My hand crawls along your skin
counting all the lovebites
that escaped the nest under your chin
and spilled accros your curves
to your thighs.

i was warned of an obsessive love,
an all consuming lust
i never believed in it
until I met you

i want to possess you
Crawl in between your ribs and curl up
around your heart
keeping it safe
from someone other than me

i want to tie you to me
like I'm tethered to you
and never let you be
more than four feet away

i want to leave bruises on your throat
with my lips
so that everytime you speak
you're reminded of me
i want to leave a trail of marks
all over your body
nail scratches and lovebites
so that whoever you're with
knows you belong to me

i want
i want too much
and you have no idea

Lovebites

I guess all of the
yelling and biting
Has paid off.

He is in awe.

I bring to him this pain
Whenever he is empty.
When he is waiting
for me to meet him at his ghost.

He brings to me this
rejection whenever
I am hungry.
When I want more.

The kind that refuses
even stolen kisses.
The kind that revels in power.

I am astounded as I feel it.

We both just want to walk awake.
To feel everything within each instant.
To welcome the gut in every waking hour.

We’ll make each other feel something,
even if it is from teeth gripping at ****** skin.

I remember every scar.
Every mark left on my fickle heart
the silver lines I hide under my bracelets.

I remember all the lessons
When I said I’d never love again, how much I meant it
I remember who kept their promises.

I am becoming numb
The build up of emotion, the hatred and abuse
when my friends stop talking to me

when I get called a cold *****,
a ****, a *****, attention seeking bleach blonde *****
the build up, build up…

the anticlimax.
The unanswered expectation.
I do not cry anymore.

I do not laugh or love or live.
Every morning starts with a longing for a blunt,
or a bottle of something strong, for a pill.

I can’t even look at the boy with the lovebites
that I left with my teeth
I remember every scar, every mark

When I found satisfaction
I remember the relief
of finding the light in the dark.

The skin on your lips
is the type
of magical MacGuffin
that makes you believe
in enchanted forests
at midnight.
They swim
in the reddish blue, velvet mist.
And after all
isn't magic getting something for nothing?

I told you I dreamt
of plum colored butterfly wings.
You bared your teeth
in a warlock grin and leaned in
to kiss my fingertips.
You drew mystic symbols
on my bare shoulders
and you whispered spells in my ears,
softly.
I vaguely remember
the purple steam around us
before I was way up in the air.
And you said you wanted nothing
but to leave the mauve
lovebite on my hip in return.

Passion-flicker pyre,
Pipe the heat around us.
Brace your shoulder's burdens,
Burned to smithy sparkings.
White-gray flakes of winter,
Wilting tinder's children
Scraped together, given
Gimlet stares and scattered,
Dusty little leavings.
Lean against another
Passing bottle-poison,
Poise and cold forgotten.
With a little winking,
Wish the glass a fullness.
Call the bottle closer,
Clothed in sunset glimmer.

Same faces
old men
briefcases
must be working
early today.

She's still doing the crossword
yesterday's news
feeding her answers
reading the clues
nothing changes.

Baby in a carry cot
not a lot of scope to wriggle
but
giggling anyway.

The tube map's the same
I can name every station
from Epping to Ealing
feeling old, but not as old
as him
who looks like the reaper,
grim
is the word I would choose.

The gap's just a trap to
catch the unwary
it's never caught me.

A river appears in which
I fish for ideas
but nothing comes up to
bite me
it might be
I'm using the wrong type
of bait.

to be full of light again
young again
in love again
with you again...
summers with bedtime sunsets just beyond our fingertips
and blessed cold grass just below our toes
autumns with scarves to protect the wind from slitting our slender throats
and leaves crunching under clouds of visible breath
winters with snowball fights and your tongue stuck to an icicle
and craning our necks to hear hooves on the roof
springs with the rebirth and the flutter of butterflies (in my stomach)
and a flower that you tucked into the curls of my hair
now we are godless and without rules,
without boundaries and without each other
it's all one big game of make-believe out here, alone,
and i write sorry lines into the corners of my heart
and you watch me from whatever happens after this life
and i scream your name into my pillow and grow up too fast
and you laugh and send messages that you miss me
miss me miss me miss me miss--
but we're still different than who we were
and who we really are
and who we could or should or would be
innocent or
together or
happy or
careless or
anything, really, as long as we were sure of it
i wait for sunsets to remember your bright love
i feel your hand in mine again when i sing
i hope to god i see you again
i miss you terribly
these are the golden years,
making my own bedtime and wearing "work shoes" and using scarves to hide lovebites and fighting with my fists and not believing in the fantastic anymore and crying when things come back to life (because you won't) and feeling sick no butterflies and--
even still, even after all this
heartbreak and
sore-souled living and
perpetual drunkenness and
coffee addiction and
pain and
living--
even still it's worth it to be able to say i had you at all
and you remain in the palm of my hands and the hole in my heart
full of light
young
in love
you

Am I just salt for you to rub into your wounds?
You flake me off like dandruff bits on your blazer collar,
Sadism is an art when you use me for it
We are whips, ripping into each others flesh
Taking bites and swallowing
Blood down cheeks
Vampire treats
We are invincible to all but each other
I want you to run your fingernails down my back, swirly skin under nails, red like fine felt-tip streaks
Paint me like one of your damaged girls
This is revolting, but this is home
Bruises are kisses as far as we're concerned
Lovebites
Love bites
Obsession is a small word for the hurt we do to each other
I love you
slap
I love you
Smack
I love you
Crunch
Bones on bones at the bottom of the stairs
We finished each other
We're done

twice thrice now
the eyes they kick
and beat against
the lashes hiding light
and fragility of flesh
leaves bruises and lovebites
marks made with careless abandon
left later to list lost loves
again eyes blink
as lips kiss

THE HAUNTING


The smell of fresh begonias fanned
by rooks and sparrows

from the black ‘n’ white tiled balcony
glowing in a sunset the colourof  lovebites

then the candle-glow dims
in the fanfare of light

you switch on from the hall
filling the frosted door like cancer

announcing another re-run
of a once OK drama

played out night after night
wearing me down with your claims

to what you believe is rightfully yours
Excalibur arm pointing your ways

I’m either paralysed or paralytic,
hard to choose as I’m dumbed down

by the never ending story
of your nightly return mocking

the symmetry of your eviction
which gave me a callous, relieved joy …

I’d put your bags back on the threshold
right back where you’d stood

with your Betty Blue smile
expecting me to invite you in

with a pout and a shout
about that ******* kicking you out

Good God, then as now you struck
fear into the very heart of me

Is it still enchanting?
Do you thrive on eternal return?

You linger, shadow filling in the flakes
With your useless key before knocking.

Stop. You. Again. Shape-shifter
Black strychnine swab

Running through me like a swallowed blood clot
making my emptiness fistula full

Listening to your black-bordered rap
of funeral amazement delivering your message

That you’ll return eery night
to reclaim what you say is yours

buried in these walls like a tic.

It’s Winter and I wish someone
could give me pesky little lovebites
that I have to cover
with expensive scarves.

You and I are like a mom and dad.

We have taken kids under our wings-
Keeping them happy,
And full,
And medicated.

They keep me accountable.
But they also enable me
To always seek pleasure,
So I can pay the happiness forward.

It keeps me fat.
My ******* soft
And swollen,
And my hormones are racing..

You and I are playing house
Because everyone wants a beautiful family..

But we are parents that never married.
We're not just together for the kids,
But we're not in love either.

It feels like we're stuck in courtship.

My heart still races around you,
And I stare at your lips all the time.
You pay for our 3 am dates sometimes
And you always look happy to see me.

We're two nervous kids
Only accepting affection in small doses.
You used to flinch whenever I would get close to you.
You let me lean on your shoulder a few weeks ago...

The worst part about having a baby daddy that won't let you kiss them
Is that I know it's not from lack of affection
Or maybe even attraction.

It's how fragile this is
For you.
You know that if you kiss me,
You'll learn to hate my lips.

Maybe it's because you could see yourself kissing me for a long time,
And you don't want to see yourself get old.

Probably wishful thinking.

In my selfish imaginations,
We consummate our marriage.
You cover my neck with lovebites,
And I give you pink scratches on your back...

I wish you would hate me.
Then I could kiss your pillowy lips,
And you could just squeeze my *** for hours,
And maybe someone would get an ****** out of it.

I think I'm a desperate housewife,
Waiting for you to really fall in love with me.

I don't know if you ever will.

I know that I really want you to.

Until then, I'll tend to our little nest.
I'll kiss our ******* children goodnight.
I'll make you lunch in a Burger King bag.
I'll let you give in to me, hopefully...

and sometimes, i think about how i'm not very good at loving without the sting.

because my love is a tiger, a thornbush. my love is ****** teeth in the dark and hungry marks all across your skin, lovebites.

my love makes you ache and swallows you, searches for the most vulnerable, broken parts and occupies them.

so please understand, that i do want you to happy. and i really don't want to see you hurt. (but in the very same breath that i tell you that i hold your joy above all else, my poison mouth drips with possession, with making you mine.)

You have me running in circles.
Maybe if we were more verbal.
This would all work out.

I love when our lips collide.
I hope one day you can be my bride.
Hand-in-hand all night.

We make love under a milky twilight.
I leave you covered in lilac-coloured lovebites.
Only with you, am I such a mess.

I braid your hair in the morning.
When I do your makeup you always give me a warning.
You're all over the place and I love it.

I connect your freckles like constellations.
I will love you no matter what the location.
Your kiss is pure and cleansing.

You run your fingers all over my chest.
I wake up every morning feeling blessed.
You're my medication, babe.

But we fight.
Every night.
This won't work out.

I thought we were meant to be.
But I can see the person you love is not me.
It hurts to admit.

So kiss me one last time.
Breaking my heart is your only crime.
I'm better off without you.

I cry but it's okay.
My world won't fade to grey.
'Cause love comes back in unexpected ways.

for carpet-burns along my spine,
for tender lovebites served with
holes and tears in my t-shirt
that I'll shyly play with in the morning,
while deciding if I should stare at you
or my empty coffee mug, or the ashtray
sitting on the railing of my backyard deck,
where so many times before,
I've guarded every part of my body
I wanted your hands to intrude on,
and held my breath when I otherwise wished
you'd seize it from my lungs with your mouth.
And I'd warn you that I might wake up mad most mornings,
if you knew I meant that I wake up every morning
absolutely ******* mad for you.

I have simply, hungered for more than just your touch.

What other way to combine two desires into one?

What could be more natural than to consume each other?

Maybe it'll start with little kisses,

Then caressing necks.

Then giving each other lovebites.

Wearing these ****** gorgeous purple bruises as badges of honour.

Draw a tiny bit of blood, and we take one tiny step into vampirism.

But we don't lap at each other's open wounds, do we?

It's the worst kind of hypocrisy.

And passively we lay down, bleeding out.