The old man's getting married to a fat ******,
Ding, ****, the wedding hearse does shine!
That' what he gets for perving!
Get him to the morgue on time!

The old man's getting to a fat ******,
Ding, ****, the wedding hearse does shine!
The undertakers are steady,
Both the coffins are ready,
Extra wide for  the big fat groom and bride!

The old man's getting married to a fat ******,
Ding, ****, the wedding hearse does shine!
The bride is wearing her thongy,
His sons are bringing their bongies,
Get him to the morgue on time!

The old man's groom married to a fat ******,
Ding, ****, the wedding hearse does shine,
The mob are bringing Marijuana pesto,
The transvestites are saying hello,
They can be mothers of the bride!

The old man's getting married to a fat ******,
Ding, ****, the wedding hearse shall shine,
Yes, that's what you get for perving,
The morticians are all ready,
The coffins are standing steady,
Get him to the morgue on time!

I am not the kind of boy who fits the mould of it's social stereotype:
Does sport
perving on girls
has the tendency to treat girls like a piece of meat

No, that isn't me.
I never liked sport.
I was a boy who didn't like to watch or play with Action man or Power Rangers,
Instead I was the kind of boy who would tell his friends that he was going to football club,
When in fact I was going to dance club.
At school I studied dance.
"What lesson do you have next, Lew?"
"History"
Dance.

As the school year rolled on it was revealed,
When I had to perform in front of the whole school,
Nerves
Butterflies
Terror

After that I rolled with the punches:
Gay
Queer
******

It angered me that because I didn't stick with the 'traditional' ideology of a boy I was an outcast,
labelled with a stereotype that also didn't fit me.

I like Lady Gaga
In fact, I adore her.
Because I support the LGBT community I am misunderstood as a person.

To this day I struggle to overcome constant attack of prejudice and disrespect that people show me,
I struggle to hold on to that last thread of self confidence.
I don't dance any more. I am too scared to try it again
I don't tell people that I listen to Gaga and Lana Del Rey. They'll laugh at me
Whenever I say I like a girl people think it's a lie

**All of this because I am a different kind of boy.

It's lovely outside, I think I’ll go knickerless today.
You don’t want to do that, you might get knocked down by a bus.
Why would that make any difference.
You always have to wear clean underwear when getting knocked down by a bus.
Do you make these things up.
Did your mum never tell you, you always have to wear clean underwear when leaving the house, just incase you get knocked down by a steamroller or such.
My mum said a lot of things, luckily for me I grew up, unlike some people I may add.
Hardly my fault my mum has to come round and cook for me.
Cook, she cuts your sausages, you’re a child.
Sure she’d cut your carrots if you asked her.
Think I’ll wear pants now, you’re driving me nuts.
You’re not wearing white, are you.
Why, does mummy not allow white.
I’m more thinking of the guys in the office.
What, what's it got to do with them.
It’s got a lot, you don’t want the guys glimpsing boring white, put black on.
The guys in my office are too busy to be perving at my underwear.
Guys are never too busy, it's our job in life to check the girls out.
My last boyfriend was never like this.
That’s because your last boyfriend usually wore your knickers.
He just liked the feel of women's underwear.
How is his hormone treatment coming along, is he wearing your bra yet.
Get knotted mummy’s boy.
Talking about mummy’s, I’m taking yours running tonight. Hope she’s wearing the skimpy shorts.
That’s another thing, you told my mum she shouldn’t wear pants under her shorts, why would that be.
Might be something to do with the leg massage I give her after our run.
You are sick.
Your mum’s a cougar. Actually, just thinking about her is getting me hot, fancy a quickie.
Get stuffed, just get me to work without mentioning my mum, underwear, or any other perversions in your sick brain.
Do my best, white pants.
I’ll get you in the car, need to get something.
Nice legs lover, did I glimpse black ******* there.
Well, you said it, we need to keep the guys happy, any luck one of them will ask me out.
Well if they do, tell them you’re not available this weekend.
And why would that be.
Cos I’m taking you to Paris.
Maybe I don’t want to go to Paris.
Oh you will, five star hotel, tickets to see that weird female singer you love.
Okay, I’ll need a new outfit, maybe a few outfits. Will I need **** underwear.
Strangely enough no. Me and your mum bought you some.

hands as big as my face
and a scream that was
louder than my cries

daddy's got a bottle of red,
it's okay
he just enjoys the finer things in life

daddy i don't know your new girlfriend
please hold my hand
daddy please

daddy, i think i like your girlfriend
more than i like you
she cleaned me up when i was sick

you yelled at me for
getting ***** on the carpet;
but i'm certain red stains are harder to clean

i wonder if i was good at cross country,
if i got so fast
because of the way my tiny legs carried me up the stairs

away from you
that afternoon with a magazine cutout in your bag
number to a *** line

never dialled, you said, not mine, you said
daddy please don't chase me,
i just did what your girlfriend said

my step-brother taught me to box today
i punched the bag really hard.
punching you in the stomach felt better.

you're passed out on the sofa and
i can't wake you up.
your girlfriend sends you to bed and

we stay up.
there's horror movies on the TV;
she's asleep with the controls and

i can't get away
from the blood on the screen
and the little robot boy's tears as the cars crash into him.

i saw women's *******
in bed with Dracula.
i saw you perving

on the lesbians in the flats,
and then i fidgeted anxiously
when you told me you'd bury me under the slabs

if i turned out gay.
i didn't know what that meant back then but
father, i'm so gay now

you bruised my shoulders when i disowned you.
said "goodbye" with enough volume
it sounded more like a "*******"

you didn't care.
did you ever care?
i used to try and curl up to your side

i stopped doing that after a while.
i was young but i was smart,
knew to walk away when you got that slur on your lips

i was young but i was smart:
you don't take your eyes
off a predator

i was young but i was smart,
handled the ***** you gave to me and
crushed that cat's skull

and had nightmares about it
for weeks and weeks;
but i had to put it out of its misery

daddy, why do you hate cats?
daddy, please don't shoot it
DADDY, NO!

daddy, i can't breathe
stop smoking around me please.
mummy doesn't like the smell of it on my clothes.

stop smoking crack with the neighbours,
your girlfriend's talking **** about you
with his wife

pocket money doesn't replace affection
i'm talking **** about you
with your girlfriend.

i found out that you never treated my siblings
the way you treated me.
what the **** is so wrong with me?

twelve years old, finally in high school
mum said i can stop seeing you
dad, i don't wanna see you anymore

twice a year, always in December
just those two visits gave me enough things to remember
why i stopped the weekend trips

your money doesn't cure my ptsd
nor does it stop the nightmares.
i took it anyway

call it compensation.
measly amount as it was.
i'll never see you again now i'm eighteen

but trust me when i say
i'd rather be broke
than have broken spirits and broken bones

You're honestly the most phenomenal human I've ever met and I wish we could be best friends because you're like the guy version of me and it'd be so much fun to have super awesome sleepovers and get ice cream and shove it in each other's faces and play guitar in candlelight in the living room


2 problems.


You're scared of me because I oogle at you because you think I'm perving on you
If only you knew that all those little glances you caught were me just admiring you being your wonderful self....


And I don't have esteem issues but if I'm going to be honest, you're really incredible in that way that I don't know how to describe you and that's sort of intimidating

Do you think of other women when we make love
No, no, and definitely no
I do
Well, I’m pleased for him and you, and really pleased if it’s her and you.
Strange how you mentioned Mary in your sleep.
Well I can hardly be responsible for my subconscious, plus I don’t know any Marys.
What about her in Liverpool.
Lets not go there again.
Mary, three gardens down with the *****.
Ah, that was a text alert from Jeff the bird watcher, something about a rare speckled breast, never saw it myself.
Not even with they perv binoculars you use, I mean how would you feel if some guy was perving over me.
He  wouldn’t be, you’re not perv material. Now if it was your twin sister, then that’s a definite text alert, how is she anyway.
Probably on her back with the Air Corp.
I would love to be in that flyby.
Yeah, well you would know all about flying with my sister.
I thought she was you.
She’s got blond hair and ******* for christsakes.
I thought you had a makeover. How did she get bigger **** than you anyway, did you get the brains.
Let me see, I’m with you.
There you go, no need to answer that, why don’t I take you for some retail therapy, followed by a candlelit dinner, and wait for it, the big game is on tonight, does it get any better than that.
Twenty two guys kicking a ball, think I'll phone my sister, that flyby sounds more appealing now.

Do you think of other women when we make love
No, no, and definitely no
I do
Well, I’m pleased for him and you, and really pleased if it’s her and you.
Strange how you mentioned Mary in your sleep.
Well I can hardly be responsible for my subconscious, plus I don’t know any Marys.
What about her in Liverpool.
Lets not go there again.
Mary, three gardens down with the *****.
Ah, that was a text alert from Jeff the bird watcher, something about a rare speckled breast, never saw it myself.
Not even with they perv binoculars you use, I mean how would you feel if some guy was perving over me.
He  wouldn’t be, you’re not perv material. Now if it was your twin sister, then that’s a definite text alert, how is she anyway.
Probably on her back with the Air Corp.
I would love to be in that flyby.
Yeah, well you would know all about flying with my sister.
I thought she was you.
She’s got blond hair and ******* for Christsakes.
I thought you had a makeover. How did she get bigger **** than you anyway, did you get the brains.
Let me see, I’m with you.
There you go, no need to answer that, why don’t I take you for some retail therapy, followed by a candlelit dinner, and wait for it, the big game is on tonight, does it get any better than that.
Twenty two guys kicking a ball, think I'll phone my sister, that flyby sounds more appealing now.

I got the attention, but the wrong eyes
were perving me, not the ladies    
                                             but blue bottles
eyes were looking me up and down..

I had nothing, but they were buzzing on
me like I wanted to swat this swam that
               never stopped its blue luminosity.

Handcuffing me to false accusations..

I was never there yesterday,
                                   wasn't there tomorrow.

But you got witnesses that saw me
                there even though I was in a cell..
       for being in a place you didn't like.

But na bro.. I'm guilty cos the cameras were
                                                                ­  broken.

And no one saw me in a cell, even though
              five of you carried me like I was
drowning innocent.
                                   In blue swells of  *******
                                                      a sea of setup lies.

I'm here now, my first name Is innocence,
           surname is you ani't nothing on me.

I'll always walk free,
                    cos my footsteps never trod

on this ground.

And you got no steps that put me before
                            the moment that you tripped up.

I'm walking free, and your walking away..