what can a person do when they feel like falling
when their feet no longer touch the ground
when their bodies fall down like leaves
with no sound, no tears, no fear
focusing only on yesterday
because there’s no tomorrow

I craved it
every time I saw you
I imagined your body pressed to mine
but it was all just an illusion
a piece of art
created by my vivid imagination
then I remembered you did not care
you were just a statue
standing in the mud
and the rain
pale face with an odd smirk
I could not help it
I fell hard for that Cheshire cat's smile
but underneath it
there was sadness
constant despair
melancholy of words
said to the wind
that did not listen
and there was this coldness
in your limbs
no heat or passion
when next to the loved one
no feelings
no emotions
nothing
like a stone
cold to the core

love is blind
you left me
and I never saw it coming
I am naïve
trust people who are not real
the people who are only bodies
no souls and minds
no reasons to stay patient and constant
like robots lacking emotions
you were my eyes
my heart
my everything
now I am lying on the ground
overwhelmed with the pain of existence
and I am blind
without you, I cannot see
but I choose to stay sightless
at least love will not fool me again

I never told you that silence scared me
no movement
no sounds
the eternal stillness
we could linger in the calmness
stay close
hear each other's deep breaths
you barely heard me do it
I always stalled the inhales
to feel still for a moment
to suffocate
I just wanted to feel weightless
make the world stop for a minute
relax and be brought to life
for the last time
fresh and clean
silent

They say that divorced parents are fun! Everyone wanted their parents to split at some point.
I'm not going to lie -- I never had the opportunity to even think about that.
My parents were so in love they hadn't noticed their love ruined everything.
Love disappears. It's as light as a feather. You can admire it and caress its soft and fluffy hairs. But when you pull to hard, it falls off.
When I was 2, my father hit my mom for the first time.
I don't remember what happened.
I only recall the sounds because they haunt me in my sleep up until now.
Divorced parents are fun! Are they, though? "You get everything you want times two!" my friends used to say.
But, do you know what I am not getting?
A normal house.
I felt abandoned for my whole childhood.
I didn't know what I had done wrong. Was it my fault they split up? Maybe they filed for divorce because they never wanted me to happen. I'm sure it is my fault.
What's even worse?
You constantly feel forced to choose a parent you like most, a house you want to spend a Saturday at.
My soul was torn into pieces when I had to spend Christmas and my birthday with my mom only. Father was not allowed.
I lacked a man figure in my life. How am I supposed to build a relationship when I don't trust men. I feel attacked whenever somebody tries to be close to me, intimate in some way.
Lacking a real home turns into a perpetual feeling of not belonging to anybody.
You wished you had a baby brother for Christmas, but instead got a broken family and silent cries of your mother at night.
So no, divorced parents are definitely not fun.