I am my fathers daughter.
I know this because he tells me every time he's drunk or every time I'm drunk
I think it started when my mother left
skipped town with the preacher
left me shaking in the bathroom holding my knees like a bad taste in my mouth
this is family
this is coming home or the lack of coming back
this is making toast for your mom when she's had too much wine and somehow ends up where it all began, in the apartment that was once hers but has since switched ownership
this house is not a home
without a mother
this house is not a home without the fathers daughter
we become glue for those who cannot become sober
we become wall, ball and chain, we become our fathers at such a young age we forget how to be anything besides drunk

I can put words on paper,
They fit and  they rhyme
But I am not truly a poet
There is no definition
Yet still I am not.
I am not a poet
And I will always fail
For the same simple reason
Beliefs can be a poison.

You lied.
You said you'd be leaving the country,
But you lied.
I still find pieces of you
everywhere I go.

You're the song that comes on the radio in taxis, begging to be missed.
I know it's you when my hands start itching to grab my phone to see if you messaged me.
Everytime I hear my phone ring,
For a moment I swear it was your name that flashed on the screen.


You lied.
You said you left the country,
But why is it that everytime
I look for you,
I always find you
in my heart?

***** girl. god beast.

I think
Life's amazing &
I hate everything

at the same time.

I live in a state of mind.

this is
pure ******
self loathing.

cloven toed beast thing
clothed in the evening
jovially feasting
on the seedling souls &
the gold seeping thru
holes in the ceiling

cold concrete beings
with a billion eyes
that could **** em all
with the things they seen.

I can't 'just believe.'

There's way too much
wrong with me.


Just how I like it.

For the longest time, I was blinded by your love..
I was so blind, that I couldn't tell you didn't love me at all..
But now my eyes are open, and I can finally see..
You no longer want to be a part of me..
You've pushed me away time and time again..
But I've always came back in the end.
I always came back with open arms for you,
Because gosh I'm so madly in love with you.
But how can I continue holding on to someone,
That doesn't want anything to do with me?
How can I continue loving someone,
That doesn't even love me?
How can I continue to be a part of something,
That isn't even real?
I made you my life, my whole universe..
You made me just another girl, that meant nothing to you.
You were my light, in all my darkness..
Now you're just part of the darkness,
That surrounds me..

I am nothing but a pack of cards.
No, not even.
Perhaps I am the Jack of Spades.
I'm missing the hearts.

I worry about the future,
where I ought to go,
who I ought to be.
It doesn't much matter which way I walk
so long as I get somewhere.
Any road can take me there.

We can't go back to yesterday because we were different people then.

Your scarlet hair
        like a fire
                like the eternal flame
                        forever
                                will burn me.