Searching Oct 2014
Like a delightful blink at a lemon's ****
Taste, the intimate trust in another's heart
Beat discards reason for rhyme & certainty
For a gamble of losing it all for romance's
Sweet sake. As life requires us to accept both
The shadows and the light, so we take an oath
To not burden ourselves with what they deem to be "wrong,"
But for us feels quite right. And right now our future looks
Brilliant. Together, forever endeavored, like a fable book's
Tale, we have faced full frontal our biggest fears
And run full force toward impossible dreams
Because we still wipe away the other's sweat and tears
And we will always for as long as you'll have me
Beside you, playing on the same team.
Dedicated to B.K.G.
Copyright © 2014 Searching.
All Rights Reserved.
Searching Dec 2013
With just the two  of us in the early hours
Before anxious alarms awaken your body,
The distant music of the morning traffic
Nudges the edges of my subconscious to
Instinctively turn my body toward yours
As my arms slowly navigate through sheets
To satisfy their craving of the delicious daily
Ritual of wrapping you up with my hands  
And pulling your weary warmth into me,
Calmed by having you all to myself briefly
Before the day's urgencies disrupt our peace.
Dedicated to B.K.G.
Copyright © 2013 Searching.
All Rights Reserved.
Searching Aug 2013
A couple years have passed since I crumbled Us,
Ripping Me from You with no whisper of warning.
A second love grows as life's pendulum circles, and
Eerily familiar memories caution me from darting
Into the same traps that I ensnared you with slowly.

My nose smells the fear of repeating old mistakes.
In this similar space, but different place and time,
My hands recoil from how I soiled your fresh heart,  
And my tongue tastes the sour reality of my crime,
Finding you at fault in my final moment of failure.

I drowned in the truth of how deeply you loved me,
And, it should have been returned with my eyes'
Gaze a little less harsh when I splintered apart We.
And you never deserved to be flooded in the proof
Of how I was not the saint you painted and framed.

My dear, first Love, if you are reading this, I'm sorry.
*"For now, know that I love[d] you and wish you the best.
I'm not sure when the pendulum will stop or where it
Will land in the long term, [for] still I am apparently no
Closer to understanding any [more] about love [than you]."
Dedicated to J.M.M.
Maybe one day we can be friends.
Copyright © 2013 Searching.
All Rights Reserved.
Searching Feb 2013
Walk in my shoes and you can tell that
These boots, these boots have seen
And heard and done it all.
From the mud on the heels,
Where the sole cracks and the skin peels,
You can tell that at times it's been hard.

'Cause it's been a long road
Making my way through these hills.

Yet, now the laces lie undone
With the feet long retired from fun
But these boots have seen the best of days.
And when this memory is gone,
I hope the world will hold on
To the footprints that my love left behind.

Oh, it's been a long run
Taking my time to a better end.
To those who came before me.
You have certainly left your mark.
Copyright © 2013 Searching. All Rights Reserved.
Searching Jan 2013
Awoken by your calls in the dead of night-
Wide, red eyes pierced by white screen light.
My stomach rolls and my body crashes while
Sweat drenched fingers clench the phone tight.
A numbness settles, but my face heats.
Retreating to my hiding place under the sheets,
Realization unfolds in waves of exhaustion
And disappointment from our tale of caution,
Of why we no longer can hide together here
For our love is dead, and I'm shrouded in fear.
Haunted by your calls in the dark of night
Red eyes closed to the bright screen light.
May our paths never cross again.
Copyright © 2013 Searching. All Rights Reserved.
Searching Oct 2012
Each morning I lie in bed and anticipate your arrival, my awakening, our escape
To the fair ground lights outside the city, and I dream that as we peak on the Ferris wheel,
And, with stars as our witness at this paramount moment, all of Texas comes into view.
Autumnal air ruffles your hair, and I'm reaching for you  like always with little gestures:
My smiles, your smirks, my laughs, and our quirks. Mingling at the summit,
A hand brushes slowly along a knee with the smooth reintroduction to an old friend.
Long fingers fumble with need, and it's just you and me distancing ourselves
From our every day studies in distraction, comforted in our mutual procrastination.
With you I catch  up on my anatomy and you excitedly review me in structures and railways.
On a train homeward bound, the heat of blood rising in your cheeks and lips
Sends an electric surge to my head and heart, and nerves tingle from anticipating home.
Under your tutelage, I soon appreciate the bridge of a nose finally unstressed by glasses,
The dynamic arches of a worn out back, and the strength of pillars erected in urgency
'Til daylight exposes last night's mysteries, and we rest in our ecstasy perspired,
Both of us finally relinquished from the weight of anticipation for this weekend to arrive.
Dedicated to J.L.L.
Copyright © 2012 Searching. All Rights Reserved.
Searching Apr 2011
Twisted reeds sway gently in the wind as black seabirds slice the sky overhead.
Waves rolling one by one crash with increasing ferocity on to the rocky beach,
And I watch the red sun set fire to the spray while  the tide encircles me.
Tugging at my feet, pulling me forward, it beckons for my consent. I give in,
And all is quiet even in such chaos. All is nightmarish and beautiful all the more.

The blood red horizon seers my retinas; freshly unleashed tears take to the sea.
These waves, such enormous swells, crash in on me; an unseen war is waging.
They press  me down and back, and then drag me further into the endless blue.
Over and over again, repetition loses count, my outcries die prematurely.
Only seawater and air manage to sputter from my lips, cracked and worn.

Not a whisper can be heard out here in such a true state of despair, but not all
Castaways are without faith. The past I once cherished has been lost to the depths,
Yet a knowing tingle in my gut keeps me searching for a message hidden merely
'Neath the surface. Drifting deeper into my pain, I notice a curious thing:  
The force of the waves lessening as I gracelessly surrender to Sorrow and the sea.

My feet torn by jagged rocks no longer felt, my eyelids blistered by the red
Eternal sunset, a few waves push me under before the siege of the sea falters and
I learn to ride the surf, taking each afront as it comes, whether predicted or
Suddenly upon me. My pain ebbs away slowly with the passing of each episode,
And with each wave I acknowledge my loss, relinquishing my burden.

Like so many desparinging hearts before me shipwrecked in the sea of tears,
I forcefully remind myself that one day the lush, inviting green shores of the
Other side of the sea will appear in my line of vision. Yet, for now, I let myself
Drift through the grief of grieving you, often unsure of whether I'm meant to float
Or should let myself sink toward the blackest crags of my mind. Here alone.
Copyright © 2011 Searching. All Rights Reserved.
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