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850 · Nov 2018
The Journey to Birth
One day, Dad and Mom find out I'm growing inside.  What a warm, relaxing place to be. Sounds are like echoes, but pleasant to hear. I'm so small, my little heart beats fast like the wings of a hummingbird.

Times passes and I have grown. The sounds, muffled I hear, are getting familiar to me. My little arms have grown and I have fingers. My little legs also have grown and I have toes.  Not as much room to move around though.

A little more time passes and I'm getting uncomfortable, no more room to move. One day, I have an urge to roll so my head is down.  I am getting an urge that something new is going to happen.

Then it happens.  All the warm fluid I have been in leaves me and suddenly I feel like I am being squeezed.  I get a little break, then the squeezing starts again.  I'm being pushed into a small tunnel.  I think, "am I gonna fit?", then the squeezing gets stronger and there are no more breaks.

First my head goes into the black tunnel, wow, so much pressure.  Then I feel one of my shoulders enter the tunnel, wow, so tight.  Then my other shoulder pops into the tunnel.  Sure am happy I developed a bit of a slimy coating, or I would get stuck.

The top of my head is getting cold, I don't understand what is happening to me.  The constant pressure is still there but I only move a little at a time. The outside noises are silent right now.  I feel afraid.

Oh my, lots of pressure and my whole head pops out.  Something is happening to me.  I feel something hard in my nose and my mouth.  Feels like it's going to **** my insides out.  Lot's of really loud noises and the light is too bright, I can't see.

Once more I feel some pressure and my whole body slides out of the tight hole I was in.  As my chest expands, I take in my first breath of air.  All of the sudden, something in my chest takes over and I keep taking in air and blowing it out.  How strange that feels.

Lots of loud talking and someone wraps something warm around me.  I see shapes and shadows.  The person that caught me when I came out put cold things on where I'm attached to my mother.  Then he severs us from each other and I'm taken somewhere else.

I'm really frightened, I start to cry.  What a strange noise, but I can't stop.  Where is my mother, where am I?  Why are they doing all these strange things to me.  I'm in a warm box and my protective coating is getting cleaned off.  Someone is putting something in my eyes, now I really can't see.  Someone is putting something on the lower part of my body, it's staying on.  Someone pulls each of my arms into something warm, they lift my bottom and put my little legs inside.  Then they snap it up, funny popping noises.

Wow, I'm really tired, but my tummy feels funny.  I get wrapped up into a warm blanket and I am brought back to my Mom.  She wraps her arms around me and I can hear her voice and her heartbeat. I feel safe again.   She bares her breast and helps guide my mouth to her milk.  It takes me a little coaxing to latch onto her ******, but when I get a good hold, her warm milk pours into my mouth and I  swallow as fast as I can.  I knew how to swallow while I was inside in my warm fluids.  I drink as much as I can, but now I'm really tired, can't keep my eyes open anymore.

I fall into a peaceful slumber, there in my mother's arms.  Wow, what an adventure. What will I dream about?  Only me and God know that.
Inner thoughts of how the infant feels about birth.
535 · Feb 2019
Lucky You Lucky Me
May 11th, 2012 to August 28th, 2018
R.I.P. My Best Friend
You were here for such a short time

I can feel your spirit
within me and around me
and in the pasture
with the others you left behind

You were one of a kind
Your personality like no other
You were King of the pasture

With some work and persistence
you learned to respect me as the leader of the herd  (most days)

Our relationship grew into an amazing friendship
A bond like I've never felt before

You amazed me everyday
Your colors as beautiful as the sun
A coat mostly a deep red and gold
Your Mane and Tail mostly black with red highlights

Your movement was free and bold
Your gallop the best
Your Mane and Tail
blowing up into the wind
Your chest rhythmically drawing air into your lungs
Your nostrils flaring in excitement with some snorting too

When you arrived here into my pasture and my heart
You were a force to be reckoned with as a Stallion
Gelding you didn't change you into a docile horse as expected
Your personality was yours and nothing would change it

You were my favorite
You will forever be in my heart

I miss you everyday
I miss your kisses with your
warm and wet tongue
I miss you following me around to see what I was doing
I even miss when you tried to use my head as your chin rest
I didn't even mind when you were pushy or stepped on my toes
I loved warming my hands on your neck under your thick mane
I loved knowing that when I looked into your beautiful brown eyes
I knew you were looking back at me with love and understanding

It was the saddest night of my life when you had to leave us behind
The unfortunate accident that changed our destiny
A moment of time that
can never be taken back  
That whole day is forever
emblazoned in my mind

You left us no choice but to send you back to God to run in
His golden pastures
You will never be hungry or thirsty or cold ever again
Best part is no more pain

Wild and Free forever
in the light of heaven's pastures

I will see you again someday
when my time comes
I know this in my heart and soul

You are physically gone from our lives but you will
never be forgotten

You are and will always be our Lucky 
Always in the hearts of those that loved you most

I will love you forever

Author: Julia LaRae Vogel
I have written and rewritten this so many times.  The first was written right after his death.  The second was a try at making it less like a story and more like a poem, it continued to be a draft.  Now I hope it gets published as a poem.
445 · Oct 6
Nature's Wishes
Oak trees, Pine trees, Cottonwoods, and Birch
Upon these trees,
birds love to perch
Birds come in all
sizes and colors
Birds calling and chirping
with all the others

Squirrels, Rabbits,
Chipmunks, and Foxes
Scatter the grounds, burrow into holes, and sometimes boxes
Winter, Spring,
Summer, and Fall
They gather thier goodies,
to survive them all

Deer, Moose, Antelope, and Elk
Wander through fields,
woods, and corn silk
Grazing on whatever
nutrition they can find
All hunkering down in these times with thier own kind

Bears, Bobcats,
Cougars, and Wolves
Hibernation, catch prey, climb and attack, the
beautiful, wild dog packs
in droves
Deep dark caves, burrowed holes in the ground,
to wandering forests, and
great big meadows
All these predators seem to come from the shadows

Waves of lavender fields of dreams, like river beds of sand
Fields of flaxen, golden grass waiving with God's hand
Daisies, Buttercups,
Rose's, and Daffodils
Just smell thier sweet scents rise into the hills

Dreams are Wishes,
Wishes are dreams
Wildlife are the makings of everything in between
Flowers are the fragrance of life
The blue skies and
white fluffs of clouds
Take away all the strife...
Copyright ©️ to Julia L Carlson Vogel
Original poem
251 · Oct 7
Our Chaos
When does life get fair?
How long does it take to dare
To wake each day and take the chance
That today is the day, life will become the Dance

We're born into a chaotic world
To parents that know not what to do
They do thier best to raise us up right
But this world sure gives them a fight

We grow so fast, our parents can hardly keep up
First an infant, then a toddler,  soon a child, growth like a pup
We begin school, elementary to start
Twelve years go by like the beat of a heart
Teenage years start and pass as our parents continue to try
To catch the years that pass by them at the speed of light
Next thing you know, we Graduate from high school , move out, and start our own plight

Our parents watch us as we grow from infant to adult
And they marvel at the people we have become
Remembering the days we played horseyback on the floor
Next thing they know, we're out the door

We find that special someone, get married or not
Have children of our own, the cycle begins again on the spot
We remember what we've put our parents through, then
We're always on the phone asking for advise about when

Our children will follow the milestones we did
We depend on our parents as babysitters to our kids
They're our advise givers and our best friends and they forgive
Grandparents they become after a full life lived

Our children grow as fast as we did
We try so hard to keep them as a kid
Maybe, someday, Grandparents we will be, early or not
Only time will tell, time is what we got

Life as we know it has changed once again
The time has come for our parents time to end
We spend as much time as possible before the end of thiers
Knowing in our heart of hearts, They'll soon see those glorious stairs

They will rise from this chaotic world
Up to Heaven and join God's fold
Relief from pain and peacefulness awaits them on the other side
We watch them go, only along for the ride

Someday peace comes to us all
Family gone before us standing tall
Within the Pearly Gates we will be
Our Savior Lord Jesus Christ with thee
And someday walk hand in hand from this chaotic world
To the best place we could ever be

No more pain, no more grief, no more chaos, we are free
The Golden Gates of Heaven we see
We leave behind a precious few, Knowing that someday, they will be with us too
An Ode to lives lived. For my Mother.
Written by Julia L Carlson Vogel copyright ©️ Original creator
248 · Sep 18
One Day Lost
I woke this morning feeling lost and afraid
Dreamy eyes, clouds, storms, and shade
I rose from my slumber and wondered
Is today going to be the day I pondered

Scary dreams fill my mind and tear at my heart
Is it now that my changed life is to start
I look at my phone and wonder, should I call
Then think to myself, not one single ring at all

I'm sleepy and worn from last night's dream storms
I pull my feet up from the floor, curl into a ball, and return to the land of Nods
Exhausted from the constant dread and fear
Only dreaming of always having you near

I know someday you will go to Our forever home
Live freely and painlessly, with family and friends you will roam
You'll walk the heavenly streets of God's Kingdom
I know, in my heart, it's from there you'll keep watch and send your love

In my slumber, I can see how happy you will be
I smile and know that someday that will be me
I cry in my dreamworld because I know I won't have you to hold and hear
But in my heart and soul, I know you will always be near.

Again I wake from the land of dreams
To the sound of my phone and know I will hear
Your beautiful voice that I've longed for all day
I listen and chatter just to hear what you have to say

I hang up the phone, look at my watch and think to myself
A little bit more time, back to dreamland, time's shelf
Just another day
One Day Lost.....
This poem is about my Mother. She is slowly in the process of dying and I feel like this everyday.  I will miss her so much.
I feel so alone right now
I look through my empty eyes
Just clinging to anything, anyone
I'm so tired, the pull is getting stronger
Sleep is useless, I dream no more

I'm being pulled into The Black Hole
I can feel that familiar emptiness
It's here, I don't want to fight anymore
I can feel It surrounding me

I'm inside looking out at life
Do I want to give up my life
Should I call out to others for help
Can I reach out with my hands

Maybe I'm too deep by now
Maybe I'll turn away and just fall
Do I really believe anyone cares
I can't decide, it's too much

I can see people I used to call friends
Maybe if I jump, I can grab the edge
Then I call out to anyone at this time
You heard my cry and turned to me

You reached out your loving hands
You took hold of mine, I felt different
The Black Hole didn't want me to go
I wrapped my hands around yours

You pulled, It pulled back with force
I was starting back up to the light
I looked up into your pools of life
I could see unrequited love there to

My heart and soul were overflowing
I could feel the grip of The Black Hole
This time, I chose to fight for my life
You pulled and I kicked free

At first, I felt very vulnerable
You wrapped me in Your arms
There are no words but I hear you
I feel and hear you in my soul

My depression blinded me from You
I was so wracked with my own issues
I forgot to look for a reason to pray
I forgot Your promise to all of us

Your promise to always walk with us
Your promise to always listen to us
Your promise to always care for us
All we need to do is to be humble and Pray and You will forever be there

When you feel like you have no one
When you feel like your life has let you Down and you can see It coming
Turn away, clear your thoughts
Humble yourself, get down on your Knees and pray

If we don't ask for what we need
With your voice, God loves to hear us  
He can't help unless you give your     Whole heart and soul and trust Him

He has promised to help us fulfill our Lives when you believe in Him
Jesus Christ is our only way to eternal Life, to be with God and your family

Jesus Christ pulled me from my Black Hole, my life is not perfect, I still live With problems in my normal life
The difference is I added Jesus Christ And God         I Believe      I have Faith

Written by Julia L Carlson Vogel
Please do not copy and pass as your work.  
@Copyright Julia L Carlson Vogel
This is my story about my Black Hole of Depression and how I had help to get out. My divine intervention.
186 · Sep 18
Life is a Mystery
Life is like a grab bag full of mystery...
The hand goes in and feels around
The tingling on the fingertips says pick
The mind says, stir it around some
The fingers grasp an item and feel it
What is it?  Is it nice? Is it pretty?
Is it in one piece or is it broken?
Is it what I've been looking for?
Will it disappoint me instead?
My heart beats fast with anticipation
Also with a stream of fear, should I?
Do I take it out to look or drop it back in?
I choose to drop the item back in
Should I stir it up again and choose?
Oh my Lord, what do I do?
What if it will break my heart?
I take out my hand and sit back
I stare at that mystery bag and think
What if I choose not to take anything?
Will I be safe and sound then?
Nothing to cause my fear or dread?
No broken heart
Who wants a mystery in life anyway?
I do...
Life is always seeking what's around the next corner, who will I meet, where will I be, will I be happy. Keep life a mystery to keep it interesting and exciting.

— The End —