excuse me while I write
another poem
one that I know
you will never read
but hopefully
you can understand
the pain you're giving
to me

If you left me now
I wouldn't notice
the absence
Because really
you were hardly there
anyhow.

He gave her a flower
And it multiplied
In her mind.
Lone petals millionizing
In exaggerated,
Mind-inflated
Love.

He gave her a cigarette.
It caused
The chain reaction
They call addiction.
It multiplied in her lungs-
She couldn't stay satisfied.
And she never quit.

He gave her a kiss.
Or maybe she stole it.
Those multiplied too.
Passion learning
Her lips aching and raw
When it was time to speak.

He gave her an end
When he left
And the second
She took down
Too many,
They multiplied
Death in her stomach.

Until the seconds ticked
And expanded onward
Because those seconds gone
Were infinitely gone,
Multiplied too much.

For each step
I inhale your presence
Stuck in your sight
I evade with shame

Confused with the signs
which tell your desire
To have me
Or to just be

With each caress
I cry my heart
Not to take advantage
Of your kindness

Built with this bond
a caution and limit
of what I can be
For you

But the toxic seeps in
As I fell hopelessly
I try to stand my ground
Too late

Every aimless try
leads me to an abyss
Not just to be a friend
but more than

i fear
that i am beginning
to feel
the sweetness
of you
flutter
within my
heart

They called me a pessimist
And I guess I am
I mean it's true
But it's not my fault that the autumn days are dark
Whispering harshly in the night
Ripping leaves off of trees
Leaving them limp and bare to survive winter
The little winds foreshadow the coming brutal storms
That leave us cold in terror
But the breeze is so powerful
It numbs my skin like a drug
Keeps my blood rushing, wanting more
And my eyes are pleased to see the rainfall of the leaves
From branches of clouds
So beautiful
Then comes the holidays and cremed cocoas
The laughter and the dazzling crisp snow
One true pessimist
They call me but I'll go with it and let it go