Tried not to let it get to me, bring me down
Quickly found out my inability to cope.

I cut ties with every dream I could
Couldn't break chains you placed on my back
Afraid I've become too intertwined with your darkness
I thought our bond could withstand any attack.

Here I fall, feathers fraying fast,
Hoping to pull through before they snap
Say you will be honest with me
So why are your stories filled with holes and gaps?

Allow yourself to show your heart completely
Freedom to be who you are
There is peace discovered in accepting your flaws
Many times I have seen you move moments far.

Left behind to shrink and fade
Storm is raging through our hearts
Hurricane of sadness ruining our souls
A survivor I stand missing quite a few parts.

Here we are yet again but why?
What should I do? Stay or go?
Think it out for a little while
Choose too fast because I am feeling low.

I am forced to watch my plans depart
Floating away with drifting days
I worked to repair areas from which they fled
I'm simply lacking a way.

Watching plotlines of our story
Distance opening my gullible eyes
I can't edit the screenplay
It's already scripted with lies.

Not sure exactly how our story will end
This may not be mendable and I'm scared
Been drowning in your pain so very long
Cannot find the surface to come up for air.
I dont know what to do these days. How do I be happy? Why cant everything be the way it was before?
I melt into languages
to range across accents,
characters suspect me, but
plotlines direct me,
a hero
a villain
doing things that
we do
I'm willing to do
things are
you?
Onoma May 2018
winnowing grasses--
a workable blear of plotlines.
bore up your scalp--
segued with white noise.
the fine stitch of your
corpus callosum, threw down
ankle-length tresses.
black enough for night to take
asylum--
and spread ranging moonlight.
your return call to sourced sunlight.
wild as a phosphorescent
throat of kept peace.
nature's long sleep in simpatico with you,
drooled resin.
Persephone, that line you toe in
cavernous raiment... has brought
down the house
with your strange delectation.
pomegranate, your caesura--held
on to for dear death.
leathered by the singed petitions of last lights,
bloated with rosaries that seed new planes.
your walk abroad covers
enough ground to blow systematized
stars.
congregationless dimmer switches
of Hades.
Sometimes Starr Oct 2017
I can intuitively play jazz guitar. Pretty well sometimes.

I can sing so ******* well sometimes, I wish more people could hear it.

My voice could make me famous, I impressed people in jail.

I can write great poetry. I can develop great plotlines.

I know a good bit about different fields of psychology, quantum physics.

I can learn about most things. My knowledge has good diversity. I can talk to many different kinds of people about science, music, even math.

If I just had access to a studio... I could work wonders. I could compose.

But...

My nervous fingers are not yet so dexterous. I haven't been able to practice electric guitar; I sold mine years ago and I'm only saving up again now.

I fear my voice may not be consistent enough to perform and studios might make me far too nervous. But I won't know until I try, which I AM GOING TO DO.

Poetry doesn't make you any money and no one pays attention to it anymore.

Knowing things is pointless if you can't do anything with it.

When I talk, I sound really dumb. Really dumb. People think I'm stupid. My social anxiety makes me look stupid. My hair is long and all over the place. I wish people could see how intelligent I am, but I just have to wait until the law releases its hold on me.

I'm 23. I feel as if I could have, but it's getting too late. That sun is setting. People start to look at you as if your life is setting into stone. I haven't really performed. I haven't learned Spanish. I am a slow reader.

My parents and whatever it is they think about me. They never understood me. I want to learn Spanish, not Italian, and I don't care about my birthfather, I just don't identify with my parents, and I don't hate my mother, I just want to learn Spanish before I learn Italian.

I nervously avoid things like listening to music and reading and learning Spanish because I hate living at home. I wish my parents were more laid back people.

but

How I carry myself now and how I start to gather myself is what matters. You can light up on social media really fast, you just have to do it right. You can enter the world you want to, you just have to wait to get off house arrest first. I can do amazing things, I just have to do them.
Sia Harms Sep 2024
There was a weight
Of empty history
pressing on my heart,
Building plotlines
And extravagant arcs
in my mind--
I looked at the span
Of golden laughs
and pristine paper,
Frowning at the absence
Of stains
--Because shouldn’t I
Have dark spots
And redacted portions
like everyone else I know?
Was I just waiting,
Building up to something,
That would pour gasoline
On my bundle of flowers
That had bloomed
For so many years?
Was I to become
a fiery mess of cinder stems
And insubstantial ashes?
Maybe then, I could offer
Some guidance
That came from a place
of experience.
Rather than
Philosophizing off of
Flimsy observations--
Why are my struggles
so subtle, my life
A suburban dream,
And my past
an overcast sky
With no tempests churning
Through my memories?
I watch the dew,
The swing of the wind,
And only see misfortune
In the stillness before
a storm
because i overthink everything.
I am an author, except
My plotlines are mostly inept,
I have lots of sparks,
But no story arcs,
So poetry's where they are kept.
Mateuš Conrad Nov 2021
oh winter sun, how benevolent you are,
how tenderly you peer into the realm
of what once had is now finally losing colour,
on the realm of hibernating insects
bound to hardened cocoons...
           of flowers that only remain root strong...
oh winter sun, how benevolent you are,
work slows down, people become bearable:
less arrogant in their attire...
finally these women can put on clothes that
scream: decorum!
finally my libido can rest...
finally no more inverted, imploded niqab for
the eyes... still the sunglasses but finally...
my libido can rest...
but of course, it happens... there will be some
idiotic ***** who will entertain a Saturday
night out by wearing miniskirts & exposing
their bare legs to the elements of December,
January... years later, most probably:
pokraki... i.e. legs mangled from exposure to
the cold, the wind...
it happened once that i sat outside a nightclub
fully attired... warm cotton trousers...
a t-shirt, a shirt, a hoodie & an flimsy army shirt...
                hood, beneath the hood
a wooly hat...
there they stood... the goosebumps worth
of geese... standing there: chattering a strange tongue
that only teeth understand via Morse code...
silly little imp-girls...
warm up on the parquet of the nightclub,
drop a few ***** shots, yes?
oh sure... that will warm you up...
         silly little imp-girls... who goes clubbing
in winter wearing nothing but a mini-skirt...
the whole lot of them... hugging themselves...
trying to jump up & down in stilettos:
but not actually jumping...
                    it was a beautiful sight...
a man supremely cuddled by the clothes he was
wearing, gloves & scarf too...
drinking a beer & smoking a cigarette...
sitting on a bench outside a nightclub...
as a line of geese that had their feathers plucked
while still breathing were gaining entry to,
probably... the worst *** they'd get in their lifetime...
drunk ***...
      a little bit of alcohol... but too much is:
too much...
- yes... finally my libido is at rest...
no more libido insomnia...
   for the most part they started to dress like grannies...
of course some pull off the classy granny look,
the: mah-tue-rrr look (trill the R, please,
i know the French hark theirs but that's no excuse
to: tarantula bit my tongue when it's an R
in syllables, stressed, sure... forget the trill in words...
no one wants to sound like count Dracula:
blah blah blah...)

O benevolent winter sun... how you grace my skin...
how much brighter you seem than in summer...
since there are so few hours of you throughout the day...
come 3pm when you begin your weary descent
how blinding you are...
yet how you also do not scorch the skin
to make the golden serpent wake...
   how in a month or so i will loose the copper-neck
& the copper-sleeves on my forearms...
back to my white, vampiric, anaemic...
Hyperborean look...
        
O winter sun, i thank you for your retreat,
i thank you for your retreat with
such gleeful bliss...
i thank winter itself too: for pushing you away
(my my, is that a heliocentric or a geocentric
formulation? does it matter...
to read a map, to get from A to B...
a round earth perspective doesn't do ****...
the earth need to be flat in order
to read a map, esp. when standing on the fore
of a group of unruly teenagers,
when... the team at the Glasbury House
for Outdoor Education Centre split the participants
into two groups...
the older boys doing their A-levels
with the younger girls doing their AS-levels...
the older girls doing their A-levels
with the colts doing their AS-levels...
being of the former group...
the latter group was dropped off closer to the return-to-point,
they only had to walk back directly...
perhaps there were some shortcuts...
but could any of the girls read a map?
or, rather... would any of the colts
unloosen their imaginary head that might be
their phallus from imagining potential
suitors... not a chance...
- now, i have to write about this,
i need to discard this memory... i need new
memories... this one cameo cinema is
fudging up my uptake of new memories:
the hope is... if i write it down...
         i'll be released from it...
i was in the group that was dropped off...
**** knows' where, but certainly further afield
than the first group...
someone gave me the map of the vicinity:
i don't know why they handed the map to me...
so... i just asked: where are we?
cheat? every single ******* map in any urban
information point has a map & an indicator
that states, quite (not quiet), quiet plainly:
YOU ARE HERE... a bit like sticking one of those
HELLO MY NAME IS "X" at a speed-dating
event (mein gott, i've been to one of those
when at university, horrible event,
i don't remember it)...
so i asked, where are we? again: cheating?!
what's a ******* point of a map when you don't
know where you're starting from?
sure... you have to find where you're going from
the map... but what's the point of not knowing
where you're starting from?
like... Christopher Columbus didn't know
where Lisbon was... when he set off to find...
the Americas... sure... but this was also an experiment...
i knew what place i was leaving: Glasbury House...
& i was being dropped into an unknown location...
well i need to know at least one thing,
i can't navigate with two unknowns...
that sort of scenario would invoke... being...
rafted... on the seas... a quote comes to mind...
Coleridge:
  water, water, everywhere
And all the boards did shrink;
water, water, everywhere,
   nor any drop to drink...
                         point being...
a phantasmagorical finger "levitated" over me
then... like... ugh... faux pas...
like like the depiction bound to those *******
*******: perhaps Adam ought to have made
a circle with his index and thumb?
when the depiction of God extended his
in that Michelangelo depiction...
mind you... look how weak, how feminine Adam's
hand "posture" is...
he should have been firm... "God's" finger is coming...
to hell with touching phalluses with
a nail's bite worth of scribble on flesh...
here! here's my index curled up with my thumb
slightly curled: O my ****'s worth of interactions
with you! that hand posture is feminine...
on Adam's behalf... God the protruding agent of
the index... Adam the: oh! ah! kiss my hand will you!
*******... ugh...
and look at the statue of David... anything... ahem...
"weird" about? it's disproportionate...
the head is too big for the body!
a massive ******* head on a body that would see
the head topple it like lumberjacking at some pristine
******* pines...
Titian's Paul III...
                  Perronneau's Madame de Sorquainville...
look at the smirk on her...
Mona Lisa can hide in shame...
or rather: her "smile"... is a... HANS! GOTTFRIED!
OTTO! CONRAD!
encore: ein wachslächeln (a wax smile)...
Rembrandt: a precursor to Turner...
almost the same Parkinson's disease...
but at least Turner conveyed landscapes... not portraits /
scenes...
something's blurry about Rembrandt...
like i already knew...
the people of the past weren't exactly
****** or deformed, or ugly...
****** artists, that's all...
well if someone like a Helen could: muster...
a 1000 ships...
she must have been a stunner!
a tenner for every penny saved...
         hmm... i'm still rummaging...Kenneth Clark's
Civilisation.... i'm looking for the antithesis of
Michelangelo' David...
oh i'll ******* find what i'm looking for...
even if i have to stay up to 5am to find it!
ah!   'ere we go!
    Riemenschneider's Adam...
          now that's an "Adam"... one i'd want to ****...
where was i...
oh ****... too many plotlines: ergo no plot...
it's like ***** Burroughs took at interest in
my writing from beyond the grave,
the whole Beat Hotel from Paris woke up &
brought back Tristan Tzara to decipher...
no cut-up methodology here...
i was just reading some Rousseau & thought
the language... eh... slightly "constipated"...
congested... on point... rigorous as one might expect
1 + 1 = 2 to be...
unless...
well no one ever said that a consonant must precede
a vowel... that there must be clear syllables...
that you can't allow two vowels or two consonants
to interact... on rare occasion you might end with
a specified consonant: an N...
or that vowels can exist alone... & that they can break
the rule of crafting syllables: & can meet...
ah... but they can't... i was wrong...
青 "=" アオ
               AO... blue...
but the meaning blue is an ideogram "concept"....
it's not a meaning that can be translated phonetically...
****'s sake... even in Japanese two vowels cannot meet,
nor two consonants...
although: they can... when as something
akin to a grapheme / a Chinese ideogram...
what would manner (NN) look like...
or... chatter (TT) should the Siamese Æ (sorry,
not grapheme, a grapheme would be the greek theta:
for th-ought) diphthong...
call an apple an apple... there are too many technical
terms ruining the narrative...
i'm bound to make one correct noun into
a disaster of a misnomer...

- thank you, winter sun, for receding to the point where
the moon can finally reclaim the night sky
and borrow something from the day,
no longer are the nights so ugly without him,
glaring in the sky, ever mindful cyclops
compared to the beauty of seeing very visibly
with almost two eyes, both the body & the shadow...
myopic moon... obstructed by clouds...

- back to the Glasbury event... we were dropped off
further down the road... i was given a map,
so i implored, were are we?
a finger descended onto the page & indicated:
YOU ARE HERE...
i took charge... mind you... it wasn't easy...
i had a popularity complex in high school...
it wasn't a "popularity" complex when it came
to entertaining the company of the "popular" kids...
the black boys were popular with the white girls,
the white boys were popular with, saic X...
i was leveraging the ******* nerds
playing video games, collecting Pokemon cards...
then again: with the ruffians...
spending Saturday afternoons in car parks...
trying lady luck by spitting down on them from
four stories up...

Peter Richardson... Kieran O'Mahoney...
endless Saturday afternoons...
cheap white lightning cider,
a youth club once existed in a church where
we played snooker where now,
most probably a mosque now stands...
blah blah...
we were once tricked by two girls...
before a wave of rowdy boys came up to
give us a beating... they oddly enough didn't
while Kieran lay on the ground crying...
semi-kicks & me imploring the bunch:
he has my walk-man! i need my music back!
Peter's younger brother was also there
but he did a runner... so, **** me...
3 against... 10, if not more?
those two ***** that enticed us...

well... we managed to escape the scene seemingly untouched...
ha ha...
Kieran did more damage to himself:
by himself when we overstayed out welcome in
South Park & had to climb over the fence...
me & Peter clamoured over... jumping onto our
feet as if we had four...
came the turn for Kieran...
standing on the top of the fence... jump! jump!
so he jumped... & managed to lodge his
underwear in one of the spikes...
for a millisecond we watched him dangle
quasi-impaled by his underwear...
laughter... well... i couldn't imagine it might have been
a particularly enjoyable ****... *******...
i came to my senses, Peter synonymous...
we lifted the poor ****** up & then down
from his predicament...

Glasbury... YOU ARE HERE... again... that's not cheating,
asking where you are, is it?
a benevolent finger descended on the map
and i was off... we took a shortcut through a road
that led into a little wood... we passed the wood
& emerged onto a pasture field...
some cows were grazing... the guys thought it might
be funny to push a cow over,
i advised them against it...

summa summarum: we ended up "beating" the other "team"...
clear as daylight...
i remember we were asked: since there was some spare
time... to exercise in the yard...
clear as daylight... we're exercising...
30 minutes if not more...
while the defeated team descends from around
the bend... all the girls, my peers with an expression
that could only be best read as: HUH?!
paint that... paint HUH?!
can anyone paint me: HUH?! on a woman's face,
can anyone?

i'm looking for a painting of woman, or several
women that reads the meaning of: HUH?!

oh **** me, i know i was spinning some other plate...
i hope i find it...

as usual Peter & Kieran got in the way...
perhaps Samuel might have joined the memory reel...
but Samuel is an altogether different matter...
almost a sacred memory...
that's for me to disclose when ready:
i'm not ready...

done, memory: begone!
fickle creature... of course it will remain...
but i hope it will be less prominent...
after all: i was almost 18 back then...
such memories are building blocks...
i managed to... read a map... guide a group of unruly peers
to success, "success"...
we just arrived early & our reward was some more
exercise... no... the reward was mine...
i managed to read the map & discovered shortcuts
in the make-up of the land...
to be told that you are at a disadvantage because
you are dropped off further away from group A:
while you're the disadvantaged group B...
well... placebo effect? i don't even know the correct naming
of this psychological experiment...

pair up older girls with younger boys
vs. pairing up older boys with younger girls...
only one year apart...
what the hell is pedagogy? eventually: at best...
a cocktail art... hey! let's see what happens!
esp. outside the classroom: in the outdoors!
as much as i'd love to dabble in the chemistry of
the inter & intra-man...
at a distance... i'd rather concern myself with
things that do not speak, pretend to listen,
pretend to see... pretend to feel:
or rather... i pretend for them... most certainly:
do not speak... zilch!

i couldn't possibly want the responsibility
surrounding the moulding of man
should "said" man not become... the ambition
worth of a statue in a public sq.
if i can't be an Aristotle shaping an Alexander...
i see a hammer: i see a nail...
oh... right... "of some use": no... pristine use...
the extant pivot!
beer is an extant pivot too, mind you...
what better way to "drown one's miseries"?
i was thinking of a make-up word...
exactant... EXACTANT...
                   out of: acting upon stasis: loosely...

i'm so almost content in stating:
whiskey first, the cider second that i can't finish a cigarette
having to subsequently write this...
not that there's much to write,
leave me: strain... i would very much so like
to watch some t.v., some movie...
some sport's & Sparta...
no... these toils with letters & memories...

Rousseau & the social contract...
even the name alone... Row-Sow...
look at it in Katakana: impossible...
snippets.... ロ
                             ウ        セ
                                             ウ...
or rather... Row-Sue!

i was wondering... what album did i hear, first?
Tool's aenima or tools lateralus?!

well me & Samuel would head over to
Romford... RM1 was a club... once upon a time...
where teenagers could enter & enjoy under-age drinking...
not that i was unfamiliar with the "practices"...
me & Samuel would walk back from Romford to
Ilford singing Backstreet Boys songs...
while the whole time we were 'ard-up punks /
metal heads... skateboards:
he stole his mother's credit card to pay for "my"
skateboard... he was later found out: fined...
i cowered like a leech when the pogrom on his ethics came...
what was her sisters' name...
Isa... Jessica! one of the Ursuline corpus!
oh i remember the Ursuline girls...
not that i had a hard-on for them:
i learned to ******* early... aged 8 i was doing the Onan
pledge... no... it was more about... RHO-MAN-Sssssss...
paid of like investing in... Sony's mini-disk "ingenuity"...
but every single morning...
those Ursuline girls on the bus...
beside the perfume of the morning... nothing worthwhile
mentioning... Samuels older sister Jessica
& Alex's older sister Samantha...
i remember one sleepover when
i purposively ****** on the toilet seat & one of them
noticed it... i was scolded (obviously)...
but the "matter" was quickly laid to rest...
on a bunch of nothing...

i scratched this CD so much: how?
from over playing it!
i wondered... when did i first hear of tool?
when i was a ****** 16 year old teenager...
how? Kerrang!
                                                my now estranged
uncle used to buy the magazine...
maybe...
(god, let me finish... i want to relax by
listening to some political "dialectic"...
opinion spewing... garbage... ditto-head echoes)...

i'm reading some Rousseau and listening to tool's
aenima...  i ought to hae a stipend for
makings "****" chronological...
in common parlance: **** = thing should a philosopher
ask... thing, nothing... blah blah...
lost appreciation for nouns...
or none to begin with...
i must have listened to aenima prior to lateralus...
i must have put down my homework
& be like: what the ****'s this?!
from stinkfist...
  i never heard anything like it!

it must have been aenima... i remember that summer
back in Poland when i started & finished reaading
the Three Musketeers... long before
Stendhal arrived on the scene with the Red & the Black...
one of those few adaptations on screen
(Ewan McGregor & Rachel Weisz)
of a book that might want you to read the book...
all of Sienkiewicz worked in reverse...
lucky me...

all ******* Celts though, Peter, Kieran, Samuel...
well... perhaps not Peter...
perhaps write an ode to... Alex... Martin:
the crooked teeth so crooked it felt uncomfortable
to bite a sandwich by him?
friendships... oh thank you professionalism...
i don't want to come too close...
friends once were:
now?
      oh forget about... to hell with "adoring" fans too...
someone's interested: fine...
they're not... to the pedestrian line with "you"!
i can allow myself the luxury...
it is a luxury... pass enough distance... animate
objects take on an inanimate object tinge...
hue... hue of... blurry... forgettable...
point of interest at a specified crux via transit...
but... otherwise... a celebratory forgetfulness surrounds
them... not out of spite... or my self-importance as
somehow superior to their: existence...
a shared value... they value their own freedoms
as i value mine...  it's strange: therefore...
how fame arrives at the fore... not posthumously:
yet when the said famous person is still alive...
fame as a reiteration of "fame"?
the hyper-reality of Baudrillard?
sounds like... the overhyped-hyper-reality of... "X"...

but i finally solved the "debacle"... did i listen
to tool's aenima or tool's lateralus first?
aenima... i'm listening to it right now...
i'm getting flashbacks... of the one club we used to go to,
when i still lived in Gants Hill & Romford was
this sacred place... for underage drinking...
**** me... the club didn't have a hard floor...
sickly sweet carpet underlying...
some other club...
     the DJ played STINKFIST...
     ooh... i'm gonna: stinkenfaust!
  i lost my head... i danced like a berserker...
what?
  on the same night i had my second kiss...
what could that kiss taste like: should memory be judged
the proper authority before the court?!
numb-cherry / ox--sweat...
  
that tool's aenima is an eulogy to bill hicks...
bill hicks... a very painful introspective on...
the stereotype of H'americans...
stereotyping themselves...

for me the greatest bill hicks moment came,
not telling a ****** joke...
undermining the concept of metaphor
with the reality of time...
sure... the bible didn't mention dinosaurs...
but sure as **** we were drawing fire breathing
lizards before the discovery of dinosaur bones...
lizards like makeshift "skyscrapers"...
undermine the metaphors of Moses...
such a finite little... loot...
new, "new" poetry "borrowed" from the old....
never undermine what Moses ought not or ought...

no, his greatest moment didn't come
from telling a joke,
it's his look of concern when...
he was asked to share the same interviewee
posit with, a very much drunken
Oliver Reed... no one could have played
Athos... like Oliver Reed did!
no one!
there was Bill Hicks... comedy extraordinaire
reduced to... perhaps tears...
laughing at a drunk... like that...
oh god... it hit: him: hard...
Oliver Reed: Athos! dinosaurs not in the bible:
ha ha... so what's up with humanity conjuring up
dragons?! ***** of fire... who said where
that... astronaut hit earth while the moon was
yawning: the what if: the moon was on its guard...
& the astronaut hit the moon...
earth with a ring of shrapnel like Saturn?!

perhaps i could remember the names of
the women i once loved... Promis... Priya...
Isabella... Ilona... n'ah.... what love i already gave
has now probably become an elephant's graveyard...
it's better to have memory of friendships in one's
progressive years...
i better retain Peter, Kieran, Samuel, Martin, Alex...
ought, within the confines of these times: be deemed
worthy to explore: the unknown...

tool's aenima: a priori...
tool's lateralus: a posteriori...

such sweetened acidity governing this cider...
i want to drink liters of it,
this gods' **** juice!
mehr! mehr! mehr!

proto-german then...
   mer! mer! mer!

proto-german, i.e. not Finnish...
lisää! o.k. that's ****** up...
doubled-up on the umlaut...
so whst's that? lisaaaa?!
                               my ******* arithmetic "wrong"?
is there a transvestite raeding this?
i can stomach a transvestite...
i was once, one, drunk...
trans- "****": the world of
popularity contests can stomach that....
digest it... just as wel: i want to forget about it...
the world can *******: with these "regards"...

i must have missed something...
yes, me & some ivory beautifies,
living it up in the safeguards of Kenya...
my god... some of these Kenyan girls...
past burnt mahogany...
past auburn... past autumn's flares...
i somehow almost forgot about my...
oriental fetish... of petite "things"...
geishas... what not...

             if i'm not being scrutinised...
i'm worried... i scrutize others:
eh... not so worried.
Mateuš Conrad Mar 2022
waking up today was always going to feel strange...
i was lying in bed for an extra hour trying
to cure the flu... i thought about how i was weaponized
over the past five days...
a walking tick-tock bomb count down...
what's this variant? the omicron? we skipped
a few Greek letters...
                i was going to do the usual chores around
the house... oh man: but the muscles ache...
i'm dizzy all the ****** time...
               let me regain my strength at the nadir...
let me regain my strength when i'm weakest...
tomorrow's shift out to be uber: gut (goot)...
           if China could play this game two years ago...
why can't i play the same game?
April-cometh flu is sort of abnormal...
            if China can play their little game...
oh... generous this microcosm of my... lax: approach...
it has to come as a reiteration:
classical Darwinism... looking at nature...
the sort of Darwinism that can't be incorporated
and invigorate human psychology... humanism...
everything that's not transcendental,
philosophical... looking at nature...
what a clarifying, cruel, *****...
   i like her already...
                only satisfies the strong...
she satisfies earthquakes and other sort of calamities...
it grins with sharp teeth in the dark...
it scuttles among shadows and hazards
with starved insects and hyenas...
      bless this dearest medium of realisation...
in my weakest moment...
   i still have some words in me:
thank god i'm keeping ingesting hallucinogenic
mushrooms for the time when
i'm diagnosed with dementia... prior to...
wound: fester... let the sneeze, slob and thickening
saliva in... come: the maggots... cleanse me...
like in the movie Gladiator...
where... the maggots are found to cleanse
the wound... by only eating dead flesh...
           at my weakest... i'm at my strongest...
super-spreader...
            no no... this is not how the game is going to
go... i'm not giving up my freedom...
no thank you... not for the past two years...
my grandfather deserved a better funeral...
i'm following his consolation:
keep your heart small...
         keep your heart small...
              sure... with what i'm infected with..
for someone like me...
it's sort of debilitating... to others who only digest
t.v. entertainment:
if must be almost death...
           imagine the hard-on of a man...
who walks like a biological weapon...
            i already mentioned this to one spectator
at a West Ham when he came to my defence
and said: but he doesn't want to wear a face-mask...
a niqab... next game? the rule was dropped...
the argument was along the lines:
but i have a deaf friend sitting next to me...
he won't be able to lip-read... what the steward
is saying...
                oh... not here... not now...
i like to wait... i wait...
                    i like waiting... i need to find my
whereabouts... my coordinates...
   i'm like a director...
         i need to know who the actors are...
who the extras are... who the technical people are...
but of course i'm not important...
isn't that the stressed message these days
when there's the culture of: fame for merely being famous...
the Thespian autocracy - which is...
ha ha... sure... less shadow-prone: more shadowing-stealing
equivalent to the Russian oligarchs...
western Thespian autocracy is like-for-like
equated with Russian oligarchs...

from an Iron Curtain to the Silicon Curtain...
to... the Glittery Veneer... of "stars"...
but i woke up and felt good lying in bed for an hour longer...
i tuned in... oh... ****... right...
Will Smith...
                 in defence of a wife that has...
literally no defence...
   no, no... i'm not going to be grilling the man...
maybe that's why i decided to have
*** with prostitutes...
               she keeps sending me selfies...
kissing thin air and the eye of dajjal...
i'm sick... like i said...
   i'm yet to reply...
                    but she's a ******* and i'm not
Richard Gere... and this is not:
pretty woman... and there's no spending spree
in clothes shops down Hollywood Boulevard...

how the lesson trickles down...
**** me... if i'm only supposed marry a fertile
gargoyle... so that... no man will touch her...
and all she can do is pop out more ugly
looking gargoyle offspring?
message to my genes: *******... die off...
don't buy into the psychological argument that
counters the reality of Darwinism...
the classical Darwinism of cruel: true: nature...
the sort of Darwinism that Nazis teased...
and could have got away with...
if it wasn't for their ethnic focus on the Hebrews...
they were so close...
but i guess... project: resurrect Israel -
alles gut... sacrifices had to be made...
                            
                      why wouldn't be impossible for me
to be with a woman...
and how much different is it...
  when you sleep with a woman who you know
to have multiple ****** partners...
you wouldn't... going to a brothel, that you're
sleeping with a *******?
              hey... she's the one sending you photographs
of herself... she's the one allowing you to have
unprotected *** with her... ******* into her...

oh man... Will Smith... what height? what low?
nein nein! nein!
we're doing Darwinism proper this time...
no point masquerading with a psychologism
of Darwinism...
man can have his ontology: but man will never
overpower nature:
like that Crowded House song:
            
    i'll be walking rot... i'm not going to topple
the natural order of things...
        whoever is left standing: is left standing...
the rest can be mauled... down...
down.... down...
                nature is: indiscriminative...
           i'm walking, i'm standing...
whoever is up to scratch... is... whoever isn't...
isn't... i don't need any honey cuddling
pillow talk *******... i've heard too much of
that in the past two years...
faking man overpowering nature:
without actually being able to...

   oh man... Will Smith though...
why have i been seeing prostitutes for so long?
what honour of a wife are we talking
about?
            none... it's painful to watch...
at least i know... the women i **** are bankrupt
within the confines of everything that might
be expected of me to take a stance of
protection...
i mean: i can't protect them...
if they're already a *******... officially...
what am i trying to keep?
my income... my expenditure...
hardly any mention of a relationship...
because there isn't any...

                   i stroke my beard...
i try to no choke on the joke...
             but let's be honest...
  Garry Glitter's song... Rock & Roll Part 2...
that's a ******* given: thumps and thumbs up...
can't argue with that me-lo-dy (m'eh-l'oh-d'ee)...

it's funny... not really... but funny nonetheless...
it's called the joke
of the waiting game...
you wait... and wait... until you're dead...
that's the whole joke...
       you're dead...
            you've been waiting: but actually
not waiting... because... what you've actually
been waiting for is... turning up dead...
which is the joke...
        you're waiting for "something" as the world
happens to your anticipated exercise of chaos...
but you're not waiting for that...
you're waiting for your own death...
and that's a slow ******* beast to roll...
        but that's the joke...
the world burns... becomes ultra-*******...
but i'm not waiting for that...
or: you're not... whatever...
         yeah... death's shy... it needs a pulse
of: inspiration... a pulsating wand of invigoration!

oh man... this is really bad optics...
lucky man type: and thank **** i'm not married or...
if men at the top are being treated like
tramps / trash...
what are the men at the bottom supposed
to expect? gargoyle brides with half-wit
quasi-DNA offspring to boot?
            at least i can give the Chinese kudos
when they mention attaching themselves
to DNA-engineering... great! play god...
figure out a way to be rid of these natural hindering
plotlines of disease!
personally... i like the Chinese application
of Darwinism... it's mythically ****...
it has nothing to do with the western take
on Darwinism via psychology via humanism...
it's an outright: ******* approach...

second thoughts on genetically engineering
food... but... second thoughts on genetically engineering
humans... it's like... you've discovered the power of
the gods... it's a bit like refusing Prometheus...
no fire for you! ******* retards...
because... the cosmopolitan Moses' highest
authority of the world: gravitates around
the crucifix of "hey-Zeus"... ******* retardo grando!
the emblem of man... ******...
celebration of a torture mechanism is man's...
pristine... revelation for the ages... to follow suite...
RETARDS!
                    sure... and where is Christianity most
expansive if not in Africa?

i already made my sentiments true...
the biggest troll in the history of the democratic history
of hell... came... in the form
of the lord of mosquitos... blood boiled until it became wine...
wine over-boiled...
then water that became wine... blah blah...
2000 years of the reign of hell...
it's nice... but... even i have some reservations:
too much of something that good is...
not good enough... because...
if you don't have any reservations in place...
eh... the immediate loss of fun... to preserve... "something".
Yenson Oct 2021
The epic surmised from narrow minds
tattles to tales reimagined in chaliced ivy
beholden in paupers angsts berating edifice
warping sinful sorrows as libation for gains

yet the might of the vapid
is but the windless thunder
roaring vacuums of malice

Carrying the wreckages of the disrepute souls
scatter thoughts from forsaken living ghosts
now birthing labour pains of arid gestations
with garrulous intent to bleed the living light

galleries of primed paltry awaits
snake charmers dance with snakes
choristers liars sing arias and jive

Plotlines in timelines in Showtime in no time
the music played but only to he not a stranger
what never got off stage has no legs to run
ask me not to the after party am not in the cast

...........................
Yenson Dec 2022
The Ratings are in again
you top the league in the Yawns Reports again
the advertising revenue has long fallen
the audiences are tuning away in droves
your scripts are boring
predictable and full of holes
reworking's are tired and tiresome
plotlines inane and contemptuous
this drivel is murkier than slushy snow in a swamp
ratings do not lie
its all now outdated and irrelevant
it may have been Prime-time years ago
now times have changed and the audiences have moved on
you're now all has-been flogging dead pigs
roasting pelicans and scraping barrels
just dregs scrapping boiled congealed pigs brains
we know its hard for you letting go
you're all the last to know
but its all now stale and its pathetic hanging onnnnnnnnn
yeah! its been all you live for
there's no business like show business and its the only business
you know
but now for you
its a No from the Network
Yenson May 2022
And once upon nothing
these are the days when we wear our chains proud
and our grapevines oozes
the most proficient untruths and falsehoods
and we are dramatized in frenzied nonsensical
glorified in puppetry
consumed in the artistry of our masters
who deftly lays the plotlines and pulls the strings
as we eat the salted power
of esprit de corps marinated in manipulation and delusions
ours is not to question why
we move with the motion of our chains
turbo charged by our basic instincts
fueled by our limitations and ignorance
our puppet masters ignite us and we come alive
powered
this is techno power
this is salt power
but perhaps with time
we will be humans
with our own minds
plain real ordinary humans with hearts and soul
capable of making our own decisions
is that not what real power is about
for esprit de corps is a patterned umbrella for indentured servants
Yenson Oct 2021
The epic surmised from narrow minds
tattles to tales reimagined in chaliced ivy
beholden in paupers angsts berating edifice
warping sinful sorrows as libation for gains
yet the might of the vapid
is but the windless thunder
roaring vacuums of malice
carrying the wreckages of the disrepute souls
scatter thoughts from forsaken living ghosts
now birthing labour pains of arid gestations
with garrulous intent to bleed the living light
galleries of primed paltry awaits
snake charmers dance with snakes
choristers liars sing arias and jive
plotlines in timelines in Showtime in no time
the music played but only to he not a stranger
what never got off stage has no legs to run
ask me not to the after party am not in the cast
...........................
Mateuš Conrad Mar 2020
i forget who's who and a me in tow,
who's in the baggage of i...
and there's no blocked toilet
of grammar - there's no sun
coming up from above the horizon
come tomorrow -
there's the mother losing
her plotlines when she's not being
a housewife...

and the son - sort-of - steps in...
you search for a song
of the ol' juke... and it's not
the celtic paragliders...
   because ol' mama is not ol' enough...
and she's about to return to
the sort of everyday hell
i farm, i allow chickens to pluck
feathers from into
a gear that's
just about kippah tight...
15 minutes past
the 11 that would
be willing to don a tonsure...
i am the most...
self-evident faithful towing along
an evil...
drowning with a breath...
drowning with a trumpet...
chet baker or miles davis...
i never know which hand
is left or which hand is white...
or which hand is right
or is black... lefty towing elephantiasis...
and that's the anything and all
that's supposed to be "new"?
came a donkey...
with a libido of a goat's harem!

in between porky skinned
and mr. cinnamon from the raj...
boy-oh boy-up and swing
that cowboy scrutiny wheel
of dental floss:
a chance you come across
a bull full on charge
000000000000000000000
and the 0.01% of: if battery life...
is to be even smiled for:
to subsequently gain a turk
for a shave...

chess: jesus! yet another cherry bundle!
i'm torn...
is it better that i visit a balkan brothel
of romanian girls and bulgarian
girls...
or is it better...
that i visit an ottoman barber?
does it matter that i am the one thief
stealing kisses...
love lust forlorn...
and she was the elder daughter...
she had two twin younger sisters...
and she was my first kiss...
when i was a nancy sinantra song...
i was 6 she was 5...
i had a ****** surname to come by...
and she was... *****-and-bouting: KOT...
her daddy drove a truck full
of milk-bottles...

hard to imagine... but all i ever wanted
was to become a bus-driver...
now psychology and all those
mini-me psychopaths having pontous pilate
arguments for staging...
anything beside
the first attempt of dancing an argentinian
tango... or... sending a balloon
into the thinning of air...

dusty springfield - spooky...
tells you enough: run forrest run!

oh but i remember my first kiss...
i remember and it's not exactly
a catch-up catch-on pop song sing-along...
psychology and in that deity...
the mini-me psychopaths...
all those with a...
               pathology of the immaterial
concept of soul... base unit no ergo
no ego...

and we continue to love...
and we continue to love...
before... it becomes a tragedy of having
to learn into an inquest of
solispsism... that's must later when
the schematic of the atomised man...
the man under the scrutiny of
dissection... is ever fulfilled...

right now this world is not worth
the remains of what surprises
it comes up with;
am i to be subdued... waiting for a culmination
of failures?
i've come to expect the casual oops
and dross of a existential formality
that would never wager me with
a status: winner!

                     ****** argumentation...
the lesser father of the ****** son...
and skittles and all that's...
good-hope for the "forever alive"...
this... a hindering of base: thus begun,
thus bicycle racing...
and shadows to be solely left
with an arithmetic...
              pristine lady madonna...
to forgive, to forget...
                     as long as she toys
with a daddy-long-legs
and an attire of spandex...
                         and all that behaves
like a stretching of dizzy gillespie's hornet's...
when the canvas of the tights
would wallow in cobweb punctures.
ms hitt Mar 19
gag all the loose ends
prune the plotlines
distribute the plot armor
piece together the times
and places of everything

it's time for a happy ending
where everything comes to close
so celebrate before the show ends
there might me reruns or prequels
but know that the book has finished

it's a happy ending for all
everyone is smiling
you will never see them again
it's all over
this is the end.
the end.

— The End —