Into the glass I look and see
A figure of half century life
A reflection of an older me
Eyes showing the child I used to be
As they reside amongst a face of crumpled skin
That still has traces of a younger beauty

Wisdom is like the teeth grown over years
And I carry the wounds of choices made
I can’t now regret and shed crocodile tears
I will live with the mistakes, and have no fears
Of retribution when I reach the end
Though they will be no horns or angel cheers

No, I can’t change what is to be
But if I could step through the glass
Take the hand of the younger me
Show her another way, make her see
One mistake can put steps on a road
To life lived lonely, just me, not we.

In my head
A thought splits into thousands
And days become the dead
As hours pass like seconds

I can’t recall
A moment when I smiled
And I saw a star filled nightfall
As a sun was left defiled

I didn’t see
A change, it arrived uninvited
And naive I pulled it into me
As the world became blighted

I fell voiceless
A mute that told daily lies
And you were fooled, spared the darkness
As you only saw my thespian guise

I mislaid me
A year of constant misery chipped away
And I grew into this dark personality
As I woke into a unknown day

I can’t be
A happy copy of who I was
And I will hold onto the love you give me
As I fight against this dark road into Oz

Tis past the season of love and cheer
Where toasts were made with wine and beer
Sad Christmas trees are stripped of glitter
And unwanted presents are displayed on twitter

Time to turn off the festive telly
Review a Christmas inflated belly
New year party celebrations
End with a list of resolutions

First day of the year, ready to go
Gym joined, going to be a boxing pro
But ten minutes in, I’m in a heap
The floor feels comfy, so I take a sleep
Okay so boxing isn’t my thing
So on to resolution No2. Learn to sing

I join the local choir, looking to go solo
But they say I sing like someone called Greta Garbo
Okay so singing isn’t my style
So onto No3, going to ice skate, freestyle
Saved the best for last, this is for me
Used to skate when I was a kid, what glee

I am nearly the star that shines
Look at my turns, how clean my lines
Ready for the leap, two and half twist, here I go
But the resulting belly flop earns a score of zero
Okay so ice skating is for the younger scene
So, onto resolution No4, Cut out caffeine

Okay, day one I’m climbing the walls
The dog is dodging flying *****
Heads pounding like hangover king
Has it really only been one hour in?
That’s enough to prove the point, Kettles on
Expresso in the cup. Resolutions done.

Reflections crystalize into blackened ice
As my laughter falls like pebbled hail
Cracking the dark mirror

My face falls into the deep black
My voice follows
Fading
To silence

Light bounces upon sunken hope
The pull is an anchor to the surface
Coloured blue in crystal glass

I inhale the warming hue
My heart stutters
Breaking
Through black

The day scratches
It’s abrasive minutes tick
Away the harsh sunlight
To reveal a muddy night

My head itches
Scurrying feet in the attic
Thoughts that nip and bite
They say I won’t sleep tonight

Harsh are lies
They can’t be cast aside
And sorry is buried in heavy sand
I can’t dig out with bucket and *****

So many why’s
But the answers are wrapped in pride
Maybe tomorrow I will take your hand
Show I’m brave, not afraid

How sharp the frost
That falls on the summer rose
As an unnatural winter
Covers a hot June land
And honey bees search for what is lost
In a place where nothing now grows
As tears fall as acid, for here we were.
A billion grains of sand.

Under a pale damaged moon
A ghost takes to flight
On soft white feather wing
It glides amongst stripped bare wood
As soft as a whisper
It plunges into the undergrowth
And a small thrumming heart is stilled
With deadly strike
Then quiet as a sigh the ghost drifts away
With its silent passenger
Hungry mouths are waiting

Missing traffic on a tarmac road
A plane scraping sky with it’s holiday load
Missing the roar of fans, match day
And Music concerts where people sing and sway
Missing the sound of footsteps in the city and town
Pub crawls with friends, starting from the Rose and Crown

Loving the quiet, the peace that silence brings
My heart could break at the song the blackbird sings
Loving the air, I can smell the grass not the emission fumes
How clean the sky, as the Earth breaks into flora blooms
Loving this time that the planet has been given
To take some time, a breath of air, a habit broken

Time to spend in deep reflection
Taking the space to find further direction
Time to look at what you really need
Not what you want in this modern greed
Time to see the world anew
A living breathing home for all, for me and you

Cast adrift on a molten sea
Lost is the anchor, the tether
That held me, safe and secure
I am driftwood
With no course, no destination
Lost amongst the salted foam
I am carried to a distant horizon
Where a sun kissed sky, bleeds into the sea

Where is my safe harbour?
He is gone. Left for another shore
A whirlpool, I was spun around
Pulled into him, drowning.
Then cast out, abandoned.
I am driftwood
floating on fast, warm currents
I will go where they carry me
Until I hear the call of a new shore

Obesssion
A lonely existence
I want to share
With you

Torturous
Longing for that moment
When I can be
With you

Wicked
How can you turn away
See who I am
Without you

Agony
My heart rips in two
I can’t ever be
Without you

Loathing
This need I have for you
I hate, I love
You, you.

I am not the psychopath
That you colour
In the pages of your life
I can see the aftermath
Of the words that slur
As you throw the blame and strife

I am not the psychopath
You see in glasses tinted black
I am only the one who can see
All the pain hidden in the wrath
I am not hiding my comfort in an attack
Put aside the hurt and the angry

Remember a time before the tears
When love held us in tight embrace
Before the loss tore us apart
Blinded we have hidden behind the fears
But love still lingers, a trace
It rests amongst your grief-stricken heart

See the world, it continues to turn
Bringing a new sun, a new moon
See me in the darkened cloud
Take my hand, it won’t burn
Melt into my protective cocoon
A sorrow shared can shut out the crowd

I am a ghost in flight, across a starstruck sky
Taking a bite from the moon as I pass
Heading out into the forever ending
Of the universe, as it swirls with burning suns

Watch as I fly on borrowed wings
Feeling the love and joy fill my soul
And as I ignite into a dazzling light
The stars welcome me home

A hundred years from now
I will be a robot, encased in metal skin
Miles of electrodes running within

No heart beating

My brain will calculate
A billion calculations of fact
No need to sleep, just charge the battery pack

No tears to shed

I will live in a box
Don’t need to sit on a chair
Just stand in a corner each night and stare

Love an unknown fact

Each day I will work
With a thousand others like me
No words spoken, silence reigns in this metal factory

Individuality what’s that?

I live a routine
Of scheduled never ending duties
A job for life, no need for job vacancies

A family lost

I have no expiry date
I am one, I am me
Forever more I will be

Alone

Threads are sliced with cold eyes
Heart weary, stripped of family ties
Generation of lost
Blind to consequence and cost
Afraid to surrender the silver hand
Of protection, against the opposite band
Neither side finding a voice of reason
In their world of unrespectful treason

Let me sail on a western wind
When my time on Earth is ended
Let me breathe the salted froth
As the path of my life is wended
No more scents of summer rose
Will I take into my breast
No more smell of Autumn leaves
When trees prepare for rest
I will no longer feel a summer rain
As it falls on flowered fields
I’ll no longer hear the rumble of thunder
And the power that lightning welds
So when all my life is done
Let me close my eyes and rest
Let me dream in loving slumber
As I sail warm seas, into the west.

I’ve been waiting for the fire flash
Of killing light, see as it grazes the horizon
Then the wrench of sudden whiplash
As Earth breaks away from the sun

Each rotation slackens the pull to the ground
Like an astronaut without a tether, I am skyward bound

Spiralling clouds climb towards a darkening sky
I am slipping away from this celestial home, too late to cry

For we are on a speeding alternative path
See us dropping away, the last dying spark
And in this final gasp of this worlds end aftermath
A neon moon breaks away, in a bright, fading arc

I can recall my teenage days
Spent in the company of ghosts
Traversing a wooden maize
Of intellectual hosts

Contained in a blanket of silence
Away from the daily chaos
I would look for their guidance
In dealing with life, love and loss

I can still recall the musty scent
Of words written on the time aged pages
Reading the thought out wisdom
Of these ancient sages

The library is lost now
Not needed in this current time
Technology and internet are the new Wow
And ghosts can be downloaded anytime

But I miss sensory feel
And smell of the written leaves
Now lost in the sterile, electric unreal
And there my heart grieves

He is all I need
I see the ocean in his eyes
As he looks so deeply into mine
I am drowning in the blue
Sinking as quietly as a sigh
Into him

He whispers softly
His lips full of promises
And I see our life take to flight
Dreams born from us
Are lifted high on soft winds
They soar

I am trapped, a cage
A room, four walls, a door
A prisoner of my age
They don’t see me anymore
I am the invisible me

They come each day
Clean, cook and wash me clean
Then leave without a say
I am not heard not seen
I am the invisible me

In the quiet of my solitude
I travel, drifting back in memory
And for just a short interlude
I can become what I used to be
Not be the invisible me

The joy that laughter brings
In childhood play
Then grown, marriage rings
Feeling so much love. I want to stay.
Not be the invisible me

I can feel the closeness of the end
My heart is carrying the weight
Not many more days to go
Before I finally reach heaven’s gate
No longer the invisible me

Loss is heartbreak in slow motion.

I see our way of life
That is ******* in tedium
Excitement lost in the humdrum
Of early morning rises

But a life of ordinary
Wrapped up in our comfy bubble
That is everything and never dull
It’s just me, loving you

Stardust
April showers
I bathe in the universe
And I feel the life begun
Born from
Stardust

Tell me
What your heart
Has spoken
The word enlarges
In your chest
Your hands can’t keep it
Inside
I hear the beating thrill
Of wings lifting your feet
As the word carries you high
Say it then
Lift me with you
Your eyes hold joy
Your mouth
Speaks
I Love You