i laugh at everything and
i talk about my emotions
so freely and i'm open to
everyone i meet but i'm
so scared and i can't even
force myself to get close
anymore
i can't believe i let this
happen
when did it get so bad

all i really have right now
are these old photos and
memories of everything
that happened and that
recurring dream about
the night you said you
don't love me anymore
i'm trying to just forget
it but it's engraved in my
mind and there's nothing i
can do about the tears tonight

it's 3am and i can't seem
to shake the thought of
you braiding flowers into
someone else's hair

i'm so tired all of the time
and my bones are aching
and my joints are screaming
and my mind is begging for
rest
but all i can do for now is
hope i can get a few minutes
of sleep before you decide to
creep back into my mind and
keep me up for a few more days
maybe even a week
i can't keep doing this to myself
and am i really doing it or are
you still controlling me from so
far away?

coffee helps keep me awake
but nothing keeps me up quite
like the thought of you loving
someone else

it was christmas eve and you
had been drinking but you
still insisted on driving us all
home
you were swerving and it was
snowing and you said you
didn't care if you killed us all
that night
i was crying and screaming i
wanted to die and no one even
batted an eye
how could you do that to us?
fathers aren't supposed to ruin
christmas.

i'm ripping apart my body
at the seams trying to find
the parts you may have left
behind but so far i've come
up with nothing
i'm all alone here and i'm
only trying to find an escape
and i know i'm looking in
all of the wrong places but
i've got to look somewhere
right?