i sit
and watch the fly
in its directionless ballet
it is frustrating
                and tiring
just watching
as it changes it's mind
incessantly

i laugh
i know as little as the fly
down which path
the right choice lies
maybe if i help
i'll get some help
in return

i open the window
and wait;
over
and
over
it flies into the pane

i can't decide
if its inspirational
or
pitiful

We sit across from each other
Both occupied with electronic devices
Not talking
Though there is much to talk about
Hardly glancing
When comments are offered
Brief and lost on deaf ears
Bouncing off a hard surface
I can't talk to you
Because your ears are cement
And only mumbles make their way through
I have something important to say
But your ears are unavailable
So maybe it's not that important after all
I brim silently with feelings
No where to put them
You are already full of god knows what

I am under the microscope
I put myself here
I didn't know
How far it would go
Years in, and I am slowly dissected
Habits up for scrutiny
Emotions analyzed
Demeanor reviewed
Constantly screened
For any hint of disorder
Perhaps I am lucky
That help is at my finger tips
But it feels like a curse
When sickness is your soul
And it lives on through treatment
Through love
Through the microscope

I encircled her waist
with my hands and
lifted her, not as
a trophy, but
to  kiss.

Everyday i died.
Everyday i doubted
Everyday i felt insane
Everyday i lived in fear
Everyday i hated myself
Everyday i didnt eat... sometimes.
Everyday i bent to your will
Everyday i suffered in silence
Everyday i hated you
Everyday i couldnt take it
Everyday i thought of running
Everyday i dreamed of what it could be like
Everyday i lost my trust in everyone
Everyday no one could understand
Everyday i lost myself
Everyday i crumbled
Everyday i felt ashamed
Everyday i couldnt recognize myself anymore

BUT NOW...

Everyday i get a little stronger,
Everyday i get a little braver,
Everyday i hurt a little less,
Everyday i feel a bit more free,
Everyday i trust a bit more,
Everyday i feel a little wiser,
Everyday you control me less and less,
Everyday im a little happier,
Everyday i find myself
Everyday i feel proud
Everyday i follow my heart
Everyday i find a bit more of myself
Everyday i put back pieces you stole
Everyday i heal...
Everyday i grow...
Everyday i am reborn...
Everyday i am more me than i was before
Everyday i am thankful for what ive survived
Everyday i am alive...
Everyday i am living in spite of you.

Hello, mother,
It's me again.
Remember the monsters you used to check for underneath my bed?
It turns out they are all inside my head.
Mother,
I know you couldn't see them at first,
I couldn't either,
But I heard them whisper,
I heard them chatter,
They listened to me weep.
I don't think you understand,
No, mother,
I know I'm not a child anymore,
But the underside of my bed is all cleaned out,
Yet they still remain.
Empty pockets,
Unopened boxes,
Light switches turned off.
Mother,
Help,
They're intensifying,
They're horrifying,
And they're-
Oh.
You have to go?
With the lights turned low,
You shut your door,
I'm all alone.
What about the monsters, mother?
I know you can't see them,
I know,
But I hear them,
I listen to them,
I no longer weep.
You said they weren't there,
I believed you.
You said it was the nights anticipation,
But it was my damnation.
Mother,
You're still not listening to me.
Yes,
They're inside my head,
I have this sudden feeling of dread,
I have to get this feeling off my chest,
Mother.
Lay me to rest.
That is my last request.