I'll bury all my secrets in my skin,
come away with innocence
but bleed my truthful sins.
the world around me feels like
a tight cage
and "I love you", is just a camouflage
for your next episode of rage.

If you do love me, let me go
I'll probably run away before I truly know
my heart is too black to care,
is it destroyed if it was never really there?

I'll find my penance, delivered to my true state
if I'm alone I have no one to hate,
but myself.

My love was banished long ago,
if you still care don't ever let me know.

Angels will lie to keep control
making over heaven like some paradise we all want to go
dead trees are painted white
and she calls them beauty, art.

My selfish thoughts colour my life
and I call that my heart.

If I had to fix myself I don't know where I'd start
But I suppose,
I'd cut each limb to the bone
and tear my entire self apart.

I’m just an option for you.
When you’re lonely and blue
When you feel like no one knows you.
But when you feel okay
When she’s making you feel like a sunny day
You just slowly shake me off
And fade away.
I feel it in my bones.
You don’t have to say anything.
I won’t keep making myself look dumb by being one-sidedly persistent.
For all the faults and mistakes I’ve made
At least I’m consistent.

What is life without tragedy?
I heard once, that a man with no sadness has no dignity
I mean it's kinda sexist but you get the gist.

I could spill my entire heart,
cough it up onto the floor.
But don't tell me you don't wanna keep this up a little more?
like true artists we derive our beauty from our pain,
and if I can be your inspiration honey
then at least we didn't do this in vain.
I could say so much but I'll keep my lips shut tight,
I will say this though,
I distinctly think about one night.
It's not sad no, quite the opposite in fact
after everything fell apart, in drunk and loneliness
I went back.
That's all I'll say, I'm pushing buttons because
you're hovering over mine so slightly.
God, I need to learn to be like you
and sew the strings between my lips, tightly.
It's sort of nice like this, artistic impression
of I suppose our most honest thoughts, truthfully.
For you say so little when we do talk,
but boy do you ever write beautifully.

The rain beats steady on the window pane
distraction from my ringing ears
and stomach ache.
Like the passing of birds swiftly south in flight
here for a moment
then steadily floating from sight.

It's not that you're missing dear,
I'm just missing you tonight.

And the memories held so near
and so close to my fragile heart,
burn holes in my chest
but I could care less
I'll take my insides charred.
If it means I can feel the way I did
so long yet not so ago.
If it means I can still see past summers so sunny,
and winters so dim and cold.
With Christmas lights lining the streets
and heavy footsteps in the snow
who knew that years later

I'd be blowing on the embers
of these memories burning my soul.

you'll find someone else and drift away, leaving me in stone cold silence from day to day. Do you ever get tired? Because unlike you, even when I have someone, you run through my mind all day.

talk to me, I'm torn
I could get lost in a voice like yours
tell if I'm wrong or right
tell me I could stay tonight

it's in the way that you fool everyone
when you're falling in love again
so tell me
how this ends

Cause no one knows you like I do
they don't see you like I do
baby,
they'll try to
oh if only they knew
they'll never come close to you.

and you brighten up the world
with your eyes
and you're so **** lo(v)(n)ely
when you're only my mind
cause you're the only one

cause no one knows you like
I do
they don't see you like
I do
baby,
they'll try to but if only they knew
they'll never come close to you.

no one will ever be as close to me as you.

I reread something old I never sent you
Begging you to help me fix what we had.
Begging me to let me help you.

But you shut me out. You always have, the more I push the more I try to figure out what’s going on in your mind
The more you pull, the more you retreat, to black corners of your thoughts I’ll never see

You show me songs of love and loss, the woman who spits fire, you tell me to listen to the lyrics and I’ll figure out your hearts true desire.

But your actions speak louder than the words you never did, they scream over speakers in old cars & tire skids.

I am but human.

You leave me with a thousand puzzle pieces, waiting for me to put it together
But the pieces are mixed up, worn, & weathered. Theres smile lines in frowns with tears, there’s hurt and sorrow for so many years. And all I want to do is figure it out. Quench your thirst in this awful drought.

But you could care less it seems.

I get upset. I get frustrated. I lay awake at night. I try to figure out what I can do to make it right what I can do to help you to show you I care and there’s nothing— because at these pieces I stare just trying to put it all together. Just trying to make sense of it all.

I need your help,

I’m so focused on putting you back together my own pieces are starting to fall.

the child inside is still begging you, please. Please.

Talk please, say something, anything

for silence is not the absence of sound but the presence of something else.

hey,

where did we get ourselves today?
are we making progress, healing ourselves
or still basking in the glow of yesterday?
You're not in love with me anymore, contrary to what you think
I believe you're in love with the girl three years ago
that made your heart soar and sing.
You're in love with what we were,
let's not pretend.
But we're different now
my rings are gone, that girl three years ago is dead.
I'm not so lost, not so broken
not so much leaning on a substance to keep my eyes open.
But that was all you,
you were the glue that fixed me.
You manifested someone new,
and now you're not in love with me.

I'm still her, I guess
just put together, in heels and a pretty dress.

Maybe in time this will all make sense.
Maybe one day we won't be confined
to confusing lines
on an ambiguous url address.

Maybe one day,
we can confess our truths

truth is,
that's all I ever wanted from you.

I feel sick, I'm laughing and crying while I'm talking to you
it's like the void in my heart isn't so gaping and huge
anymore. It's like my hearts trying to escape my chest it's like are we friends or are we what
yet?
It's like I can't breathe but I haven't felt this okay in so long
and I'm sorry that I ever left and I'm sorry I was wrong but now you're the same but you're different and you're you but you're not and I've got new tattoos and your hairs not in knots and

I'm just so lost.
I'm just so so lost.

You call me bro like some girl you just met at some party that you can't stand the way she talks
and when you walk away I wanna scream stop, please stop
stop
I need a moment to collect myself
I never got rid of the things
they sit hidden in different parts of my shelf
and pictures between book pages so maybe one day I'll find them accidentally, what a funny way to deal with my heart breaking over and over again uncontrollably.

I don't know what's going on
I'm usually so calm and collected
Maybe it was the song we sang
or maybe I'm just at my wits end.

You text me again,
my best friend.

it's a grey day
but it's okay,
we'll be alright
we'll figure it out,
maybe not right now
maybe not tonight
but we'll figure it out
in time
in time.

He's right

I've got too much baggage
I'm too ****** up
I'm disgusting
I told everyone it doesn't effect me but it does.

He told me everything I've ever hated about myself,
from day one,
I've thought, I've said
all of these things.

It's really no surprise to me.
Maybe he's just the only one that could be honest.
Everyone was else was just too scared.

Everyone who knows me, agrees with him silently
but tells me it's okay
that everyone deserves love
but it's hard for me to think that way.

I will never inflict myself on anyone ever again.
I'll keep people close, but not too close
mere acquaintances or friends

I'll hide my true self deep inside
until the very end.

Sorry dear,
but I'll never be her, and you'll never be him.
We tried to patch these cracks within
with affections so shallow,
infatuation so strong, bound by winters nasty scowl.
The summer melted the ice between the cracks--holding us together, still, we sustained through warmth & wet weather.
You hold on by mere threads, tethered.
For I'll never be her,
and you'll never be him
ever.

How cliche
Something happens and she writes a poem about it.
Obviously she would.
She wants to go off on some apology about how she never meant what she said or never meant it in that way but does it really matter anyways?
You already know everything. You know she’s ****** up you know she’s self assured but in the worst ways. She’ll give you everything you’ve always wanted, and then just take it all away. She’s self centred and narcissistic and rude and carries herself so poorly.
You don’t need to worry about her because in the end of the day there’s nothing you can do. She has been given it all by luck. By pure luck. If she ****** it all away it’s her fault, hers and only hers. She’s a dumb little girl who doesn’t know reality. She’s a stupid **** who can’t face her insignificant pretentious anxiety. She’s a ******* ***** who gets overwhelmed and cries. She hurts people without even trying. And gets hurt when she gives. So she deserves to stay up for weeks thinking of how to make it right.
She deserves it
She deserves it. All the hate she’ll ever get.