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Karijinbba Jul 2018
I STILL EXIST- I STILL EXIST
My pen writes
I still Exist

and an empty feeling engulfs me
I am painting a purple tree
I tell my family counselor
That the paint reminds me
Of arsenic Greek cheese dust
That a human predator
two faced fiancee
placed on my green salad in 1976
He said he would teach me how Greeks killed with love at sea
Then kindly offered
To bring
breakfast and lunch
for me in bed
(Ladden with poison)
While I ate it he danced Zorba the Greek!
His jealous raicist medeas mistresses knew his past crimes
I didn't I was very naive
his superstitious ignorant parents twelve people  asked him to Get rid of me baby and all

Overdosed with pitocin for a cow
giving birth was a torture
then blood thinners
were added to slowly
end my life
A hate crime because I a sub human born in Mexico not Greece
The poisons caused
a chest malformation of my daughter requiring surgery
later in life was mis-diagnosed
as pectus scavatum
but I knew better it was
attempted ******
a chilling secret I was so ashamed to reveal

I did escape my kids and me
we survived  the memory
of my true love's loving ways
In America saved me from certain death there I was 75 lbs
When I escaped Hell
Greece
But salads gave me
Nausea through the years
I could never recall why

Painting gets my mind
Off painful memories
resurficing examining my life understanding me and others

I have many regrets unwittingly
my loving innermost feelings
remained trapped inside
and I lost my true love
in my dead calm silence of pain
Foolish online Ink
One involuntary bad deed
In Veracruz
Two SAD songs

My shrink says I have a beautiful
Soul a relentles spirit
That I managed to do better then
Most despite hellish adversity
A childhood marred with
heartbreak a trail of
Graves tree stumps
Coffin and treassures
Spirit breath of life and death
  
My hybrid race was secret
Poverty lack of Rhogam
My father the Apocalyto
Hero killed by MEX Feds
Who stole my Land
We are indigenous
Purhepecha tribe
The enemy of the Aztecs
So me my father's little queen of the forest his STAR could
Fly high and zoar
He was the love of my life
My dad David

A few days of effexor RX can bring about amnesia to block old kidnapping memories of turture resurficing unsolicited
Effexor to stop tears
regulating serotonin disrupted
After a car accident with traumatic head injury concoussion brain swelling so much that falling asleep for three months was impossible

MD prescribed just a trial
few warp eight mind bending Effexsors serotonin reuptakers
For only fifteen days
Half of thirty seven mg
Tears stopped immediatly a calmnesss
self assured old me demeanor
re-emerged I remember the arsenic and blood thiner injections the faces of sadistic jealous women but it didn't hurt

But soon my heart began to speed up so fast I could hear it beating in my ears at lowest dose

so the higher dose was not allowed.
Side effects if used longer than six months could make the
face to twich! who needs that!

So therapy ended slowly redusing small to smallest dosages for fifteen days
treatment ended
Don't like messing with my brain

Today I enjoy simple pleasures
echos born like me in
In the atlantic mystery

family time my lifetime best
best lover best Mother
nest friend to me myself
Remembering those few
Souls
Who deared greatly
their wisdom and foresigh to bet
On my future my light myself!
my father's little
Queen of the forest tribute to
My Once Upon A Time
True love his love songs
His poems quickening me
Awaking me
He was the love
Of my life my true love JPC/RC

He showed me he loved me
But he never could "tell me"
He loved me all my fault
Thinking back not ever
any other man told me
he loved me one or two boys wanted something from me freely given or taken by force from me
I didn't want them at all
No person growing up
Ever
Told me they loved me and most showed me my life didn't matter
many of my civil rights were violated throughout my life by thugs hainas had more charm
Only my father David San chez
and later my adoptive Mother mommy dearest told me once she loved me showed me she cared.
My children tell me and show me
They love me
Sometimes they hate me too
sadly they are under the spell of deadly sterile drug user enemies who assassinate my character lie and slander me to my grown daughters and I have now become estranged until they figure all out on their own so they learn to fight woolves in sheeps clothing and understand treason
and ungratefulness towards their own mother
There was only one man I loved
The MOST on this whole wide world
His ink scripted love remained the good intermigled with evil
Forever a part of me
My Lord Shiva my first teacher
My sage my guru
My Lancelott
Me  first love my last love
my tree of life he was
The only man I ever loved
and lost
Looking back
I thank G** King Jesus
King Arthur
And few other men who
Traveled in and out my door
Only one had my lock's key
I am glad you came along
I sing this last song
In memory of all the good
The bad and very bad
The few nefarious vipers I kissed
I forgive you all forgive you me for NOT
Understanding you
For loving those fellowmen
Who didn't know how to love me back
I wave my last
Good bye
I
Will
In your light and my own
Pray for you and me

As for the love of my life
"You are like a prayer
In church to God"
"I remembet you,
as someone something
VERY DEAR and precious"
You were the Best
You touched my STAR
And my starry skies sparkle
With your light remember me
in the same light my love
Look me up with your telescope
When you watch the stars
From your sun roof
In your bedroom

Find my Aries Constelation
For there is
My home
Without
You
I've taken with me a piece
Of Veracruz
A Mothers Day surprise
at the Hilton
raised in your arms on a warm June at a  bar
Where i felt like a bride
your bride

I almost asked you then and there to throw a big party
for you and me
But the monastery's dead silence
Growing up isolated
Silenced the spontaniety
Of thought you required of me
yet again!You regressed me you
tried in so many ways for me to
tell you  "I love you I am sorry
I'll marry you!"
All over again
I adored you remember this
Always.
Look me up with your telescope I AM
in The Aries Constelation I am Aprils daisy Aries diamond a
Yelow Self Existing Star says the Tzolkin Star Seed
Galactic seed always flowering....Enter me
Yours Always.
~~~~~~~
Revised 11-29th-2018
Excerpt from my memoir
auto biography
ALL RIGHTS RESERVED.
Mateuš Conrad Feb 2019
you know that time,
when you
drink... beer...
and you attain insight...
into paraphrasing
the void...
         and you're
not the bust-driver?
but you want
           to be a bus-driver...
how many times
am i to absolve,
cite a mea culpa mantra?
the world
needs someone to
"dumb-down"
their i.q.,
          to become,
less trained, less parrot...
i needed an outlet
to dumb my
i.q.,
           alcohol...
well... before you start
singing irish,
i think the scotch
will do just fine...
   with hands
that have a potential
to
crush...
                  a macaque
skull
   (given enough time,
and plenty of reserved
fiddly bits)...
i decided...
         jack never came
up... visit a *******...
and...
         like...
being involved in
experiecing...
   spreading butter
on toasted bred...
  what?
                  christianity
was already highly
invested
in metaphor ***
                imagery...
so i moved from
beneath the iron curtain...
and moved into...
disney (i wish)...
no, i've move into
some more itchy...
                   (e-ch-ee)...
   chatter...
peel....
           guess
the next word
ought to be, pérfect

gueß...
         a german... quasi-
pseudo-,
            it's not a diacritical
marker, it's a letter...
    in english
it implies an inclusive
interchange
of           S               and Z...
in english it also
implies                  SS: of guess...
for aesthetic reaons...

but then...
                    it's also Š
(caron)...
               a "hybrid"...

            a hiding of H in
S that amounts to SH...
or where the caron crown on
the S originates from... SZ...
learned a new noun:
                           grapheme...
       sharp...
                       shit...
                              šit.
  
curiosity of the pedantic
sort,

              i stopped
to make myself,
less focused on the geometry
of the "a priori" (the given)
and focus
on the "geometry"
of...
          is omicron
an "oh", O, or 0?
   doughnut-who-done-it?

we have moved beyond
a stage where...
polyglots are...
encouraged...
     entrenched bilinguals
are becoming the
intrinsic norm...
    
not: sized...
                  systamatic...
you can also taste
the tip of your tongue
experiencing
           a sanft: soft S...
    piquant pedantry...
it's not for someone to speak
"better" english...

i've been met with pedatry,
i reply: with pedantry...

   hush...
     could be written as
    huš...
                cheap...
could be written as
         čeap...
       ah...
  right...
         the aesthetic "question"...
hebrew missing vowels
"question"...
           you know...
i've never heard of dyslexia,
to be, evident,
outside of the anglophonic
world...
  but i'm pretty sure
  it exists in the francophonic
world...

   i'll agree...
  čeap = cheap,
           looks aesthetically
unppealing...
   as does chemistry...
  with a KAPPA in italics...

i didn't write sit...
i wrote šit...
             i almost pretend...
**** it, i always pretend
to teach a cat to roar...
like i might teach
           a lion to meow...

i'm entrenched...
you spend enough time
in set "segregation"...
you'll pick-up
nuances...
     basic tics...
                          misnomers...

what with christianity
beind over-laden
with metaphor...
      (ladden, or layden?)

     forget about me speaking...
l'ah d
          d'
               en

                                     layden...

well if people moved away
from being literate,
and literacy isn't a "thing"
and tuxedo
   is back in play,
    for the norm...

             layden or ladden,
i know it's laden...

                    imagine greek,
where letters are nouns,
and...
               there is no curiosity
regarding
          the syllable splinter,
or A, as in atom...
           hides both breath
and laughter,
subsequently ejects itself
to a status of pillar...
with a sigh...

                 giggle...
    where's the G for giggle
in sigh?
                hyper-literacy...
   i speak a word,
write "another"...
     and then pretend to...
   "laugh": lāφ
                            /             lāθ
                   laaf...

for me? literacy imploded...
       surd
                gnostic...
or gnome...
also a G...
             but the same G...
  prominent
                      in diagnostics...

never give a would-be
"blind-man"
access to the *******
alphabet...
   he just might
to squirm, itch,
squint...
              and pour out...
        idle observations!

    à...
              làden...
    not ladden...
               although with
a "missing" Y...
                       the Ęgliš language
isn't immune
   to...
              being
hijacked...
            graffiti...
                    it was gagging
for a reinterpretation...
              it was a blank canvas
of a Σ of 26 letters...
   what could possibly go wrong?

me? being denied access...
   to a phonetic-encoding
i was given a pass to,
use...
                    minding
the little revisions,
nuances...
                             and...
    let it reign free,
                                above me?
  never mind
the IN
     in either INN or
the INGLEESH
                               zunge:
**** me...
                         IN'GLE'H;

that's as bad as asking
the French to drop the hark
on the R...
       and return to trill;

forget the English...
tongue-numb...
tawantula R numb...
  can't trill,
      beside scootland...
get's the idea
of a momentum
of a circle...
and omicron...
      i guess...
that's the new variety
                 of twoll.
Blue Flask Aug 2015
You cut out the world
You stopped listening to everyone who cared about you
you became so obsessed with your dream
you made it fail
you had so many opportunities to let them love you
they wanted to
they wanted nothing more than to see you happy
but you dreamt
and you never were all the way here were you?
No, you were always head in the clouds
and now
you are suffering for your own stupidity
I don't even recognize you
Ma Cherie Jun 2016
7 o'clock
a light summertime dream
just before dark
unfolding it's scheme

painted in sandals
clovered kissed toes
lovely green shamrocks
are standing in prose

a fierce looking cat
Amber eyes
silver fur
bunting her leg
and giving a purrrr

getting back home
nearly hour gone by
look to the tree
playing ball in the sky

it looks like the moon
nearly 3 quarter size
outlined in countries
is neatly disguised

it's actually a ball
playing with leaves
That thing called the moon
has some tricks up its sleeves

she saw it glide down
and bounce off of a cloud
tipping it's hat
and bowing to town

See you tomorrow
her group of new friends
this just the beginning
we're far from the end

No need for luck
with her beau in the sky
a 3 quartered boy
with love in his eyes

she bows to the moon
as her Gypsy skirt flows
silver cat walking
wherever she goes
shamrock tipped pom poms
will twinkle her toes

Another summer time walk
with his dearest of Maidens
her toes and her eyes
are moon dipped and ladden

Goodnight Moon.

Cherie Nolan© 2016
Went for a walk this is what I saw.
With you,
I feel like my brokeness wears a disguised mask,
it doesn’t protrude out like splinters and spears
right through my rib cage where
thorn ladden tendrils grow, with everyone else.

With you,
I feel less broken.
Maybe even whole again.
Like I used to be.
JL Mar 2012
Catchy first line abuser
Thinking about your eyes
Looking at your ceiling
As you wait for sleep

Your voice
Your hands
Your laugh
Your eyes
Those are the things that haunt me the most about you
And they haunt my poetry line to line

Wishing for arms that cant comfort
Arms wrapped warm around another
Two strands of spider web
Wrapping up the fly

Ink black seas
Spice ladden ships
Afternoons I spent watching
The boats dock and tie
And I imagined
One day
A boat would bring you to me
And my dreams of you will fall between the cracks in the dock
To swim forever with fish
Peter Cullen Jun 2014
That mist on the Mississippi,
lay heavy,
like those angels tears.
That brought a flood of silence
whispers falling on deaf ears.
People being trodden on,
like pebbles on the strand.
The poor old Mississippi.
A slave,
just like all those men.
Working, ladden on the barges,
the steamboats and the trains.
All for one
and none for all,
seems to be the way.
There's 99% out there,
just waiting for their day,
yet still that 1%, it seems
always get their way.
All the sweat, the blood,
the tears, shed down through the ages.
Can't be found in old books bound,
their history or fables.
That history, which the victor writes
on those blood stained pages.
Make us grateful,
for this life,
grateful for these wages.

99% My friends,
surely we are Able?..........................
Mateuš Conrad Jan 2017
i love how i can be Polish
and, literally, have no opinion worthy
of a media outpouring worth
admitting to...
at being: the said ethnicity.
i mean, i could be given cameo
roles in the global narrative,
but i'm shunned...
after enough time passes: i'll come
to embrace being shunned,
i'll learn to evolve into a dislodged
congregation,
            i'll learn to be a people
worthy of no myth.,.. i'll hardly be
japanese when i should have cited shinto...
i should have been scandinavian and
have cited the kept secret of the runes...
or arabic and told to kneel and scrub
my forehead before the koran...
       i come from a pauper's nation
if all the above things are true...
              i am what might be called
a north african spotting me in Amsterdam
and walking away tearful...
       i might have just found heroism once more,
if not in action, then not begun in
thought, and taken upward to the Valhalla
of straining the hawk's dive sound into a ****,
or a kestrel high-minded to perch and not
hollow out the hush...
            music!            music!
if there is anything more edible worthy of kings
it's the **** of sound! sounds can overpower
the mind like sights, if not more!
why, do we: pestle and mortar the whole affair!
we are lumber-jacks unable to make
a single tree fall, and like a graveyard cadle
hushes toward turning dim... say:
            adieu vent...
             sooner addressing a ******* **** than
a myth of the wind playing: the ******* flute!
      peasants! peasants! peasants everywhere,
and i don't mean greengrocers, i mean
marxist peasants, social inhibitors and counter-culturalists!
   why is trans-gender so rampant in western
society and so nodded to, when it's clearly bonkers?
        when the world turns *******
i think of what awaits chinese society and the heresy
of living an agricultural life, long bond with the past
fathers...
                it's a bit like seeing ash turn into graven
images of solidifying masonary of phlegmatised stone...
and then seeing the dutiful kneel before a
                scandal's worth of altar...
        there they all seem to be altar pieces...
     lambs before the slaughter...
   competing crucifixes with ellaborate squiggles of
koranic hand written stances...
                       there's no shame in seeing a *******
these days... there's more shamble verse in
claiming that such a specimen could ever
     guard you against clinging to a cross...
                      as i have not done so...
there's clarity in claiming that a Pontius Pilate
resides in each of us, than there be a crucifix ladden
offering, if not for the Golgotha crowd, then
for the paparazzi ****** hard-on.
                       what dicta are we to hear from a nation
that heard no Mongolian stampede?
heard no burning of libraries, or of churches?
                heard no Mongol settle in the Ukraine and
be called Tartar, as a steak might be called
when served, raw?
what are we to make of these arguments?
        suddenly Britain turned to isle-bound escapism,
and created a polarised scoot-land...
                    was it because objectivity was
objectivity because of the numbers?
                      and when the numbers were cited
objectivity could no longer be respected,
and each citation upon citation was held up
with disbelief?
                                     i can't but see objectivity as a
talk of numbers, but also see how quickly enough
numbers can be turned into propagandist material,
how easily, given enough numbers,
  the numbers cave in...
                and when one objectivity said:
1,000,000 ought to be enough to dilute our message
and give us respectability...
  sooner or later subjectivity said:
1 ought to be enough to concentrate our message
and give us accountability...
   sooner or later the two cited a numbers' convergence...
  objectivity with its 1,000,000
     was as worthwhile as subjectivity and its 1...
        opinion-making behaved as it usually behaved
with enough chaotic organisation:
   there's a plateau of opportunity on the other side...
i never could stomach this,
that objecitivty was governed by
the fact that 1,000,000 could congest a space,
  and be nodding with approval to a unanimous
        claim for a censo est
                 non censo, ergo veto: supra omni:
                            regina stasus quo
...
and that subjectivity was governed by
the fact that 1 would invoke a space,
and be disawoved and dismissed outrightly
as bringing up the concern...
                in the first place...
      if the matter is so simple as to call it
objectivity = 1,000,000
           and subjectivity = 1...
                then whatever arithmetic one discloses,
makes no sense on the rigidity of the given, original
number... the two will continually parallel each other,
and never concentrate at wanting a discourse,
and forever will dialectics be a shunned example of
convergence of the two...
                  forever at odds will be the ratio
of **** aexemplum (man, an example)
   at odds with - ex aexemplum (from an example),
  to no discredit of man or god...
                                     for the ex aexemplum condition
states: there is neither man, or god
to state an example... non **** ex deus (no
man from god) / non deus ex man (no god from man) -
          (if i didn't listen to dramatical music,
these words would sound better congested
into a a soaked ****) -
       but given they're worded to a glory-futile score of
music... i'd love to dedicate these past seconds to
   the sound of a dog telling a: knock-knock joke
with: woof-woof! who's there? howl!
Mateuš Conrad Nov 2016
among the people that i hold accountable to suggest
someone has lost touch with reality:
    well, apologies for not engaging in your
  cinnamon-laced *** life - i sought other spices:
as in chilli for the tongue, and salt for my eyes,
and pepper for my nose - because that's what's
being debated: when philosophers come back
from their adventure i'll let you know what reality
actually is - then the cathedrals will crumble,
   then the neo-Babylonian extracts from modern
architectural preferences will become less neo-Babylonian
English and more: Glaswegian dialects
surrounded by Croat diacritical markings -
    as if drawing hunting antelopes in caves
   giving us "more" clues about the one inhospitable earth:
or are we truly surrendering to Darwinism
rather than carpe diem? i'm i'll ******* chirpy
given a dinosaur bone, and the timescale -
             and given that we turned Cartesian duality into
a dichotomy, everyday seems challenging:
a blimmin' boxing match 'n' all...
                                    i can't remember how many times
i've been k.o'ed (knocked out) in my waking moments
(conscious or, rather mourning? don't know).
      i still find it staggering they (no paranoia collective:
simply scientists) came up with the fact that the sun
(or any star) is a reaction of helium and hydrogen:
do people really explode into chipmunk joviality when
   doing a b.b.q. of their bodies on a beach?
             (asking questions becomes a ****** syringe
after a while) - and yes, use the term joviality before it
becomes archaic, you never know when it might
unearth a wormhole of Hades and **** the fact out
and flush it into oblivion.
              and some don bowler hats and use folded
umbrellas as walking sticks, perhaps the monocle,
but definitely the bow-tie: and make rhetoric of language:
airs, courtesy (court-t'eh-c vs. curt-see): herr chirurg!
how do you insert the scalpel into the rhythmic expression
of dribbling that kauczuk? (rubber ball).
      (cow- -chook).
           i mean in Cockney: how do you juggle that word
properly while balancing an oyster on your tongue?
and yes, i'm starting to believe Polish (as a language)
borrows too much from German - of the few slavic languages
i also say Kaiser bun -          she's called a variant of
antoinette, i.e., a kajzerka, or Wilhelm (dressed as a little
girl, all hurly burly) akin to philippe duke of orléans;
someone say lace stockings?
      i could write out this ******* in chauvinistic bravado
aesthetic: or i could smoke a cigar...
     and sooner we realised that crows never prayed
but croaked -
        that pigs grunted and never prayed -
that pigeons cooed, and never prayed,
       that monkeys did the mambo knock-knock joke -
that woodpeckers were the original carpenters and
                invoked the existence of the machinegun
and the rattler.
so there are people (sophists) who wear
bowler-hats, smocking, monocles and disdain:
rather ardently -
                 and then there are those that spontaneously
explode, from out of nowhere,
and dress themselves in rags and never rags to riches
sort of attitude - because appearances are deceptive
and too can be gambled with and neglected and seeing
a decay of a royal house: is much fancier than seeing
autumn...     because aren't the Windsors
                                         vacating Buckingham?
as in: from rot -                 apple and pear sweetness.
(at this point the poem should end) -
       not always the case of: less is more...
speaking on behalf the man who read the karamazov
brothers
and stuck a leaflet on the back
of the book that read: the hash marihuana & hemp
museum - oudezijds achterburgwal 130 amsterdam
                    (next to the 'sensi seed bank' grow shop
   www.hashmuseum.com).
i mean you have read something equivalent of a brick
these days, at least one brick within that distractive
paradise of poetry - either the already mentioned book,
or war and peace, or in search of lost time,
or bolwesław prus' the doll - and they said
that life's short... not with these books being read it is...
life becomes a snail-paced traffic jam -
            it's what mystics aim at, across all religions:
the carpe diem momentum.
            it's not even boring, it's just a tedium-ladden
misanthropy: that suggestion is mainly aimed at seeing
an afternoon sitcom about 0-hour contract jobs...
       which is applauded by the terminally ill who
might say: thank **** it's not me.
            so we're all agreed - what the collapse of
communism left behind was a chance of a pension,
        given that all the western countries sold their remnant
versions of tribalism to stealth upper-tier formulations
         of "we're in this together" as otherwise know: companies...
we're not accompanied -
                   cold and wet and ***** -
                            which is odd why we'd think it
necessary to cause upheaval in iRaq...
                           given that the origins of communism were
in England, tested in Mongolia and then ingrained elsewhere...
ah, but of course, the profit margin: it's hard to
automate people surrounded by machines
        it's like olympians competing with para-olympians
where's talk of golf and the handicap?
              not here...
                       but i'm wondering, how can i redeem myself
after having stretched the poem for too long?
     point being: i can't change the status quo, and don't
intend to - and is that hypocritical or simply being
honest? well: if i managed to fit the concept of the big bang
into my little head: i'd choose the bullet every single time -
   we've established a majority, we've become as deluded
in our hopes for individuality: as was once deemed worthy
of the idea of god; we simply have established a constant
supply & demand parameters;
or what Heidegger calls: the perpetuated "ineffectual"
(well, not really him, my wording) -
                  basically a state of panic and
how different does concern compare with anxiety?
   a woman would tell a man that crimson is very different
from burgundy, as man would use the crude sigma:
red, red. n'es pas?

*i wish i could write something within the framework
of universal appeal; something simple
   and easily digested: like baby pulp, or simple
pulp of any fruit, mashed up and regurgitated
as if a seagull feeding its chicks... alas! not to be.
LycanTheThrope Nov 2015
She was conceived of fire
Rubies
And fate

Her long winter breath
Curling down
My hate

Mist on her fingers
Swirling
Beach tides

Snow ladden leaves
Youthful
In Autum's lie

She's sick of November
Thrashing
In grey

It's almost December
Timing
A wolf's prey



*Who would ever save a golden moon?
It's time to write again.
Mateuš Conrad Feb 2017
it's just that, you have a fine evening drinking
beer, watching cats and foxes,
and the frenzy of foxes on a monday night,
and these bin-bags,
  scattered once finely bound...
      it only begins with an aphorism,
and states: you ought to throw stone...
       thaat it would be safe enough to do such a thing...
you want to throw it, you're actually one
of the "herd",
  and how it will all make sense,
if you do throw the stone...
and join the riots...
     it would make sense,
it would actually make a lot of sense,
but, frankly, it doesn't...
             father crux, mind my son dangling
son... lo! behold! we're in business...
   how god chose the tribe of jews
and how jesus made judaism pop,
and how pop-judaism paid back a status of
pop culture, created a pop culture,
and was like huh? donning sunglasses...
and how it ended jn ash... and enforced cremation...
and Auschwitz holidays...
  yeah, sure, i'm the sick one...
who hold account of holocaust deniers
when i live in the 21st century with
existential deniers, that cat food tinned
speaks more to your, ******* *******?!
you want to vox? i'll vox... i'll ******* vox
the **** out of you,
i'll give you plums for eyes and human
rights for children you'll never, ever, have!
isn't that what we do, pretend to
eavesdrop on people?
pretend they don't exist, and if they do
they are involved in ghost media of fictions
and writing books for profit?
i just read heidegger's aphorism no. 195
and i just, think, of throwig stones...
  gladness be, a memory, that i share
with nobody...
   it's easier to abuse drinking...
i'm waiting for the blood skull and bits
to make testament...
   i think that if you get struck my lightning and die...
you won the lottery...
aphorism 195 is all about the will,
throwing, or scalping,
     something that is into: which is:
that conjunction word muddle,
beginning with that, and supposedly ending
with ergo...
           what moses felt,
and if ever: held account to have a heart...
just about as apathetic in tone
as an english-woman can be...
                 i heard prostitutes talk sweeter
things in my life...
      prostitutes... bulgar women,
ukranian women...
            british women talked the talk,
walked the walk...
   and then it was all or nothing...
that i am, a boor predicting a reality...
              but i can't help giving grace
to numbers, that they somehow have to be
coerced...
  of man, thus said, to complicate
the matters further...
   aphorism 195 is nothing but the modern
case of otherwise not throwing stones
at authority... a fortiori through Christianity...
i just look at it and see:
a bunch of kids throwing stones,
how's that going to work,
where's a justification of an "argument"?
it's that demand for Greece,
ancient, and so boringly quasi-kleptomaniac
in keeping it, and the yellow-brick road...
i already said a-, before saying
a priori; i meant to say: a-h (hence the hyphen
and a subsequent loss of ha),
so a beginning without a beginning...
like i will also state with a fortiori...
and i will also say: from a strength to a weakness...
or some would say: as foretold...
   it seems the strong are weaker than the weak...
just like the original case of aristocracy,
you need healthy people to rummage,
to make things work, and you need
a sickness at the top,
you always will provide the sick to rule the strong,
that's how humanity works, the sick rule
the strong... because the sick can
and the strong are ladden with a guilty plea of
stating empathy... it's just plain sad,
since they didn't encourage us waiting in line
to meet the guillotine... so who's who's Stockholm
syndrome bargain? the times i met death,
i'm surprised i didn't write a harry potter novel!
it's breaking my heart, and its almost numbing
my *****... i will recover having read
heidegger's aphorism 195 from ponderings ii - vi...
but it will take a while...
   it's going to be as hard as an actual
break-up... but i'll manage...
   real break-ups attract too many
bothersome gnats, known as fiction writers
and i don't won't these...
those ugly ******* can disperse and earn their money
and never return; or in Hindustan
as parasites, their worthy form to be repeated
and immersed in; guess what?
my **** is tickling, how about you **** it?
******.
and yes, punctuation is a different sort of
arithmetic... it's scenery, it's danish,
it's not custard thought, more of a mood setting,
but then again, the english,
bankers of the world; they don't really get
not needing to sell a twig,
when they can't appreciate a carpenter's effort
in having made a front-door...
   pragmatism doesn't really leave you
all sparkles like it's new year's eve... does it?
  neither does 1 + 1 = 2,
  or                 wait... nope, it isn't you.
language per se is no basis for being equipped with
a dichotomy to mathematics...
      rhetoric or rubric, it doesn't matter,
you spend so much time, complicating
the mathematical pucntuation marks,
that you leave actual punctuation marks to ducks,
that gobble them, as niave as they are,
glutton on mushy-pond-soaked-bread
as you do reminding us that politics is real...
    + is as complex as a comma...
                 hyphen is more than mere minus...
it's apparently called acting...
but you know, being a "poet" you sort of realise
you're not giving "adequate" prompt...
if ever, that's what the 20th century existentialists
did, they tried to reinvent punctuation,
to give punctuation the status of arithmetic...
after all... **** acting on stage gets a cabbage thrown
at it, yes? the times when theatre was no merely
and solely applause, when people threw rotten
fruit and veg and those emotional scumbags with
the audacity to fake it.
michelle njuguna Dec 2010
...so everyone thinks they know how it feels
and they say if you were to go,they'd follow..
behind you like you grew a tail..
tales to tell..
lies to spew,
words in the air ladden with contempt,
sound loud in the echoing silence.
ding-**** bell.
everyone lies
and im number one.
ur just a pawn in her life..
and you,you dont matter in his,
fire,molten rock..
keep lying
push me further into my brimstone cell.
wen it doesnt make sense,then its true.
everyone lies
and im number one...
Bows N' Arrows Dec 2016
Tripping through the night
Street lamps glitter on snow-ladden
streets
Miscellaneous voices
Button up jackets and
candy cane stripes
Hold me tight then take
a bite of me
Swooning endlessly by frostbitten
trees
Whistling through the leaves
cruchy under my feet
Danny Dec 2017
Stealing light touches in the early morning
Brushing fingers over sleeves
And dipping under star-ladden fabric
That twinkles with every ruffle and tug
As it's pulled aside to reveal skin composed of galaxy swirls
An iridescent palette
In softening eyes
Changing from blossoms of pink
To hibiscus blue
And lavender purple
Encompassing shades from every flower
As hair woven from silk is mussed by fingers
Supple kisses are taken
Without warning
Sending sparks flying between
Igniting ardor for every brush of skin
Though the two must break away
For the sand dripping in the hourglass
Uncaring of the meagre time the lovers have
Cues for the ending of a morning
Filled with longing.
This is a bit more in my style than the previous one I wrote (Thoughts at Dawn). Again, I hope someone out there enjoyed this.. and didn't mind the space descriptions (I have a bit of an obsession, can't you tell?).
Mateuš Conrad Feb 2019
is...
your work...
the basis stratum
dynamic of...
infantilißing
poetry?   (debate... basic or basis?)

hell, if you don't like
the cure,
or depeche mode...
you sieve through
and furrage
for something, belgian...
like... the klinik...

no, i don't like being
made infantile...
like: i kept playing
with LEGO into my 30s...
just, just because i never
made use of
the claustrophobic-myopia
dynamic
of the prose strict,
utility of the paragraph...

maybe poetry is akin
to the sort of freedom
akin to breathing...
maybe: the child could
tell you:
what you're engrossed in?
your little, ****-fest
of adulthood?

     i can show you
the ******-taqiyya
with 3 minutes borrowed
from the film
  the sixth sense...
concerning the "magic" trick
of shaking your hands
and "supernaturally"
moving a penny from
one hand to the other...

i get it...
the poets are children
for authors,
since they cannot break
from the shackles of not
writing in descriptive
paragraphs
and having no imagination
for dialogue...

yeah... the sort of "dialogue"
that's really a monologue
of what poets do...
play into their late
pre-teen years with figurines...
no...
they're right...
i can't write a "dialogue"...
because i have "monologues"
in real life
that perplex me...
but, then again,
all the dialogues authors have...
would never fat-***-lodge
themselves into their own
heads to begin with,
they found it necessary
to invent a sort of
Pennywise escorts of
patience to wipe the blank
slate clear of written
exhibitionism...

     writing?
professional author style?
more like *******
for god....
unless god and the poets
is a close resemblance for
kiddy-fiddlers...
i am... suspect... hands up!

i'll ******* eat you
alive, and call it
a harvest of wheat!
not here, not on this "blank"
chessboard...
i know where the black
squares go...
i.e. where the letters in
black appear...

poetry is a variant of
infantalism...
hmm...

      MAYBE....

B                                         I






                                 G

space...
    you see any "clearer"?

hell... writing in vivo is:
"serious" writing,
fiction, author status,
paragraph sensible...

   maybe that's what heavy-heaving
literature always was,
words: in vivo...

poetry... sure... why shouldn't
any child attempt it?
  
  but money... is not part of this...
endeavor... is, it?

         if serious literature
can only claim stature
of in vivo...

  sure... the childish approach
to poetry begins with treating
poetry as: genesis in infans...

      my, genesis in infans?
painting...
             does anyone care i had
to fall into the educational
rubric of crafting spell-bound
examples of spelling?

serious literature:
big, biG, bIG, BIG people tongue...
a life as the many
trivialities
of making the myth
throwing a penny into
a fountain a...
        revision of reliving
the last moments of Pompeii!

doberman jaw...
******, please! feed me another
bone!

they're right though...
i am infantile in my "attempts"
at literature...
   i forgot to keep myself
schoolboy in schoolyard
uniform attire rigid,
for whatever,
is the worth of rhyme...
  hence they keep poetry
a medium on tight check...
over-ladden with...
  "technique"...
but... serious authors...
   labour in the paragraph
domain...
       like Descartes "mind"
connecting with the chair,
and table...

i'm still waiting for an answer...
i'm infanitle, becauase...
all my dialogues exist
outside my writing,
i abhor the claustrophobia
of the paragraph,
and the myopia
predictability of a narrative...
and i hold
the narrator:
pristine, unfathomable,
almost like a god?

  this is me... not becoming
a man?
oh...................
            so you want
that ******* song playing
in the background?
- what song?
depeche mode, martyr,
yes, no, maybe?

i have no...
          umbilical cord for
the furthering of "my" existence
on the tip of my tongue
to mind...
    yes... the ****** thing
attaches itself to either my
tongue or my metaphysical
tongue (ego) for all the worth
of second chapter of my time
here, being made aware...
what? you
    want the auguste rodin
   Le Penseur suddenly become
Le Fœtus.... to not apprehend
the synonym
      biology-burqa-blocked-toilet
reinterpretation?

at this point?
i have to scratch my head,
like chimpy-adam-and-suzie...

    you know...
by the time you'd read that sort
of **** from a serious author...
you'd be half-way from finding
a full-stop and a new sentence...
serious people over-load
their, original, poetic intentions,
with... serious...
monarchies of narrative...
hiding really decent sentences...
in heaps of descriptive
auxiliary props of
"never become Beckett-esque
theatre"...

     so yeah... poetry is infantile...
the only nuance:
i felt through
enough poignancy to make
a mistake,
and the mistake i made,
is... nuance...

                have you heard?
people take "serious" literature
compositions to bed...
       and they read them...
in order to fall to sleep...
meaning...
           i'm no nursery rhyme
genius...
                 but i also much
prefer to care for people
who are not subjected
to straining their eyes
lost in the myopia
labyrinth-paragraphs
of... 'and i saw!
the face! of Poseidon!'

blurry *******-boo-hoo,
i too...
          poetry is hardly infantile...
unless!
you have the sort of
ambitions to treat the paragraph
seriously!
and "dialogue" / i.e. a monologue
you will always have /
never have...
   and have children
to mind...

        then of course!
this medium of writing...
forever: hide & seek...
yet stating the painfully obvious...
tic-tac-toe...
and... hopefully:
very little rhyme.
Mateuš Conrad Jan 2019
the more i watch these youtube
videos,
the more i think...

where do these people get
so much energy to talk?
and... that's what talking does:

it attracts bothersome
comment sections...

i'm proud to say:
i haven't received an email
in years...
   whatever comment section
activity is...
confined to the bare minimum...

recently i invested in
a gramaphone and,
i'm happy to say:
   just my luck in not having
invested in a camera /
mic.,

       to be honest:
i've matured beyond thinking
that: completing a novel
is some sort accomplishment,
and how there's
no shame in reading
poetry...

as in:
  optics...
you can't exactly multi-task
drinking a nightcap,
listening to music,
smoking a cigarette
and reading a novel...

a novel requires a sober
judge,
silence,
   and a worth of a good
hour to eat up chapters...
plus the over-congested
lines of a paragraph...

since when was poetry
all about the ghouls,
the rhymes,
          and the gallows of
broken hearts?
really? poetry was also
about, feelings?

one thing is for sure...
i'm glad i invested
some saved money
in a gramaphone
and not a camera / mic.

sorry... i just don't have
the energy to
give someone passive
content...
on which it is easier
to comment...

            how else would
you create a depth of
consciousness to concentrate
on a novel that lasts
for 1500 pages in
small print?

   you'd begin by listening
to music: with lyrics,
and reading poetry...

      and being able to tell
someone what the poem
was about...
   and the lyrics of the song...

i've changed...
and it only took me a month
of being without
internet access...
what i've lost is:
the ability to become engrossed
in this medium...

well... at least ladden
with conversational overtones
type of poetry:
is much better than
any piece of journalism...

given journalism:
as a style of literature is...
well...
pretty much all the opinion
pieces in the times
(English edition)
are alien to me...

        i can't relate to them...
sure...
the classical type of journalism:
what, when, where?
  that's passable as in:
reading an encyclopedia...

but the opinion pieces are...
sorry to say:
     unreal...
             so i give them a pass...

but coming back
to poking around for a niche
on the internet...

               it must be exhausting...
being like a cow during
summer in a pasture...
   bothered by so many
bothersome flies...

- and it's not even that i want
to express a freedom
of speech that could be...
anti p.c.,

              i...
                          i'd much
prefer a subtle variety of
presence...
                a shadow presence...
all of and all the much
more of an existential
lethargy that's
become a fine, fine architecture
that consolidates
a man in a throng...

but when internet "content
creators"
   drop videos...
of running around this and there
with their cameras...

hmm...
i walked past the mosque
between
whitechapel and aldgate
drinking a beer in public...
that day i walked
from the sq. mile
to Goodmayes...
i managed four beers...
drank in public...
sure...
   a few snoops along
the way...
                   ***** looks
from passing cars by young
Muslim men...

but... i stopped caring...
truly... which is not the same
as: not giving a ****...

i very much concerned
myself in chancing
a public toilet to take a whizz...

were you ever hand-cuffed
for taking a whizz in
a back alley,
and being miraculously
un-cuffed?

           - once i found
a police van to be the next
best thing to a taxi
back home...

- fun fact:
if something hits a police car,
like i once did on
a bicycle...
the smart-car stops,
locks in...

    - and the incident needs
to be reported...
i said to the pair
of officers: i'm watching
Wimbledon back home,
i live 5 miles away,
can i go?

nope...
i had to wait for them
to report the incident,
before the central
office could unlock their
patrol car...

i.e. sometimes i can't
exactly stomach some
of these ivory tower
"content creators"...

good thing i invested
my money in a gramaphone
and not a camera / mic.,
that ship has sailed,
long time ago...
and i'm not going
to bother with that medium
any time soon.
Mateuš Conrad May 2018
/ode to winrich von kniprode: bo polska: to jak kat, bez, niż przed: zło-wroge kazanie o samo-władze.

the part where they say
"who cares about your feelings?!"
the adhan...
synonymous with:
oh god forbid the next
pop song akin to
the teutonic: salve regina!
  because who is to usurp
a fidelity of a jewish brigida
with a christian
    cockroach slithering?
        the same the adhan
and the same the monkish chasm
of a slumbering requiem...
   and that's because there's
a cul de sac of argument:
NEVER, EVER,
   RETREAT FROM WHAT
MUSIC PRESCRIBES,
   HIGHEST MEDICINE
ABOVE PRAYER...
        what have you?!
              whatever prayer
i said, one song woke my slumber
heart to authenticity,
and carved from a rock:
a ladden wreath of commerce...
to you, darting shadow,
i leave a homage of a patron
heart made homage..........
konrad von jungen...
   srogo gniew pana na
niby rod wybrany gana:
do, i, od obory, warte schu!
homage in shadows...
      the rest, retort to tourism,
and exemplifying: CAMBRIDGE!
CAMBRIDGE!
intellectual retards...
     ****-wit-chicken-scratching...
dotted pigments...
    Winrich von Kniprode...
Matteo Ruda Brudy Wąs...
tabelle ohne "ausgebrochen" schenkelß...
AND, WHO?!
GIVES A TOSS WANT OF
CINNAMON FLOSS TO
MAKE ADMIRATION OF...
THINKING?!
last time i heard, i didn't
cry because i heard a sermon,
but... a song...
and subsequently i "heard"
no song, when i...
   "understood" it...
        thing about giving a ****
about feelings...
people do not cry from
a thinking being expressed...
a song?
   **** me...
    disney! disney!
                 rat nibbling
intellectualism...
******* unions of those
who might cry at talking...
hermaphrodite...
  what's that?
  trans-trans-gender?
              ******* quack worth of
quadratic?
              i love the counter
though to: who the hell cares
what you feel...
with...
  and who the hell cares...
what you think,
giving you,
      the alles-fresse?
   if you think so little of my
emotions,
why mind my punch,
when i'm supposed
to think "so" much of your
thoughts, dated,
and made entombed in
propaganda talk?
    WHO IS TO BE MADE
WRONG BY FEELING
WHILE SUBSEQUENTLY
BE MADE RIGHT BY "THOUGHT"
IN SPEAKING?
   divine is the talk of
tears from song...
  than, in the alchemy
of the Graeae from mere...
"thought"...
    for people who
apparently do not
care what people feel...
hardly a reason to
apparently concern what
one thinks...
within the confines of
making such concerns:
   invasive,
      and by translation,
sole testimony,
a version of: "talk"...
     free speech ≠ dialectics;
rigour of...
    unquestioned
   assurences...
          undistuped anaesthetic
   coverts of:
  next Sunday.
Insertnamehere Jul 2020
Trapped in snow,
My carriage enthralled.
Only sound I hear, the ravens call.
The wolves in the distance,
Their cries do tease.
Carried on the bite of winters breeze.
The trek is hopeless,
No end in sight.
I shudder fiercely in limitless night.
No fire to warm.
No stars to light.
Dawn approaches through snow ladden trees.
I cannot help but feel at ease.
Stopped to rest, my body weary.
Sleep does come, so dark and dreary.
My body numb.
No tears to cry.
Frozen dead is where I lie.
Knawed upon by bear and bird,
By wolf and shrew.
Consumed by beasts just passing through.
Bones lay picked clean,
Dressed by morning dew.
Fragmented, scattered, is where I remain.
Haunted eternally by the ravens refrain.
Delton Peele Jul 2021
O2
Oh way far away
Somewhere wherewith
My heart doeth pine
Along granite ladden beach line.
Unpleasantries decay.
Relaxed I lay
Melting
The fragrance of alpine
My mind unwinds
.....I'm free ......
And everything's sanguine.
Induced with crystalline clarity
I'm inclined to see
that which is wearing me
Somehow now petty
It's just silly
I let these things
Fret me so easily.
My chest doubles
In size
With ease I do breath.
Now I have to decide shall I stay
Or leave
Where the starsvshine
with pride..
I'm
Alive .
Mateuš Conrad Feb 2019
self-

                                 little of
the programming
world
that i do know of...

and as little
that i do receive...
concerning
the video-making
internet
music world...

and... who's who
of...
listening to operatic
compositions?

i hate obnoxious *****...
like an serial killer,
might...
or might not...
i just hate obnoxious
plebs...
receiving recital
statistic
for their internet
                 presence...

like...

     like...

the ladden truth of
the death of X...
"humbled",
by being attired
with the music of
        vide cor meum...
and...
for all the wrong
reason...
the world...
is at... peace...

      i want to give myself
to fathom grief...
but grieving?
i cannot accomplish...
the little of the man
left in me...
to... mourn Achilles
falling from
a quiff rather than
a wound?
        i, i? am to
wander...
  desolate in mourning
"wonder"?

i heave the heart that
dreams the bore
of thought,
that encompasses
the mind,
that... sauters
me free from the given
tangles
of soul, ghost, shadow,
god,
and unto the past extremes
of that remains...
bone...

heave me off this shore...
burry me into
a silence,
to heave, no more...
no shore, no tide,
no god: since he has
become the solitude
of the infantile...
  leave me by barren be...
   i want...

       standing upon
the shore,
the dim lit sight of light
in the dipping moon,
overpower me...
i want the knock-out...
i feel...

   afraid to be freed
by grief,
yet woken to the nearing pass
of...
                the grieving
neared...
           like... a christmas carol
sing-along...
        i'll fake having
lived, even to the point
of having ushered in
its final banality,
of breath...

   i, chamaleon...
    no future, no past,
no scent...
             leave me in my
solipsistic toils!
               please!

you who are me,
my banal, final, mourn...
i leave...
intact...
   to ensure...
what needs to be worth
being worded,
in the parlance of...
leave me...
to be held accountable
to be...
  
                            excused;

give me...
               the chance...
to forget to pause,
and make additions of...

                    furthering the narrative...
because... sure as ****...
none of you will
ever read a Dickensian novel...
and ensure to make
amends!

we are all ghosts to
try to compass
our own sought hearts;
even, with bodies,
thereby-lived-in.
dark nights have totally surrounded us
and deeper wounds we constantly nurse
daily living is now more than a burden
for our shoulders are unnecessarily ladden
Mateuš Conrad Oct 2020
yes, i sometimes do: the odd star-gazing... not because i find solace in the constellations - although: truth be told: how did man arrive at a pyramid or triangle: or any other geometric proposal if not via the stars... i look up... i see them bewilder me and thrown me into the pit of geocentrism - by night this is what the eyes require to digest... take a peep at... come to think of it: i have written this for eyes solely: i think (therefore i doubt) i have left my tongue somewhere where onomatopoeias are best uttered: where words have no power... *** in a brothel - i like to think that all brothels are scented with an allure of a perfume that's very much all: bourbon "stink": by stink i'm inviting a texture rather than a scent per se... it's sticky... it's almost gluttonous: how these two opposing bodies can flesh out an architecture of diabolical pressures with a tenderness: that upon touch is a wilting passing by. Yes, these stars... these fazes of drifting between stages of amazement coagulated with utter dumb bewilderment - their sanctity of faking animate illiteracy - as any sensible stone might: a breath of god a devil's eye - they are forever "sensible": unmoveable... yet give them enough years and they are predictably chained to the same canvas. I can't object to what i'm forever subjected to... these stars these pressures of time... so to deviate... i took a stroll through my garden in this glorious wealth of night... to admire my work on the cement work of a newly erected fence... that i had to dig a miniature trench and fill it with cement so that my neighbour's **** garden would not penetrate my bias against weeds... the rains have been plentiful... no **** sprouts on my side of the fence... armed with a flashlight i chanced upon looking down to see where my foot were toying with step and perhaps some mythology of chess... what did i shine upon? well... the graces of the night welcomes a **** sapiens dreaming about origins of **** similis... that's all the night is worth: a sleeping fellow at the pivoting crux of membranes - i too desire a night filled either by a vacancy of dreams: therefore a lack of... or at least something to give my fatty sponge of a brain: illumination ill conceived... two slugs: feasting over a corpse of a third slug... that i must have strapped to a pressure from my foot... and how... gloriously spectacular: this feast of two slugs on a body of a third... some of the consummate part thus exposed almost looked: appetising in a sense that: seafood appears when... given unto a dissection prior to... the cooking hands... yes.. yes... STAR gazing... only for a little while... L is just sort of a right-handed... while delta is most certainly just shy of an equilateral triangle... pity that a square was never given a "letter": beside the point! up up above these stars these dreams of an exhausted geography of the world... the tamed and the less so projects of ennobling "barbarians"... but of course little ol' life beside man feeds off the night... a wise fly will take refuge on a leaf of ivy beside a ripe fist bundle of teasing burgundian blood fruits... even if shining a light upon it, it will not stir or dare movement... shine a light upon the slugs... the younglings will fold their eyes and peep from a fatty covering of their slurpy gut / glut... but the higher ranks 'un will continue their festive **** of cannibalism... for someone who still managed to see how the countryside operated... the ergonomics of keeping chickens for both eggs and flesh... how chasing one poor judas around the yard... yielding a stump of wood an axe and... the last electricity of a rolling of the eyes and the extension of the tongue from out of the beak... until... the body was carried away to be plucked from its feathers and poached for a soup... the remaining chickens would start up a frenzy... jumping onto the stump dancing voodoo... pecking at the head and slurping up the gushed out blood... for all that's night: oh look! prime visage to counter the constellations has decided to take up a promenade: peruse of the sky... scythe baron that coming upon her zenith will turn from an illuminating autumnal bask in yellow to a bone carving whiteness... half illuminated while half hidden... this star gazing... but little of the night i've rented for an hour beyond a predictable pattern for days to come / to salvage... such "things" happen below mere minor stalking a sensibility of cravatte attired smocking donning type of societally accepted conversation: such things as csns only breed mirrors and ghosts for their brood... and have to discourage an ownership of them from a genesis: one born from the agony of thought: is to never find repose in the well-established furore of an aging body... the original splinter is this: gruesome advent of over-adjectivity... from the sensible pleasure of the night... to this base life ladden toil for toil: oculus per oculus... such greasy masters of sloth roam the critter domain of the night... such slurp base degradations of what's edible and what's not... i come to the conclusion that: not all is this forced **** of prizes, of amnesias, of... i kept myself forgotten upon a third descriptive usher-ing of detail... yes... from such heavenly sanctity of an above... to such debasement cold... thrown among a harvest of potatoes... it has been an absolute pleasure to revel in: the demands themselves presented... perhaps what's missing is... an haiku for the coroner? i gladly think, that that's all that's ever missing: to make enough puncture into canvas, page... silence.
T R S Apr 2020
Cramming little boondoggles along long ladden trails makes missing pain and loss a love; makes it a lot like other efforts pretend to  matter because if the potato fields thought they didn't matter, we would rather have a foxhole shell be a dud, that
Auntie Helper revive a dud.
Wet fire responds with "Thud"
Our life fire lives in mud.

A mud of fear and hate,
with a net that cannot shelter.
Abated by billions sounds great, unless you cannot eat.
Auntie helper puts them to bed.
But, her machines can't cloth you. Nor make socks to clothe your feet.

Cold.
Uncle helper reminds they're not dead.

One time.. I helped my uncle build a bed-shaped casket made for the dead.


Reading red as luck of fortune only made me much more mad.

Because, I bet (even though I'm reckless)


I am not the only one with a

mom

and

dad.
Mateuš Conrad Jun 2020
"*******" that are a "contradition"
of... the blue moon: the tailored suit...
    being... catered to...
by an ottoman barber...
fling of words...
a priori: ad hoc... a posteriori: loot and
loco...
    there comes the
crisp... crux "lament" of the inversion of...
eating a slobber-aghast
of ice-cream...
twilight: this... "concensus"...
of the affirmed... needle: pointer...
there's the hay...
there's the needle:
you call the "ring of harmony"
of matrimony... how... else... you...
want... to call... it...

what i arrived at...
whatever ******* where...
the supposed missing teeth...
the gob-*****... whisper of promise...
such that the gob would suffice
to quake: no son would ever make
a mother's pardon...

to crave for wilt...
come the later years of the mortal
scheme... and my own the tying
loot of less: tongues...
grrrrr-ieving like a creaking
of the lobotomy of events...

what is the opera... music alone...
without the... libretto?!
what is... prokofiev's...
the battle of the ice...
                 like something...
tolkien would have to borrow from...

to refresh the memory...
for the "west" to somehow borrow from...
as if it were always: "always"
their own... rummaging
in their own plight...

BATACLAN LIVES...
     are to be... best kept...
in the sanctimony...
of an Abrahamic... *****... ladden...
frizzling: leeches of unforgivable hunger...
chains that will rattle...
and shadows that will move with
fully-embodied dexterity...
a shadow without a thought...
to make the body comply with
puppet-esque steering...
is...

    it's a hobby? no?
why should i care...
i'm not... a tolkien...
i'm not a fantasy fiction arrival of...
comfort...
      i once hoped...
i like the idea...
of... digging the grave of my too old
a fancy...
         it wasn't enough
to dream an escape...
beside... one that would be governed
with a... brick in limbo grace:
to not attain... the preserving case
for... this... that lost freedom exercise...
of western... structure...
and i might add...
i was never to be made privy of...
this... from beneath the iron curtain...
mongol-esque horde pseudo-man...
wise... the "nigh-grows" can pick
the cotton...
all i will have to stamp out stamp
on is... ash.
SLUR me into a debate
over CHERNOBYL!

n'ah... hobby... free of charge...
i paid for my internet access...
play the fiddle! keen: pseudo-communists
of former: capitalist fathers!
- why? because grand words...
and grand-standing...
is all that's leftover!

— The End —