Why don't they like me?
What can I do to change?
No matter what I do,
everything stays the same.
All of these thoughts
darting around inside my head.
As I write in my diary
words are leaping onto the two-page spread.
As these words come out, so do the tears
because I start to see all of my fears.
Now that they are in front of me it is all just too much
and so I take out my kit and start to cut....
As the blood runs down my arm
I can feel myself becoming calm.
In my head, I can hear them saying
just keep going and no telling!
I know that these thoughts are sometimes irrational,
but that doesn't stop me from taking them as factual.
All I feel is sadness, anger and pain.
It's really beginning to drive me insane.
Sometimes I start to cry,
and no, I don't know why.
People want to understand
and take me by their hand.
They say it's going to be okay.
Turns out that's all they can say.
The moon stands still in the night sky.
Stars dancing as they catch my eye.
There is no movement in the dead of night.
Slowly time ticks by,
and yet I find myself unmoved.
Transfixed by the calmness of the night.
Roaring cars outside that can barely be heard above the noise in my head.
Beautiful colours all around that can't be appreciated because of the tears in my eyes.
Friends having fun whilst I lie in my bed.
I keep on telling them lies.
I need to find myself
before I fall into this
Fed up with the world around.
No-one sees the pain within.
Unknown to the people around them,
Isolate themselves from the world.
Causing them to have so many thoughts,
Ideas they can't control
Decisions running through their head.
Eventually, they decide it's easier to just, end it.
Not everyone is as happy as they seem
The lines cutting through the canvas,
one by one carving it up.
Slowly turning it into this piece of "art".
The vivid colours jumping from the page
screaming, Look at me! Look at me!
Well, we are looking.
Yet we never truly see what is there.