I’ve filled the emptiest spaces of myself with


                          the best parts of you

not breathing, warm like an homage
but sterile
    
                                                                          remote

a gallery of looped memories
beautiful and untouchable
and convincingly bright
so that no matter where I am
my retinas are tattooed with the space you took in the world
cooking in a scratchy sweater- your electric rants about Jung  
drumming jazz on the street corner for the pay of odd conversation
planting kisses in my hands because you hoped they would grow a wife
endlessly reminding me

                                              (from wherever you are now)

that the best things in life weren’t free
and though expensive beyond measure
how graceful- I hardly noticed how much
I was willing to give
just to keep at a quiet distance

                           this neuronal gallery

I try to get a grip of time
But I keep making love to a man that will never be mine
I caress more than his mouth
And he moans without doubt
Timely shadows of ecstatic instruments hit the wall
Until the clock strikes the end of it all..
  
Tobacco candies between my burnt lips
As he brush my many napes with his fingertips
Probably thinking about that girl he has deceived  
And just before he leaves
I Stifle the tears that i'll never be the queen on his deck
And he leans forward to give me a peck
     And nothing more
     After all, as he once said; i'm just his *****...

-fir.m

My mind wants you to go
But my heart stooped too low
It wants you clenched in the fists of unbidden desires
But your patience slowly expired
You said Goodbye
And in ignorance I ****** my tears dry
I didn't attempt to stop you
You didn't turn around to meet my view

    What was that bittersweet agony?
That buried into my head; your melodies
Your unsought words drowns me in an ocean-less pit...
As I walked the lanes where to you I became whit
I reminisce on the first word you ever said to me
And compared it to the last and undoubtedly
They sounded the same...

   Unsure if you ever did love me at all
I try to **** your memories growing tall
With bursting flames
Seaming through my veins
I dig a grave for your souvenirs
And slowly peer at the dirt; reincarnating my tears
Did i do the right thing?
For the pain of being without, stings
Like snowflakes against zinc

But then what if it is for the better?
Somewhat like an investment letter
Where I forego you for something prettier to come
or not?
Who knows?

-fir.m

Now i'm wearing this smile that i don't believe in
And inside i feel like screaming
     I had options;
     You were my chance to completion
     And when you leaned close to kiss me
     There was drowning melancholy
     But I kissed my fears; instead of you
And now towards me you've grown blue.
Eventually my heart gone sore
And i'm drowning in a water-less floor
It hurts to acknowledge the feelings that I hide
Fearing that destiny would not abide
It's not your fault, i swear
It might just be too hard to bear..
For who would truly love a girl with all these scars?

-fir.m

I basket-ed my wounds
With the sole purpose of still being your friend
But all it did was made me feel swooned
Only hoping that this torture would end
As every second passes by; seeing you with her
My heart aches with profound jealousy
Why can't I stop loving further?
For this pain takes me day by day breathlessly...
Every image of you etches in my mind; sealed
I imagine your words to her being sweeter than wine...
I just wish that the devil was real
So i could purchase your love with mine

-fir.m

The year of the downfall
The year of the broken
The month when every human built walls
The month when returned with pride every token
The week of the undying lust
The week of the of the pardons of the unjust
The day the skyscrapers fell
The day the dirt started to rot
The hour of the broken majestic bell
The hour of your first cut
The moment of truth
The moment of dead roots

Those are nothing,
Nothing,
Compared to
     That moment I lost you.  ~~

-fir.m

Trembling with every thought of him
I ache a love I can never achieve
I hold my emotions captive in this dreadful tin
I mean no harm, I just love, will it **** you to believe?

I’m not trying to take him from you
My heart is red and not blue
He’s something completely out of my reach
His heart is extremely difficult to breach,
you’re the only gifted one here
don’t worry it’s not that difficult to bear
or maybe it just is...

I have but accepted my place
within the zones of friendship
I've only suffered from a fallen grace
and a heart which has been ripped
But who cares about the shattered love
Maybe it’s just the one above
God Almighty,
I shall never doubt thee
For he knows best

Come to think of it,
What have I lost?
Nothing to be exact
It is he who lost something
something real and true;
my love that is.

-fir.m