Conquer the world with love
With no boundaries and discriminations
Strive to win hearts
And vanquish the enemies within-
Of fear, jealousy, hatred and evil
Conquer the bane which plagues within
Believe in love and peace
Once fear is conquered, you learn secret of life
Be a traveler who conquers beauty of the land

Le cri d'Alep ; ce principe   d’égalité dénié entre les Humains qui nous interpelle  

Combien sont-ils réfugiés dans les caves
À tromper provisoirement la mort
en se promettant une vie meilleure, où leur voix soit entendue
ou en songeant au paradis promis aux martyrs ?

Et ce cinéaste kurde qui vivait à Paris et voulait voler des images à l’anonymat de la grande faucheuse.
Il est parti là-bas muni de l'espoir fou que parfois les images savent atteindre le cœur des hommes.
Certains les appellent des «Djihadistes» et tremblent pour leur propre liberté d’opinion, pour les femmes qui sont traitées comme moins que rien par une masculinité égarée et pour leur rêve d’un nouveau «Califat» qui relève plus d’une blessure historique que d’un projet concret et réalisable.

D’autres défendent tout simplement un même « droit des gens» pour tous les êtres sur la Planète
Pourquoi être né Arabe, Juif, Kurde ou noir ou même apatride, devrait-il à jamais vous rendre la vie plus précaire et vous priver du Droit de choisir vos gouvernants ?
Il fut un temps où des évêques catholiques bénissaient les armes des troupes de Franco et appelaient à libérer l’Espagne des «rouges».
Il fut un temps où l’on enfermait dans le camp du Vernet les courageux combattants des «brigades internationales» ; ceux venus de tous les lieux du Monde qui ne croyaient pas en Allah mais avaient bien une forme de foi terrestre.
Durant ce temps Orwell, Hemingway, Malraux, ceux de la brigade Lincoln, les poètes de vingt ans assassinés tels, Sam Levinger, mort à Belchite, et Joseph Seligman, lors de la bataille du Jarama. Ils avaient vingt ans. Et bien d’autres quittèrent leur quiétude pour défendre l’Humanisme et l’Humanité aux prises avec les cris du «Viva la Muerte» des fascistes.

Que l’on m’explique, aujourd’hui pourquoi, la circonstance de naître dans le croissant fertile devrait vous valoir la servitude à vie et supporter un dirigeant criminel qui va qu’à user du gaz «sarin» contre une partie de sa propre Peuple qui le ***** ?
Et de vivre perpétuellement et sans espoir que cela ne change dans le servage de régimes militaires et de tyrans corrompus ?
La question de la Religion et des «communautés» ne masque-t-elle pas une comptabilité inégalitaire et sordide faite entre les hommes qui vivent sur une même planète ?
Là, en terre d’Islam, vous seriez condamnés à courber le dos entre le bâton et les balles du policier ou la vision et les sermons réducteurs des théocrates et de ceux qui osent se nommer : «Le parti de Dieu» ?
Qui ose ainsi trancher dans l’Humain et réduire le besoin et le souffle des Libertés à certains Peuples ; blancs et riches, de préférence ?

Allons mes ami(e)s, n’oublions pas le message universel des Hume, Paine, Voltaire, Hugo, d’Hemingway qui permit à nos anciens de prendre les Bastilles.
Le Droit à la vie et à la liberté n’est pas d’un continent, ni d’une couleur de peau, ni d’une religion ; il est Universel comme le sourire du jeune enfant à sa mère.
Assez de discriminations et d’hypocrisies ; dénonçons l’imposture des tyrans et les veules par trop intéressés qui nous voudraient taisant et tranquilles.
Il est un «Monde nouveau» qui ne demande qu’à grandir et à vivre si bien sûr, on ne le tue pas avant ou si on ne lui met pas le bâillon.
Ami(e)s ne te fait pas dicter ta conduite par ceux qui sont payés pour écrire que l’ordre immuable doit toujours se perpétuer.
Ose ouvrir les yeux même aux spectacles les plus insoutenables et entendre ce long chœur de gémissements qui est l'Humanité souffrante dont tu fais intrinsèquement partie toi-même, avec les mêmes droits et devoirs.
C’est l’Humanité souffrante qui frappe, devant l’écran de ton téléviseur quand ta journée de travail finie tu t’assoupis et il est trop facile et fallacieux de te dire que des spécialistes vont régler les problèmes à ta place.
Hélas si tous raisonnent ainsi ; rien ne bougera et les Tyrans succéderont aux Tyrans comme les malédictions de Job.
Peut-être ta faible voix comme celle du rouge-gorge doit se mêler à la symphonie du Monde pour qu'enfin puissent tomber les préjugés entre les êtres et les murailles de Jéricho ?

Paul d’Aubin (Paul Arrighi (Historien, Homme de Lettres et Poète) - Toulouse, Toulouse (France) le mardi  1er  octobre  2013.

Paul Arrighi, à Toulouse, (Historien, Homme de Lettres et Poète)

I grew up in a Muslim country
Where the culture is different;
Dress codes, cuisines, sceneries, and peaceful people,
Different from your local news' bombing news content.

I met different people at my old school, all of which are my friends;
Of different ethnicities, culture, and religion.
Despite our major differences, we treated each other as one;
We built a bond that is not made for oblivion.

I am lucky to grow up experiencing having a Muslim and a Christian for a friend,
I get invited to holidays like Christmas and Ramadan.
I get to see and feel the best of both worlds,
And respect for each religion is the key to living as one.

I wrote this to serve as an eye-opener
That the terrorists that you see on the news are not my Muslim brothers;
For when terror is claimed in Islam's name,
They disrespect the Islamic belief and teachings when they make that claim.

We need to live in a world where people thinks critically—
A world with no woman with a hijab is stared at disrespectfully;
A world where nobody uses Islam as a sign of terror;
A world with no discriminations, just peace and tranquility.

I hope we also learn cultural sensitivity,
For religion differences aren't something to joke about and be tagged with petty comedy.
Respect is what we need to have a peaceful community,
And if we really want to live in a world free from disquieting thoughts and emotions,
Let this all start with you and me.

Wow,
life is such a trip,
one minute you’re up next minute you’re down,
one second you’re happy the next you want to slash your wrist,

almost slashed my wrist today,
naked wrapped in a towel,
on the shower floor,
ready to let go,

used to be a Cutter anyways,
used to be a punk in the gutters anyways,
used to think about suicide and still do,
so even though I’ve got more money now what’s really changed?

Pain,
is still such an overpowering emotion,
which is how I found myself in a horizontal fetal position,
on the bathroom floor ready to cut myself open,

just wanted to clean out the pain,
so that maybe I could start again,
a new life with a chance to make everything right,
and have someone that falls in love instead of falling apart again,

and it was all over a girl,
isn’t almost always,
she left me with no explanation,
my last image of her was in my hallway,

going down the stairs,
with a bag that’s too heavy to carry,
and I thought about that bag and her travels,
and how I thought she might of been the one I married,

but apparently I wasn’t perfect enough for here,
she wanted a Catholic Vegan and I am neither,
I told her that she should not restrict her love with discriminations,
because even though I’m not religious I am still a True Believer,

and I’d just wanted some space I didn’t want to forever leave her,

but she took it the wrong way and made her escape,
and as she left out that door I knew I’d never again see her,

and there I was,
with all the pain from my past,
triggered in an instant by a girl I barely knew,
in a place where everything just felt bad,

and I was alone with my tortured self,
and everything from my tortured past,
and everything I saw reminded me of her,
and I wanted to just escape so fast,

so I grabbed a knife,
and headed to the bathroom,
I laid myself in the shower over the drain,
and assumed the position,

and just as the tip of the blade kissed my wrist,
and the first drop of blood escaped,
my phone rang in the other room,
and I wondered if I’d been saved,

my best friend was calling me,
he must be telepathic,
because the first thing he said to me was,
“Are you okay please don’t do anything drastic.”,

he made me promise,
that I would see him tomorrow,
and wouldn’t let me get off the phone,
until I promised him that vow,

see I never break a promise,
even if I do break hearts,
so when he made me make that promise,
we both knew that today would not be the day for me to depart,

so instead of slashing my wrist,
I went outside to bask in bliss,
to Venice beach I ran,
because the beach is just a block from where I live,

I ran until I was exhausted,
and ended up at the shoreline,
where I noticed a mystical gypsy girl,
meditating in the sunshine,

“Excuse me,
can I ask you for some advice?
What would you do if the woman you loved left you,
and you were considering ending your life?”,

she explained,
everything was only temporary,
and sometimes the pain,
is truly necessary,
and,
that we have to have our hour broken,
to let,
the light in and let our love deepen,

She then said she had something for me,
reached into her back and brought out a black tourmaline,
she gave it to me and said when she was on Suicide Watch,
a shaman visited her in the hospital and brought her black tourmaline,

she told me to where it,
listen to my heart and I’d get better,
I put the tourmaline on with newfound purpose,
and with strength and guidance I thanked her for the gesture,

I then left that mystical gypsy women,
there in the setting sun,
then set off back into the world,
to finish things I’d left undone,

on the way back,
I met a group of people kinda like myself,
they asked me what I was doing,
I replied “Trying not to **** myself.”,

they invited me to their place,
and here where the story takes another twist,
because there I met a girl,
who also had a story of desperation and wrists,

and that girl,
she was everything I’d ever wanted in a woman,
she was intelligent and beautiful,
she was hurt and a healer she was fixed up and broken,

and in that instant I saw how divine this all is,
and in an instant I realized the magic of this Life we live,
so I invited her back to my place,
and she instantly said yes,

life’s such a trip,
I mean it’s really something to think about,
like how every event in your entire life,
led you to this moment you’re living right now,

and any person you’ve ever met,
had to have their own exact experiences,
to lead them to find you,
and for both of you to be together in something that seems instantaneous,

and so there we were,
and we went back to my place and made love,
and everything felt so automatic and natural,
because with true love that’s just what is up,

she came and I came,
and we both knew how long it had been,
so after we made love,
we just laid there in our moment of bliss,

in that bubble we created,
that was only ours to have,
away from everything else,
where we could explore and laugh,

because we’ve all been through a lot,
but with love we will heal,
so there is no time for small talk,
only want you if you’re real,

and speaking of real,
to keep it real I’ve got to shout out my Ex,
because if she hadn’t left right when she did,
well then I wouldn’t have met my Next and had ***,

and I’m so glad she did,
and I’m so glad you did,
and I’m so glad I did,
and I’m so glad we did what we did,

and now I’m in the kitchen naked cutting asparagus,
with the same knife I almost used to cut my wrist,
see life is a beautifully horrible tormenting joyful state of painful bliss,
as yes what an interestingly twisted experience this life we live is,

and I’m going to get back to my bliss,
because I want to take a rest,
but before I go,
here’s a few words for me Ex,

“Dear Love,
I’m glad you left me because I found a better you,
she’s like you except new and improved,
because she’s vegan too but she’s only 22,
and she loves me unconditionally,
and here’s the proof,
if we have problems we work it out,
because that’s what grown people do,
we don’t runaway,
we stand and communicate,
and I know you understand,
because I know you relate,
but your love was not enough,
and ultimately you didn’t care,
so you had to go to make room for someone that actually loves me,
well okay then goodbye take off and take care,
I will always love you,
always have and always will,
even though you’re not ready for grown love,
because even at almost 30 you’re still just a little girl,
so good luck and goodbye,
I wish you well,
maybe see you again but I doubt it,
I guess time will tell…”,

and to you dear reader,
and to your depression,
don’t deny your depression go through it,
because it leads to progression,

and progression leads to transition,

and you never know what the next moment will bring,
and you’ll never know if you do the irreversible,
so even in your darkest moments of despair,
remember to stay hopeful so,

you can look back and say,
you were stronger than Death,
you lived to love another day,
and well this is your story too so you know the rest…

∆ LaLux ∆

www.scribd.com/document/367036005

By Nabs

They call me a fun sucker
For pointing out that was wrong
For speaking out
About the discriminations that rot humanity

Some asked," why am you like this?"
"Why can't you just lay back and stop being so serious?"
"Why can't you just let it be?"
Or in other words 'why can't i shut up?'

Just because

I'm tired of having to swallow down my words
To be told to swallow down so many times
As if that is what all I'm good at
They don't care if I was choking

Just because

I'm tired of people carelessly making jokes
About issues that shouldn't be made fun off
Shouldn't be made into the **** of a joke
Cause while you're laughing, They're screaming

Just because

People like to slap labels on other people
Cause it's easier to box them down
Into simple brand than as a complex being
Easier to determine which one superior, which one inferior

As if we are products, not human

They called me a rebel
For defying the norm
For not accepting that skins colors and what you have down your pants iare limits
For not conforming to their rules to the playground

Just because they say it's right, doesnt mean its true

They say, ignorance is bliss

But I don't think I can sleep, ignoring the screams just cause it didn't happen to me

Cause how can they blind them self
To the injustice of the world
The way they pile the bodies
And set them aflame

Just because

I will not hide my self, any longer
I will not be ashamed of who I am
And for that I will fight

For that I will not bow down to oppression

I will not bow down to any kind of oppression

You can stick your silly labels to my back
Kick me on the sides, Beats me up
You can try to bring me down

But I will promise you
I will drag you down to hell with me too

Cause this is my home also
None of you, big kids could bully us to go
Cause you think you could burn me down
As if I am a house made of sticks

Didnt you know that to light me up means that you going to burn too?

For I fight for what is right
Even if in this ocean of poison there's barely any lights

He looks at me hard, with disproval or disbelief, I cannot tell
He blinks twice, fast
Licks his lips in anticipation
Because what he is about to say can be taken so many ways
A lot of them badly

“Dude, you date her?”
“Yeah, I do”
“You love her?”
“Yeah, I do”
“You kiss her?”
“Yeah, I do”
“But she’s---” (shuts up)
“Yeah, she is”

Black
Before he spouts out another protest
before he blinks twice, licks his lips all over again
And points out that Asians shouldn’t date black girls
false
I ask him to take a look at what we’re both wearing
Black
Because quite simply, black looks good

So does she

He asks me why,
and I proceed to give him more reasons on why I date a black girl
than Republicans can against Obamacare
1: Black looks good
2: She’s a track star; runs like a horse
3: that’s really hot
4: Her eyes turn me into the walls of Jericho; I crumble down without resistance
5: She has the most beautiful smile that I have ever seen
6: I don’t need a 6

A thought for the public
If Beyonce dumped Jay-Z due to a sudden hunger for Asian men
Posted online for all the “single calculus geniuses” to meet her at a certain point
on a coordinate plane
I guarantee you that she’ll find a crowd bigger than both of their reputations combined
They’ll come in droves, driving like fanatics
You got your Tokyo Drift, your Jeremy Lin, your Mario Kart
and your blinker left on for the last 5 miles

Another idea to chew on
When my sister was asked who was the most attractive man in Hollywood
her response time was faster than Usain Bolt’s
She picked Anthony Mackie; I see some of ya’ll nodding
She even nicknamed him “Black Beauty”

Well my Black Beauty is in this room
She’s my own Queen B
Got me so drunk in love
My friends be scanning the sky for Cupid
Sending arrows from above

So why do people question the logic on whom I date
If I love her, that should overcome all misgivings
Not like they should’ve existed in the first place

I implore him to revisit this nation 170 years ago
when ***** wasn’t yet a racial term
rather it was the sound of the clanking of metal to railroad
as the slaves built train tracks for this country to be connected

To this day we still have more Emmitt Tills than we ever should
Trayvon Martin
Sean Bell
Oscar Grant
Rhamarley Graham
Jonathan Ferrell
The list goes on and on
Just like the subtle discriminations the black race still endures

At this point he might say that I am off topic, overboard
that I don’t have a clue of what I’m talking about
He’s only partially right because I am Asian
Not black, but yellow
But I can relate just a bit

And even to this day, white boys in school halls try to talk black because they think its ****
Rich women still clutch their purses tighter upon seeing you in public
Nervous people in elevators still eye you and your tats and make bogus assumptions
Authorities still follow you just because you’re wearing an oversized hoodie,
sagging your pants, and showing off your under armour

You know why these people point and stare and whisper
when laying eyes on you
making you feel like you’re courtside at a Clippers game
Some do it out of elitism and habit
Others out of fear
And some do it because quite simply, black looks good

And even though I intended to stop at 5,
He now has millions of reasons on why it’s ok I date a black girl
And rest assured, he is not the only one who needed to hear them

He blinks twice, licks his lips one final time
“But she’s black dude”
“Yeah, she is”
But she is so much more

By Nabs

They call me a fun sucker
For pointing out that was wrong
For speaking out
About the discriminations that rot humanity

Some asked," why are you like this?"
"Why can't You just lay back and stop being so serious?"
"Why can't You just let it be?"
Or in other words 'why can't i shut up?'

Just because

I'm tired of having to swallow down my words
To be told to swallow down so many times
As if that is what all I'm good at
They don't care if I was choking

Just because

I'm tired of people carelessly making jokes
About issues that shouldn't be made fun off
Shouldn't be made into the **** of a joke
Cause while you're laughing, They're screaming

Just because

People like to slap labels on other people
Cause it's easier to box them down
Into simple brand than as a complex being
Easier to determine which one superior, which one inferior

As if we are products, not human

They called me a rebel
For defying the norm
For not accepting that skins colors and what you have down your pants iare limits
For not conforming to their rules to the playground

Just because they say it's right, doesnt mean its true

They say, ignorance is bliss

But I don't think I can sleep, ignoring the screams just cause it didn't happen to me

Cause how can they blind them self
To the injustice of the world
The way they pile the bodies
And set them aflame

Just because

I will not hide my self, any longer
I will not be ashamed of who I am
And for that I will fight

For that I will not bow down to oppression

I will not bow down to any kind of oppression

You can stick your silly labels to my back
Kick me on the sides, Beats me up
You can try to bring me down

But I will promise you
I will drag you down to hell with me too

Cause this is my home also
None of you, big kids could bully us to go
Cause you think you could burn me down
As if I am a house made of sticks

Didnt you know that to light me up means that you going to burn too?

For I fight for what is right
Even if in this ocean of poison there's barely any lights

title: the what
body: or? what?!

i always wondered how it is that people see
images when asleep... vast architectures of dreams...
even this phenomenon of the recurrent dream:
what an alien concept: people have recurrent dreams?
like what: they're school children...
sitting in a classroom having to learn on repeat
a lesson they haven't learned the first time round?
it must be like that... a cosmic "deity" is sending
them a... electric bill reminder: or something?
i dream so little... i once bemoaned this...
but if i hear a words being uttered in dream...
if i see a word... let's say... i'm content...
                but i sort of figured it out...
   in the distance... while perched on the windowsill...
i "accidently" squinted my left eye while having
closed my right eye... squinted it and peered
at a street lamp in the distance...
         wow... the light splintered... obviously
the source of light remains intact...
but by squinting my eye... a beam of light races to me...
but no... not directly into my eye...
the source of light is directly present in my eye...
this beam of light... it travels... to my forehead...
my brain? just above my eye... into me...
do i have a third eye? is it closed: implying that's
the reason i do not have visual dreams?
well... it's not that i'm wholly ignorant of certain
matters... i would be ignorant of certain matters
if i had recurrent dreams...
   no cosmic "deity" is sending me mail... via dreams...
it probably figured: no need to bother him...
he's quiet content with being awake:
he'll probably find that... by squinting his eye...
he'll see where light travels to...
  he'll probably find out that he has a third eye...
then he'll realise that... he's not getting my mail...
because it (the third eye is closed), which will tell him:
he's content with his life, with his being...
              no self-help guru is going to touch his
   auspicious disposition...
well... i guess that's about right...
                whatever the science is... the brain is a sponge
of electric currents... it short-circuits
when a person is asleep and the unconscious pretends
to be consciousness and... conjures up dreams...
because that's how the unconscious pretends to be
consciousness... i.e. conjuring dream architecture
for the sleeper... no... i'm not interested in an objective
language... i've heard too much objective language
when doing 3 years of a chemistry degree...

oh but the more poignant point...
     how many years was it... for a 21 year old boy...
boy... clearly not a man...
  to get over his first "love" (the first best **** of his
life... and being torn from it)...
  the years of a ****-less desert... or just timid "lovers"...
14... years... and finally...
ah... a new chapter... hmm... love is less hard-hitting
this time... my head doesn't come off...
my heart has a steady beat... sure... sometimes
the stomach and intestines give in to something
that's outside the realm of superficiality...
of idealism... but it's a different sort of "butterflies"...
some butterflies are actually moths...
they are warning cramps...
          the hot flusters are there... that's when the moths
come... the stomach cramps created by the moths
are a way of providing me with a warning:
this girl is a bad idea... even she's telling you that she's
a bad idea... the people in your vicinity say
she's a bad idea... she's nice to strangers... but it's a mask...
perhaps she was only nice to strangers because
she worked with you and noticed how you treated
everyone equally... and... what you actually saw?
a show... an act... because she was in your presence...
otherwise she wouldn't behave like she did...
double-cross... back-stabbing... political in the sense
of: puny-politics of in-group and out-group preferences...
oh... mind you: the retreat...
she knew she ****** up... but you nonetheless didn't
confront her about a rumour... against you...
you did the opposite... to ploughed forward with a charm
offensive... oh the sweetness of the retreat...
because... she just started looking ridiculous...
those are the moths... you get flustered... for a reason...
you learn to fall in love like a boy again...
if she's putting on an act... hmm... you put on act...
                 beautiful... this sieve... to separate the bull-*******
from the authentic people...
mind you... the butterflies do come...
but they're not the same as when you were younger...
you have to work on stamina of the... ahem...
"certain parts" of the anatomy that are essential
to copulate... the butterflies come... sort of in reverse...
you get butterflies from merely thinking about:
giving a good bedroom performance...
and the many tricks involved in doing just that...
fasting... but eating a heavy loaded diary meal in between
two extreme exercise sessions on a bicycle...
30 minutes each... drinking white wine...
taking your time to get to location... walk a bit...
buy a small sample of brandy... relax...
   get rid of any possible thought...
              eyes wide open... no need to invoke the heart...
keep it the size of a pebble...
and no... thinking about nothing will not suddenly
make your head to get chopped off with some
wild ideas that this encounter might go somewhere
like: a house, 2 children a dog... holidays together...
whatever...
               the butterflies are a preparation tool...
once... my first ever girlfriend...
          we went on a date... well... sort of... it wasn't a "date":
it was a DAY... a day-date...
art gallery... cinema... Troy just came out...
then to a sushi bar...
           it was an entire day...
                        it was a glorious 2004 summer...
we were so young... so innocently young...
                 i took her to the train station... hugged...
then a former "friend" of mine called me and said...
she said that when she hugged you...
she had the butterflies... blah blah...
so i called her up... started dating... thank god it was
at the end of high school...
i literally had no drama in high school...
then again... it was a Catholic school...
we were all in strict uniform all the time...
   that's always good... drama: esp. with women...
begins on the level of fashion...
                          send your children to a school with strict
school uniforms... point being...
the butterflies came after: for her...
now? butterflies come prior... anticipatory butterflies...
could i love... again?
what the hell is love? commitment? i tried that once...
no regrets... it's much better being the person being
rejected than doing the actual rejection...
i'm committed to keeping the cats fed, warm and healthy...
i'm committed to keeping the house tidy...
to ironing the shirts... to cooking meals...
i'm committed to taking care of people at football events
in stadiums... i'm committed to... looking very
******* presentable on the job... to the point where
i fixate on correcting my tie while someone in the audience
tells me i look sharp...
love? what the hell is that?
love is... when someone sticks around...
is that love? so love is not the little dramas...
the great ***?
the intimate:
eating-each-other's-eyes-with-each-other's-eyes?
love is not... eating each other's lips
with each other's lips?
love is not... what the tongues get up to
when the eyes are closed?
to be honest?
    if love is anything but the briefest encounter...
my god... what torture... or rather:
what boredom! perhaps i could love...
a deaf girl... i'm being serious... when i'm alone
in the house for a period of 2 weeks or longer...
i sometimes startle myself or rather:
the silence of the house... the house is startled
when i finally break down and speak with irritability...
why? because the cat is meowing too much...
who said that?!
                   well... when the neighbour comes round...
blah blah... but in general...
peace & love... peace & love... & solitude...

i can love: the smell of damp London in the Mile End
vicinity... i can love.... salted pork bagels
of Brick Lane... i can love... the emptiness
of Hyde Park... i can love the traffic from Romford
into Central London... cycling...
i can love a good curry... decent music...
i can love... feeling ***** throughout the whole
day being lazy and not washing myself until
the evening... which included my teeth...
taking a decent amount of ****... even diarrhoea...
a walk in the woods...
but... loving someone else? oh my god...
spare me... i'd like them to pass freely...
    that sort of love implies... also mourning them...
losing them... i don't want to love because
i don't want to mourn them...
       now... what this second encounter with great
*** has taught me... it's not love...
it's only a momentary attachment...
   no... this is "confusing"... to get dragged into "love"
with all the petty squabbles...
"planning"... whatever that might be...
sure... it would make life easier... if the bills are split...
someone does the cooking... someone does
the cleaning... blah-d-blah... but if i can do that
all by myself... love... for... what?
a ******* conversation? about what?
what is there to talk about... if you've been
a sort of monk from the age of 21... and still sort of are
aged 35... what... common language?
i could swear i'm en route to somewhere else...
en route: well... at least no one is going to mourn me...
that's a big relief...
    love... people throw this word around like
it has some mystical properties...
          my grandfather didn't understand it either...
he provided for his family and was treated like ****...
drove him to abuse alcohol...
he didn't drink prior to: something having happened...
oh... wait... i think i can pin-point it to:
my grandmother not wanting a third child
and getting an abortion instead...
         i'm just guessing... completely sober prior
to some event... whether it was that or not...
do i need that? i'd play along to... being the surrogate
father... much easier... mould the mind...
to hell with the body... again: what's love again?
abusing someone... because... now you get access
to their domestic routines and the diamonds galore
of meeting up and having *** is gone...
can't people do that: best... on their own?
          i don't remember being ever good at sharing
something with someone...
time... esp. time...
                              there's nothing better than walking
alone in the woods... or the fields in Essex...
never mind cycling alone... why... on earth...
would anyone require company... conversation:
to upset the gentle balance of the wind rustling
through the trees, ferns and bushes?
- need to reinforce my own ontology...
    by... god... i abhor the objective language of...
2nd? 3rd wave Darwinism?
maybe that's why i'm going down the existential
rabbit-hole of subjective-language...
the objective-language reality of 2nd? 3rd wave Darwinism
that now... merely focuses on the dating and mating
side of things... but has... absolutely no...
sense of wonder... about the natural world...
Darwinism in the mainstream no longer focuses
on... the external world... on sharks... on birds...
it's all internalised garbage ***** about who is:
and who isn't getting laid...
objective-language reality and all that fact spewing
*******... doesn't it become... sort of... tiresome?
it's sort of like the language of: astrology...
i'm hearing something... but... at the same time...
is this Mystic Meg from the tabloid The Sun shedding
light on... the prophecy for the zodiac sign: Taurus?
no good with a subjective-language reality?
life is a FACT... but not an EXPERIENCE?
wow...
              really? no one wants to hear the objective-language
of Darwinism: esp. in its current form...
reduced to the dating & mating flesh market...
after all... the original language of Darwinism...
it wasn't objective as such... it was a subjective-language
dynamic... it was a discovery: eureka!
i found something! look! look! as a theory:
it wasn't cold... it was... FRESH...
objectivity doesn't deal with excitement...
it's cool, calculated, repeated... firm... well established...
didn't Darwinism face backlash at first?
heated debates? ergo... it originated in a subjective-language
dynamic... no?
objective-language structures are what makes
pedagogy happen...
            but for something to be found to be original?
subjective-language structure is more becoming...
of how something is conveyed... expressed...
passed down... the modern take on Darwinism has
been hijacked by... popular psychology...
and... psychological adding up of data points...
the self-evident failures of the dating & mating
market monopoly by a... small percentage...
oh... the natural world is always the best excuse to use...
because... all those years of man trying to overcome
the natural world... ships to cross the seas...
aircraft to defy gravity... the invention of pencilin
to combat disease... pain-killers to block pain receptors...
yet... we're now... going back... way back...
men created certain ways to bypass...
natural discriminations... monogamy...
           once upon a time... Darwinism was once
a revival of the man-child ancient Greek philosopher
mentality: awe-struck... wow... look at this...
the original language was a subjective-language...
the use of objective-language came later... much later...
when the subjective truths / intuitions were to be later
tested... established... given to the rigour of...
something akin to mass-production...
   pedagogy... but the original language structure wasn't
objective... in the least...
hardly... now? Darwinism... "Darwinism" and the use it
has... in the modern world... it's all about ***...
no... no need to spare some thought-awe
for the Greenland shark...
   and his "funny" companion: the eye-parasite...
   Ommatokoita... yeah... the parasite attaches itself
to the shark's eyes... and slowly makes him go blind...
the shark lives for 120± years...
the shark itself? Somniosidae: sleeper shark...
                       in pop conversation... that's what?
Darwinism was supposed to be used to explain this...
not be weaponized for the dating & mating game...
i hate what Darwinism has become...
the natural world imploded... Darwinism "borrowed"
something from history: it wasn't supposed to borrow...
any new... spontaneous evolution?
we're in stasis... no new evolution in our lifetime...
i can guarantee that... well... unless you're going to talk
about single men... there's going to be lightning speed
re-adaptation methods in place:
the dodo project mentality...
   but Darwinism in its current format:
the objective-language reality... nothing's new...
spewing these psychology-mingling facts is a bit like...
reading yesterday's news for... about a week...
while at the same time... nothing is "supposed" to happen
a week from the day the news were being recited...
but the shark is sleeping in complete darkness anyway...
so... parasite? or is it rather... a symbiosis?
it doesn't matter whether he could see or not...
he couldn't see jack ****...
perhaps being blind allows the shark to live
much longer?

consequences? there's no returning to a subjective-language
Darwinism of... exploration...
the weight of the objective-language "Darwinism"
is... too annoying... because?
it has lost clues regarding... exploring the external world...
of focusing on nature...
it has been hijacked by en masse psychologism
of statistics...  herding... herding and... shackling
in... chicken cages...
            once upon a time Darwinism was like...
finding out about... navigation of the seas...
now? n'ah ah... Darwinism has become internalised...
weird that... internalised via an objective-language...
i can imagine something being internalised via
a subjective-language... but...
paradox: subjective-language externalises...
it doesn't internalise... objective-language internalises...
since... it's a drill-process...
why remember 1 + 1 = 2? not because it's a subjective "truth"...
it's an "objective" truth...
add a measure to the numbers... seconds... meters...
you get the picture...
that's why we think: i guess...
we internalise objective-language and why we externalise
subjective-language...
     or... to put it more simply...
            that's why we sometimes can't say certain things...
to externalise subjective-language?
sign-language... body language...
how we speak without speaking when using our
body... what's that? internalise objective-language...
surprise surprise when someone has
internalised subjective-language:
the casual expression is: they're speaking their mind...
no?
   my god... good thing i started reading
Sartre in English... that's what i'm here for...
to externalise objective-language?
that's how the current wave of Darwinism goes...
fact... or rather a BLITZKRIEG VON TATSACHE...
a lightning strike of fact!
   i won't use the plural... term for facts...
because? the singular implies a cascade, a: boom boom boom
rather than a tsunami of facts...
to externalise objective-language?
to regurgitate... to parrot... to read something and speak
it back to someone else...
never to think about it...
                how are the reins on the flow on this, Matthew?
i think i'm about to find closure...
people who don't read that much will
find this as a sort of a word-salad... i got that...
no need to think when reading:
or rather... perhaps thinking about something else...
when reading it... that's why i'm not going to make
any youtube videos... writing is a good sieve...
it keeps the idiots out... the ones that have
this irresistible need to speak to a camera:
but not a person...
  and what am i going to do? repeat my point(s)
again? like Sartre: "reinvent" the ******* circle?
i think i was pretty clear so far...
i'm going to take a selfie and send it to Khedra...
but unlike the normal selfie...
i'm going to take the whizz-kid selfie type of pointing
the camera at a canvas of glass... with my reflection
entombed in it... no... not inverted with the camera
looking at me... i'll be taking a photograph of the camera
looking with me... at something... well... me...
i'm not going to muddy the waters by the fabric of
reiteration: it will not prove my point any more...
job's done... i'm done...
i reached the zenith of my argument...
the modern interpretation of Darwinism *****:
***... big ***... elephant sized ***...
it is (an) internalised objective-language...
rubrics... pedagogy... the original was an externalised
subjective-language... where there was once awe,
suspense... now? nothing's new...
move on... nothing new to see...
******* menopause or...
myopia... or... a return to the geocentric reality
of the world... people still don't see it?
we've returned to a geocentric model of the world...
because of ****** frustrations...
and it's not like women are incapable of starting
wars... no... because Helen of Troy is just
a ******* myth... no no... just an innocent creature...
what caused the war was the hurt pride
of the brother of Agamemnon... Menelaus'...
yeah... that's what started the war...
not Helen's infidelity with a toy-boy fling of Troy...
thank god the matter was settled between
Hector and Achilles...

i'm not going to be ****** and reiterate...
i made my point...
if it's not clarified already... then i think you...
probably can't be my contemporary...
i'll need some necromancy readers...
people who might understand me when i'm dead...
i never expected to be understood by people who...
just so it happens... are alive... while i'm alive...
fat chance of that happening...
i sometimes try to give directions to people
and they are insistent on not waiting...
while i try to conjure up a map of my locality...
an before i can give them directions they
assume: oh... you're not a local...
drive off... *******... wait wait...
i'm walking these streets with a can of beer...
what's the ******* hurry?!
can i have a minute or two?
i'm not a local... even though... i perfectly know
the timing on some of the traffic lights...
at junctions... o.k.: whatever...
people in a hurry... are usually people with
nowhere to go...
yeah, sure... be free... whatever...
you're apparently as much needed elsewhere as
the place you just left: asking for directions...

god... bring me more of these sort of people...
the type of people i can tell to ******* without telling
them to *******...
i'm starting to love it.

Your ideology is isolated.

An incomplete variation of my own, that lacks success and makes you depressed as a lifetime of ancestors decide if they should scorn you,

Or if they should mourn too.

Don't patronise me when all I see,
Is a person who's incompletely living a life that makes agony their focused expectation towards a make believe fantasy,

Such twisted reality.

Morality vs humanity.

This aspect alone is putting us all on edge, destroying tranquility at it's finest and making us blind to our own wrongs;

Making everyone else's more prolonged.

Serenity vs diversity.

Which one can impact an entire generation despite being hidden in our subconscious insanity?

Deeply hidden like the oceans secrecy.

I've seen people discriminate, despite knowing it only creates more hatred to stain the mindscape.

Yet like moths to a flame- or people to blame- they continue to recreate the same dishonesty towards those who care, those who rise, those who trust and those who lack policy.

We're all corrupted in a larger version of loyalty.

Where do they lay? I observe as they say that the beast we call love is merely an elaborate escape from lifes contradictions and ridiculous sway.

I wish we could all lose our discriminations some day.

I wish we could all grow and gain understanding towards people and all the sorrow we take in to leave alone.

I'm confused as to why I still wish when I know that it won't be able to work the way my heart wants it to be;

like leaves in the trees, we'll always stay green until a greater force overwhelms and makes us fall alone or in teams,

Changing our colours for the whole world to see.

I view things differently to you, you may disagree- are almost bound to- but I never needed approval anyway so I'm glad that you've read what I've had to say.

And all that I ask is for you to try understanding my claim; I'll do the same even if it's something that I feel needs change- cause this day and age things are more open to explain.

Be grateful for the way we've been made, that we have emotions to use and people to love; making us human despite all our flaws.

It's a beautiful law that makes up our core.

How can you MOVE if you've never known where you are,
How can you STAND if you know you'll never reach that star.
How can you SEE if your blinded by words that are MERE JOKES of a clown,
How can you STAY STRONG even if you're feeling down?

Words are too much for our hearts to HANDLE,
It can pierce our hearts,make it afloat, make it SPARKLE.
Sure it can leave you CRYING, DESPAIR, and DISMANTLED,
but isn't it better than being there, CONFUSED, being IDLE?

People don't wish being told bad things, being CRUMBLED,
They also don't want being TRAPPED,  and being TANGLED.
But how will you know your WORTH and what you are to them, without DISCRIMINATIONS and such,
How will you ever know if ALSO for HIM/HER you are the PERFECT MATCH.

He hit a raw nerve when he said          
" I fight against all forms of discriminations in the society", which  everyone knew he was actively promoting.

overt discriminations
polaroid dickensian remonstrations
elevated poo pooing of forecasted demonstrations
coalescing in a whitley bay bus stop
be sick on my shoes
angel of the overcast sky

I will fornicate with bureaucrats and syncophants
call me beligerent in an acid rain downpour
belicose victim of the jackbooted thuggery
tattooed forearms,
a conduit for satanic grunting
I hear volcanos erupting, sick sick

Debonair and not caring
uppercutting the earth until it enters a feotal position
razorblade wit and ******* upon a darras hall balcony
I would like to inhibit a physical space paramount and facile
I smell tomato ketchup and whipped flesh
unequal pleasures and sequinned ******
boot me into a grave state of mind

sly voice in the door
creak on my chest
shut up, shut the **** up
you smart man,
you concentrated linear
sly snake
--- i got nowhere to go,
i will melt into this bed
with my red eye and shut sinuses
and half a drum set at my feet
and thinking, unbelieving, scared
eyes, eyes, i'm tired tired mouth
. got nowhere to go. did i let my brain
be shut by sly sly sly snakes?
did i exchange free music and free floating
vibrating bodies for secure swamps
of weak discriminations?
constant obstructions behind my neck,
a constant itch in my throat and aches
my left red eye, and broken right arm
and collapsed stomach and groin -- i walk like
i just walked out of a war,
i'm just walking out of a bar.
in 2019. in this forgotten swamp of frail
nothingnesses.
feel like on the tv all the time, feel like
i'm on some documentary giving out the unspeakable
secrets of my life, diluting and watering down
every last bit of authenticity and mystery and
strength that life naturally grants us -- i see
microscopes in eyes and spiky lashes in every word,
and futility in hoping for a smooth walk down the road,
to have each note of each music you listen to be a small
universe on it's own, a microorgasm that lifts the chest
the feet and the shoulders high, carrying you off
with fluorescent angels through the night, into the warm
place of dreams and scents and magical beauties.
nowhere to go but to melting into the bed.
and no new grammars that approach like battleships.

--- i cry but my face is stone

i don't know why it happens: the stuff i like that i've written falls on deaf ears... perhaps like Ezra Pound i'm about to lament: so few come to my fountain, thirst i guess is wasted on the people who'd rather hallucinate an oasis... i feel out of place... intellectually: i guess i have to be dead to get the sort of traction i deserve: but first death...

i wondered today, why did i buy this beast of a bicycle?
it's horrid: in that it's massive...
this Trek Merlin 5 is humungous...
i might as well tell people as i cycle past that i'm
donning a ride of a motorbike...

and for some reason i keep repeating listening
to Jane's Addiction's Three Days...
it's the bass... i'm a sucker for bass guitar...

then again: like today i woke up and something
ancient: inborn within me woke up
to count how many shadows i owned...
luckily just the one... although: two tongues...
my mother's tongue woke up
in my mind... it's always awake in speech...
but not awake enough to scribble
something down...

mind you: i found the only ideal imitation
of Hebrew in English... i'll show that later...
as i will something else...

mój głos jest przestrzeń -
    a moja myśl (jest) czas...
o tym so powstało w lesie pewnej nocy...

translation? my voice is space...
but my thought (is) time...
about what was created in the forest
a particular night...

  well... two nights...
one night i was drinking heavily on the bench
in Havering County Park...
the night summarised me with
not being surprised... i had
to walk through night, shadow, fog and blindness...
i ended up screaming an aria of bile:
of caged venom of absolute carnage...
mayhem: a tornado on my breath
an earthquake on my tongue...
a volcano in my lungs...
a crucifixion and the absolution of the moon
by a rain of meteors in my heart...
nothingness in my mind... i screamed: i... ROARED...

where have you gone? echo? where?!
that was one night... some other night
i walked back and became frightened...
someone in the woods was silly enough
to brush against an incantation...
i heard them: Satanus in Excelsis!
****... what did i just start? did i give someone
the benefit of doubt or rather: faith?
i was just ******* about a pebble...
i couldn't see... i was marching blind through
the forest... the moon failed me...
it was winter... i was cold...
that's what i mean: my voice was space...
if i were in a cave and i didn't hear
echo... the "shadow" of the voice...
my body is a form that's also a shadow....
stretching.... stretching... mind you:
Game of Thrones... i'm not a big fan...
iron is the currency of that universe?
in my universe? RUBBER is worth more than gold...
but at the same time... it used to be paper...

- let's just say my relationship with women
is... cordial... i heard whispers from a well forgotten
past... i has tattooed by Chernobyl...
a birth mark of plum on my shoulder blade...
as if someone were to remove a wing
and i should have been born an angel...
this nurse... tried to choke me: to spare my mother
the troubles: of what? a freak?!
i have witnessed better freaks live out their lives...
she tried to choke me... the story went along
the lines of: the **** of the milk-bottle
had a ****** too large for your to swallow...
you started choking: your heart enlarged...
plus the hernia... i was born out of agony...
it's all burred: unconscious in me....
but how are you going to treat women,
if the first women you encounter are... ******* willing
to **** you?
that's my relationship with women...
i love prostitutes... the only "class" of women
i love... i like sniffing out lies...
i like lip-reading... i've read enough to be able
to lip-read...
i abhor people who think they're smart
but? are dumb as doughnuts!
i can't insult donkeys...
    i smell fear.. i smell lies...
          as every chameleon ought to...

i should be less bothered:
i just missed the marker... those who are willing
to read me haven't been born yet...
it's best seeing it that way...
i'm not going to bemoan having written
the Great Gatsby... and then... ugh?! what now?!

i see the seat: SEDES...
that's... the part of the toilet that's the "rim"...
the plastic that closes in on the ceramics...
SEDES...
              i see...
write English with two variations:

(a)
  / (waɪt) /
              / (ˈɛlɪfənt) /
      / (nəʊ) /
                    / (ruːm, rʊm) /

wait for what? i thought i said: white: wide: white?!
phonetics my ***... the English version
is half-bad... still bad... but it's not h'american
hwyte bad: that's ******* teasing the Welsh
tongue to come forward!
you want sheep-shaggers in your midst?

that's what i love "naturalization"... you pick
up on local traditions... on local stereotypes and local
preferences and local discriminations...
although... i love the French... biggest bicycle freaks...
at university i had two portraits on my wall...
Napoleon and Marquis the Sade...
who do you think this French girl attacked?
Napoleon was the = of ******...
not a brilliant man... no... no... KO...
    i did manage to lose my virginity with her...
which was nice...
Isabella... third year psychology exchange student...
she looked like a Dracula's *****...
she had ills against Napoleon...
but no trouble stomaching Marquis de Sade...
then again: she probably didn't
recognise him...

but when it comes to the Frenchmen and
the Polacks... Napoleon created the satellite state
of the Duchy of Warsaw...
i... i can' give thanks?! i ought to! Napoleon
gave the Polacks a homeland back...
from that terrible experiment of theirs of their
elected monarchy...
great plan! applause! let the Polacks decide on
a king and make him the younger inheritor
of the throne of Sweden... then watch as brother
turns on brother and invades...
with Sweden bringing the deluge of an invasion
against the Polish-Lithuanian Commonwealth!

these people are are either too free or too subordinate!
they can't decide...
i stopped caring...
there's nothing i can do...
i'm away from the land of my birth...
ii'm looking toward churning out
an imitation of Hebrew in English...
i'm sure i can... i can...
i can replace the NIQQUD...
    
Hebrews hide their vowels...
what you see are consonants...
you don't actually see the vowels...
i can do the same...
but i will not use the niqqud system...
i'll use the Braille methodology...

this language is mine!
                        i don't care whether i was or wasn't
born with it: i have inherited it!
this language is my dog on a leash!
this language is a cat sleeping freely in my bed!

i will not look into the squiggly nature of Arabic...
someone else is waiting for that
assortment of interest...
me?
i'm bound to investing interest in Hebrew...
the niqqud and Braille... and English...
you ******* smart orthofox Jews... "think"?!
i too think!

    (b)

          met the shadow baron and his host...
i.e.
              M⠑T TH⠑ SH⠁D⠕W
                            B⠁R⠕N
                        ­  ⠁ND H⠊S
  H⠕ST...

                            i see, i don't see...
ONOMATOPEIA:
U's missing...
    ⠕N⠕M⠁T⠕P⠕⠑⠊⠁(⠥ - y, o and u too!)

oh... you think... that just because
the Hebrews suffered a Holocaust they can be
freed from their deity: their
god eating god deity?! Moloch used to be a god!
Beelzeebub was a god!
Mammon and the whole lot of them!
Behemoth!
              Belial!
              right... your people hide their vowels...
i'll invested an idea too! to hide vowels among the blind...
i know it will have no decent traction...
i know it's a complete an utter failure:
but... i know you will see the momentary genious
of it!
hmm! America is... ripe! it's... Rrrrr-ipe!