The leeching color from my eyes
My parched mouth puckered
My joints are stiff, stubborn and brittle
Creaking like exhausted floorboards
Wringing my fists, white ands shriveled
Twisting my hands, skinned and raw
I'm ill with desperate thriving
Too weak to carry on, don't have the choice
Veins laden with liqueur, thinning hopes and regret
Pulsing pulsing pulsing
Bones fluttering with birds of bad omen
Scalp rid of hair to make place for the thorny crown of vanquishment
Blood diluted with bitter disappointment,
Sloshing, smearing through my mucked-up system
Aching from the deadly drone of existence
From small victories, large defeats
I'm the mortar, they're the pestle
Clobbering into my hollowed life.

The hammer of that thing
Routine so dull and tedious
Pounding and pounding and pounding
When you can't even scream or weep
Thud thud thud
My temples scream with dank submission
My brain is reeling, hurling from the vertigo of it all.

Morning, noon & night
The dead avenues, the empty buzzing
Beats hammers in my brain
Throb throb throb
I'm quivering with numbness.

I'm mature now, I'm ripe
So ripened and rotten
Adult things, adult preoccupations pulsing around me
It seems like person really only has two choices
Get in on the aimless hustle or be forsaken
I've taken it all up
Rent, coffee, wine, cigarettes and newspaper
Forgotten pills
Unpaid bills
Thump thump thump
Anguish, pain, woe and misery
Turbulence and stress, the banging hammer.

I'm a drunkard, a wanderer
With a beaten, battered suitcase
Days like these, weeks like these, when all the weapons are pointed at me
I'm a ***, an outcast
A pigeon in the pummeling rain
Dribble dribble splash
The ache is a relentless thing.

My job, my rent, my house
My walls limp with memories stuck with rotting glue
Wallpaper torn, curling at the edges
The cold hard floor radiates and screams
The couch, cold & hollow
Incrusted with bits of filthy grime
The dead radiator hisses like an angry snake
The shades down, no sunlight
No life seeping through the venetian blinds
And my clothing sits in the chairs
Like the dead emptied out
The blankets are thin, frayed and tattered
As hope is
The moths, on the other hand, are alive and well
They weave webs of moribund rot
Interlacing me into their strands of decay.

Surrounded by the coldhearted, they snarl
And their laughs abash, dishearten the pure
Bruising me relentlessly
They are so tired, mutilated
either by love or no love
All their bleak and sunken eyes
All their weak and drunken souls
All their meek and shrunken hearts
Vultures with neckties
Weasels in frocks
Collared beasts, that's all they are.

The mournful poet with the shrapnel wound
Was so wrong
I guess he wanted to be lyrical, but his words led astray
Time is not water
It does not flow easy, smooth and transparent
It drags you into dark alleys and batters the hell out of you
Punches you in the ribs, rips your skin,
Jerks you by your hair, stabs you, disfigures you
Leaves you crippled and broken, gasping for air.

Sweating in a rocker
Lanky skeleton hands clasped, praying- for what?
I'm not living, or dying
I'm simply crawling backward
Or no, I'm not crawling, I'm being dragged,
Through nights of lonely perfidy, breathing the beaten dusty air
The dark wind wailing, ebbing through the frail curtains
Laying in bed, too wretched to move
When memories, of heaven and hell,
Droop like broken shades
Across the window of my mind
And ****, I can feel my soul slowly dropping down through the mattress
My stomach is heaving, my teeth clenched and gritted
But not with fear, no, it's too late for dread
And it *****, because we realize we were all so caught up in a life in which we can find no meaning...we end up wrong and graceless and sick
We're born shriveled and alone, we die shriveled and alone
No matter what.

Why love is so complicated?
Everyone says we need to love, but nobody want to fight for it
And in the end, love was no reason to coexist if both parts dont have the will to fight for it
In this case, the love disfigures herself and becomes one thing
One thing called prison
And shackles the one who loves in memories that are born to fade

The sun, so lover-like, ran her fingers
Through the glistening leaves,
Movements soft, so full of intention
Their waxy dew, shuttered in response,
A low moan played in the breeze,
The light of sonority contrasts the electric
Disharmonies in the stormy afternoon.

Though I could feel a forest now eased
The river that runs through
Carried the blood of a plural heart
Beating with a passion akin in power, though enemy in fashion,
As its waves beat the banks
Eroding them into, eating up the aridness
As though slaking were its due, muddying the sky’s blue
From its surface, piercing the eyes from its reflection
Discouraging, this turbid froth, from worth of further inspection.

It rages and rages over rocks so violently
Picking at its slimming walls, making and claiming
Detritus along the path so that all the beauty a river is
Crashes, collides, and disfigures—a chaos growing
Bigger and bigger—the speed of its wrath
Bespeaks of its wake, blasting the earth (Watch it dissipate!)
Out of my sight it runs its due course south
Spitting the detritus that arrives
At the mouth.

Aaah!!! No don't do that please.
Thunk!! Shut up you dumb *****
Aaahh!! Please don't do this
I said shut up before I slit your throat
That's it baby just relax and enjoy yourself okay...
Now get up and get dressed ya'hear
I said get dressed *****
No Awwh **** maine no
Awwh **** what have I done
**** maine ****

Sitting silently I unwillingly witness
the death of this woman
This beautiful innocent sweet woman
Sitting silently I witness
The death of this woman
This poor helpless creature
Being violently ripped to shreds
Ripped to shreds by the hands of the hands of this monster
Never even being giving the opportunity to live life to the fullest
Unbearable scars and permanent bruises
Will forever tattoo her once flawless skin
Skin the color of the earth's  blood red deserts after the gorgeous sunset
Tinted with blood and the slightest hint
Of him
Head hanging limply to the side
Clothes no longer clothes but rags
Discarded on the floor by their lifeless owner
Her body battered and bruised limply lays
Exposed to the world and all of their unsightly thoughts
Her neck is only but a piece of matted skin for the bones are as fragile as china in an earthquake
Breast at their finest peak
Almost ad if they're going to explode
Explode like an active volcanoe
Het treasure is almost disfigures
Its as if it was only a toy
A toy giving to a reckless little kid
Blood here sagging pieces there
blisters oozing with the deafening odor of him
Puddles of *** on the sheets and in between her legs
Het hair matted to the sheets, dried tears and blood stains her face
Body pale and limp
It looks so familiar and yet so strange
I know this woman bit I've never seen her before a day in my life
Wait the picture
Its getting blurry and fuzzy
Gasp....thump-thump thump-thump
Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!
Please don't do this
No please don't, please
    DEJÀ VU

A flourish of color springs forth amid a pigeon gray background.
You hold my gaze, and, for a while, I'm frozen still. Captivated,
Perceiving only what I want to see, imperceptive to the cracks and scars,
-Any details at all that make you less perfect, less magnificent to behold.
So surely I cling to this fantastical vision, so hopelessly clear...
Just before the ink droplets' dark diffusion, the realization of  a flaw.
Jolting me into a stark awareness of it's presence -however minute-
And my distaste at it's presentation.  A fresh delight spoils
As this detail permanently disfigures the beauty that stood before.
And like a flutter of wings, all interest dissipates - the fantasy forever gone
From the vision of the entity I chose not to wholly look upon.

Listen to your love
Though it may be lost
What about the soul
The essence of life, so, too has desire
I see the absence is tragic
But come friend, may you see the beauty

A wonderful thing, beauty
See how it befriends love
Who could know that it is a combination most tragic
Who could know that soon both are lost?
Leaving behind an aching desire
A pain that disfigures the soul

Ah the soul
That which shows the beauty
Of the person and your deepest desire
Granting you the ability to love
Even if it is lost
You must embrace the tragic

smell the serenity of his soul
his, that longs endearity
that disfigures infidelity
that mistrusts commonality
his soul is more that it meets the eye
speeded up like a love train when it sees you
you, where it gives the needed attention
the love and affection
where the fibre of thine heart is transfigured
off to your hiding place
where the fire will be made
through the transmigration to a beautiful soul.

I'm adsorbing the thoughts that occupy my mind with ideas  that corrupt my actions. I am that sneaky snake hiding thoughts of un trust with shady actions. But is it truly me that thinks this up or is it you that directed me to plotting wicked ways. That make me dark & unattached. I have held no greater betrayals then being worrisome of your disfigures. To truly be awake, knowing the despairing ways of the past. I will go on knowing no other manners then my own. I will try to be gated my the people who Barry me in ideas of there own. Are these my thoughts deprived.

Loneliness is a disease, that stifles and disfigures.
It is the side of the bed, ****** of all warmth.
The motivation behind the blade, with a cold sharp tongue,
that digs into tender sorrow.
It is the constant shadow, an illusion of company.
It is the definite reminder of why you're always feeling this way.

I could ignite the lingering spirits on my breath, to delight in the taste of death at midnight; entrusting the right of life to be caressed by bony fingertips and dressed in denial. Inside a specter writhes homing in on the heart’s reprise as it aches from deprival of the love it needs to survive. My crumbled chest rivaled with loneliness can depress the spinal sparks that decipher pain from hieroglyphs; message my brain in simple sentences, pay me with imprisonment. The final toll has long since passed despite flowing sands in the hourglass. Cracked are my lips as they slither in secrets, arrest my thoughts for they’re bound to regress into animalistic urges as the sun disfigures herself against the horizon she dies on and purges the deified notion of immortality. Demise resides inside, a parasite of time that no one shall defy. Intangible and fixed, yet unable to predict. Deep and soft it leaves its mark, like a sensuous kiss.

-SLuR

Something, small, silver
Turning in hand, of a child
Eyes wide, concussion, cry
Gap tooth ******
Sing slow, for me
Cane Cholla cufflinks,
barbwire scars
Chainsaw mars and disfigures
Sew it up with boiled
dental floss

your gold distracts and disfigures your golden hair
a statement of power over the powerless
but now your insecurity is known

Ravenous beauty

chews on the rind

Ravenous beauty

claws on The mind

Fiddly meddling mirror

disfigures the soul

Ravenous Beauty

The snake that swallows the oyster whole

sketch a thought
for the girl who wanders
the echoing halls of my mind,
depression’s cold cousin,
smooth as a seal’s fur,
reaching through barriers -
wrapping your fingers around my heart,
only to pull, pull, pull;

i am belly-up
my guts exposed
like the tears that dissipate in the wind
for her.

I once knew her:
mirror, mirror,
held up to myself
and i scream -
have i been a monster?
does the gaslit lamp provide enough light?
it misleads
disfigures
we mould ourselves to marry and martyr
before we know how to speak
truthfully
love is as real and painful as the scars on my back, your wrists, my lips, yours eyes,
my mirror mind
shattered.

you gave me magic,
i gave you happiness
and you returned it
signed: “return to sender”. packaged,
parceled-up,
compartmentalized,
fragmented;
pieces of a beautiful thing
cast out across the tide
pulled along by the current
then sunk
below the water’s surface -
freezing cold
and isolated.

i washed up on shore
in a land not quite Europe
not quite America
with all of the problems
both have,
lovelorn and lost;
i survived there,
somehow -
fresh eyes
drew me forward
to explore this land
in the wake of exploring
so much pain.

now my heart is full
but so is my mind:
with the knowledge of seven years,
who i’ve been,
who i will be,
because we have to change
because i wanted change
because i’m in love and too scared
to utter those words out loud
because i don’t want to rush
or ruin
or reverberate the madness.

i will love new
i will love strong
i will love genuinely
(even when it hurts)
and
i will not give up.

Are the cracks growing in my ceiling
or am I only concentrated
on the negative spaces
and empty places,
fissures in the faceless vagueness?
I move my head but gaze, in stasis, braces,
fixatedly captivated but basis irritated;
besieged and bested, complicated.
Frayed and frailly agitated,
lines and lesions, slow invaded;
vision ruptured, edges bladed,
sharp incisions boldly stated.
Blank slate, once naked, now degraded;
canvas chasms, saw’s jaws serrated;
damage disfigures, divisions direction dictated: separated...
Buy had I forgotten exactly what made it?
Not the flawless form created but perfection, idly sated.

You take a breathe
Of what i exhale
You become all of me
You savor the emptiness
You plant within my mind

Ever so slowly
It grows
Darker and heavier

With every episode
It takes me away from myself

It steals my heart
And disfigures my thoughts

Every part of me is lost
A wish that could never be fulfilled
Only a star
Bound to implode

White vines, dripping wet with iridescent droplets
Shimmers in the dancing, early morning beams of sunlight
Drifting on, bathing all the land in its forgiving golden rays
Holographic opal beads, rolling down the twisted arms
Falling below and feeding the core, drowning the worms
Eating decay  

White vines, contorting their selves up the tattered, pink walls
Shrouded by nothing, exposed to the universe
Growing invasively, intertwining with unwilling participants
Always tangling itself into intricate, harmonic clusters
White vines, climbing up the tarnished walls,
Tiptoeing through the open windows and climbing on my raveled bed

Where her pretty, peach lips wrap around the neck of the glass
Bleeding the remnants of her lipstick on the opaque mouth piece
Milky smoke clouds fill the pipe, spiraling into lawless ballets
Time stops, as her lungs fill up with snow-white spheres
Blushing cheeks and glittering, emerald eyes
Her lips move in slow motion as she exhales the misty silhouette of my dreams  

The thickest smoke ring, drifting inwards to frame my face
She bats her black eyes and disfigures it with the flick of a finger
Morphing the circle into a bashful, puffy heart
It dissipates into the foggy blur, everything that isn’t her
Then somewhere in the waves of time, she too, disappears
A vague apparition in the dregs of my subconsciousness

White vines, singing Earth’s most haunting lullaby
We don’t want to hear it so we tune it right out
As it grows at an alarming rate, beautiful and dangerous
It twirls around my bed posts and wraps me in its bitter warmth
Drags me back to the familiar black abyss
Goodbye to my love, whom I’ll never meet again

1.
Long, empty days flee into the past.
No agenda.
No impulse.
No telos.
No soul.

My whitewashed angel claps
her silver hands.
I hear a dead man’s cry
sink slowly in the sands.

A mortar round pounds
the trenches at Verdun.
His heart stopped, Edward Thomas
blinks and falls.
Robert Frost tosses an apple
across the mending wall.

2.
Akhmatova mourns a faithless love.
Stalin disfigures her features
with a blood-stained dove.

Poetry extends beyond
the horizon of time.
Its foundation transcendental,
its meat image and rhyme.

3.
Empty days escape into the ticking void:
a metronome made meaningless,
a vacuum of joy.

Seeds sprout inside a driveway.
Dirt blackens in the rain.

Now knows no start or finish.
Eternity tightens its grip in vain.