"horrifies" poems
I'm not over her,
Though painful,
Without it,
?
The foundation of my childhood home,
Became the foundation,
Of an inferno.
She is the firewood,
She is the flames,
She is fulminating,
Just as a name.
It horrifies me she will never feel the heat,
Nor see the lights,
As this will never scald her skin,
Nor scorch her eyes.
Nov 5, 2015
Nov 5, 2015 at 9:48 AM UTC
probably because i keep putting you first,
before everything else that i ever thought of before -
these feelings of missing people before i love them too much
haunt me everyday
you don't understand,
you still go home to the same people you laid next to on a changing table, have beers with people who learned to suckle on their thumbs
around the same time as you
the people i go home to
i shook their hands as we both signed our 1-year lease
and soon i'll shake their hands goodbye and good riddance
i hold these ******* fears and horrifies and terrifies and tears
in my chest, i can't afford to keep loving people and letting them go
into the world without me at their side -
i hate loving people and cutting these red strings that connect us,
i love so deeply and i just want to see you succeed and give you
flowers and kisses, and hold you in my arms when you feel the world
crumbling down around you -
i promise i can love, my love is a wicked one
i just cant keep loving and breaking, loving and breaking
when can i love and love and love and love
without end
with you
you terrify me
you're here and then you're gone
and you try to reassure me that you're always always here
but i can't trust it when you only come and peek
into my life for 5 seconds at a time and then you're gone
living your own,
i'm so scared you'll love someone else and leave because i am
so in love with you and loving and breaking with you
will **** me
it'll **** me
let me **** my heart first before you try to do it yourself
Apr 3, 2015
Apr 3, 2015 at 4:59 PM UTC
i love you. i do, i really do. and i’m sorry if it freaks you out sometimes, but these feelings are so overwhelmingly strong that it shakes my whole system even after 2 am. i dream of you constantly and it horrifies me because they seem so real — as if i could still feel it, taste it, remember it like it happened yesterday.
i love you, and it’s scary to think that your words can break me anytime, any moment. i am vulnerable to you, and i think it’s both beautiful and sad how i easily & effortlessly gave it all up just so i could be with you. there’s just something — God knows what — that made me want to be with you even though i’m aware that you’re galaxies away from me.
i love you, and i love how i feel beautiful when you say that you are in love with me too. God, you are my favorite. i must admit that i have kissed & loved enough boys to know what brokenness truly feels like, but you mended me just like i’m something familiar, something you’ve been fixing your entire life. it’s a sick, mad world we’re living in, but you make it seem less agonizing whenever i hear you say those three words at 3 am, 4 pm, or 11 pm.
i’m in love with you, and it’s more intoxicating than the cigarettes and the alcohol i’ve taken in my whole life combined, and i don’t even want to be sober. you are the high even without the drug. you are the euphoria even without the ******* (beautiful) fireworks. you are the emotion even without the words.
i love you, and it’s okay if you can’t put it into words — how you feel — because even the silence i spend with you is enough to give me butterflies in my empty stomach. i don’t know what time it is, but it’s past midnight, and i’m still writing about you. i am a mess for and because of you, and my handwriting is proof. you shake my system even when you’re not there, and my dear, this is rare.
i love you dearly, with all honestly, and with all faithfulness. and i can’t help but think about you, every **** day. you’re both my drug and my antidote. my poem. my sunlight, my stars. my soul.
and i hope you love me too, as much as i love you.
Oct 31, 2014
Oct 31, 2014 at 9:32 AM UTC
The thought of it horrifies me,
Even more so than what death entails,
It forces me to sporadically awaken.
I visualize myself taken away to a cold grotto,
Where I'm violated by strangers
And alienated, rather than uplifted,
For an unknown duration of time
I knew what might happen,
The consuming fervor,
My behavior will not be understood
Haven't I alienated myself all along?
Was it not I who voluntarily auditioned
For the infamous role of the outcast
As well as the acclaimed role of the golden child?
The critics may write their reviews of my performances
My petite hands peruse
Through the drawer's treasure,
The prescription pill bottle is
Considered as a future reference.
(c) 2014 Brandon Antonio Smith
8/2/14
Oct 3, 2014
Oct 3, 2014 at 1:00 PM UTC
Look into my eyes
Stared in to the glass
Look into your eyes
Scattered by it was
Look into the world
Horrifies and falls
None of us could pass
Trouble's back in rife
Look into the world
Through the vision *****
Never shall ceiling of glass
Harassing beauty of the life
October, 4th 2015
00:59 p.m.
May 20, 2016
May 20, 2016 at 10:07 PM UTC
Jesus Christ
I'm in the same spot I was a year ago
Mentally
Not by means of location
In terms of proximity, last year I was closer to you
We've both moved farther apart
Ironic
God
I still remember the footpath I took when entering your house
the one with all the boys and the one with your beautiful family
Your mother is a goddess, and your father is the sweetest thing
Your brother is a little jokester, and your sister is an angel
I was not worthy
Speaking your name these days
It frightens me
Sometimes I don't even believe that we were ever 'us'
I've been in pain over the loss of you longer than we were together
I thought I laid you down and let you go
but you've stuck to me like a leech
the weight of your corpse is making my shoulders slump
stealing my joy like stolen scotch
just ******* out everything
You had no idea and it's not your fault
I should not have hurt someone as precious as you
glorious man
let the record play a little longer
I'm doing everything in my power not to write your name
that order of letters together makes me feel so powerless
It horrifies my soul and makes my heart ache like a purple bruise
Imagine what life would be like if we still talked
Would it be better? Would it worse? It would probably be the same
But at least I'd have your hand on my legs
Train wanderers
I never thought you would be the one to hop off first
I'm so ******* sorry.
"Seen 9:15 am"
no response
Feb 19, 2015
Feb 19, 2015 at 6:11 AM UTC
Listen.
The drunk girls are so loud
when they cheer for us.
You know?
They're more excited
than we could ever be.
We are terrified to the bone.
Well, I know I am.
Though you fascinate me.
You don't need love, you found and lost your home.
Neither do I,
My old scars still sting.
I've ****** up.
We ****** up everything.
It's not all the girls,
just the ones that can't handle their cocktails.
Not the cool kids, who smoke,
drink pitchers of beer and
full bottles of *****
but can still count backwards from thirty.
Just the ones that love me,
know what would make me happy.
I'm not incapable of love,
we just don't like it.
My ego wouldn't let me anyway,
my important sense of self
forever blocks the way.
Do you understand how perfect I would have this be?
It horrifies me.
Mar 8, 2013
Mar 8, 2013 at 4:27 PM UTC
2032
that thing strapped to my leg
is an artificial heart
my digital liver fits nicely
in what looks like a backpack
peristaltic action for digestion:
a mini quantum dot siphon
kidneys are actually implanted
nano graphene filters in the blood
I am a bionic man because I can afford it
but I am losing my brain
there is no replacement
despite computing prowess that worries the gods
there is no substitute for a soul
the Tao of this universe is irony only
and now the immortality of my body
horrifies my every thought
as the fluids pump
and the heart moves
but cannot beat
Dec 8, 2013
Dec 8, 2013 at 12:11 PM UTC
There are a great many things I've wanted to ask of you, whoever or whatever you are. Some far more poignant than others. What I really want to know are questions pertaining to us, your creations, and what you intended for us to do with this thing we call Free Will. Deeper than that, I want you to explain why you made me as I am, why you place people in my path, and ask things of me which I have not the power or the courage to perform. Why did you gift me with the perception to see into the heart of things, and the conviction that I MUST make right that which is wrong. I look around everyday and am astonished at the contradictions in this world. This schizophrenic society we've built upon the ashes of an idea horrifies me with it's multitude of messages, it's towers built on the illusion that we ARE what we OWN, and that worth is measured in stock. If we aren't beautiful, we can pay to be so, if we aren't smart, we can pay others to be smart for us, if we are not brave, we can hire others to die for us. There is so much beauty all around us, yet we've abstracted existence into sections of time, allotments of economic calculations instead of living, breathing humanity. But that's not what I'm angry about. I'm angry that you've made me in such a way that I can't function very well in "everyday life". I saw hell in the eyes of a beautiful **** Addict, the truth of her squalid life behind the veneer of beauty and calm and power she presented only a few hours before. This person had what our society tells us we must have in order to be happy. Clearly, we are missing something if Miss Beautiful Blonde **** Head had to find some kind of feeling in that. And make no mistake, there's very few illegal substances that I haven't forced upon my body at one time or another, and it disgusts me that I have to partake of a drug in order to be able to speak to people without hiding behind some kind of armour. But it's a lie, it's fake, just as the society we created is a lie. I would give everything to be able to have understood this when I was fifteen and could have started this journey differently. But it was not to be so, for whatever reason I, and so many others, are empty vessels on this sea. All those weeping, wounded hearts you placed before me and commanded me to heal, when my own was broken. I hate you for that. I reject this existence, this scramble for position and power atop a mountain of rags and orphans. I deny the Will to Power. And to the world you allowed us to create, the world that eats living ghosts and plastic ******* that learned how to burn whole populations away....to this world I will always say "NO".
Apr 15, 2014
Apr 15, 2014 at 10:53 PM UTC
Free Kittens
by Ryan P. Kinney
Whenever I see one of those signs
Advertising cheap, easy love
I am reminded of my darkest hours
When I fed my addiction to affection
To a love, a life I could control.
To something that needed me.
Surely they’ll love me
And quell the devouring loneliness and disconnection
Like little furry ******
Without the ***
Wrong kinda *****
Wrong kinda love
When I had a full harem
I discovered, there is such a thing as too many
They were infested with parasites and ailments
Without constant attention
They’d **** on and defile
My every possession
My childish and selfish delight
Turned into an overwhelming nightmare
I didn’t know how to handle them
I never did
Never her
Never myself
Each time I put one down
I’d see their scared faces
Pleading “Why don’t you love me?”
“Because,” I’d say, “She didn’t love me.”
“None of them do.”
“They won’t keep me.”
“I can’t keep you.”
Unable to understand why
As I snuffed the life out of each little creature
Pushed to the brink
They became souvenirs of desperation
If this horrifies you,
Then you are right.
It horrifies me too
I cared more for those cats than my grandmother that year
At her funeral, I said prayers for them
Her entire 77 years more worthless than several weeks with each cat
Grandma- Dead in my heart by her own callousness
The kittens-By my own hand for their innocence
Apr 7, 2015
Apr 7, 2015 at 11:06 PM UTC
and suddenly-
all the minor boys
all the petty crushes
vanished into thin air,
the only thing that mattered was him.
he is a lovely person
with lovely hair
and lovely thoughts--
he is the only one
I do not feel scared of,
one I could let see me cry
and tell all my feelings
every little thought I have
and all of my truth,
never a lie.
He is one who makes me warm
he is one who makes me happy
he is one who makes me feel
like I may yet, be important.
I feel what he feels
and I know how it hurts,
I only wish I could make him happy
make him never sad
and the thought
that he may
on occasion
feel like I do every day
horrifies me
and makes me weep,
for he is a good soul
who could do me no harm,
a man the world has wronged,
a truly lovely person
who deserves
no such pain.
May 1, 2015
May 1, 2015 at 6:13 AM UTC
We walked,
we smoked,
we talked,
we choked.
We skipped,
we spoke,
we enjoyed
each others company.
You did my makeup.
A friend of ours said 'Kiss him!'
And you laughed and said no.
I wanted you to.
It scares me.
"Life is weird" I said.
"I know, it horrifies me." you reciprocated.
"I think it's beautiful."
I think you're beautiful.
Oct 27, 2012
Oct 27, 2012 at 1:55 AM UTC
The future scares.
Terrifies.
Horrifies.
The future sits in the shadows,
As ominous as fog covering gallows,
Remaining the great unknown
With such an undecided tone.
Some may find delight in discussing what they believe the future to hold.
They hope typically for self-fortunes & gold.
However; there exists a group to which I belong.
One that sings a very different song.
One that does not rejoice in beseeching time
To allow us plans of our own design.
Persuasion plays no part.
The relevance belongs to the matters of the heart.
Simply put, yet believed to be true.
Do not ask me to hold in my future a place for you.
It is said, "Only time will tell,"
But what if you have missed the deciding yell?
Dec 16, 2013
Dec 16, 2013 at 12:48 AM UTC
spurt release
fountain
age yes age
horrifies
takes time
age of age
to relax
yes relax
Apr 29, 2014
Apr 29, 2014 at 8:00 PM UTC
In my life as a whole, what kind of person do you see me as?
Tonight, I merely want to hold your hand,
Even if just for this moment, I want to be in your future.
Lately I've been slipping away,
Sinking into my own darkness.
Let somehow, in those barren nights,
Your smile lit up my days.
These repeating days,
Intensify my desire for you.
Oh you do not realize what I would give,
To merely gaze at your smiles.
Yet this desire is new.
I do not lust for the taste of your lips.
The sacrilegious thought horrifies me.
All that I want is happiness for you,
With or without me.
In fact, I don't think I can ever try to claim you,
For all my bravery, seeking you out scares me the most.
Better to love you from afar,
Than to shatter my heart.
A simple reply, an answer weaved of two words,
Would scatter my essence.
I'm scared to hear you respond that way
I can't hold my balance, crumbling in this dilemma
In my life as a whole, what kind of person do you see me as?
Tonight, I merely want to hold your hand,
Even if just for this moment, I want to be in your future.
Mar 19, 2014
Mar 19, 2014 at 3:13 AM UTC
i feel like i'm going in/sane?
i'm such a hypocrite
calling myself a feminist
but i shame my body every time i look in the mirror
and i let the boys hold the sculptor's tools
and i try to make them like me more by wearing makeup and pushing up my *******
and i talk behind other girls' backs
and sometimes i still have to bite my tongue when they talk about sleeping around
and i looked her up and down before she spoke a word
and the difference between a good and bad day can be all about my face
and i don't even use the privileges i have to help the oppressed be heard
but i want this all to stop
and that is why i am a feminist
because i get moments of clarity and awe
they are getting closer together and longer
i see the way us girls are never given a chance
it is a lot to ask of us to know any better
and it horrifies me that
the definition of torture can match up
with some of the manners in which we are brought up
look past all of the cliches
shake off your automatic response to go "ugh"
and realize the implications of being told you're an object
in society's state of mind
over half of the population shouldn't have a voice
and that doesn't even take into account the intersections
enough layers to drown in oppression
and compared to most i'm on top of the bottom
Apr 26, 2016
Apr 26, 2016 at 1:22 AM UTC
by Aaron Kasunic, Ryan P. Kinney, and J.M. Romig
How can I explain the error you make?
When you stand so vigilantly waiting to lunge into the abyss?
This pit full of fire and blood, it calls to you
Doesn’t it?
I have pointed the finger
Only to turn it on myself
I have held grudges and forgiven
I have trusted and misguided
I have been Judas and Jesus
I was immortal once
Believe me, you,
I was invincible
If this horrifies you,
Then you are right
It horrifies me too
We walk on moon rocks
In the weightless ways of childhood
Straining our legs and lungs
Suppressing the rebirth of the sun
We will be naked and bare
Ugly and beautiful
Out of control
And into the light
Dec 22, 2015
Dec 22, 2015 at 9:42 AM UTC
by Aaron Kasunic, Ryan P. Kinney, and J.M. Romig
How can I explain the error you make?
When you stand so vigilantly waiting to lunge into the abyss?
This pit full of fire and blood, it calls to you
Doesn’t it?
I have pointed the finger
Only to turn it on myself
I have held grudges and forgiven
I have trusted and misguided
I have been Judas and Jesus
I was immortal once
Believe me, you,
I was invincible
If this horrifies you,
Then you are right
It horrifies me too
We walk on moon rocks
In the weightless ways of childhood
Straining our legs and lungs
Suppressing the rebirth of the sun
We will be naked and bare
Ugly and beautiful
Out of control
And into the light
Dec 21, 2015
Dec 21, 2015 at 5:56 PM UTC
The funny thing is, I understand those stupid, cliche songs and movies now. I get that stupid feeling where your heart jumps out of your chest when you see "him". Because everytime I see you, my heart thumps in a hard, scary way. I feel like my heart might burst from my chest cavity. But no, this feeling doesn't come from joy of seeing you. I'm terrified of you. I can't seem to stop seeing you. And it horrifies me. Why won't you just leave, leave my brain, leave my memory. Just please, go away. I don't think I can hold myself together any longer to stay away from you.
May 15, 2014
May 15, 2014 at 12:33 PM UTC
by Aaron Kasunic, Ryan P. Kinney, and J.M. Romig
How can I explain the error you make?
When you stand so vigilantly waiting to lunge into the abyss?
This pit full of fire and blood, it calls to you
Doesn’t it?
I have pointed the finger
Only to turn it on myself
I have held grudges and forgiven
I have trusted and misguided
I have been Judas and Jesus
I was immortal once
Believe me, you,
I was invincible
If this horrifies you,
Then you are right
It horrifies me too
We walk on moon rocks
In the weightless ways of childhood
Straining our legs and lungs
Suppressing the rebirth of the sun
We will be naked and bare
Ugly and beautiful
Out of control
And into the light
Dec 26, 2015
Dec 26, 2015 at 10:13 PM UTC
It's horrifying how much I can tell you already mean to me
It horrifies me that someone can come in and make such an impact in such little time
This scares me because if you can make such an impact in such little time, what impact will you leave when it's time for you to go?
Nov 3, 2014
Nov 3, 2014 at 6:07 PM UTC
Commitment is not something
I have found easy
The thought horrifies me
To the very core
I spent my life
Avoiding and pushing
The thought of forever away
Yet,
I don’t feel that way
When I think about you
With you,
Forever does not seem
To be enough
Mar 26, 2019
Mar 26, 2019 at 11:53 PM UTC
The way he acts
It makes me scared
The way he looks
At us, it makes me nervous
The way he talks
Makes me sick
The way he moves
Horrifies me
The way he is
Is not the way it should be
Nov 12, 2018
Nov 12, 2018 at 7:16 PM UTC