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"bodega" poems
Sucede que me canso de ser hombre. Sucede que entro en las sastrerías y en los cines marchito, impenetrable, como un cisne de fieltro navegando en un agua de origen y ceniza. El olor de las peluquerías me hace llorar a gritos. Sólo quiero un descanso de piedras o de lana, sólo quiero no ver establecimientos ni jardines, ni mercaderías, ni anteojos, ni ascensores. Sucede que me canso de mis pies y mis uñas y mi pelo y mi sombra. Sucede que me canso de ser hombre. Sin embargo sería delicioso asustar a un notario con un lirio cortado o dar muerte a una monja con un golpe de oreja. Sería bello ir por las calles con un cuchillo verde y dando gritos hasta morir de frío. No quiero seguir siendo raíz en las tinieblas, vacilante, extendido, tiritando de sueño, hacia abajo, en las tripas mojadas de la tierra, absorbiendo y pensando, comiendo cada día. No quiero para mí tantas desgracias. No quiero continuar de raíz y de tumba, de subterráneo solo, de bodega con muertos, aterido, muriéndome de pena. Por eso el día lunes arde como el petróleo cuando me ve llegar con mi cara de cárcel, y aúlla en su transcurso como una rueda herida, y da pasos de sangre caliente hacia la noche. Y me empuja a ciertos rincones, a ciertas casas húmedas, a hospitales donde los huesos salen por la ventana, a ciertas zapaterías con olor a vinagre, a calles espantosas como grietas. Hay pájaros de color de azufre y horribles intestinos colgando de las puertas de las casas que odio, hay dentaduras olvidadas en una cafetera, hay espejos que debieran haber llorado de vergüenza y espanto, hay paraguas en todas partes, y venenos, y ombligos. Yo paseo con calma, con ojos, con zapatos, con furia, con olvido, paso, cruzo oficinas y tiendas de ortopedia, y patios donde hay ropas colgadas de un alambre: calzoncillos, toallas y camisas que lloran lentas lágrimas sucias.
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Walking around
Sucede que me canso de ser hombre. Sucede que entro en las sastrerías y en los cines marchito, impenetrable, como un cisne de fieltro navegando en un agua de origen y ceniza. El olor de las peluquerías me hace llorar a gritos. Sólo quiero un descanso de piedras o de lana, sólo quiero no ver establecimientos ni jardines, ni mercaderías, ni anteojos, ni ascensores. Sucede que me canso de mis pies y mis uñas y mi pelo y mi sombra. Sucede que me canso de ser hombre. Sin embargo sería delicioso asustar a un notario con un lirio cortado o dar muerte a una monja con un golpe de oreja. Sería bello ir por las calles con un cuchillo verde y dando gritos hasta morir de frío. No quiero seguir siendo raíz en las tinieblas, vacilante, extendido, tiritando de sueño, hacia abajo, en las tripas mojadas de la tierra, absorbiendo y pensando, comiendo cada día. No quiero para mí tantas desgracias. No quiero continuar de raíz y de tumba, de subterráneo solo, de bodega con muertos, aterido, muriéndome de pena. Por eso el día lunes arde como el petróleo cuando me ve llegar con mi cara de cárcel, y aúlla en su transcurso como una rueda herida, y da pasos de sangre caliente hacia la noche. Y me empuja a ciertos rincones, a ciertas casas húmedas, a hospitales donde los huesos salen por la ventana, a ciertas zapaterías con olor a vinagre, a calles espantosas como grietas. Hay pájaros de color de azufre y horribles intestinos colgando de las puertas de las casas que odio, hay dentaduras olvidadas en una cafetera, hay espejos que debieran haber llorado de vergüenza y espanto, hay paraguas en todas partes, y venenos, y ombligos. Yo paseo con calma, con ojos, con zapatos, con furia, con olvido, paso, cruzo oficinas y tiendas de ortopedia, y patios donde hay ropas colgadas de un alambre: calzoncillos, toallas y camisas que lloran lentas lágrimas sucias.
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45
Each sunday, the owner's face lit up as I popped in the neighborhood bodega in need of paper towels, soap, toothpaste. Occasionally, when I uttered the word “purple,” his brown eyes glowed and he flashed me a smile as he fetched the Trojan condoms behind the counter. This week, I came in on saturday, he looked pleasantly surprised to see me, earlier in the week. until I reached the counter holding tampons, desperate to stop my leaking body. In my humanity, I was no longer **** not worthy of a smile. Nor the well wishes of a nice evening. His greetings had always had an invisible price tag, exchanged for a glimmer of hope. The hope that his kind words would earn him a discount in the time it took for me to live up to his fantasy one day.
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Jan 3, 2016
Jan 3, 2016 at 7:43 PM UTC
.
we ate government cheese that came in a dull brown box we were too young to understand what welfare and food stamps meant, our empty bellies never protested at the salty orange blocks in front of the bodega, we saw a woman introduce a hammer to a drunk tyrant’s skull his blood pooling on the streets was too red for new eyes we watched hypodermic needles bloom on stoops cling to life on curbs the graffiti on abandoned buildings was our Louvre, our Salon de Paris sweltering streets our baseball diamonds prostitutes, black or brown or both mothered us between shifts we grew up in projects, that sheltered drab lives and senseless brutalities gunfire, sharp and immutable punctured lullabies we were small boys watching life unfold the way one stares at an accident detached and mildly curious eyeing cooly the despair and impossible hopelessness of growing up poor in Brooklyn
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Mar 28, 2015
Mar 28, 2015 at 10:40 PM UTC
Growing Up Poor in Brooklyn
my love brought me tranquility. my love bought me tranquility, in a Manhattan bodega. late at night in my city, everything is for sale where least expected in mini marts, local delis, greek coffee shops, spanish bodegas pizza parlors, hardware stores, all selling salves for late night salvation purveyors of differential equations of differing soulful sustenances, certain imports that will probably never be for sale in Walmart after midnight all, readily available, twenty four seven in my miracle Manhattan heaven My woman, mapper of the byways of my ****** landmarks worn broad~ways, his-toric foot trails of tears, lines of laughters, even a purported dimple I call a crevasse. a sole survivor of a mother's birthing skill marker, duly recorded by her upon my visage, in my miracle Manhattan She knows, as do some of youse guys, that my poetry is water born(e) and water soluble, but Peconic Bay always ain't right handy, so bring on a substitute teacher, a hot bath, helps me to enunciate my verbal visitations my love brought me tranquility. my  love bought me tranquility in a Manhattan bodega. pour the aromatherapy, my love brought me for inspiration into and upon my liquid writing table, "Tranquility," a summer garden aroma It soothes my bad memories, the herbs salve accursed ancient wounds that will never ever fully heal or be forgiven my love brought me tranquility. my graces restored, this poem offered in grateful appreciation with unlimited adoration, something, maybe even the very one thing **that can't be bought, even, in my miracle Manhattan**
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Jan 30, 2014
Jan 30, 2014 at 12:44 AM UTC
my love brought me tranquility
my love brought me tranquility. my love bought me tranquility, in a Manhattan bodega. late at night in my city, everything is for sale where least expected in mini marts, local delis, greek coffee shops, spanish bodegas pizza parlors, hardware stores, all selling salves for late night salvation purveyors of differential equations of differing soulful sustenances, certain imports that will probably never be for sale in Walmart after midnight all, readily available, twenty four seven in my miracle Manhattan heaven My woman, mapper of the byways of my ****** landmarks worn broad~ways, his-toric foot trails of tears, lines of laughters, even a purported dimple I call a crevasse. a sole survivor of a mother's birthing skill marker, duly recorded by her upon my visage, in my miracle Manhattan She knows, as do some of youse guys, that my poetry is water born(e) and water soluble, but Peconic Bay always ain't right handy, so bring on a substitute teacher, a hot bath, helps me to enunciate my verbal visitations my love brought me tranquility. my  love bought me tranquility in a Manhattan bodega. pour the aromatherapy, my love brought me for inspiration into and upon my liquid writing table, "Tranquility," a summer garden aroma It soothes my bad memories, the herbs salve accursed ancient wounds that will never ever fully heal or be forgiven my love brought me tranquility. my graces restored, this poem offered in grateful appreciation with unlimited adoration, something, maybe even the very one thing **that can't be bought, even, in my miracle Manhattan**
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75
Isa akong hamak na kabataan na pinagkaitan ng mapaglarong mundong ito. Sa isang madilim na bodega ako matagal nang nananatili. Mabaho at walang pagkain, araw-araw ay tinitiis namin ang kalam ng aming sikmura. Mahigpit na ipinag-uutos sa amin na pulutin ang mga bagay na kapaki-pakinabang sa loob ng tambakan na ito. Sinusunod namin ito ng maayoa ngunit tila ang pangakong binitiwan ng taong dumampot sa amin sa kalsada, na kami ay pag-aaralin, ay naglaho nang parang bula. Sa bawat sandali ng aking buhay, wala akong naging karamay kundi ang malaking salamin na nakabitin sa dingding ng malawak na silid na ito. Na at patuloy na nagsasabi sa akin ng pag-asa. Pag-asa na siyang matagal ko nang gustong makamtan. Sa tuwing titingin ako sa silid na aking kinalalagyan, halos mamatay na ako sa kawalang kalayaan na ito. Minsan pinipilit kong kumawala sa silid na ito kasama ng ibang kabataang inalipin na ng takot. Ngunit suntok at hagupit ng tubo ang aming natatamo sa tuwing nanaisin naming tumakas sa silid na ito. Hindi ko talaga lubos na maisip ang mga pangyayaring nagaganap sa buhay ko. Kung ito ba ay totoo o isang panaginip lamang. Tumingin ako sa salamin at isa lang ang sinasabi ng aking wangis, hanggang kailan ko pagmamasdan ang mukhag nahihirapan at punung-puno ng kalungkutan? Mabuti pa ang salamin na ito. Sa or as na siaikat ang araw, lagi niyang ipinadarama ang panibagong pag-asa.
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Jun 18, 2018
Jun 18, 2018 at 1:22 AM UTC
Salamin ng Pag-asa ...
Looking out at the world before him Scanning people on the fly John Jenkins watched as they passed his building All in a hurry, but why? He'd sit feeding pigeons when the weather was nice With seed brought from the local Bodega For two bucks a week, he'd keep them all fed With a bag bought from Jose Montega Each day he would watch, as the people ran by Never stopping to watch as they passed This man in the shadows, feeding the birds And each day, he would watch the same cast The birds never wavered as the people ran on Never concerned with their lives, just with John You could shoot off a gun, and not one would fly Although, you would expect them all gone He'd sat here for years, since he retired way back No one saw him as he sat with the birds He would say "hi" as the people went by But, I'm sure no one heard the words He was passed off as crazy, just a loon on a bench He's a fixture that no one can see And except for the birds and the Bodega's Jose I would sit here and say I agree One morning, downstairs, as the people passed by John got up and went up to his place The birds never left, they just waddled around And the people went on with their race The next morning, no John, no one down with the birds He had died in his sleep in the night But, the people passed by, never noticed him gone And the birds, waddled round from their flight He left nary a mark on the world he had left He was mad, they said, but that was okay And the people passed by, and the birds were still fed By the new man on the bench called Jose.
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Jul 29, 2012
Jul 29, 2012 at 8:41 PM UTC
The man on the bench
Looking out at the world before him Scanning people on the fly John Jenkins watched as they passed his building All in a hurry, but why? He'd sit feeding pigeons when the weather was nice With seed brought from the local Bodega For two bucks a week, he'd keep them all fed With a bag bought from Jose Montega Each day he would watch, as the people ran by Never stopping to watch as they passed This man in the shadows, feeding the birds And each day, he would watch the same cast The birds never wavered as the people ran on Never concerned with their lives, just with John You could shoot off a gun, and not one would fly Although, you would expect them all gone He'd sat here for years, since he retired way back No one saw him as he sat with the birds He would say "hi" as the people went by But, I'm sure no one heard the words He was passed off as crazy, just a loon on a bench He's a fixture that no one can see And except for the birds and the Bodega's Jose I would sit here and say I agree One morning, downstairs, as the people passed by John got up and went up to his place The birds never left, they just waddled around And the people went on with their race The next morning, no John, no one down with the birds He had died in his sleep in the night But, the people passed by, never noticed him gone And the birds, waddled round from their flight He left nary a mark on the world he had left He was mad, they said, but that was okay And the people passed by, and the birds were still fed By the new man on the bench called Jose.
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36
The sheets were soft and crumpled underneath my back and my mind was wandering even though this wasn’t the time for that, and I thought about how much I always loved the feeling of bare skin against sheets, year round, even when it was far too cold for it to be a reasonable thing to do. There’s something **** about just being naked, as simplistic as it sounds. With only his skin, my hair, and the sheets touching my body, I felt exposed but I also felt strong, which was an interesting mix of emotions. I knew I should have been more fixated on what was going on (he certainly was) but I always feel somewhat disconnected from my body and having someone else touch it made it feel even more foreign. It wasn’t unpleasant to have his hands all over me, maybe just a little disappointing and I suddenly wanted to push him off me and go for a walk outside where the air could fill my lungs. Stuffy. It was stuffy in his room, I thought. The distinctly boyish smell of deodorant and sweat mingled with the fake perfume of the candle I remembered to bring and it was was suffocating me. Outside, I could hear his little brother playing loudly in the yard and I wanted to be a little kid again but instead I was inside in a darkened room doing things that seemed too adult for my body and things I used to tell myself I would never do. I liked his brother; he was a sweet kid and last spring I took him to the park a few times when the older boy on top of me had work at the bodega down the street. It felt ***** to hear his childish yells and I wanted more than ever to leave, but the strange more-than-friends relationship with this boy meant that he wanted this once in a while and I liked him more than I had admitted to anyone yet. The cracks in his ceiling were familiar to me by now and once, after we--fucked? made love? I still didn’t know what to call it-- he told me that the first night I came over, drunk and crying, he had to run to peel off the glow in the dark stars that had still been up, a remnant from his childhood, and I found this endearing and I had kissed him again for that. One of his hands was running through my hair now and I stroked his chest, which was leaner and tanner than my bluish-white hands. In the back of my mind I thought I might love him but it could have been his body between my thighs. I could never be sure.
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Feb 22, 2014
Feb 22, 2014 at 7:13 PM UTC
uncertainty
The sheets were soft and crumpled underneath my back and my mind was wandering even though this wasn’t the time for that, and I thought about how much I always loved the feeling of bare skin against sheets, year round, even when it was far too cold for it to be a reasonable thing to do. There’s something **** about just being naked, as simplistic as it sounds. With only his skin, my hair, and the sheets touching my body, I felt exposed but I also felt strong, which was an interesting mix of emotions. I knew I should have been more fixated on what was going on (he certainly was) but I always feel somewhat disconnected from my body and having someone else touch it made it feel even more foreign. It wasn’t unpleasant to have his hands all over me, maybe just a little disappointing and I suddenly wanted to push him off me and go for a walk outside where the air could fill my lungs. Stuffy. It was stuffy in his room, I thought. The distinctly boyish smell of deodorant and sweat mingled with the fake perfume of the candle I remembered to bring and it was was suffocating me. Outside, I could hear his little brother playing loudly in the yard and I wanted to be a little kid again but instead I was inside in a darkened room doing things that seemed too adult for my body and things I used to tell myself I would never do. I liked his brother; he was a sweet kid and last spring I took him to the park a few times when the older boy on top of me had work at the bodega down the street. It felt ***** to hear his childish yells and I wanted more than ever to leave, but the strange more-than-friends relationship with this boy meant that he wanted this once in a while and I liked him more than I had admitted to anyone yet. The cracks in his ceiling were familiar to me by now and once, after we--fucked? made love? I still didn’t know what to call it-- he told me that the first night I came over, drunk and crying, he had to run to peel off the glow in the dark stars that had still been up, a remnant from his childhood, and I found this endearing and I had kissed him again for that. One of his hands was running through my hair now and I stroked his chest, which was leaner and tanner than my bluish-white hands. In the back of my mind I thought I might love him but it could have been his body between my thighs. I could never be sure.
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1
Right off of the 7 train, Irish Catholic schoolgirls spilling out of Jahn's like marbles Their plaid skirts against exposed brick bellies full of kitchen sink The produce stand next door eggs .60 a dozen, milk one dollar Now converted into a bodega or maybe even a small Muslim prayer room I bought my first album at a record store on 82nd The brown paper bags, thin as bible pages It spun on the Victrola in my parents' Tudor The yellowing wallpaper smelled of my mom's Virginia Slims And sounded of my dad's Vermouth His own liver fried with onions, just as he liked it
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Jan 12, 2019
Jan 12, 2019 at 6:10 PM UTC
Evenings in Jackson Heights (1972)
she lived alone by the little glass window on the 12th floor always open seeing every color and stain of urban life flashing below across the courtyard black, white, yellow, brown and a redhead going down the block for a ghetto special 4 chicken wings and fries and fly uncle johnny in his trench-coat and superslims running paper slips to the bodega on the corner of broadway and 5th and little blues babies in ponytails doing the double-dutch hustle a skip and **** away from motherhood and radio raheems peddling mix tapes, joints and conspiracies to mis-educated teens flashing silver grills, c's and black stones under high-top fades and fro's closing only for hurricanes and ricochet bullets permanently when one caught miss helen in the eye she lived alone.. ~ P (7/8/2013)
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Jul 21, 2013
Jul 21, 2013 at 5:25 PM UTC
Anachronistic Blues...
Remember when this used to be a bodega where you could by an egg a few cigarettes and some ******* I only bought **** there a couple of times I really went in there for milk or coffee or an Entenmann’s raspberry danish in the big long rectangle. I don’t remember the brand I smoked then but they didn’t sell them. The guy next door in my building had a thing for rich girls with flash cars who would buy him clothes and other such presents He was from the OC and what he was doing in Brooklyn I don’t even know He got involved with some local Columbians Through the corner bodega And of course proceeded to date one of their women. The OC Romeo. Lady Lover. Irresistible. Pink Lacrosse shirt. Turned up collar. Leisure slacks. I had to tell him once to not slap his thigh at me When I passed him on that corner Posing with his newfound buddies. And to give me back my cassette. He tells me he left it out on the window sill And it rained and got wet. I said give it back anyway. Not too long after he was gone. Both he and his yuppie roommate I heard he moved back to Newport Beach. I wondered why he ran Cuz I know he ran Fast I had some crazy neighbors in Hollywood who disappeared into the Russian night. Someone spotted them a year later. Playing with the wrong people. Taking liberties. Conning a con. Your life really is not worth very much in those circles so you’d better be quick on your feet.
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Jun 21, 2019
Jun 21, 2019 at 2:24 PM UTC
Brooklyn 1
Spices/nices... sweets and creams. Smells like home Bodega my senses. Herbs/Lotions. from across time and the ocean. Remedies for achy knees. Cough syrup/liniments. Mangoes and tangerines. Mamae/papaya. Waha leaf. Tree bark/arrowroot. Nescafe/Milo. Pastries.Puddings. cakes and tamales. Ginger beer/seaweed sweet drink Love potions in the back room. spells and fixes too. Yeah the old is new. The Bodega is a slice of home, mysterious and familiar. good for what ails ya. Placebo ? oh no cho man.
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Oct 14, 2013
Oct 14, 2013 at 11:59 PM UTC
Bodega
From the kid killed in front of the bodega to all the women being ***** along with police brutality Someone’s playing Thanos because we’re dying off rapidly There won’t ever be a food shortage because half the population is gone in an unknown fatality When will we see the end to this Millions billions and trillions of dollars dumped into our military but there’s still no sense to this But this is the make America great country that I’m living in How can hell be any worse than the one we’re living in I’ll probably see more people dead than I’ll see graduated There’s polar opposite feelings when death certificates and graduation certificates are allocated Never catch me outside in my house is where I’ll be located The blocks getting hot and only by the guns that inhabit them And it’s all fun and games Until police brutality or false identity gets you killed and your life lives on through people that have inked your name And no matter how many memories you had with them it’ll never be the same Because their watching over you at a height no mortal man can obtain I’m not trying to be a pastor trying get people to follow the words I preach I’m just praying the ones I love stay safe in these summer streets
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Aug 10, 2018
Aug 10, 2018 at 1:32 AM UTC
Summer Streets
SÅR DER HELER PÅ LÆBEN, RU HÅNDOVERFLADER OG BEN DER RYSTENDE FORSØGER AT VALSE MENSTURATIONSSMERTER, ØMME MUSKLER OG GRIMME NEGLEBÅND *** SPØRGER OM HVAD DER ER GALT JEG SIGER JEG ER KED AF DET OG GRÆDER *** SIGER HVORFOR OG JEG VED DET IKKE OG HAR PÅ SAMME TID LYST TIL AT SNAKKE MEN JEG SIGER INGENTING OG INTET BRÆNDER MERE I HALSEN END USAGTE ORD MEN DET VED DU VEL IKKE ******* LORTE PSYKOLOG JEG GÅR PÅ EN STI DEN ER 11 OG DER ER INGEN MENNESKER SÅ JEG SÆTTER MIG PÅ EN BÆNK OG JEG TØRRER IHÆRDIGT TÅRERNE VÆK IMENS JEG VRÆLER BANDEORD OG FORSØGER AT HULKE ALLE DÆMONERNE UD SELVOM INTET GIVER POTE OG JEG ER FORDÆRVET INDENI TRÆKKER JEG PÅ SMILEBÅNDET OG SMILEHULLERNE BEGEJSTRER SIG MEN ER DET SÅDAN UNGDOM SKAL FØLES? JEG TAGER UD OM LØRDAGEN FORDI JEG ARBEJDER HVER FREDAG SÅ JEG STJÆLER GLÆDE FRA SØNDAG DEN GLÆDE DER NU FINDES TUNGE ØJENLÅG TEQUILA TILTRÆNGT EFEMERISK LYKKE OG TAKTISK SELVBEDRAGISK LATTER TILFREDSHEDEN ER DER NÆPPE MEN ER JEG GOD NOK NU ELLER HVAD? JEG TAGER HJEM MEN JEG VENTER FØRST PÅ NATBUSSEN ELLER ER DET TOGET ELLER METROEN FØRST EN SMØG JEG BRÆNDER MIG PÅ FINGEREN ALTING ER JO SLØRET FORHELVEDE DET GØR ONDT. JEG FRYSER OG MINE TÆNDER KLAPRER JEG VED IKKE ENGANG HVORDAN JEG FÅR STEGET PÅ VÅGNER DAGEN EFTER SORTE RANDER UNDER ØJNENE OG TØMMERMÆND ER DET HELE DÉT VÆRD? MED KRØLLEDE PENGESEDLER, FINTSKÅRET TOBAK FRA KNÆKKEDE CIGARETTER, OG ET UBRUGT KONDOM I TASKEN GÅR JEG UD MEN LÆGGER FOLK OVERHOVEDET MÆRKE TIL AT JEG GÅR? LUGTEN AF BODEGA SPREDER SIG PÅ GADEN NÅR JEG BEVÆGER MIG PÅ FORTOVET JEG FÅR ET TILTRÆNGENDE KNUS FØR *** LUKKER MIG IND MEN LUKKER JEG OVERHOVEDET HENDE ELLER NOGEN IND? JEG SIDDER VED RADIATOREN DEN ER VARM OG SYMPATISK IKKE SOM DE SKØDELØSE KYS ELLER DEN ANARKISTISKE IDENTITET MEN ER JEG IKKE OKAY NU? JEG KVÆLER DEN KOGENDE KOFFEIN OG KÆFTEN BRÆNDER KU DET BLIVE MERE KAOTISK KU DET? DEN KRUMMEDE VÅDE MEN LUNE CIGARET HÆNGER I MUNDVIGEN JEG TAGER DEN IMELLEM PEGEFINGEREN OG FUCKFINGEREN INHALERER OG PUSTER UD HVAD JEG HÅBER PÅ ER TOMHEDEN INDENI IMENS TÅRERNE UFRIVILLIGT LØBER NED AF KINDERNE HVORNÅR HOLDER DET OP? ER DET STRÆKMÆRKERNE, DET RUNDE ANSIGT, POLLENALLERGIEN, MANGEL PÅ SYMPATI OG PENGE ELLER BARE MIN PERSONLIGHED DÉT DER GØR AT JEG IKKE ER GOD NOK?
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Mar 12, 2015
Mar 12, 2015 at 4:08 PM UTC
MIN UNGDOM
SÅR DER HELER PÅ LÆBEN, RU HÅNDOVERFLADER OG BEN DER RYSTENDE FORSØGER AT VALSE MENSTURATIONSSMERTER, ØMME MUSKLER OG GRIMME NEGLEBÅND *** SPØRGER OM HVAD DER ER GALT JEG SIGER JEG ER KED AF DET OG GRÆDER *** SIGER HVORFOR OG JEG VED DET IKKE OG HAR PÅ SAMME TID LYST TIL AT SNAKKE MEN JEG SIGER INGENTING OG INTET BRÆNDER MERE I HALSEN END USAGTE ORD MEN DET VED DU VEL IKKE ******* LORTE PSYKOLOG JEG GÅR PÅ EN STI DEN ER 11 OG DER ER INGEN MENNESKER SÅ JEG SÆTTER MIG PÅ EN BÆNK OG JEG TØRRER IHÆRDIGT TÅRERNE VÆK IMENS JEG VRÆLER BANDEORD OG FORSØGER AT HULKE ALLE DÆMONERNE UD SELVOM INTET GIVER POTE OG JEG ER FORDÆRVET INDENI TRÆKKER JEG PÅ SMILEBÅNDET OG SMILEHULLERNE BEGEJSTRER SIG MEN ER DET SÅDAN UNGDOM SKAL FØLES? JEG TAGER UD OM LØRDAGEN FORDI JEG ARBEJDER HVER FREDAG SÅ JEG STJÆLER GLÆDE FRA SØNDAG DEN GLÆDE DER NU FINDES TUNGE ØJENLÅG TEQUILA TILTRÆNGT EFEMERISK LYKKE OG TAKTISK SELVBEDRAGISK LATTER TILFREDSHEDEN ER DER NÆPPE MEN ER JEG GOD NOK NU ELLER HVAD? JEG TAGER HJEM MEN JEG VENTER FØRST PÅ NATBUSSEN ELLER ER DET TOGET ELLER METROEN FØRST EN SMØG JEG BRÆNDER MIG PÅ FINGEREN ALTING ER JO SLØRET FORHELVEDE DET GØR ONDT. JEG FRYSER OG MINE TÆNDER KLAPRER JEG VED IKKE ENGANG HVORDAN JEG FÅR STEGET PÅ VÅGNER DAGEN EFTER SORTE RANDER UNDER ØJNENE OG TØMMERMÆND ER DET HELE DÉT VÆRD? MED KRØLLEDE PENGESEDLER, FINTSKÅRET TOBAK FRA KNÆKKEDE CIGARETTER, OG ET UBRUGT KONDOM I TASKEN GÅR JEG UD MEN LÆGGER FOLK OVERHOVEDET MÆRKE TIL AT JEG GÅR? LUGTEN AF BODEGA SPREDER SIG PÅ GADEN NÅR JEG BEVÆGER MIG PÅ FORTOVET JEG FÅR ET TILTRÆNGENDE KNUS FØR *** LUKKER MIG IND MEN LUKKER JEG OVERHOVEDET HENDE ELLER NOGEN IND? JEG SIDDER VED RADIATOREN DEN ER VARM OG SYMPATISK IKKE SOM DE SKØDELØSE KYS ELLER DEN ANARKISTISKE IDENTITET MEN ER JEG IKKE OKAY NU? JEG KVÆLER DEN KOGENDE KOFFEIN OG KÆFTEN BRÆNDER KU DET BLIVE MERE KAOTISK KU DET? DEN KRUMMEDE VÅDE MEN LUNE CIGARET HÆNGER I MUNDVIGEN JEG TAGER DEN IMELLEM PEGEFINGEREN OG FUCKFINGEREN INHALERER OG PUSTER UD HVAD JEG HÅBER PÅ ER TOMHEDEN INDENI IMENS TÅRERNE UFRIVILLIGT LØBER NED AF KINDERNE HVORNÅR HOLDER DET OP? ER DET STRÆKMÆRKERNE, DET RUNDE ANSIGT, POLLENALLERGIEN, MANGEL PÅ SYMPATI OG PENGE ELLER BARE MIN PERSONLIGHED DÉT DER GØR AT JEG IKKE ER GOD NOK?
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I began with verse about Wyeth's Christina but I couldn't see her face, and I've never been to Maine though her twisted body pains me then I flew to the opposite coast summoned by the memory of a ghost: my best friend at Bodega Bay, one fine day forty Augusts gone he threw a Frisbee to his Airedale and we ate sprout sandwiches, avoiding the foul karma from the slaughter of beeves, hogs, he said I would like to relive that day, with its blue dusk, but the clock can't be rewound and he is not to be found on the great Pacific kin who barely knew his face chose his final space--a hot hole on Oklahoma prairies, not far from his drunken father and others who never saw him watch the sun sink gold into the sea in my head I'll exhume him, maybe return him to the waves that reclaim all things or introduce him to Christina a continent away--he could help me know her though her eyes face another world
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Dec 12, 2015
Dec 12, 2015 at 4:28 PM UTC
writers block--a journey, on the keyboard
Christmas morning and we got drunk on $3 red wine given to me entirely for free from the creepy guy who sits downstairs with absolutely nothing on underneath his trenchcoat it was ******* freezing outside, and I cried just a little bit when you told me we were out of butter. With no bra and a pair of XL red sweatpants I went to the bodega on the corner where the old man with too many fingers never gives me the right change. And that day I cried in my room over what Christmas had become for me and now I cry for that ****** apartment four blocks from the G train in the middle of Brooklyn, New York and the fridge that never had what we were looking for.
0
Nov 30, 2014
Nov 30, 2014 at 10:12 PM UTC
Paula Deen
twelve days in july and i carry tokens of each of them in the pocket of my filthy jeans each has a face each has a story and its own trail of rages or tears she danced alone in the room of the redhouse bodega a spanish tune twisting slowly from the player its sound thin but the song robust spinning spinning round and round she was shadow and light flashes of rich color in her best dress and boots of leather hear them still hitting the hardpack floor like thunder she was a goddess that night she was the worlds that night let her stay there forever in the limelight happy in the moment he waited dressed in his finest clothes pressed and neat from head to toe with a single rose in the moonlight a mile down from the redhouse in his heart he sings that song to her in his heart he holds her in his arms theres nothing that will stop us he says theres nothing that will ever stand in our way and his heart dances thru all the days with her that he will love her that they will share there in the moonlight a mile down from the redhouse singing a song in his heart for her let him abide there forever happy in the moment i see dawn sneaking in the window pull the blanket from my shoulder shake off the chill cough the sickhouse regret and feel my lungs fill with  slow death twelve days in july but i keep dreamin of one night in febuary a shopping cart and smiles hope i could use some all the places i could have ended did not see this one alone in an empty broken room an empty broken man dont leave me here alone in this moment she lay in the grass public park just before dawn looking up at the stars fade holding a small budda rubbing the belly smile on her face but thoughts run deep and swift with one finger she traces the edges of clouds in her heart she paints masterpieces she illustrates the world with a carefree hand and is loved by all who behold in her heart the last sliver of moonlight is hers alone on the road from the redhouse an ambulance ride to saving a quick journey to hope on the road from the redhouse she just wants to stay here where its safe where nothing dangerous can get at her in this moment of moonlight happiness twelve days in july seem like years to me where am i bound will i make it i just want that night shopping carts and smiles hope just a glimmer of hope
0
Jul 12, 2013
Jul 12, 2013 at 9:00 AM UTC
twelve days in july
twelve days in july and i carry tokens of each of them in the pocket of my filthy jeans each has a face each has a story and its own trail of rages or tears she danced alone in the room of the redhouse bodega a spanish tune twisting slowly from the player its sound thin but the song robust spinning spinning round and round she was shadow and light flashes of rich color in her best dress and boots of leather hear them still hitting the hardpack floor like thunder she was a goddess that night she was the worlds that night let her stay there forever in the limelight happy in the moment he waited dressed in his finest clothes pressed and neat from head to toe with a single rose in the moonlight a mile down from the redhouse in his heart he sings that song to her in his heart he holds her in his arms theres nothing that will stop us he says theres nothing that will ever stand in our way and his heart dances thru all the days with her that he will love her that they will share there in the moonlight a mile down from the redhouse singing a song in his heart for her let him abide there forever happy in the moment i see dawn sneaking in the window pull the blanket from my shoulder shake off the chill cough the sickhouse regret and feel my lungs fill with  slow death twelve days in july but i keep dreamin of one night in febuary a shopping cart and smiles hope i could use some all the places i could have ended did not see this one alone in an empty broken room an empty broken man dont leave me here alone in this moment she lay in the grass public park just before dawn looking up at the stars fade holding a small budda rubbing the belly smile on her face but thoughts run deep and swift with one finger she traces the edges of clouds in her heart she paints masterpieces she illustrates the world with a carefree hand and is loved by all who behold in her heart the last sliver of moonlight is hers alone on the road from the redhouse an ambulance ride to saving a quick journey to hope on the road from the redhouse she just wants to stay here where its safe where nothing dangerous can get at her in this moment of moonlight happiness twelve days in july seem like years to me where am i bound will i make it i just want that night shopping carts and smiles hope just a glimmer of hope
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he watches the waves crash against old earth's spine lapping, licking like they want to reclaim the clams, the ***** and the ancient amoeba that abandoned the waters before time he knows the sea sounds are an anthem, for he has been told this by his friends who surround him, tho now their mouths are still as they listen to this blue symphony the one who can talk with his hands signs to him they are leaving now, dusk has siphoned the last bit of warmth from the air he tells them to leave him; he will wait for darkness and when he is shivering with only black waves as his companions he will sing, his eerie emanations a chorus of one among the dancing waters
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Sep 13, 2015
Sep 13, 2015 at 2:04 PM UTC
Bodega Bay
After the last call And the subsequent lock-in Of the second bar we'd hit Where we'd sat doing shots And talking Fitzgerald and Joyce We took shelter from the downpour Under the awning of a bodega Out on Atlantic Avenue. I clasped your head in my hands, In emphasis of some joke just told Before you passed me a poorly rolled cigarette And I turned for a drag. Exhaling, I felt your gaze Penetrate through my lungs' fresh smoke And fill me full-brimmed Like a rush of blood. You grabbed me then Our faces wet with rain And gave me the nicest kiss I'd ever known. Drawing away You swore and ****** yourself For your mistake. I tried to ride your bike But fell My drunken feet entwined in the peddles. When the rain had stopped We sat on the hot concrete And I tried to remember A song that I wanted you to hear. We pushed your bike To the Nevins St. Subway stop And you stood there And watched As I went underground Before cycling home Over Brooklyn Bridge.
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Jun 29, 2012
Jun 29, 2012 at 7:59 AM UTC
5am, Nevins St.
Los circos trashumantes, de lamido perrillo enciclopédico y desacreditados elefantes, me enseñaron la cómica friolera y las magnas tragedias hilarantes. El aeronauta previo, colgado de los dedos de los pies, era un bravo cosmógrafo al revés que, si subía hasta asomarse al Polo Norte, o al Polo Sur, también tenía cuestiones personales con Eolo. Irrumpía el payaso como una estridencia ambigua, y era a un tiempo manicomio, niñez, golpe contuso, pesadilla y licencia. Amábanlo los niños porque salía de una bodega mágica de azúcares. Su faz sólo era trágica por dos lágrimas sendas de carmín. Su polvorosa apariencia toleraba tenerlo por muy limpio o por muy sucio, y un cónico bonete era la gloria inestable y procaz de su occipucio. El payaso tocaba a la amazona y la hallaba de almendra, a juzgar por la mímica fehaciente de toda su persona cuando llevaba el dedo temerario hasta la lengua cínica y glotona. Un día en que el payaso dio a probar su rastro de amazona al ejemplar señor Gobernador de aquel Estado, comprendí lo que es Poder Ejecutivo aturrullado. ¡Oh remoto payaso: en el umbral de mi infancia derecha y de mis virtudes recién nacidas yo no puedo tener una sospecha de amazonas y almendras prohibidas! Estas almendras raudas hechas de terciopelos y de trinos que no nos dejan ni tocar sus caudas... Los adioses baldíos a las augustas Evas redivivas que niegan la migaja, pero inculcan en nuestra sangre briosa una patética mendicidad de almendras fugitivas... Había una menuda cuadrumana de enagüilla de céfiro que, cabalgando por el redondel con azoros de humana, vencía los obstáculos de inquina y los aviesos aros de papel. Y cuando a la erudita cavilación de Darwin se le montaba la enagüilla obscena, la avisada monita se quedaba serena. como ante un espejismo, despreocupada lastimosamente de su desmantelado transformismo. La niña Bell cantaba: «Soy la paloma errante»; y de botellas y de cascabeles surtía un abundante surtidor de sonidos acuáticos, para la sed acuática de papás aburridos, nodriza inverecunda y prole gemebunda. ¡Oh memoria del circo! Tú te vas adelgazando en el frecuente síncope del latón sin compás; en la apesadumbrada somnolencia del gas; en el talento necio del domador aquel que molestaba a los leones hartos, y en el viudo oscilar del trapecio...
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Memorias del circo
Los circos trashumantes, de lamido perrillo enciclopédico y desacreditados elefantes, me enseñaron la cómica friolera y las magnas tragedias hilarantes. El aeronauta previo, colgado de los dedos de los pies, era un bravo cosmógrafo al revés que, si subía hasta asomarse al Polo Norte, o al Polo Sur, también tenía cuestiones personales con Eolo. Irrumpía el payaso como una estridencia ambigua, y era a un tiempo manicomio, niñez, golpe contuso, pesadilla y licencia. Amábanlo los niños porque salía de una bodega mágica de azúcares. Su faz sólo era trágica por dos lágrimas sendas de carmín. Su polvorosa apariencia toleraba tenerlo por muy limpio o por muy sucio, y un cónico bonete era la gloria inestable y procaz de su occipucio. El payaso tocaba a la amazona y la hallaba de almendra, a juzgar por la mímica fehaciente de toda su persona cuando llevaba el dedo temerario hasta la lengua cínica y glotona. Un día en que el payaso dio a probar su rastro de amazona al ejemplar señor Gobernador de aquel Estado, comprendí lo que es Poder Ejecutivo aturrullado. ¡Oh remoto payaso: en el umbral de mi infancia derecha y de mis virtudes recién nacidas yo no puedo tener una sospecha de amazonas y almendras prohibidas! Estas almendras raudas hechas de terciopelos y de trinos que no nos dejan ni tocar sus caudas... Los adioses baldíos a las augustas Evas redivivas que niegan la migaja, pero inculcan en nuestra sangre briosa una patética mendicidad de almendras fugitivas... Había una menuda cuadrumana de enagüilla de céfiro que, cabalgando por el redondel con azoros de humana, vencía los obstáculos de inquina y los aviesos aros de papel. Y cuando a la erudita cavilación de Darwin se le montaba la enagüilla obscena, la avisada monita se quedaba serena. como ante un espejismo, despreocupada lastimosamente de su desmantelado transformismo. La niña Bell cantaba: «Soy la paloma errante»; y de botellas y de cascabeles surtía un abundante surtidor de sonidos acuáticos, para la sed acuática de papás aburridos, nodriza inverecunda y prole gemebunda. ¡Oh memoria del circo! Tú te vas adelgazando en el frecuente síncope del latón sin compás; en la apesadumbrada somnolencia del gas; en el talento necio del domador aquel que molestaba a los leones hartos, y en el viudo oscilar del trapecio...
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meanwhile, summer is not ours it is not a celebration, it is teddy bears on street corners, bodega flowers on makeshift graves, distorted faces of home-printed memorials on t-shirts the same color and texture as what the dead boy was selling, meanwhile, summer is nothing more than closed houses, decks with grandmothers scowling down at the teenagers who are not sure if they are even real
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Nov 1, 2017
Nov 1, 2017 at 5:04 PM UTC
meanwhile summer
La Mancha y sus mujeres... Argamasilla, Infantes Esquivias, Valdepeñas, La novia de Cervantes, y del manchego heroico, el ama y la sobrina (el patio, la alacena, la cueva y la cocina, la rueca y la costura, la cuna y la pitanza), la esposa de don Diego y la mujer de Panza, la hija del ventero, y tantas como están bajo la tierra, y tantas que son y que serán encanto de manchegos y madres de españoles por tierras de lagares, molinos y arreboles.   Es la mujer manchega garrida y bien plantada, muy sobre sí doncella, perfecta de casada.   El sol de la caliente llanura vinariega quemó su piel, mas guarda frescura de bodega su corazón. Devota, sabe rezar con fe para que Dios nos libre de cuanto no se ve. Su obra es la casa -menos celada que en Sevilla, más gineceo y menos castillo que en Castilla-. Y es del hogar manchego la musa ordenadora; alinea los vasares, los lienzos alcanfora; las cuentas de la plaza anota en su diario, cuenta garbanzos, cuenta las cuentas del rosario.   ¿Hay más?  Por estos campos hubo un amor de fuego, dos ojos abrasaron un corazón manchego.   ¿No tuvo en esta Mancha su cuna Dulcinea? ¿No es el Toboso patria de la mujer idea del corazón, engendro e imán de corazones, a quien varón no impregna y aun parirá varones?   Por esta Mancha -prados, viñedos y molinos- que so el igual del cielo iguala sus caminos, de cepas arrugadas en el tostado suelo y mustios pastos como raído terciopelo: por este seco llano de sol y lejanía, en donde el ojo alcanza su pleno mediodía (un diminuto bando de pájaros puntea el índigo del cielo sobre la blanca aldea, y allá se yergue un soto de verdes alamillos, tras leguas y más leguas de campos amarillos), por esta tierra, lejos del mar y la montaña, el ancho reverbero del claro sol de España, anduvo un pobre hidalgo ciego de amor un día -amor nublóle el juicio: su corazón veía-.   Y tú, la cerca y lejos, por el inmenso llano eterna compañera y estrella de Quijano, lozana labradora fincada en tus terrones -oh madre de manchegos y numen de visiones-, viviste, buena Aldonza, tu vida verdadera cuando ta amante erguía su lanza justiciera, y en tu casona blanca ahechando el rubio trigo.Aquel amor de fuego era por ti y contigo.     Mujeres de la Mancha con el sagrado mote de Dulcinea, os salve la gloria de Quijote.
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La mujer manchega
La Mancha y sus mujeres... Argamasilla, Infantes Esquivias, Valdepeñas, La novia de Cervantes, y del manchego heroico, el ama y la sobrina (el patio, la alacena, la cueva y la cocina, la rueca y la costura, la cuna y la pitanza), la esposa de don Diego y la mujer de Panza, la hija del ventero, y tantas como están bajo la tierra, y tantas que son y que serán encanto de manchegos y madres de españoles por tierras de lagares, molinos y arreboles.   Es la mujer manchega garrida y bien plantada, muy sobre sí doncella, perfecta de casada.   El sol de la caliente llanura vinariega quemó su piel, mas guarda frescura de bodega su corazón. Devota, sabe rezar con fe para que Dios nos libre de cuanto no se ve. Su obra es la casa -menos celada que en Sevilla, más gineceo y menos castillo que en Castilla-. Y es del hogar manchego la musa ordenadora; alinea los vasares, los lienzos alcanfora; las cuentas de la plaza anota en su diario, cuenta garbanzos, cuenta las cuentas del rosario.   ¿Hay más?  Por estos campos hubo un amor de fuego, dos ojos abrasaron un corazón manchego.   ¿No tuvo en esta Mancha su cuna Dulcinea? ¿No es el Toboso patria de la mujer idea del corazón, engendro e imán de corazones, a quien varón no impregna y aun parirá varones?   Por esta Mancha -prados, viñedos y molinos- que so el igual del cielo iguala sus caminos, de cepas arrugadas en el tostado suelo y mustios pastos como raído terciopelo: por este seco llano de sol y lejanía, en donde el ojo alcanza su pleno mediodía (un diminuto bando de pájaros puntea el índigo del cielo sobre la blanca aldea, y allá se yergue un soto de verdes alamillos, tras leguas y más leguas de campos amarillos), por esta tierra, lejos del mar y la montaña, el ancho reverbero del claro sol de España, anduvo un pobre hidalgo ciego de amor un día -amor nublóle el juicio: su corazón veía-.   Y tú, la cerca y lejos, por el inmenso llano eterna compañera y estrella de Quijano, lozana labradora fincada en tus terrones -oh madre de manchegos y numen de visiones-, viviste, buena Aldonza, tu vida verdadera cuando ta amante erguía su lanza justiciera, y en tu casona blanca ahechando el rubio trigo.Aquel amor de fuego era por ti y contigo.     Mujeres de la Mancha con el sagrado mote de Dulcinea, os salve la gloria de Quijote.
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Another glass (bodega red)— Christmas lights, all buzz-eyed bokeh— I want you close, my nervous tic, my lunar love, Cassiopeia— this holiday I said too much, I made a fool of both of us— but I don’t drink to disappear— I drink to kiss my fearless lover.
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Nov 29, 2018
Nov 29, 2018 at 12:58 AM UTC
A Crutch for Courage
Walking to the bodega, I think about those sparrows that run in the wind, even when there's a cold blow going, and they work like freaks with sin on their mind. Once I clear myself of you, I will write like I used to, I will be free of the breakwaters to read, write, and create again, but love or whatever-the-fuck-it-was, has put a stop to everything, and I walk to the bodega with a head full of nothing; no thermals, no heat for me to ride, but I'm sure I'll be okay, I'm sure you don't care. I'd rather be safe on some branch lapping acid rain out of a lead saucer, than trying to ford this river in the air with nothing, not even a pair of wet wings. When I get to the store, I buy a pack of Marlboros and ask for all the lead in the world. He looks at me with a screwface, so I ask him again, and he says "No loitering." I was gonna fly home, gonna try and test my shoulder blades and see if maybe I could make something happen. But, I go to the garbage barge in the back and sit, beside it, gravel scratching my *** with stingers, as light scissors out of the sky; little needles of sun in the little oceans in the little asphalt craters making little, if not any, noise, and I lean drinking something slightly mean, a forty and another in the bag, because it usually helps in these situations. I left my wings somewhere and I cry there, cry because I'm stranded in a place that I have never been, with all the light in the world and no place to put it. I murked out, at some point.
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Feb 13, 2012
Feb 13, 2012 at 4:59 PM UTC
Murked.('11).
Walking to the bodega, I think about those sparrows that run in the wind, even when there's a cold blow going, and they work like freaks with sin on their mind. Once I clear myself of you, I will write like I used to, I will be free of the breakwaters to read, write, and create again, but love or whatever-the-fuck-it-was, has put a stop to everything, and I walk to the bodega with a head full of nothing; no thermals, no heat for me to ride, but I'm sure I'll be okay, I'm sure you don't care. I'd rather be safe on some branch lapping acid rain out of a lead saucer, than trying to ford this river in the air with nothing, not even a pair of wet wings. When I get to the store, I buy a pack of Marlboros and ask for all the lead in the world. He looks at me with a screwface, so I ask him again, and he says "No loitering." I was gonna fly home, gonna try and test my shoulder blades and see if maybe I could make something happen. But, I go to the garbage barge in the back and sit, beside it, gravel scratching my *** with stingers, as light scissors out of the sky; little needles of sun in the little oceans in the little asphalt craters making little, if not any, noise, and I lean drinking something slightly mean, a forty and another in the bag, because it usually helps in these situations. I left my wings somewhere and I cry there, cry because I'm stranded in a place that I have never been, with all the light in the world and no place to put it. I murked out, at some point.
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