i'm fighting trying to fill the
void you left with mindless
*** and too many cigarettes
i'm addicted to one or the other
and i wish i could tell which
but until i figure it out i guess
i'll continue drowning myself
in warm flesh and smoke
this isn't going very well and i
wish i could say otherwise but
lately everything's gone to ****
and you're never around

do you know that feeling?
where you can't really
place what's wrong and you
can't really explain what's
happening around you but
you know you don't feel
alright and it's like you're
slipping away under the ice
and no one's trying to break
through?
do you? do you know?

i didn't cry when my father
said he wasn't sure he loved
me anymore and i didn't cry
when my mother let him hit
me so hard i passed out
i didn't cry when my first ever
boyfriend broke my heart and
went after my best friend and i
didn't cry when they lasted so
much longer
i didn't cry when the cancer
stole my grandfather from me
and i didn't cry at the funeral
when everybody was asking
me how i felt
i didn't cry after all of those
boys took advantage of my
inability to fight back and i
didn't cry when they all told
everyone about it
but ******* it i could't stop
the tears fast enough when you
said you didn't love me anymore

i still find it so
strange that as
soon as i was
gone you went
right back to
everyone you
said you never
would

i was walking for miles
and you asked me why
i was out so late
it was freezing cold and
the rain was picking up
i thought no one would
notice me but you did
you picked me up and
asked me where i was
going and why i wasn't
home and if i knew how
to make a fire without a
lighter or matches
you made sure there
wasn't a moment of silence
during the whole car ride
and i never noticed you were
driving me home until you
pulled into my drive way
i asked you how you knew
where i lived and you said
remember that time in
elementary school you
invited me over after school
because you heard my mom
left us?
i said yes, i didn't say i
thought about it for years
wondering if you remembered
how when you were going
home that night i told you i
loved you

i told you about that time
years ago when all those
boys didn't care that i was
in pain and they didn't
care that i was saying no
and they didn't care that
i was crying and you did
an amazing thing for me
that night *you cared

we were sitting in your car
in the church parking lot
and you told me about your
dad and i told you about
mine and you said you really
liked me and all i could
think about was everyone that
left only minutes after
saying they never would