I sat with a cat in my lap.
This cat is having a nap.
I wish she'd get off me,
I have to go ***.
This cat in my lap should ****.

This kitty is itty & bitty.
She jumped up to where I was sitting.
She needs to get down,
I'm wearing a frown.
My bladder is making me giddy.

So here I sit like a twit.
My lap must be made of catnip.
My need is so great
But she just won't vacate.
This cat in my lap should get.

Bluto, the world’s strongest man, could tear bread loaf-sized pieces off a steel-belted tractor tire with his bare hands.

But he could not lift a single smithereen of his sensitive Piscean heart when Lily, the luscious, leggy Leo trapeze artist, left him for steely-eyed Arien Karl, the literate and literary lion tamer.

Horoscopic Circus, Act II

She was a Cancer Dragon. Like catnip to the Piscean Tiger, whose feline DNA was his Achilles heel. Especially when she wore heels. And nylons. The end is nylon, he thought. I love you she said. I love you more he affirmed. And firm he soon became. Then being the ringmaster, she opened her mouth and incinerated him -- as only dragons can….

Between the night and daylight,
     As twilight begins to shower,
Comes a lull in the day's preparations,
     Cherished as the Kittys' Hour.

I hear in the kitchen beside me,
     The patter of tiny feet,
Rumbles of varying motors
     With "meow's" gentle and sweet.

Leaping from counter with agile grace
     On my shoulder with a purr;
Sail grave Thomas and sweet Lady Jane,
     And Susan of golden fur.

A "meow," and then a long silence,
     I know by mischievous eyes,
They are scheming and musing together,
     To vanquish my weary sighs.

With sudden dash from the hallway,
     Tortie bounds into my arms!
Felines of all colours sit starring,
     Delighting me with their charms.

Frolicking with skillful ease,
     Tossing and batting their catnip-mouse;
If I run to escape, they surround me,
     They appear to overflow the house.

Suffocating me with their kisses,
     Furry paws patting my face;
And though they have torn the kitchen blinds,
     They dazzle me with their grace.

I hug you all close in loving arms,
     And will n'er let you depart,
Nor ****** you dears out to coyotes,
     For you each have won my heart.

And here shall you dwell forever,
     Cherished more each golden day;
Till this glad house fall into ruin,
     And I in dust shall decay.

                 **~Hilda~

Daisy
There was a flower named Daisy,
I think she is a little bit crazy,
Spits pollen everywhere,
Shows her underwear,
And all the time she is lazy.

Camping**
Camping is on a deserted tropical island. Camping is singing on the moon.
Camping is the wildlife around me. Camping is dancing on the sun.
Camping is on top of an icy mountain. Camping is in the middle of nowhere.
Camping is flying through the jungle. Camping is getting lost in an adventure.
Camping is a tent shivering in the cold.

Cats
Cats are black and sly. They creep down the halls without a sound.
Everything it looks at is still. Their eyes glimmer in the dark.
They prance on their prey and in seconds they are gone.
They taste like a big glomp of hair with a hint of catnip.
They fell like a sharp claws climbing in your skin.
They smell like danger. When a cat feels sad it cuddles up with me.

My personal favorite..
There once was a girl who said
"These limericks are hurting my head,"
"Your teacher says you need only to write two,
Then you can go up to bed."

Here kitty kitty!
Hot feline *******
Catnip screams her name...

the stray
kittens
meeting
at the
red barn
rolling on
***** of
green and
purple yarn
pouncing on
the tapioca
scent of
a catnip
moon

May the addictive
Properties
Consume you
So I don't have to.
You say,
"She doesn't know where she's going."
But I say
I don't know where
I came from.
If this is a 2 way street
Then I'd rather be on
The 1 way road
If I could say
Anything to you
It would be my
Name as you fall
Asleep at night.

I love you more than I love my Momma
And quite a lot more than Republicans love Obama
I love you more than Miley loves twerking
And probably as much as teenage boys love jerking.
I love you more than hipsters love instagram
and about the same as the turn of the century loved the telegram.
I love you more than Hans loved Anna
and just as much as monkeys love bananas
I love you more than the asdaf kid likes trains
and most likely more than Anastasia liked pain.
I love you more than pandas love extinction
and probably less than pansexuality needs distinction.
I love you more than John loved his best man
and I ship us more than any fandom can.
I love you more than beliebers love Justin
and definitely more than **** maids love dustin'
I love thee more than Shakespeare loved tragedy
and the same amount as Ann is raggedy.
I love you more than Peeta loves Katniss
and almost more than cats love catnip.
I love you more than teachers love cheaters
but probably not as much as Jesus loved Easter.

I love you to the moon and back
and there is nothing that you do lack.

<3

The sleeping creature in my chest,
The curled up cuddly fuzz-ball,
Is feline, but no tame house cat.
Is soft furred in rest, and porcupine quilled in anger.
Her sharp teeth are usually hidden
Behind adorable whiskers and damp pink nose.
Sometimes her claws worry affectionately
At my ribs for attention,
Just so I don't forget she's there.

Today she is mad, frenzied,
Her proud cat dignity has vanished, she almost dances.
She chases her tale like the simple fool she is not.
She opens her mouth, not to bare her teeth,
But to mewl a plea for a mysterious something.
She buts her head against my heart again and again,
Knocking it off rhythm,
Rubbing it warmer with her fur,
Batting it and chewing it like her new favourite toy,
While I sweat
And stammer
And breathe too fast
And beat too fast,
And all for what?

You gave me your hoodie.
She caught one fragile whiff
Of your vetiver tinted catnip scent.

Falling for toxic boys
when will we realise
Mr. Wrong wreaks havoc
whereever he goes
leaving behind a litany of woes

What’s the attraction of the bad lad?
known universally as a cad
pure catnip for some women
in their pool I won’t be swimming

Maybe their addicted to drama
flying in the face of karma
is ungentlemanly behaviour mistaken for passion
or wearing a lothario the new fashion

Their well versed in the art of seduction
continuously rehearsing their next production
maybe romance with a ladies man is a headrush
back in the day I had many a bad lad crush

"****! She's calling me again.
Doesn't she know I'm not in the mood?
If I have to go to her,
It had better involve some food.

"Not that same old brand again!
What if I merely walk away?
Will she get the point of what
I am trying to convey?

"No, my tactic isn't working.
That's no way to treat a cat!
Don't forget that we felines
Created the art of *** for tat.

"Clothes just out of the dryer--
A perfect place to curl up
Until she rudely disturbs my slumber
And yells out, 'No, no, Buttercup!'

" 'Buttercup.' What a name!
I would rather my name be
Nefertiti or Cleopatra.
But 'Buttercup' she stuck on me.

"Oh, well, I get even.
When guests come, I just hide.
They will meet me on MY terms.
After all, I've got my pride.

"Once she gave me a catnip toy
Then took it away. Don't know why.
She probably realized
That catnip sort of made me high.

"Yesterday she yelled at me.
I broke her favorite figurine.
I thought it was for me to play with.
Talk about a crazy scene!

"Today I'd better walk on eggshells;
I'll have to mind my p's and q's.
I need to find a place where I
Can lie undisturbed and snooze.

"She thinks I'll protect her from
Little critters. She's so trusting.
But I won't go near a rat.
They're so utterly disgusting!

"Maybe I'd better stop complaining,
Although it's part of my nature to grouse.
If she isn't TOO annoying,
I will let her stay in my house."

- by Bob B (3-20-17)

Jazz floats about
from the party down the street
I sit in the garden alone with my dirt stained feet
watching with tenderness as the bees go along
natures kin, they pause by the pond
sweet lavender and catnip
the weeds grow by themselves
and the bees, with no preference
hover over all with gentle care
I can only sit and watch, never to interfere
with nature's kin.

My cat likes poetry
She listens attentively to my recitations
I think she might write poetry
I heard her staring outside longingly
Purring mightily, grooving
Transfigured in the morning sun
Her stripes a kaleidoscope of yellows and grays
Keen green eyes on high alert
With flashing intensity through the sliding glass door
Jousting with the mockingbird swooping to peck her head on the patio
Rolling in the catnip bed in triumph
That’s the poem she composes
In the throes of poetic excitement
Inspired by wish and instinct

Tabby Lix is the chick with the **** sure to get your hammer swanging. Pull back and strike! without each and every regret you were fed by the newest precedence in social norms. Peek this bull-****, scope his or her form. Non-binary ***** she's splitting your mind in two and got you confused so rear back your neck, dragon, it's K -- I got the shield. Boy. One of you might want to **** me the other turn tail 'way while another one even less understanding might got something to say, he say: *** drop ya pants, I'll cut ya little **** off n I'll feed it to you and if you need a reason you only need to know who ya talking to. When I walk with my walk I'm a horse trot, like I got the whole pride of lions riding on my stride --
I like to **** the girls
I need deplete *** to survive
I know the entire world
yes everything high and low there is to see and, all of the reaches and trends begin and end with me. I know you know I got the right the justified authority to beat you in your ******* face for the choices you make that might lie beyond the confines my head. I don't believe in you and I don't need to. Rear back your head, Dragon, it's K I got the shield. And when I'm back on attack I gotta let my **** dangle down to show you ******* what's real just like sometimes I **** ***** or lick ***** and ****-****** or **** butts, I'll penetrate you, you ****. House-pet cat Tabby Lix gets her fix by dancing with the devil on or off her leash you, never, never -- **** with master. Check the collar. Guess boy/girl for $10. Lift muh tail up. Use your fingers. Can you find, blind? When I win I'll buy a dime bag.  Make me feel good. Kitty catnip. Stick your tongue down my throat, descend unto madness.

But as sad as it seems

the imposter

Came closer
"Winnie' Con Pooh"
Arrh
Grrh
path
Huh?

Dark
Goth
Earth
Eeeeh
Ever Imagine?

Both  R$Worth

Crooked teeth
To be born
(Singers)
That way
"Lady "GaGa"
Don't go near my
"Mama"_

All people, the stranger

fire up ranger


Conned to be dated

Wrong types
Websites
The bite
"Boston creme pie"

"Boston Cafe Strangler"
All over skype lies

All Don Juans
Fake Hollywood tans

Bad Moon impersonators

when its all said and

done

"We wanted every lie"

No way out 6 feet under

My little big lie slice of

Apple computer
Viruses stay memories
deleted


2 B myself? stolen gadgets
all over my shelf
Money trick hats of
rabbits

My house was empty


New Renovation
Devil Nation
Demolition

Some
R&R
Robin-Risque

My Coffee Imposter
Stealing my good beans


My cup

Naked Gun=Fun


Godfather of the mob
Loan shark
NY Central Park

*     *     *     *    *    

His imposter suit dark
crooked lines 2-B Pressed
Don't start me up
I am not
impressed

Recharge my
I- Am
Linked into the
 Imposter
phone

Why did they pick me
24/7 like a clone

Carnal $ Cuddly

Smart *** got nailed
Long French tipped
knowledgeable

and stealing
Wifes other dreams
remarkable it seems

The ***** laundering no

'Holy Water'

Eyes of the crime

Estee Lauder*
The makeup case
mob of utilities
Being an Imposter
Such clever abilities

Dealing with morons
City cat felines
no catnip just
Scientology all
  %%%
brainwashing_


Reindeer ****** nose
Big tip Ghostbuster lose


Comic-con of
Roosters & Hustlers
bars filled
with bust her ******

Why are they so good

at what they do


That summer solstice


Throwing wedding rice
It's better when
U-R
fed up twice

My Bentley bruiser
French tickler

The computer browser,


Being adventurist

"Zen"

"Avatar"
Not human lover

Being fooled by the
right star


Was so foreign
"American Uptown Girl"
playing
Cons in her own
"Billy Joel World"
the piano stranger
Start him up Pluto

All heirs no fears

Startup! Uppishness

Her money so played up

The *** drive he rose up
Oh! Gosh!!

So *******

Upmanship_
why did the man
         Go
"DownDamn-no-tip_?


And the woman

she vanished

His upper pants

to her underpants



Give up_ Startup


Watching his upper lip

Meeting her lower lip

More deceiving

All con artist doers
Those eyes of snakes
Like a shoe shiner
Demon

Jupiter Mars and
fake stars
Imposter and his dog
trained him well
Just like that to roll the
money over

What a bad start
upbringing

Such laryngitis copycat

imposter singer dead ringer

The good thing she was left

with her wedding finger$$$$$$

His ears are soft now, not scabby
His purr is deep and mellow
He played with catnip this morning
Now on my lap, nestled between my naked *******
soft fur, never knowing or caring my clothing status
fluids, pain killers, anti-nausea
I never thought it would help
but it has and today is a good day
almost like his old self
my thirteen year old pancreatic cat reborn

Placing bets on breaking window panes,
we're laughing and discussing names
of children who don't exist.

We're making artifacts today
of catnip, yarn and candy canes,
later we'll have to hide them.

We're making threats on rainy days,
spilling how we'll run away,
complete with notes and what they'd say
to help the parents cope.

But we'll grow up another day.

Till then, each day we'll strive to keep
the promises we've buried deep
in the barn grass and cattails.

So here, I've left you this dead bird, on your bed,
Don't say I never gave you anything.

Well you haven't cleaned out my litter box in a week!
So I just used your shower.

Neuter! what does neuter mean?
Is this some new savory, tender chicken sausage perhaps?

I don't know you!, stop looking at me!, I don't like you! Get off of my couch!
What is it with you letting your friends come over to my house!

Whistle, whistle, hear boy, hear boy, c'mon boy........
I'm not a dog you know; I'm not coming!.........I'm not....
Oh did I just hear the delicate air escaping a pressurized can of tuna........coming!!!

No...not interested in the ball of yarn, because I don't feel like playing that's why....
I'm just going to stay in this window sill all day; leave me alone!

A bath!?......ha......seriously?.....you've got to be kidding me,
I do a **** fine job of licking myself on the constant thank you very much!

Well it's 10:00 o'clock in the morning, what do you expect!
I'm taking my mid morning NAP! .....***** off!

Yes....I chewed, clawed, scratched, and slobbered on those loafers of yours,
I was bored.

Psssssst.....psssssst....Hey...hey buddy, .......yeah you, reading this ****** poetry,
Hey listen, you got some catnip I can score?

-----ChawzzyScript

This poem was only written to
Create a meter and a rhyme
There is no deeper meaning here,
So if you don't like wasting time
On mindless drivel, here's your hat
Because this poem is just that!

No wellsprings of emotion flow
Nor subtle allegories preach
Within these empty, patterned words -
I have no wish to moan or teach
Go somewhere else for love or fear
Because you will not find it here.

Now to apply some filler words
Like catnip, ice cream, roller rink,
Because I have no words to speak
And do not wish to feel or think.
I told you you were wasting time
Upon tetrameter and rhyme.

you are my catnip
you give me bad kitty thoughts

I didn't make it through the movie "On the Road"
It didn't translate well to film, or maybe it's me
worry grips me and I cut my clonozapan carefully into fourths
and take one fourth and smash my finger into the dust and lick it off
I value it more than their benzodrine
The moment I awaken, the fear grips me, and then what?
One pill is consumed every few hours in the morning and early afternoon
leaving the next, for the panic of the evening
how will it end.  I don't want to go back. I am told not to think of it anymore
there is nothing more to be learned and it is only like rubbing my wrist
against a razor, trying to get through those tendons to reveal the pulsing red
their faces, my bosses, with their pasted on smiles, Stepford wives every one of them
the male, the female and everything in between
focus on the students, they will lose a good teacher soon
I am sad for that, yes and buried down in some black hole of my consciousness I know it is true.  I am that good teacher for
the girl who must move again this year, like last year and walks home
to the poor neighborhod where she lives and hears gunshots every night
My intervention and pleading for her teacher
to please reach out to her, because she is failing, and is afraid of you
even if you don't believe in gunshots or her cousin shot and dieing in front of her
and yes having mercy is one of my strengths, as my pancreatic cat rests on his catnip toy
and I care about those kids
not the stupid school
and even if I've put myself on the line, I am no phony Stepford wife
and if their reality, those kids reality is ugly and we know about it, we must help
even if it makes my bosses uncomfortable and squirm in their eggshell world of middle
class comfort.   I don't care anymore.
The kids are what matter, helping them with whatever time is left.

any holiday can go on and commit suicide in some old ****
coconut
postcard, I reckon.
it’s alrite here.
it’s not burning and the sand is a lame type of concrete, but
it has a lot of life. there’s even coral here, I probably need you
to call me up and have you explain it to me
but it’s here
all the same;
there’s howling monkeys that can open yoking orange suns, that
don’t know what to do, we wont ignore them though;
they keep on skipping around
pulling
the tide up to our seats-like they like the raw smell we give off
its normal in the city but unknown here
we fight- nothing
the world dives into itself
and see’s that it still sings
the resort keeps on beating behind the eyes of the falling sunset
the calls of our skin are catnip to the flying things and moving things
we walk across the beach as it follows from 11 to 3 and 4am.
it dies and leaves the moon screaming
in sirens within the black distance of the shore
the vehicle that comes as we sleep
holds open the road with our eyes
and remains eternally as we wake.

Jinx! You owe me a haggis!
Sheep! Sheep! Sheep boing!
I tried to connect the two.
I am glad that someone loves my discursive stuff.
I feel thrilled that someone validates me.

Tell me why again? Why why why not?
Did you mention socks? Why?
You’re a sock! Your face is a sock!
A pair of socks! I laugh!
You didn’t anticipate that one, did you?

I will nevar stop. Nevar.
Yes. An alternate spelling.
Hehehehehehe.
Be bold.  Be bold like Leeroy Jenkins.
Yas. Chicken music. Yas.

He was brave, he led the charge.
On monkeys and elders, what was our conclusion?
Monkeys are silly, elders are catnip.
I am silly.  This poem is silly.
Hehe. You know what I’m about to say next.

We must keep it a secret.
Sheep! Sheep boing!
Figure out what that pakis-ectomy is.
Yeah? Yeah? Well, you’re a pakis.
I guess that Wyatt Cenac
said it best:
I have to fool you.  I am fooling you.

Aeneas, Cooper, Pedro, and Boo.
They are all amicable with each other.

Once a feral kitten, that hubby took pity on
Found in a scrap yard, to hubby, he did bond.

I carry jars of homemade jam, down the basement stairs.
He swipes at my legs, I drop the jars.  He doesn't care.
I'm straitening the bathroom drawer, he gets all frenzied.
Later on that day, I find, all the contents emptied.

I pick fresh flowers, neatly arrange them in a vase,
it only took few seconds.  There's petals on his face.
Our, brand new, leather furniture arrives, to our joy.
He claws the cushion up, looking for his catnip toy.

Christmas tree full of lights, with my antique ornaments.
He attacked!  Maybe he thought he was protecting us?

You might ask why it is we keep such a rascal cat.
Look at that innocent face.  I couldn't refuse that.
When it is, that we think about redecorating,
we just point and say, "This is why we can't have nice things"

I am no Jack Kerouac, but I do share his reincarnated cat. I wish to be on the road, but I do not have it in me to leave her alone. And she’s such a ***** during long car rides. But, I can watch her on catnip instead and see her colorful journey along those alleyways and back stages and watch her meet those saturated characters so she’ll come back down to write a book about how those American roads changed her life. And until she dies, snuggled up in my arms, fur on my pajamas, she’ll say, Oh **** yeah, that was the life!
Or rather,
meow.

I had that epiphany moment where I realized I was
more than the ordinary
tightly dressed caped zero
capable of saving living things
like  kittens
stray dogs and I don't throw frogs against walls anymore
nor do I willingly hurt my nemesis
I try to tame them
with a song a dance trance them
you might call me
the reality show superhero
if I wanted to I could win
American Idol
but that would take precious time
away from my fighting crime
I sing to my dog and she sings  back
like she does when she hears sirens
and I could win a dance contest
I  dance with my kittens
or try to
they are still young enough to be skittish
I am truly a superhero to them
when I open a bag of chips or fry
pork chops
in olive oil and  spice them with garlic salt
which they think is catnip
and I write in a cape
and go sailing over clouds over
mountaintops
maintaining
superhero
type stuff
nightly
so
I know I am
a superhero
to them
to me
in
a
way
and Gotham
and Clayhatchee
and home for them
safe.

Katniss
chased catnip
across the carpet
of your Lamoni home

each precious pounce
sent you
into fresh
waves of giggles

left you
clutching
a paisley-patterned pillow
tightly as a life preserver

you were
transfixed
by a kitten's glee
until i met your irises

our fingertips
brushed
and we both felt
a chasm grow between us

in silent agreement
we looked our separate ways
lost in fractured
reminiscence

Every time I walk out of my room
both of my cats are sitting there
giving me ***** looks.
Almost as if I owe them money
from a poker game that we played
a few weeks ago and I haven’t called them since.

It makes me wonder if maybe they are mad at me.
What the hell did I do to them?
Yeah, sure, I stepped on your tail once or twice kitty,
shoot me.

But **** man, I pet you. I feed you.
I play with you.
I buy you toys.
I get you high. (On catnip, Jesus, I’m not cruel.)
****, if that’s the case, you want some kitty ****?
I’ll figure something out.

I’ll do anything to make you purr.

Remember when I got you those really nice boots
that you walked around in for maybe 5 minutes
and never put on again?

What about that time I bought you
that really expensive cat food that
you said you wanted so much
and then refused to eat?

I’m sorry about the time you saw me petting
the neighbors cat, I told you it wasn’t what it looked like.

No, I swear I didn’t like Doug the Pug’s photo on Facebook.

Why does it seem like I do everything wrong?

Oh wait.

I got it.


My cats are females.

Bukowski and Mojo zip through
the new apartment.
Chirping like birds.
I had no idea kittens could
be so easily thrilled.
They aren’t even
high on catnip.
Fluffy black
blessings.

There is an island
called Cat-can-du.
And what can I but conclude:
you should heed my advice
and soon take a trip.
The air full of spices,
including catnip!

Cats, cats enchant
with eyes aglow naturally.
But what about cat eyes
that glow magically?
Those orbs are beacons of light
found in the wise, furry faces
of Cat-can-du felines.

As you catapult from one escapade to the next,
these fun-loving critters will lead
you to heights of sight-seeing so grand
with all of their brilliant cat skills.

From volcanic mounts
to far underground,
showing you hidden catacombs,
with eyes as bright
as any high-powered lantern.
Exploring the city's secrets,
side by side seeking out treasures--
it's exactly within their purrview.
To find old and new writings on shadowy walls
recalling hieroglyphics from cat worshiping Egyptians
and stowed-away diamonds, rubies, ancient coins, and scrolls.

A witch's best companion
Black cats have psychic powers,
it's a fact.
But in Cat-can-du exists a breed so rare
that its mythics are mostly all lost.
Perfect telepathy and with crystal clarity, they read
each and every one of your thoughts.

Their fur is so black it is almost blue--
but a very different hue
from the aquamarine waters
lapping at the shore like the cats lap at milk.
Now, it's common knowledge cats don't like water.
But here, oh here, in Cat-can-du
all cats, they swim like otters!

Another kind of magic kitty, has wings
to fly high into the sky, and a mane like a lion,
but in pastels, oh so pretty.
They write songs of daring do like minstrels of old
and will certainly create some of their best
about the adventures you'll share with them!
Now, do you know the name of a creature like that?
Here's a hint:
What if I were to say, it's also a cat with a horn
smack on its forehead?
It's a unicat!

These supernatural furballs
on this island do dwell.
I hope you'll find a way
to get there someday.
But until then, the next best thing
is perhaps just to picture yourself there,
to let your imagination set sail!