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Jade Elon Apr 2017
One day I wondered what it would be like to **** myself
Not because I wanted to die
But because I wasn't sure that I was living
But I knew if I died
My mother's world would crumble
And if I died
My sisters would have no one to look up to
And if I died
I wondered
Would anything I had done up until now have any meaning?
If I died
Had I done anything up until now that had any meaning?
And I wondered if I ever truly felt alive
Like people describe alive to be
Wind running through your hair, fast paced, quickened heartbeat, running through the streets barefoot, staying after the street lights come on, the "oh my god isn't that just great" moments
So I tried it
I tried to live fast
I tried to be reckless
Tried to experience the moments that took people's breath away
And all I realized was I felt more alive
At home with my family
Felt more alive
Reading a good book in the sun
Felt more alive doing things people said weren't living
Because life is what you make it
And some days I still wonder what it would be like to **** myself
And know the simplest way would to live a life I don't love
  Sep 2015 Jade Elon
Fucking tired
I'm sorry for whatever I did
to make you not care
I'm sorry for whatever
made me disposable
I'm sorry for
everything I did wrong
I'm sorry
I wasn't good enough

I'm sorry
I'm a horrible person
I'm sorry for
failing you
I'm sorry for whatever
made them better than me
I'm sorry for whatever I did
and am apologizing for.
Jade Elon Sep 2015
I want to fall in love with you.
Not for the happily ever after but for the turmoil
and the pain
for the ability to sit
by your side and say
those three special words
for all that you are
because I enjoy your trials and tribulations
your angst and anger
your sorrow and sublime guilt
your tears on my shoulder and your arms around me
your sobs wracking my body
I want to fall in love with you
because isn't loving
something broken the most
kind of love?
I want to love you like someone would a bird
caged but beautiful
wings clipped so you can only fly sort distances from me
I want to love you
for your dependence and
I want to love you because
I want to love myself
But I can't...
Jade Elon Sep 2015
Lay me down in
your bed.
Surround me.
You reminded me
Once of the person
I wanted to be.
Self centered but
Self respecting
I've given away
So much of myself
To make others
Happy that I've
Forgotten why I'm
Always sad.
I've tired so hard to
Make you happy that
I've forgotten why
Jade Elon Sep 2015
I wanted to tell you that I loved you but I didn't know the words. You seemed like the type who'd understand without me having to say anything. It's okay for you to be crazy as long as you're crazy for me. I just want someone to love me the same way the snake loves the mouse. [all consuming] I had a nightmare once that I laid myself out for you. As a feast; as an offering. And you said you weren’t hungry. I hope you have a nightmare were I lay myself out for you and you can’t stop eating, and you can’t stop eating, and you can’t stop eating, and you can’t stop eating, and you can’t stop eating, and you can’t stop eating and you can’t stop...
  Dec 2014 Jade Elon
Find a Poet Not a poser, not a "it's just a hobby" poet. Find one who mumbles lines as they scramble for a pen at breakfast; who shakes their head randomly when their thoughts aren't rhyming properly;  who has notebooks stashed around the house that you must never touch.
2. Listen Savor the spoken words, for those are harder to express. Keep in mind that they can't be edited and re-written, and be forgiving when a mistake is made.
3. Read The body speaks as loudly as words on a page do. When their eyes are closed or focused on the ceiling and the fingers are tapping out syllables, recognize the unique process. Respect the need for quiet, because if you look closely, you can read the poem on their face before they write it on the page.
4. Write Write your story together. Grab hold of the pen and hang on as you move across the page of life. Sometimes you will dance across, others you will be dragged. You may have to cross out a word, or a line, or a page, but don't give up. Discouragement is a poet's biggest enemy, inarticulateness their biggest fear. So end each day with a semi-colon, because the story will never end the way you think it will, and there must be room for more. There is always room for more, more words, more laughter, more tears, more love,
When you love a poet.
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