"cautiousness" poems
Whenever you held my hand I thought of the consequences,
Whenever you kissed me I thought of what might happen,
Whenever you put your arm around me I knew it wouldn't last,
And you wonder why I didn't believe a word you said,
Because all my doubts came true,
You never loved me,
That's why I never loved you,
I was raised cautious, not blind,
I was always told to beware of people like you,
Who disguise themselves as lovers when all they are, are liars,
You said it was cute, how careful I was,
Well is it still cute now? When you're not around,
You made the worry worse, even more than it was,
More catious than ever,
More careful than before,
Was that you're goal?
For me to scare away the next one?
Like I did with you,
Then congratulations, it's done.
Oct 2, 2013
Oct 2, 2013 at 11:58 PM UTC
The world's greased, watch your step or you might slip and fall off of it,
Serpent in the garden where you're walking, show cautiousness
And nothing really grows there in the shadow of the Pyramid,
Of our plutonomy,
But honestly,
from the top the image probably isn't that vivid
That we're rats in the labyrinth scolded for eating cheese,
That we're lepers on our island rebuked for our disease
Once a pigeon ascends with doves, all in the name of peace,
The thin air is too comfortable, to return him to the streets
Hypnotized by a box framed with Rose-Colored glass
While The Owl burns bright and The Baphomet laughs
Dec 20, 2014
Dec 20, 2014 at 8:16 PM UTC
I recall being tucked in under sheets of snow
And dozing off with aches from icy bums bruised on hidden rocks beneath supposedly cushioned pillows of powder.
I recall climbing high up onto roofs and the tops of waterfalls out of confident impulse and curiosity for a different view of the world...a new perspective.
I recall the same men and boys inspiring me, teaching me, beating me, and becoming less than what I would become; I then sought out those who saw me as an equal but were indeed much better than I. They helped me to know the importance of being challenged and being humble.
I recall the sheer joy and anxiousness that came with the winter breeze leading up the mountains, where everything had a different tint or filter depending on the company you shared the moments with.
I recall following pure instinct and having full trust in intuition, hoping only to make this life my own and to inspire in the process.
I recall being told to trust no one, and rebelling because I treasured a secret friendship with a stranger more than cautiousness.
I recall surfing on rocks, snow, grass, rain, roofs, people, anything but the ocean.
I recall forgetting to look for love because I had too much in my own heart to care all that much what I received.
I recall getting older and maintaining innocence despite many's attempts at peeling at my corners.
I recall reaching adulthood legally and becoming a child illegally, embracing the breaking of that law for the rest of my life to come.
I recall making my own home, and being let into the world, and flourishing in that freedom.
Jul 16, 2014
Jul 16, 2014 at 2:11 AM UTC
The piper came again
In this world of pain
The clouds were packing up in the last part of the sky
Turning themselves to dragons, the ostriches left behind
In a race which has no end
From eternity to eternity
As free as a bird
The unicorns, angels, owls n strings of guitar
Everything moving in their own pace
Following the tune of the piper
To a world where there are no boundaries
Where there are no divisons
Where there are no societies
And the trees are friends
The door opens with warm welcome of the sunrise
The dogs of this world don't bark at men
And dragons wait for the ostriches
The forests echo with laughter
And everyone is happy
Here no one is hungry n no one has greed
No sloth, no control, no envy, no judgement
No wrath, no cautiousness, no reasonings, no hypothesis
The strings speak, cry and sing in synchrony
The songs of unity
The songs of fraternity
The songs of spirituality
Here streets are unbaptised
People have no types
And u don't need an identity to prove yourself a human being
Because here, all is one and one is all
Pain is not a word here
If u come with stetho, they'll send u back
No hypocrisy, no pretending
And u can keep ur things at ur places
And everything is in a motion
With the tune of the piper
Now when the trust is broken
The light is split into colours
They race with different speeds
The beats and tunes of the strings turn to mere noises
Unicorns fight to break down their horns, get turned to horses
Who again begin to race
The ostriches get extinct
The dragons fight
And the river of blood flows
The vultures appear
The bacteria begin decaying things
Into gases that poison civilisation
The division begin and people sing their anthems at minutest levels
And the world splits into billion pieces
Everyone trying to increase their territory
Coz they need bigger spaces and they fight for more
But when the two worlds fuse
The freedom is extended
And they call it love
The more they love, the more freedom they experience
They begin a journey
From eternity to eternity...
Mar 8, 2013
Mar 8, 2013 at 4:01 PM UTC
i sit here all alone in my zone
and i wonder about the unknown
no one is here for they come and they go
when someone will stay i shall never know
i think about what matters and what i truly love the most
so to my Aiden i shall make a toast:
i toast for all the happiness that life may bestow and destroy
and i toast for my cautiousness because life is not a toy
i toast for the memories that everyone might share
and i toast for my friends and family who really do care
i toast that the good are rewarded and the bad pay the price
and i toast that i live long and right, living in my paradise
Feb 3, 2011
Feb 3, 2011 at 1:58 PM UTC
The road to recovery
May be longer than I intend it to be
As if I've been walking for more than a century
Seems more like the road to immortality
Even if I still walk the path in darkness
Even if I cannot see the end
I will keep walking forward
While my heart continues to mend
I will stitch my heart back to together
Finding new pieces along the way
Filling in those missing parts
It will evolve into something new each day
A path with no light
Can be difficult at times
I cannot see the obstacles
I am more vulnerable from behind
Demons of my past
Or my mere cautiousness
Stop me from going further
I become emotional and careless
Along the way I learned
I create my own light
No matter where I go
There will always be a path in sight
Oct 25, 2018
Oct 25, 2018 at 7:36 PM UTC
If you were a museum you'd be a gallery of new beginnings and hopeful dreams
A masterpiece of an unforgettable smile and dazzling eyes
You're the type of art that will touch people's soul by just looking at you
Some may be puzzled and may not be able to understand you
But there will be people who will appreciate and comprehend what you were trying to paint
You're the kind of art that has your mother's brilliant mind and your father's defined looks
Both a deadly combination
For you are the off spring to carry on your parents' goal
Your words are poetry filled with sincerity and wisdom
Your lovely face and cheerful personality makes people drawn to you
But you are still learning, everyday
Trying to draw out the biggest and most amazing masterpiece there is
You are still trying to find your muse and your inspiration
Little did you know that you are your own muse
That is why your art is pure and raw and real because it comes from within your soul
Your art is spreading love and kindness throughout others
And through years of being painters block or writers block
You've managed to block out the negativity and spread out the positivity
Because if you were a museum your artwork would be filled of a promising future and lively dreams
For you carry the genes of your mom's sadness and recklessness
And your dad's happy attitude and cautiousness
Maybe that's why you've always been reserved and detached which makes you woe
But I hope one day you open your museum that is your heart to share your art to others and let them in so that you could seek happiness and this adventurous side of you that has been hidden all these years
Because you yourself is the most beautiful piece of art work that is yet to be discovered.
Jul 7, 2016
Jul 7, 2016 at 11:03 PM UTC
In love at its simplicity
A love of stitches and bones
A pumpkin king and his queen
A love story so holiday known
Curiosity and intelligence
Risk taking and cautiousness
She sought for her independence
He was persistently adventurous
They were match made opposites
Though likewise they yearned for
Something meaningful outside their grasp
That couldn't be found within their norms
He sang to finish her song
She replied in harmony
A simple duet to simply express
Their love at its simplicity
Dec 27, 2018
Dec 27, 2018 at 2:15 AM UTC
I live with a tumour of paranoia
haunting my social life
flaring up with small annoyance
in a world of violence and strife
my cautiousness turns to avoidance
and my irrational fear is rationalised
Jan 10, 2019
Jan 10, 2019 at 7:16 AM UTC
Walking through winter with an orange in my pocket
Impaled with a gasp
By the whitest of mornings
I have fully left midnight
Velveteen and drunken
Tangled all in the branches behind
Gone away and I am glad
This is not cowardice
Creeping like death in the cold
It is a wind-stung
Cautiousness
Natural when so brand new
Aug 15, 2011
Aug 15, 2011 at 7:44 PM UTC
Who you truly are is exposed by your words
So don't just say anything you think
Listen more than you speak
And before you speak, rethink
Unguarded speech often draw's rebuke
So think about what you say
Or you may find yourself making up an excuse
Or laying blame in another way
All your careless words can't fix another person
Instead they build up walls that you can't scale
Look inside and take your own inventory
And let cautiousness prevail
Apr 5, 2010
Apr 5, 2010 at 5:27 AM UTC
I love your soul, the way you think, your consideration, your tenderness, your strength, your softness, your gentleness, the way you smile, your voice, your looks, your cautiousness, your forthrightness, the way you laugh, your mind, your eyes, your smell, your hair, your taste in design, the way you dress(even the quirky side), your love of animals, your modesty, your courage, your sense of right & wrong, your kindness, your “aye aye”, your promotion of me, your support, the peace I feel when I am with you, the excitement when you're close to me, the fact I miss you when I am not with you and how I look forward to when I am with you. and the delicious prospect of discovering much more.
Jun 22, 2016
Jun 22, 2016 at 2:32 PM UTC
When does running away become being lost?
When does cautiousness become hiding?
When does a mood become a state of mind?
When does an event become a miracle?
When does a heart become a wreckage?
When do years become a lifetime?
When do tears become immovable?
When does tiredness become giving up?
When does silence become death?
When does depression become scars?
When does someone become everything?
Apr 8, 2013
Apr 8, 2013 at 1:29 AM UTC
What if I asked you
entreated you into ending me.
My fingers click against
sweat stained keys,
my eyes strain against the florescent lights of
my computer screen,
my ears vibrate with the sounds of laughter penetrating the empty
dead space of my closed room.
I don't want to continue like this.
My life is walking
with wearied feet sinking
deeper
and deeper still
in the mud of desperation.
My toes crack
my ankles creak from the stiff cold
as I rotate their joints.
I'm becoming tired,
as the night progresses
I wish often than cautiousness allows
that I
would sleep and not wake.
Oct 2, 2010
Oct 2, 2010 at 8:36 PM UTC
I had that need to communicate, before I knew what I was going to say
I knew what You meant to me and I knew I was sad
But nothing seemed to say what I wanted you to hear
I knew I was missing you and I knew you missed her
But I thought just for a minute that you might've been my cure
I knew I'd been hurt: left thinking one thing but you brought me to believe in another
I thought I knew not to love but I guess I forgot
I thought I could assume you'd be more than a man I'd have to tolerate
I thought I knew never to assume, but I guess I expected I would've been more careful
So I might have had thoughts but I guess I wasn't thinking:
Im at the same place I was then
Im closer to who I was, now then who I've recently been
Im in the same pair of shoes I swore Id never have to wear again
But despite all cautiousness, you're now not only my past but the pain of my future
Maybe I shouldn't have anticipated your love
Perhaps that would have subsided some of the peer pressure
Possibly that could have brought us closer
All I know is that we could've been happy, but you chose her
And now Im stuck accepting your convoluted conjectures
Mostly because your so scared of the unfamiliar.
Apr 1, 2012
Apr 1, 2012 at 10:51 PM UTC
cautiousness causes our mind to break
and body to wither
Apr 20, 2014
Apr 20, 2014 at 1:10 PM UTC
I woke up this morning
With my pillow still damp
From last night's opening,
From that pin-up show
Where truth was first on
Followed by facts then pain
And all was bore straight
Through long held tears.
I woke up this morning
To see your cold eyes.
That Peculiar stare of
The scientist that's scared
Of the monster he made.
Those isolating looks.
That tells me your view
Of me has changed.
Those worried, sad eyes
That are ready to jump
To my aid if I fall
I woke up this morning
To hear those careful words
That tentative speeking
Telling me that you're afraid
That any word you might say
Will cause me to fall apart
Will cause me to take my life.
And honestly, they could
But your cautiousness could
Drive me insane as well.
With your love,
You choke me
With your worry,
You ****** me
With your care
You stab me
Deep in my heart.
Dear Mom
Dear Dad
I am okay.
I lived this way
Long before I told you.
I know how to deal
With pent up pain.
But you act different
As if I'm a time bomb
Or a mental patient.
That's why
I never told you
Cause I knew
That you wouldn't know
What's best to do.
Casting me aside
As a freak is far
From what's good.
Oct 11, 2010
Oct 11, 2010 at 6:16 PM UTC
The ground is my friend
Which marks today as my end
Looking down feels like home
Everyone knows i'm alone
Neck no longer strain from the pain
Because i prefer fear over gain
Cautiousness is a thing of the past
Meanwhile my feet are a giant ****
Clothes consume the smell of failure
And my long journeys consist of torture
Money and luxuries are no longer consumable preferences
Because a man with no morals like me has nothing to reference
Feb 25, 2013
Feb 25, 2013 at 3:31 AM UTC
You’ve seen me from the beginning
You’ve been witness to the creation of a monster.
I was born as a creature of the Night.
I’d never laid eyes on light.
Scarcely visible through the smoke,
I wandered around looking for Hope.
Hope, only a thing I’ve heard, never seen.
Something I imagine could wash me clean.
Rid me of my evil stains
Cleanse me of my secret shame.
Through the darkness, I saw the light
It was so strange, so unknown
So exquisite how the glimmer shone.
Fear overcame my curious soul,
But my thirst for knowledge
Conquered the whole.
I rushed to discover the glint of light
Forgetting the cautiousness,
Forgetting the fright.
The sliver of light grew and grew
Until no more darkness I knew.
Dec 26, 2014
Dec 26, 2014 at 5:37 PM UTC
there are things that no one has bothered to teach people like you
the ones who change friends with the weather and sit at tables crowded with people who don't know your name as if it can trick your brain into thinking you're less alone than the lack of people surrounding you
and it works almost like magic
pandora's box is presented in front of you
and you have no hands on your shoulder telling you not to peek
the gods above you are silent, no matter how tightly you push your palms together, your requests fall on deaf ears
with no warnings or red ribbons or safety locks
all of your past experiences forgotten
all of your mother's advice shoved deep into the parts of your chest that are closed off to the public
all of the nights that come seven months later hidden under your pillowcase
you forget the taunting "daddy issues" and how you flinch every time someone raises their voice
you exist openly, in a way that you've heard is synonymous with recklessness for the ones who haven't documented the way you stay up for hours each night begging the stars to send someone to love you
begging the gods who have shunned you
to stop losing your pieces when you hit the pavement
there are things that no one has bothered to teach people like you
there are lessons that you've had to learn from experience
your cautiousness clashes with recklessness and your abandonment fears are categorized as something else entirely
and no matter how you paint this picture
it is not poetic
you do not fall in love
you fall and fall and fall apart
Jan 5, 2017
Jan 5, 2017 at 2:05 AM UTC
Sometimes, midnight thoughts override everything.
Even the ability to sleep, to shut down the station in my head.
Staring into the dark corners of a bedroom doesn't seem to help.
Thinking of you at 12:03 PM doesn't seem to help either.
So what happened last night?
I slipped into the newly-washed sheets and closed my eyes...
Your face appeared.
It was the face you were wearing last time we were together.
The cautiousness behind those green eyes was not opaque, love.
You stoped yourself.
From watching my lips when I spoke to you...
From watching my hands when I worked...
From watching my eyes whenever you discreetly tested the uncharted waters of the Ocean of Us.
But I saw you.
How sly you must've thought you were (are).
But you weren't, really.
Because at midnight, the unconcious deductions I formed that day awoke from their shallow graves...
And I saw you.
...the definition of "sleeplessness".
Feb 3, 2014
Feb 3, 2014 at 2:42 PM UTC
You were there
Around 2009,
I sat on our favorite tree branch with the summer rays beaming down on my arms. It was the perfect picture for the missing spot in your scrapbook.
You had hoisted me up there.
Around 2013,
I walked into your farmhouse at Christmas ready for a night of food, and presents. I ran to living room to check out the tree, before saying hi.
You didn't even get a hug.
Around 2002,
My mom screamed out, while breaking my dad’s hand. The doctor opened the door, and let you in first. Your eyes filled with tears.
You loved me from the start.
Around 2015,
The shouts echoed throughout room and in my head. I sat crying on the coach as her shadow loomed over me. It was supposed to be a nice vacation.
You stood up for me.
Around 2006,
I ran down the hill and about tripped over my feet. I was the first one there, you were far behind. I jumped on the swing. I loved to fly.
You pushed me.
Around 2019,
I hugged you with cautiousness. Your frail arms wrapping around my body. My eyes turned to your water cup on the table, it was only half way gone. The tears started down my cheek but I wiped them away quickly.
You didn’t deserve it.
Around 2029,
I looked in the mirror all dressed in white. My mascara ran a bit. It was almost time to change my life. Hopefully for the better. I searched the aisle and saw every face staring at me. I felt yours too.
You were there…
Somewhere.
Inspired by Deborah Harding, "How I Knew Harold."
May 24, 2019
May 24, 2019 at 10:41 AM UTC
Lethal vines wrapped in cotton,
Complex thoughts rotten,
Divulged emotions best kept hidden,
Vicious teeth and cautiousness of being bitten,
Eavesdropping inside your subconscious,
Thoughts mischievous,
Open up my love, open up your heart,
We will never have an ending and this will be the start.
Apr 26, 2017
Apr 26, 2017 at 5:30 PM UTC
“You’ve made me feel like **** again,” I say
to myself mentally,
Aiming it more so towards my anxiety
Yet again.
Another snooping situation, mixed into the
incapability of walking away.
I can’t leave things alone.
My mind wishes to know every ounce of
detail but I, personally, don’t really care.
I want to write, sleep and live freely
without a form of worry blanketing me and
stopping me from breathing in deeply to
calm down.
However I let it do what it pleases,
regardless of whether I’m stuck with a
depressed feeling and sorrowful tune
surrounding me.
I tell myself, “You just have to ride through
it.” And for the first time, it’s easy,
But after that it becomes tiresome and
boring and all you want is for the feeling
to go away.
I am the only person who can make it go
away, but I can’t.
I hold onto it unintentionally, as if a part of
me will disintegrate if I let go.
And so we fall into a never ending cycle of
my anxiety,
Where I ask myself continuously “When will
it end?”
And my mind tells me it’s not entirely sure
but that I should be grateful for what it’s
giving me.
That it’s giving me safety and
cautiousness, helping me not to be
percieved as too naive.
But I don’t care for that much anymore.
So instead of ridding of my anxiety,
I’m always ridding of those who
unintentionally and unawarely have
created it for me.
It’s easier to be rid of you physically than
of something within my own mind.
Jul 15, 2018
Jul 15, 2018 at 11:34 AM UTC